I Have To Boil Down My Whole Personality In One Huge Lie.

Blog
* At least it's only one. Title is from Home Movies.

Animals
* LOOK AT THE TINY LITTLE MONKEY:

[Found at UniqueDaily]

What most people don't know is that teeny tiny monkeys grow up to be zombie monkeys in fedoras, like this:

[Made by DanFaust]
See? This blog is like a walking infomercial. You learn so much from me. Such as, I want a pet monkey. Now. Or a hamster. Some small mammal I can name Ianto and feed coffee beans to.

Daily Hot Guy

[Taye Diggs, who is pretty mainstream for this blog, but he's incredibly pretty, and he was so great in Rent, and he can sing, and I love the fact that he's married to Idina Menzel, because she's bad-ass, and sometimes it's enough that a guy is babeish, yeah?]

Apocalypse How?
* This has nothing to do with the apocalypse, except that tall people earn more than short people, so I'm buying STILTS today, and marrying someone over six feet tall, so my offspring have a chance in HELL at being normal-sized. Then again, if I name them Walter, Hunter, Ianto, Allen, (and sometimes Roman, just because I like that name) I don't think any height will help at all.

Girly Shit
* Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are trying to ruin shoes for me. I don't know why, except for maybe that time I saw them at a video store and made fun of their taste in movies, but really, isn't making shoes that look like this a bit of an overreaction?

[Found at ShoeMinx]
Those are UGLY. And they are $300, which I don't even HAVE, and if I did I would buy pretty shoes, and a dress, and makeup, not moccasins from HELL. Don't you girls have enough money? Or if you just like designing, could you maybe design something not made of ick? Maybe? I mean, some of your shoes are awesome. I love these:

[Found at ShoeMinx]
See? Those are nice. I love those. I would buy them and wear them and pretend that they're Louboutin shoes, because I can't afford those. Now I'm all sad. Congratulations, Team Olsen. Your plan is working wonderfully.

Music
* This video from Funny Or Die, about how the Beatles were a terrifying nightmare wrought on an unsuspecting public, made coffee come out my nose:

The Beatles Were Terrifying w/Fred Willard from Fred Willard

It hurts. But Fred Willard is a genius, so I'll wipe up the mess and let it go. This time.

Technology
* I didn't read the article on this, because me and my friend Esse watched Alien on TV late one night last week, so when I saw it:

[Found at TheWorldsBestEver]
I naturally envisioned wearing it around the house at night, pretending to be on a strange and distant planet, and trying to convince my little brother that something is going to burst out of his chest. He falls for it every time. Plus I think this would look cute with my red hair. Plus if certain fictional characters had owned these, they wouldn't have died horribly. I'm just saying. Moving on.

Watchmen
* Click this link to see the scene in the Director's Cut movie that wasn't in the theatrical, and should have been, even though it's sad. Do I still have to be spoiler-sensitive to Watchmen? Because the movie came out in MARCH, and the comic's been out for well over two decades. Fuck it. This is the scene where Hollis Mason dies, and I think it's better than Alan Moore's original version (DON'T SEND YOUR SNAKE GOD TO KILL ME) because it shows such love for the character, such reverence for what he was, and I really wish it had been in the theatrical release, because as upsetting as it is, it's beautifully rendered.

* But don't be sad by that last link, because it's all OK: Hollis is alive. The Doctor from Doctor Who saved him, and sent him back in time to live in 300:

[Posted by Caro]
I told you Caro had super-powers. And you should read this LiveJournal entry, because I am going to go scream at trees as soon as I post this, and unless you click that link, you won't know what the hell I'm talking about.

* If you go to World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley (and if you aren't here, why aren't you there? Really, explain yourself. I am so disappointed in you.) Caro has provided idiot-proof tips on putting the podcast on your iTunes. And by idiot-proof, I mean it only took me two tries to get it on my iTunes, which is a new record. The podcast is amazing. Link to it. Tell your friends. And your enemies. It will bring you all closer together. Try it.

Tattoo Of Win
* This tattoo is either terribly offensive or absolutely, insanely funny:

[Found at LOLTatz]
It may be both. I try not to think about it too much.

Food
* This is a Cookie Cake Pie:

[Found at CakeSpy]
No, listen: It's a pie crust, with cookie dough in the middle, and cake on top.
I am sitting here now trying to figure out a way to add a layer of key lime somewhere. Or molasses! Or raspberry jam. I need to stop now.

Words of Win

[Found at PassiveAggressiveNotes]

Books
* As a sort-of writer (in the sense that I blog every day, and write a lot, but don't get paid much for it. Or anything for the blog) I know I should have solidarity with my far more successful brothers and sisters. But when Cory Doctorow is saying that the Amazon Kindle contract sucks for writers, all I can think is, 'Well, shit, that sounds fine to me! Complete creative control over every thought I may or may not have for the next decade? Spiffy!" I am willing to compromise. I figure I'll have pride in my work with the next book.

But times are tough, and anyway, I still have a sneaking suspicion that Kindles don't really exist. At least, I've never seen one in person. I like my books made out of paper, because I hate trees. I saw The Happening, man. I KNOW THE TRUTH. Why do I keep mentioning that awful, awful movie?

Harry Potter
* I know I say weird stuff on here from time to time, and that I am a hopeless fangirl in a lot of ways. That's fine. (Incidentally, I was cool as ICE when I met Neil Gaiman and Mike Mignola, so I prove conclusively that I can tell the difference between being silly on my blog and being TERRIFYING in person, so win for me.) However, even at my weirdest of weirds, I have never looked at any actor - Hugh Laurie, for instance - and thought, 'Wow, I would love to touch his eyelashes.'

Excited Japanese Fangirl, I bow before your Fangirl Crazy. There's another video of her geeking on Daniel Radcliffe:

But she SMELLED Rupert Grint. That is just rude. Incidentally, they are so incredibly nice to her that it gives me faith in humanity, because she is so excited to meet them, and they don't crush her heart beneath their feet. So Kindness!Win.

Star Trek
* Hi, J.J. Abrams. I am not a fangirl of yours overall, because Lost confuses me and Charlie got STRUNG THE HELL UP, and that ruined my day/week, even though he survived, because GOD DAMN. But I loved Star Trek so much, and it made me very happy, and I look forward to the many sequels that will inevitably get worse, and I will insist they are good until you kill off Spock, because that is what happens in my universe, and then all will be darkness, etc.
BUT, I am sorry to say, you, like Zack Snyder, have been taken hostage by the Blu-Ray demons. There were a LOT of commas in that last sentence. Anyway, WHAT THE HELL? Why, I ask, do the Blu-Ray people get a three-disc version, and I am stuck with a paltry two-disc? Huh? WHY? Because I can't afford it. I just can't. If I can't afford to buy a Blu-Ray for Watchmen, you think I can afford one for you, Mr. Abrams (and don't tell me I could use the same player for both DVDs. I KNOW this.)
This isn't fair. Blu-Ray people already HAVE Blu-Ray. They are clearly superior beings. But don't they already win, because of their high-quality sound and graphics? Do they NEED extra features? AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT HALF THESE FEATURES MEAN. WHAT THE HELL IS 'BIG BROTHER QUINTO'? You need to explain these things to me.
A Blu-Ray player is $500 on Amazon. I am going to cry bitter tears of broke-ness. I hope you're happy, Mr. Abrams.

Doctor Who
* After I was hysterical and embarrassing in the wake of Torchwood: Children of the Earth (and, really, WHO WASN'T? Bad people, that's who), GeohMetro sent me this image to soothe my damaged heart:

[From OnceUponAGeek]
There is nothing at all that could improve this picture, except for Ianto Jones standing in the background with a tray of coffee. But then I wouldn't ever leave the computer, and that would be bad for a number of reasons, none of which come to mind at the moment.

Comics
* I need to get to the United Kingdom. NOW. Well, actually, in October. For The Hub. Because it will have Gareth David-Lloyd and James Marsters, and maybe I can get the two of them to sing a duet of 'A Man's Gotta Do' from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. I don't need to explain myself to you. But I won't get to go, because I NEVER get to go to Conventions. I am sad now. Russell T. Davies is plotting against me too. Must be in league with the Olsen twins. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

People I Love
* When I grow up, I want to be just like Grace Jones:

[Found at BestWeekEver]
Can you imagine if she went on tour with Lady Gaga? THE WARDROBE? Oh my god, that would be fashion glory. I would sell everything I love to see that.
Incidentally, did you know that you can't buy Grace Jones' hat? Not that I looked, on Google, for quite some time. Um.

Well, I'm going to go now. And sell things. So I can move to England, or Wales, or WHEREVER all the cool people are hiding. Or just to a convention. Or a concert. Or so I can buy a damn Blu-Ray player. Also I need $8,000 shoes. This is the problem with being a girl geek. You want expensive hair conditioner AND a copy of Warren Ellis' Frankenstein comic AND tickets to Dragon*Con, and you still have to pay car insurance. LIFE IS HARD.
You don't need both kidneys, do you?
- LV

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Life Sucks, Brendon. That's Your Lesson. Go Enjoy It.

Blog
* Coach McGuirk is a scion of wisdom and honesty. Title is from Home Movies.

Journalism
* This is depressing. This journalist, Virginia Heffermnan, her friend is having an affair, so she writes an article about it (even though it's not news-worthy, unless her friend is someone like Tom Hanks, and then it's Major News), and describes his phone like a sexual organ, and admits that journalists always are selling someone out, and that short writers (like me?) are the most vicious because nobody expects it of us. So now I'm depressed. Luckily, she also hates bloggers, so I doubt she'll read this.

Wow
* This is very pretty:

[Found at LikeCool]
This is an air balloon rally. And I know I'm famously afraid of flying (famous in the sense that I tell everyone I meet and twitch at the mention of airports), but these won't frighten me. Because you're not super high up, and you're floating, and I UNDERSTAND how the balloons stay up in the air, unlike planes, which I suspect are run on the tears of terrified children.

Geek Want
* I have wanted a Segway since Gob rode one on Arrested Development. But I cannot afford one, for many reasons, and also I do not need one, since I have a car. But I still WANT one, dammit, and this is the children's version, and I'm short (5'0") so why can't I have one of these?

[Found at IncredibleThings]
It's called a Dareway, and it's cute, and I promise if you get me one I won't make the face that little boy is making, or run over someone unless they really, really deserve it.

Politics
* Jeb Bush gave a very nice interview. I have nothing snarky to say about it. His answers are intelligent and well-reasoned, and I am posting it because I think it's interesting. What? I can't just post things without being vicious and bitchy? You think so little of me. It's very sad. Fine, every time someone mentions Jeb Bush, I think of that line in Family Guy where someone makes a crack about Jeb eating a puppy. Snarky enough for you?

* Dear Birthers: Barack Obama is an Australian, and all Australians are CRIMINALS, and also he's white and his name is David, and he's fifty. Because someone Googled birth certificates, and Google is never wrong, except when I type in something innocent like 'shoes' and Google Images interprets it as 'People having sex with farm animals while the farm animals wear shoes.' So clearly Google is always right, and our President is Australian, but all the Australians I've met are very polite, so maybe it's not a big deal, yes? Or maybe, I don't know, this is someone else's birth certificate. I think Democrats and Republicans can find some common ground here, yes? The President is definitely not from Australia. PEACE IN OUR TIME.

Awesome
* This kid is my hero. He's seven, and he doesn't want to go to church, because kids generally have problems sitting still for more than three seconds unless a TV is involved. So does he have a temper tantrum, as I would have? No. He STEALS THE CAR. And DRIVES AWAY. He is a BAMF. This kid is going places, I tell you. But probably not to church.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

So little boy, I salute you. Way to be creative in the face of religion.

WTF, INTERNET?
* I know eventually almost everyone gets varicose veins, but this is not the right response to that inevitability:

[Found at LikeCool]
Either you have veiny legs, and you don't need these panty hose at all, except to be ironic, which it isn't, or you DON'T have veiny legs, in which case, WHY WOULD YOU WANT VEINY LEGS? EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. People pay a lot of money to get the veininess hidden from their legs. It is a source of shame, whether or not it should be. So how would you feel if you paid all this money to de-vein your legs, and you're really pleased, and you're walking down the street, and then you pass some girl wearing a pair of these? You feel angry, and then you feel violent, and then you're sitting in a gray little room saying, 'I swear, officer, she provoked me.' Then they get all mad.

Daily Hot Guy

[Ryan Reynolds, chained to the floor in Blade: Trinity. This was the best part of the movie. Well, that and Parker Posey's hair]

Movie!Win
* I keep watching the trailer for Where The Wild Things Are, and getting emotional over it because it's so beautiful:

It just... feels RIGHT. They look scary but not scary, and Max's pajamas! OMFG, they need to mass market those. And I love the song, and Spike Jonze. AND I went to college with Paul Dano, so I should get a complimentary Max's pajamas in my size. I want this movie now. Please.

Vampires
* I saw the trailer for Thirst when I went to see Watchmen: The Director's Cut in New York. I was a bit distracted by the impending awesome of Watchmen, so I didn't pay much attention, but I have since gone back and watched the trailer for Thirst. And I have to say, priests make the best vampires (or vampire hunters, *coughbuymybookwhenitcomesout*) and this looks twisted and sick and not sparkly AT ALL. So we all need to go see it, because it would make me very happy if Hot Topci started mass-producing shirts of this movie, and lunchboxes. That's change we can believe in.

Russell Brand
* Here's a video of Russell talking about goat farming. Clearly he read my blog, and wants to buy a little goat tower, and we'll have babies named Walter Brand and Ianto Brand and Hunter Brand, and raise goats, and be happy. Look, it's Wednesday, I am TIRED, and the man is discussing GOATS. Life is surreal, OK? (Ten points if you get the joke in that last sentence).

Jackie Earle Haley
* First of all, go listen to the Podcast of Win, World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley. Then check out the community. It's brilliant. And fun. And you will learn more than you thought possible from the internet, and be a better person, AIRTIGHT LOGIC.

* This is an old interview, but I love it a lot, and it was done before Mr. Haley's career exploded again into its current awesome state. I mean, I know most of his fans know this, but the guy had to live at home and deliver pizzas for a while AFTER he was a child star. He fell HARD. And then he came back, and now he's better than ever, and WHEN does Shutter Island come out? And I think Maniac Cop 3 was an under-appreciated cinematic masterpiece. Have you seen it? Then you have not seen ANYTHING, my friends.
Plus, he orders pizza with pineapple and bacon.

Iron Man
* Read about parts of Iron Man 2. Because all you people are so worried about the internet of Doom leaking all your movies and trailers, but I have seen JACK SHIT of any of the movies I have been trying to find, so your argument is INVALID, and dammit, I want to to SEE War Machine.
This is why I am jealous of every single person who went to Comic-Con. ALL OF YOU.

In other news, I need an intern. To do shit for me. Because I'm lazy.
Also I haven't bitten my nails since June. I think I deserve a reward.

[Made by Erin_Uniquename]
That'll do nicely.
- LV

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She Has No Family. She Ate Them.

Blog
* Six years since I left high school, and this line still makes me snerk. As does the whole show. Title is from Daria.

Harry Potter
* There is no time that this photo is not appropriate:

Made by Caro, who makes so many wonderful things it frightens me a little. Have you heard her podcast? I think she has powers. Don't piss her off.

Star Trek
* I could die happy if Zaphod Beeblebrox and Captain Kirk had a war of words. Unfortunately, the universe is a cruel and unfeeling place, so I have to rely on macros for any hint of this miraculous world:

[Found at ONTD_StarTrek]
There are many more here, but I still sort of think that Sam Rockwell could beat Chris Pine.

Doctor Who
* Here's an article about Julie Gardner, the Executive Producer of Doctor Who, Torchwood, and The Sarah Jane Adventures. As far as I can tell she didn't BRUTALLY SLAUGHTER my favorite character and make me a crying ball of crazy, so I continue to like her.

Comics
* I am still angry about the San Diego Comic-Con. STILL ANGRY. Especially when I see the website for the New York Comic-Con. Because on one hand, AWESOME PEOPLE are going to be there: Grant Morrison and Art Spiegelman and Matt Fraction and Colin Baker and Eve Myles (who will only be answering questions about Ianto) and Joss Whedon and Seth Green. But San Diego has Jackie Earle Haley and Zack Snyder and Johnny Depp and Dragon*Con has Gareth David Lloyd, and I am BITTER, OK? Who wants to send me money for Dragon*Con? I make no money off this blog. I'm just saying.
And yes, I still intend to GO to the New York Comic-Con. I just will be passive aggressive and shitty about the San Diego one. That's how I roll.

People I Love
* So these kids were put into an exercise program, because American kids are all fat like the blob people in Wall-E. And they had to use pedometers to record how much they walked. But the kids didn't want to work out, because they had video games and snack chips and cell phones and MP3 players. So what did they do? Did they work out, get in shape, and realize that exercise is a fun and important part of a healthy life?
Shit no. They attached the pedometers to their dogs' collars and went inside and ate Twinkies. Lazy Kids, I salute you.

Daily Hot Guy

[Neil Patrick Harris, AKA NPH, who as Doctor Horrible made me quiver with fear and LUST. I mean fear. Musical fear. His gloves are awesome. They need a sequel with Jackie Earle Haley as a villain. That would be SICK.]

Movie!Fail
* 300 is coming out on Blu-Ray in some insane version that, I don't know, squirts blood in your face when you open it and makes your life run briefly in slow-motion. I don't know because I DON'T HAVE BLU-RAY, and therefore cannot experience the wonders. ZACK SNYDER, TELL US WHAT THEY DID TO YOUR FAMILY. WE CAN HELP YOU. BUT EITHER BUY ME A DAMN BLU-RAY PLAYER, OR STOP BEING PREJUDICED AGAINST THOSE OF US WITHOUT BLU-RAY. Which is too bad, really, because 300 is fun and looks cool as shit and has a Pit of Death. Did Crash have a Pit of Death? No, it did not.

Depression Session
* Harvard's going to sink into abject poverty, and rats and the homeless insane will run the lecture halls, and where Harvard goes so goes the country, so we are all doomed, DOOMED I says, because nobody wants to pay ridiculous sums of money to spend four years in college working your ass off, only to end up living in your parent's home in New Jersey because the economy HATES YOU, and this sentence ended in a much different place than I meant it to.

Zombies
* Clearly I've been looking at this zombie apocalypse the wrong way. I don't need a flame-thrower. I'm still going to have SEVERAL, but more for cooking and to light cigarettes and be badass, and realistically eventually set myself on fire, but ultimately all I need is a wall of tasers:

[Found at Geekologie]
So the zombies are all flopping on the ground trying to figure out what the hell just happened, and I will take my flame thrower and BURN THEM, or shoot them in the head, because if I learned anything from Maniac Cop 3, it's that fire solves NO PROBLEMS involving zombies. AND my Taser Wall has a REMOTE, and I love remotes. I'd like five for Christmas, please.

TeeVee
* Dexter is a good show, mostly, but this poster is freaking me out. I will not be babysitting this kid. Ever. Look at his cold dead little eyes. Dexter Season 4 starts at the end of September. I'm still staring at the baby. KICK IT INTO THE PIT OF DEATH. "This... Is.... NAPTIME."

More later. Although when I say that, you usually don't get more later, because I am a BUSY PERSON. But probably more later. In the meantime, go listen to World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley for all your life needs. I'm on it, but more importantly funny and smart people are on it, and we talk about Jackie Earle Haley, and is it really Tuesday? I am very sleepy.
- LV

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Are You Pondering Cheese Sticks?

Blog
* Probably. Title is from Pinky & The Brain.

Life
* I dyed my hair red. As promised to some people, here are the pictures. I dyed it myself. Any resemblance to certain fictional characters is COMPLETELY coincidental, I SWEAR. Seriously, I've had red hair before. If I'm imitating ANYONE, it's Sally Jupiter. Stop looking at me like that.







Hair win. Redheads do it in elevator shafts. Sorry, but it had to be said.
- LV

PS More important than my hair, which is PRETTY DAMN IMPORTANT, the newest podcast from World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley is up. We talk about the Comic-Con, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Little Children, Watchmen, and demand that someone leak the teaser trailer. It's funny and smart and kind of wonderful, much like Mr. Haley himself. Go listen.

The arms command it.

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That Girl Dropped A Bomb In Your Subconscious With Her Saliva.

Blog
* That is a horrible, horrible visual. Title is from Pushing Daisies.

Sherlock Holmes
* Why have I not seen this poster before now?

What else are you keeping from me? Did I already mention that I desire sunglasses like his? because I do. They are hot. Incidentally, I hope these posters, and the movie in general, bring back typewriters. Because I love them. And typewriters plus Robert Downey, Jr. equals sum sort of glorious alternate universe of eternal joy. I'm sorry, it's Monday. I'll be awake soon.

Jackie Earle Haley
* If you check out his official website, you've already seen this amazering retrospective of Mr. Haley's career so far, but you should watch it again, because it is THAT good:

If you haven't seen it, watch it a few times, and take in the brilliance. Made by Eringoblah, who is even more wondrous and ass-kicking than you would have guessed from that video. I know. I'm scared too.

* You can hear Erin, as well as other hardcore Haley fans, on the podcast World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley. This podcast drops other podcasts down an elevator shaft - metaphorically. Literally that would be kind of hard.

Iron Man
* It's funny because it's true:

[Found at ISS]

Animals
* This video is probably the worst thing I've found in days, because I simply cannot stop watching it:

It is a squirrel eating a lemon, and I am COMPELLED in a way I cannot truly comprehend. Why is this so fascinating? And why, at the end, does the squirrel LUNGE for the tender jugular of the videotaper? These questions haunt me in the wee hours of the morning.

Daily Hot Guy

[Alan 'Alpha Wash' Tudyk, who I am going to refer to as Alpha Wash forever now, because I'm funny, even though this picture was taken BEFORE he was Alpha OR Wash, but he's still very cute in those glasses, isn't he?]

Apocalypse How?
* So the Swine Flu resembles the 1918 flu that caused the pandemic, hurrah! Only the Swine Flu is even worse, and it loves your lungs like I love pie, and I am a girl who LOVES pie. So your lungs will collapse from an old disease we never figured out how to cure, and now I want pie, dammit.

Girly Shit
* These shoes are absolutely ridiculous:

[Found at ShoeLust]
I do not want. At all. The heel looks like it's not done. I feel like a snake went to a chiropractor's office, and this came out. Which would be a funny sitcom (Relaxin Reptiles!) but does not make me think of ANYTHING I want to put on my feet.

Music
* Lady Gaga's hat is like the solar system:

[Found at WorldOfWonder]
Mysterious and swirly and probably not the best idea anyone's ever had, but we still love it, because the alternative is terrifying.

Technology
* KILL IT KILL IT CRUSH IT OH GOD IT'S EYES.

[Found at WorldOfWonder]
Oh, wait, it's a new product that connects to your Facebook and it reads your messages and infiltrates your friends' list and can learn a bunch of voice commands.... KILL IT KILL IT OH GOD GET THE CHILDREN AWAY FROM IT.

Watchmen
* For those of you weirdos out there who still haven't seen the Director's Cut of Watchmen, here's the scene that shattered most people's psyches, besides the end of course. I loved it. I thought it was beautiful and violent and sad and a loving tribute to an aging hero. And it was TASTEFUL, a word I never expected to use in relation to a Zack Snyder movie.

* For those of you who have seen the movie, kudos, and I present you this:

Made my Miss_Bushido, who does this to people that litter ALL THE TIME.

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at LOLTatz]

Food
* I want to be eating these right now:

[Found at ThisIsWhyYoureFat]
These are corn cheddar bacon pancakes. There is NOTHING bad in there. These are concoctions of pure good. Eat enough and your arteries explode and you die an excruciating death, but that's YOUR fault, not the fault of these delicious delicacies.

Words of Win

[Found at PassiveAggressiveNotes]

Books
* A collection of short stories you can read, online, Fifty-Two stories is consistently awesome. You get a different short story every week of the year, from the likes of Ray Bradbury and Mary Gaitskall. I read it, and am amazed by the beauty and simplicity of these stories. Then I realize I will never write anything remotely like this, and have to go be alone for a while with some vodka and tissues.

I dyed my hair red. I will post pictures, once it's been brushed and no longer looks like a hair bomb on the my little head.

Also, I'm seeing Dweezil Zappa on Friday. No one told me this until today. Surprise win? Or Fail? I CANNOT TELL.
- LV

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Permission To Sing Boisterously Sir?

Blog
* Is there any other way to sing? Title is from Blackadder.

Journalism
* This video shows Shepard Smith reacting to the breaking of a teleprompter. His controlled rage is awesome, as well as his clear contempt for someone who can't work a teleprompter. Also, I like Shepard Smith in general, and think he's a good guy. Plus he looks like he's going to eye-stab everyone in the state, which would make for a hell of an interesting story.

Wow
* I got to see this in real life, in person, at an art gallery in New York:

[Found at Neatorama]
Of course, shortly after I was asked to leave, because jumping in it and trying to make 'trash angels' is frowned upon. But you know what? Art galleries serve wine, and they come in little paper cups you can't keep track of, so who's to blame, REALLY?

Geek Want
* If Hunter Thompson had worn this motorcycle helmet, Nixon would have imploded on himself, and Dr. Thompson would have been declared the ultimate ruler of the planet, and we would legally have to chew acid sheets once a month:

[Found at LikeCool]
Of course, I should never be allowed on a motorcycle, because I fall down for no good reason, even when I'm not moving. Or standing up.

Politics
* See, if Mark Sandford had followed the International Society of Supervillians' simple suggestions, I wouldn't find his tearful bullshit confession to be so outrageously funny. Also I want an evil twin to blame shit on. I could really use some more free time in my schedule.

Awesome
* Reader Julie sent me this, and my brain circuits are still fried:

I just wish THIS had been the theme song for Titanic. That would have taken it to a whole new level of GENIUS, yes? Plus no Celine Dion. Always a plus.

WTF, INTERNET?
* This is a machine that blows cool air under the sheets of the bed, so you don't get too hot, but don't have to pull off the sheets:

[Found at DVICE]
I don't know about you. I'm just a simple girl from New Jersey who likes zombies and tattoos. But when I get hot at night, I throw off the sheets. Usually without waking up. This thing costs $80. Have we as a society become so goddamn lazy and WEIRD that we can't simply take off sheets at night? Or adjust the thermostat in our house? WHO THOUGHT OF THIS? Plus, do you want this crap blowing up in your unmentionables all night? Because I don't. Not at all.
Although (see, I try to be positive!) watching someone try to explain this to a new bed partner. 'I let this machine blow cool air on me during the night, to keep from sweating- COME BACK!'
I can't wait for these people to wake up with frostbite on their bits.

Daily Hot Guy

[Steve Carell, with a beard, in Little Miss Sunshine. He was my favorite part of the whole damn movie. Alan Arkin shouldn't have beaten Jackie Earle Haley. That being said, Steve Carell's beard is sexy. There. I said it. You know it's true. Why am I attracted to the gay, depressed, Proust-scholar of the film? This is why I am charmingly discreet about my personal life. Unless it involved Steve Carell's beard. Maybe my friend finally got me to watch the American Office this weekend and I adored it, what of it?]

Movie!Win
* Warren Ellis, God of the internet, who puts his disease in all of us, is writing Aruthurian movie scripts. Nothing bad can come of this, ever. I am NOT being sarcastic, and if these do well I can pretend he'll make a movie out of Freakangels. Anyway, Warren Ellis will one day infiltrate every aspect of society, and the sooner the better, if you ask me. Warren Ellis for High Ruler. No voting, just orgies and drugs. That's a hell of an angle. What were we talking about? Yes, I can't wait for Mr. Ellis to release a movie script, because his writing is genius.

Russell Brand
* He's going to host the VMAs again, and make the Jonas Brothers cry with his erotic and virile manliness. Unfortunately, now I have to watch MTV. Which makes me sad, because I remember the glory days. Of course, MY glory days involved TRL, so maybe I should just shut up. Anyway, YAY Russell Brand! Impregnate us all with your genius.

Now it is raining. Stuff to do. And Twitter doesn't work on my phone. Life is HARD, man.
- LV

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We're A Secret Organization Hunting Alien Technology From An Underground Base & You Want A Rota For Who Drives.

Blog
* I was lying, Jack, I just want to sit next to Ianto and have him make me coffee. Title is from Torchwood.

Words Of Win

[Found at PassiveAggressiveImages]

Celebrity!Fail
* This is mostly celebrity tidbits from Gawker, but I link to it because Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow hate Katherine Heigl for being a smug, self-righteous, untalented bitch. As a journalism, I am of course unbiased on the wench, and say nothing about how unbelievably aggravating she is. You can read the article here, if you want to be all judgmental like that.

Books
* On a serious note, in July Albert Borris' debut novel came out. Unfortunately,

"...back in December, Albert suffered a massive stroke that left him unable to get words out on paper or verbally in the proper order. He's a writer unable to write... and currently unable to help promote his own book. Fellow young adult and middle grade debut authors in the Class of 2K9 of which Albert had been co-president, are working together along with others to help spread the word so that Albert's novel gets the attention it deserves... and which he is unable to help generate."

I read an excerpt, and it is indeed a beautiful book. So go read Crash Into Me, OK?

Harry Potter
* If the International Society of Supervillains had written Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the world would be a very different place. With underground broom racing, and more Snape. I support this move.
(PS I'd like to give a special fuck you to the delightful scamps who forced me and my friend to WALK OUT of Harry Potter, something I NEVER do. You were so clever, commenting on the 'hotness' of the girls and dropping shit and trying to impress your little girlfriends, who all are more interested in Sparkly Vampires anyway. Consider yourselves lucky that my friend and I decided, for the sheer novelty, to be adult and leave rather than turn around and unleash our rage on your prepubescent faces. Oh, you adorable imps of mischief and good humor! I'm not annoyed by this at all!)

Star Trek
* You can make as much fun of me as you want about my Star Trek love. You laugh, but when Leonard Nimoy shows up and uses his magical Vulcan powers to explode your heads, boy will you feel stupid. Then Spock and I will share a victory toast of this amazing invention:

[Found at ONTD_StarTrek]
That's a Romulan Ale energy drink, and you bet your sweet Trekkie ass I want to drink it. I want to drink it until my innards are BLUE, then run around giving the Vulcan Nerve Pinch to people who harass me in movie theaters. Good plan.

Doctor Who
* Geez, it's like Geek Alley here today, isn't it? Unlike every other day, OBVIOUSLY. So Doctor Who started filming the new series, and I still haven't gotten to watch Planet of the Dead, because I am way behind on all my TV watching, but it's saved on my TV, so I WILL watch it. My anger has cooled a bit, simply because it's INSANE to walk around for WEEKS being angry at the writer/creator of TV shows. I still AM angry, of course, but frankly I am angry about a LOT OF THINGS, and need to prioritize, and don't have the energy to be infuriated about everything, all the time. Also, Gareth David-Lloyd is going to be in America this fall. That has nothing to do with the new Doctor Who, but I don't care. It's IMPORTANT NEWS.

Daily Hot Guy

[Robert Downey, Jr. I tried to remember if I'd already posted this picture, then realized that I don't care because, SERIOUSLY.]

Comics
OK, Universe. I don't like you. You made me have limited funds and laziness and short, and live in New Jersey. You obviously don't like me, for all the reasons I just listed. But we need a truce. WE NEED ONE. Because I already missed the San Diego Comic-Con, and now Gareth David-Lloyd will be at Dragon*Con, AND I NEED TO GO, OK? So send me some money, or a ticket, or Ianto. I don't care. But this year has not been especially kind, and dammit I am DUE some fun, RIGHT? Right. I mean, I'm not going to be able to see Nine Inch Nails at this rate, which means I'm out over $200 that I DON'T HAVE. So, Universe, I will be waiting for my tickets, and Ianto, and the resurrection of Hunter S. Thompson. This is MY TIME.

People I Love
* Whenever I am feeling low, or bad about myself, I turn to Andy Rooney, and I remember that I am not a crazy fruit-stealing old man:

Watch CBS Videos Online
Then I feel much better.

Movie!Fail
* Roland Emmerich is going to destroy the world, again, for no clear reason except he likes explosions and seriously maudlin dialogue and painfully bad jokes.

[Found at Collider]
Because we're not all stressed enough, what with the economic situation and the political climate and wondering if the next season of Heroes will be the worst one yet. The movie is called 2012, and I'm sure it will make tons of money and destroy any lingering faith I have in the film industry.

Depression Session
* If a relative dies and cannibalism makes you squeamish (or you're a Vegan), but you can't afford to pay for a pricey funeral, just bury them in the backyard. It's cheap, intimate, and once the police force falls apart, it won't be illegal anymore! And if you're tough, you can be a death midwife and make money off of people's pain!
When I die, my friends have strict orders to mail my body to someone I hate (who shall remain nameless, for the surprise!) so none of this applies to me.

TeeVee
* IT'S OK. THE CAST OF FUTURAMA IS RETURNING FOR THE NEW EPISODES. EVERYTHING IS OK. RESUME YOUR LIVES AS IF THIS TERRIBLE TIME HAD NEVER HAPPENED.

It's sunny out. Very strange. What brave new world is this?
- LV

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