They Were Little Geisha Dolls With Big Heads That Wobbled!

Blog
* Title comes from Firefly. Inara has some serious issues with anything with a wobbly head.

Books
* This is what Wikipedia would be like if it wasn't online. It would take you twenty minutes just to find out the incorrect birthday of a fictional character from a cancelled TV show, not that I have ever done that:

[Found at LikeCool]
Have you hugged your internet today?

People I Love
* This guy is probably a terrible human being who enjoys torturing puppies and listens to Paris Hilton and, I don't know, kills flowers. But this is still pretty awesome, yes?

[Found at FrigginRandom]
Because nothing is cooler than saying, "I spent my vacation naked in a hot-tub, getting drunk and shooting shit.'

Whedonverse
* Here's Joss Whedon discussing his strong female characters. Meryl Streep introduces him, so you know he must be a force of pure good.


Star Trek
* Look, I have no problem ruining my hypothetical kids' lives with my fandom. My kids are going to be humiliated by their names and clothes and Rorschach My Little Ponies. It's going to be hilarious, for me. Not for them. I figure, hey, at least their therapy sessions will be interesting, right? The thing is, I kind of suspect that if I endorsed this particular geekery, my kids might not survive infancy:

[Found at BoingBoing]
That there is a Klingon baby cradle. There's a reason Klingon are so tough, you know. And while they may have some truly admirable qualities that humans should emulate (not me, team!Vulcan) you have to keep in mind that there's got to be a significant percentage of adorable Klingon babies that don't survive infancy, because their knife mobiles weren't attached securely enough. And human babies are soft and pink and weak. Think about it. Also, explaining the situation to the police could be unpleasant.

TeeVee
* Here's a list of TV stalkers. Totally called Doug Funnie. Anyone that into beets has some serious sexual and emotional issues.

Journalism
* Haha, this will either make you laugh or sob like a prison bitch, depending on how much you have invested on journalism not being a total joke. Watch this video of Fox Business failing to comprehend even the most basic of economic truths.

Celebrity!Fail - New Category
* As I've mentioned, I do not like Megan Fox. She irritates me terribly. I would like her to go elsewhere, and hopefully stop spouting bullshit and getting unattractive tattoos (Megan, my artist is fabulous. You want his number?) But I don't just hate Megan Fox, I hate all the demented and inexplicable lust surrounding her. All the attention (I appreciate the irony of blogging about this). Ultimately, I hate the fact that because of the internet, I know that Megan Fox has freak thumbs:

[Found at WorldOfWonder]
If I have to know this useless bullshit, so do you. Airtight logic.

Geek Want
* If I had an endless supply of money, I think that besides the comics and clothes and shoes and weaponry that I would accumulate, we'd all be surprised by the number of nifty salt and pepper shakers I'd have in my possession:

[Found at NerdApproved]
May I salt your steak with VIOLENCE? Or... salt?

Daily Hot Guy

[Hugh Laurie, from a scene in this awful TV show Fortysomething, which I couldn't believe because WHO I ask you, would not have sex with Hugh Laurie? Answer: No one, which is why the show didn't do well. And yes, he's naked, and looks stricken]

Politics
* This could go under Journalism, but Fox News has gotten enough leniency with that category for one day, hasn't it? What would you ask the President, if given the chance? About the economy? Health care? Gay rights? International relations? Or, “IS IT TURE THAT YOU AND HAGATHA HAVE TO COME IN THE BACK DOOR OF THE WHITEHOUSE?” There are more, even worse, and like most things from Fox News, I can't decide whether to laugh at stupidity, or break down because people can be this awful and still escape Darwinism. I need a drink, and it's not even 10:00 AM.

Apocalypse How?
* You know what? All those people who say flying in airplanes is perfectly safe can screw right off. LIGHTNING KNOCKED OFF PART OF A PLANE. I DON'T CARE IF EVERYONE SURVIVED. THAT'S NOT THE POINT. Parts of my car don't FALL OFF and cause me to PLUMMET to my DEATH. Once Watchmen comes out, I'm never leaving the house again.

WTF, INTERNET?
* Oh, internet, the dizzying pleasures and sublime delights you offer me. As a girl, I may be offered bras that explode when I'm aroused, and things to hide my camel toe (rather than just wearing clothes that fit, but that's CRAZYTALK), but I will never have to deal with the knowledge that a product like this is marketed to me:

[Found at NerdApproved]
This is an exercise machine for men's junk. Yeah. Or, if you want to save money and be TRULY hardcore, you could do Cock Push-Ups like Tenacious D. Have a listen, mortals:

Now, a guy says he follows the D's sexual philosophy, I'm in. In high school I identified as a Tenacious Deist. I'm not kidding. Plus, I seriously doubt the validity of Dr. Weener's medical license.

Zombies
* Reader Julie knows things, and sometimes she shares them with me, like THE GREATEST ZOMBIE MOVIE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER OMFG WOODY HARRELSON KILLS EVERYTHING:

WHY IS THIS NOT OUT NOW? WHY MUST I CONTINUE TO WAIT? I NEED TO LEARN THE WAYS OF WOODY. Plus his hat is win.
And was that MIKE WHITE getting attacked on a toilet?!

Animals
* This made me think of Mitch Hedberg, one of my favorite comedians, and his insistence that a koala infestation would be wonderful, and then bemoaned the distance between himself and koalas.
Koalas (LP Version) - Mitch Hedberg
A koala jumped into bed with some tourists.

[Found at TimesOnline]
They called a ranger to take it away. WHO DOES THAT? Mitch Hedberg wouldn't have done that.

It's sunny out, and I have to go to work now. Warren Ellis heard of my sexy goat sacrifice and made the rains go, for a bit.
- LV

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Calculon Is Gonna Kill Us & It's All Everybody Else's Fault!

Blog
* Oh, Bender. It's always Calculon's fault. Always.

* Sorry for the lack of an update yesterday, but was busy, doing things. Also, it was Father's Day, which doesn't have anything directly to do with me since I'm a girl, but I HAVE a father, and I like him usually, so I had to be present. Also there was delicious food that demanded my eating it.

Depression Session
* This is a cute cardboard house in which to live once you have no money for a real house, with lights and electricity and dignity, and of course it would be nice to be in poverty but still fashionable, but what happens when it rains?

[Found at IncredibleThings]
Yeah, it rains, and you end up sitting in a pile of sodden cardboard that was once your home, wondering at what point your life careened out of control and left you bereft and soaked. I'd say you'd have to worry about robbers, given the lack of security, but really, even the most strung-out druggie isn't going to try their luck in a cardboard house. Silver lining?

Girly Shit
* I dislike Megan Fox, because I think she's boring and tacky and untalented, and she has terrible tattoos, and who gets THEIR OWN POETRY TATTOOED ON THEIR BODY but I really, really want these shoes:

[Found at TheDailyPump]
I would happily live in the cardboard house in order to afford these shoes. Admittedly, the zombie apocalypse would become far more problematic, since I'd be living with no defense system and wearing shoes I couldn't run in, but you know what? Sometimes you have to suffer for fashion. Or Megan Fox could give me a pair, to make up for the fact that I know too much about this woman and her life.

Music
* If you are going to get arrested for illegally downloading music, at least let it be good music. At least get fined a fuckload of money for music that is cool and edgy and interesting. And look, I get that music costs money, and that musicians should get paid for their work, and I get annoyed when people illegally download movies (although Be Kind Rewind has a powerful statement about copyright bullshit) and I use iTunes for my music purchases, thank you VERY MUCH, but you know what? This is bullshit. Just ban her from the damn site. Or tell her since she broke the law, you'll monitor her IP address for some period of time. But Music Industry, technology is changing, and you need to get with it and alter your rather archaic attitude towards downloading. Because scary as it is to get charged over a million bucks for a few incredibly awful songs, most people won't stop. They'll just get better at swiping music. Not me. This blog stretches the limits of my technological skills. I try to do something like that, the internet BREAKS. Which the Music Industry might like, actually.

Technology
* If God text the Ten Commandments, I might not be an atheist:

"1. no1 b4 me. srsly.

2. dnt wrshp pix/idols

3. no omg's"

The rest are here. Hallowed be thy name.

Watchmen
* This was sent to me via Twitter, and I WANT IT WHY IS THIS NOT MINE?!


IT IS A RORSCHACH PILLOW AND IT COMES FROM JAPAN AND RORSCHACH IS A GODDAMN PILLOWCASE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M SO INSANE ABOUT THIS BUT I WANT TO SNUGGLE IT. FOREVER. LOOK AT HIS LITTLE WEE SOCKS WITH HOLES IN THEM OMFG I WILL DARN THEM FOR HIM. RORSCHACH PILLOW. OH GOD HOW DO I COME TO CALL YOU MY OWN?!

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at LOLTATZ]

Food
* Ew. I'm sorry, but EW.

“When Tim Browne sits down to a bowl of corn flakes in the morning, he slurps up one unusual, and controversial, extra ingredient: his own daughter’s breast milk."

There's a reason, a health reason, but I refuse to get past the fact that a man is ingesting his own child's breast milk. Also, the article uses the word 'slurp.' I no longer am hungry.

Comics
* Dear Josh: Your analysis of shit comics makes me laugh, and for that I tip my hat to you, sir. Do not stop, because otherwise the terrorists win. And Blondie becomes a sad, sad testament to the fall of a society and the death of creativity. And it's Monday. I don't NEED that.

Words Of Win
* This is exactly what would happen if I drove a tour bus. I once tried to drive to the town next to mine for coffee, and ended up in New York. My sense of direction is either reversed, or set up for a wholly different planet.

see more Fail Blog

YouTube Wonders
* It's Monday, which means most people are cranky and hostile, so it seemed like a good time to post this link to a girl and her family who I want to yell at and make snarky comments about, because they disgust me with EVERYTHING THEY DO:

HOLY SHIT.

Movies
* Johnny Depp must be so pleased with the new Alice photos:

[Found Iconocast]
He has finally scared me out of finding him attractive. At least for a few minutes. Here's another shot, which terrifies me, and includes Anne Hathaway and Helena Bonham Carter, who also scares me but who I want to be best friends with because she knows everyone and is from another, more interesting plane of existence:

And here's an article. Michael Sheen is playing the White Rabbit. HOW WONDERFUL IS THAT GOING TO BE?!

Daily Hot Guy

[David Tennant, who is going to be the sexiest Hamlet in the history of Shakespeare, and who reminds me in this picture of his short but pivotal role as Barty Crouch, Jr. in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which I love mainly because in the scene below he goes from an elegant and collected young gentleman to completely twitchy bugshit insane in about thirty seconds, and that is HOT]
OK, there should be a video here, but I couldn't find it on YouTube because I SUCK. And I have to go to work. I'll find it LATER. Maybe.
- LV

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Mom After All These Years God’s Not Going To Take A Call From You.

Blog
* Title is from Arrested Development. God hangs up on the Bluths.

Movies
* There is absolutely NO REASON to make a movie out of Where's Waldo, There is NONE. I challenge you to find one. There's no real plot, and if they cast Will Ferrell the sun will be swallowed into the ocean. This is almost as bad as Bazooka Joe: The Movie. Hollywood is out to wreck my brain.

Books
* A little girl's uterus will prevent her from enjoying fire, monsters, explosions, or anything fun at all. These Doodle Books have shown me the truth of my gender, and how I really just should like cleaning myself hysterically and dancing, even though when I dance I look like Elaine in Seinfeld and people worry I'm seizing. I'm sorry I was wrong about everything I ever liked. I will immediately start bathing five to six times a day and take up needlework. (And yes, I do knit and I like knitting a lot, but that's not the POINT. I can like knitting AND explosions. I am a creature of mystery, dammit.)

People I Love
* This guy is AWESOME:

[Found at UniqueDaily]
I want to marry him and have little somersaulting BABIES and be happy and somersault from helicopters at our wedding. It will be GLORIOUS. You are all invited.

Remake!Fail
* Teen Wolf should not be remade. I don't know how much clearer I can be. Michael J. Fox cannot be imitated or replaced. His goodness and adorable come along so rarely, why would anyone try to undermine that? FOR SHAME.

Star Trek
* This is going to be the cake at my imaginary wedding to Zachary Quinto:

[Found at Neatorama]
And we will ride in on black unicorns and he will do the Vulcan Nerve Pinch on my ex-boyfriend, and I will win the lottery, and then I wake up and cry because life is not NEARLY that awesome. Here are more cakes of Trekdom, including a massively scary Captain Picard cake.

TeeVee
* V is going to be the best show on TV, except of course for Heroes, True Blood, House, Human Target, Glee, 30 Rock, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Doctor Who, Torchwood...

Journalism
* This video of Sean Hannity and Sarah Palin talking in the woods feels like a deleted scene from a really bad horror/porno movie:

Tell me it doesn't seem that way. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't expect a serial killer to jump out and slash while Ms. Palin runs naked through the woods. It's like Evil Dead, only AWFUL and sad instead of funny, and everyone you love dies, the end.

Geek Want
* This is a motorized pool chair:

[Found at LikeCool]
I want this. My parents have a pool, which I rarely go into. This way I could sit in my seat and motor around the pool, sipping a martini (dirty with extra olives) and dictating the execution of my enemies by my sexy minions. What? WHAT? It's raining and gross, and I want some sexy minions. They could go to the grocery store for seltzer. I need some. But in reference to the chair, can it electrocute you? Because pathological laziness is a really awkward cause of death.

Politics
* Bill O'Reilly is a filthy, unabashed liar and spinner of false bullshit, and doesn't even have the courage to stand behind his asinine and offensive belief system. In other news, the sky is blue.

WTF, INTERNET?
* Part of the reason I am so delighted to be a female is that when I am turned on, I can keep it a secret. It is nobody's business but mine and my filthy little mind. Now there are people out to destroy my privacy. This bra I am about to show you pushes up your boobs in conjunction with how aroused you are:

[Found at Jezebel]
I imagine that if I met Russell Brand the bra would explode. That could be entertaining, at least until the paramedics showed up.

Zombies
* When I am rich, I will blow up this poster, and it will be one full wall of my old spooky farmhouse:

[Found at BoingBoing]
Or maybe not. It might not go with the decor. But I want it, regardless. They're such cute zombies! And I never thought I'd say that.

Animals
* Baby pandas are tiny! Tiny animals are inherently cuter. It's in the Bible. And it's WHITE. Like a Dalmatian, before Cruelle De Ville shows up to buy them all to make a fur coat, and I CRIED because I thought she would hurt the wee puppies. Here's the panda:

[Found at ChinaDaily]
I want to feed it bamboo. Can pandas become infected by the zombie virus? Why are there no zombie pandas? HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?

Daily Hot Guy

[Christopher Eccleston, master of facial hair, who CONTINUES to play games with my emotions by insisting on being in SHIT MOVIES, and what the hell happened to New Orleans, Mon Amour? DO I REALLY HAVE TO GO SEE GI JOE FOR YOU?]

Ads
* It's Saturday, and I hate weekends, on principal, so here is a truly disturbing ad about safe sex:

[Found at SociologicalImages]
I'm not insane about this, though. The ad makes me cringe, as a girl who does not want spiders or crawly things ANYWHERE NEAR my unmentionables. But I'm not like crying or throwing up or putting on multiple pairs of underwear. If it was a Daddy Long-Legs, I'd be catatonic. But anyway, this does not say anything to me about Safe Sex. It says, 'Hire an exterminator, and maybe buy more bug spray.' More images of creepy inappropriateness can be found here.

Apocalypse How?
* This isn't really the end of the world, but for me it could be. I dislike flying. I really, really do. I have flown all over the country, and to Europe, and I love traveling, but I spend most of my time airborne either weeping like a small child or drinking everything that might make me stop crying. I know the statistics, and that it's more dangerous to drive a car, but a car won't suddenly EXPLODE AND PLUMMET TO THE EARTH IN A HOWLING RAIN OF FIRE AND DEATH, unless you're driving a Yaris. The Air France thing only bugs me as a flier because they don't quite know WHY the plane broke. Or where it went. But I do try to be at least slightly reasonable about flying, because I love going to new places. This story about the pilot dropping dead during a flight does not help me. And they were flying to Jersey. DO YOU SEE THE IMPLICATIONS? And don't tell me that the plane landed just fine, and that there was another pilot. I've seen Turbulence. I KNOW how things are. Mamma didn't raise no fool.

More later, if I have time. Family stuff, then fun in the city, despite the NEVERENDING RAIN, which I am FINE WITH. Sunlight is overrated. Just ask the dudes on True Blood. And they are attractive and fictional, so they MUST be right.
- LV

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Bruce Campbell Doesn't Cheat Death. He Wins Fair & Square.

Blog
* Title is in honor of Burn Notice last night. Bruce Campbell fixed the window, AND blew the house up. Not the same house, clearly. Bruce Campbell does not believe in wasted gestures. SPEAKING OF BRUCE CAMPBELL, did you hear he's going to save the President from zombies, in Comic form? Also, for those of you who follow me on Twitter, you've heard me joke about Bruce Campbell for President (of course I'm not JOKING, but he's playing it cool because he doesn't want to hurt Obama's feelings. Bruce Campbell is a benevolent god) this made me scream over breakfast this morning:

[Found at ComicBookResources]
Hail to the Chief, Baby.

Freakangels Friday
* I am casting a FREAKANGELS movie, in my head, because hopefully that will never actually happen. So far it isn't going well, because I tend to like older actors, and as numerous as his powers are, there is just no way Bruce Campbell could play a 23-year-old without exposing his powers, and we as a culture are not ready for that. I do rather want Russell Brand to play Luke. I'd love a young Jackie Earle Haley as Karl. And realistically, they should cast Milo 'He's In Heroes, and No I'm Not Looking Up How To Spell His Last name' as Connor. And I want Zachary Quinto to play Jack. The girls, I am less interested in casting. As long as Lindsay Lohan stays away from my mind-movie. And Scarlet 'I Used To Like Her And Now Find Her Pretentious.' Anyway, new FREAKANGELS today! Spoilers below my signature at the end of this post, because I haven't read it yet. FOR YOU.

Depression Session
* Who wants a recession hairstyle? Doesn't that make you think of haircuts from the fifties? All those severe bobs, and girls going to be 'career women' until they could land a husband in a series of hilarious screwball incidents? But that's wrong. Instead, we all should grow our hair out like peasant women, because bangs and angular cuts and hair dye and fun things are expensive, and we must all make sacrifices? Incidentally, I am trying to grow my hair out, not because of the Depression Recession, but because I felt like it. Way to be 'cutting edge,' HAHAHA. Also, am I the only one who finds it darkly humorous that every picture they showed to demonstrate 'inexpensive haircuts' was on the head of a celebrity, and inarguably costs several hundred dollars in upkeep a month, at least?

Girly Shit
* Remember that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie goes on a non-date with Mr. Big, and he leans in to give her a friendly kiss, and she responds by throwing them both into the river to get out of an awkward but survivable bit of social interaction? God, I fucking HATE that show. Anyway, Carrie walked home wearing his button-down shirt, a pair of stilettos, and a belt. This reminds me of that:

[Found at IHeartLuxe]
And as such, I simply cannot endorse any outfit that screams, "I am a serious writer who cannot put together one well-written sentence and did not consider the possibility of perhaps borrowing a pair of sweat-pants to complete this ensemble, because I am twee and cute and edgy!'

Daily Hot Guy

[Alan Tudyk, who is sexy enough and adorable enough to make me watch Serenity again, knowing the ending destroys me as a human being]

Music
* Here is information on a bunch of TV show theme songs. This article teaches me only that every time you hear the Addams Family theme song, Vic Mizzy is becoming even richer, while you are not.

Technology
* This is a stereo AND a portable cooler:

[Found at IncredibleThings]
This is sort of brilliant, except A) I hate when people play music at the beach, because it is never anything I like and they always abuse the bass so that it feels like the sand is pulsing, which is weird, and B) My visual image of the buyer of this fine product is consistently that of a meathead jock who will use the devastating pick-up line, 'Brewski for You-ski?' and then throw up all over your shoes.

Watchmen
* This is a very cool picture, and I like that Rorschach is wee and unharmed, and Dr. Manhattan looks sickly and weakened by his habit of EXPLODING PEOPLE WHO ARE MORAL:

[Found at i09]
And you KNOW Rorschach is perched happily on Manhattan's shoulder, writing in his notebook and whispering his insane conspiracies into Manhattan's ear and torturing him psychologically by retelling the Roche story every night before bedtime, and since Manhattan doesn't sleep and Rorschach is insane, Manhattan has to hear that story several times a day, in all its gruesome glory. Also Rorschach doesn't much bathe, and that's GOTTA irk Manhattan. And Nite Owl looks faintly embarrassed to find himself perched on Manhattan, and I think Ozymandias is attempting suicide to get away from Rorschach's stench. Buy me this picture, now.

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at LOLTATZ]

Food
* These are bacon-stuffed waffles:

[Found at ThisIsWhyYoureFat]
I can think of nothing bad to say about this, except a deep and almost overpowering regret that I am not currently supping upon these perfect creations.

Comics
* Here are some words of wisdom from Warren Ellis about comics and life, who I sacrificed a sexy goat to LAST WEEK and he still hasn't shown up to smite my enemies and give me knowledge. His Twitter account is reason enough for the site to exist. And I want a shirt that says, "Warren Ellis Put His Disease In Me." I would wear it to all job interviews, forever.

Words Of Win

see more Fail Blog

YouTube Wonders
* I couldn't give less of a shit about Justin Timberlake if I tried, but Ryan Gosling is fabulous and adorable, and I want him to be in more movies, and he was on Are You Afraid Of The Dark? and then turned out to be a pretty fantastic actor, and here he is on the Mickey Mouse Club with J. Timberlake, in simpler times, and I'm NOT having a good week, so this may have pulled me away from my experiments involving obscene amounts of alcohol and a funnel:


Sherlock Holmes
* Here is the poster for the new movie:

[Found at EmpireOnline]
I think I'm pregnant now. With the brain-child of Sherlock Holmes. Who would WANT to escape him? There is also a Watson poster, but I do not give a shit, I am too busy staring at the glory that is RDJ as Sherlock Holmes. I need to stop typing, before I dissolve into incoherency that would only be expressed as "HOLY SHIT HOT HOT GUH WANT MOVIE EYES HAIR POCKETS SMILE NO STUBBLE SEX ESCAPE WANT SMIRK PRON ASSAULT LUST DAMN DAMN DAMN" and I really don't want to have to translate that out of fangirl squee.

This was a very late entry. I'm sorry for ruining everything. Might post later, after a few hours studying Robert Downey, Jr. For literary value, of course.
- LV

Spoilers For FREAKANGELS Below:
* No Karl, which means KARL LIVES FOR ANOTHER WEEK. I do like that Alice's response to a psychic trying to kill her is more violence. Girl has no fear. Luke has a big penis. I'm sorry, it needed to be said. Do you know how rarely I've seen male genitalia in comics? It's always breasts, breasts, breasts, but they usually sneakily obscure the guys' dangly bits. Even Dr. Manhattan, he of the Blue Peen of Distraction, was strategically covered a lot of the time. Or we stared at his muscular buttocks.
It's interesting that only a few of the Freakangels know that Karl killed Mark, or felt his brain die, or whatever. And once again I am awed by Luke's absolute douchery, and find it almost charming, because it takes a lot of confidence and rampant egotism - nay, sociopathic tendencies - to be that indignant over getting caught RAPING someone, and having people react badly to it. So I sort of almost enjoy Luke's evil, which I suspect means that he will kill Karl and I will be bereft, because that is how things work. I love this comic.

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It's Toe-Tappingly Tragic!

Blog
* Title comes from Futurama, giving the greatest compliment any being can ever hope for.

* This may be a short and ill-tempered entry, for which I apologize.

Remake!Fail
* On one hand, I am relieved they are putting off the remake of The Birds, because I'm still not over Gus Van Sant's butchering of Psycho (WHY WAS THERE A COW?), and frankly the medical bills would be unbelievable. (Although, parenthetically, we need to talk about how the guys behind the remake were all, 'Birds poop and they aren't scary,' because clearly they did not GET The Birds, which still ranks as one of the most terrifying freaking movies I have ever seen, and I was frightened of birds for YEARS after, also because I am a coward)
On the other hand, they are still remaking Rosemary's Baby, but I'm sort of OK with it at this point, because I think the final product is going to be so far removed from the book or the movie, and they've renamed it, so only people who care about movies will be damaged emotionally, thus saving the general population this torture. And doesn't the name The Sacrifice sort of have nothing to do with the original plot, or am I missing something?

Star Trek
* Talk about dizzying excitement turning to crushing disappointment turning to sullen defiance. These are Star Trek communicator apps (Excitement!) for iPhone which I do not have (Disappointment) but my father does (Defiance!) and I could steal it (Excitement!) but apparently it isn't very good (Disappointment) but I don't care because I am won over by branding (Defiance), and it's an AWESOME CONCEPT:

[Found at Geekologie]
Zachary Quinto is so upset by this crappy app that he's no longer dressing like the cool drink of water he is, and is instead dressing like an old man at the gym:


TeeVee
* Reality TV stars demanding, and receiving, overtime pay. This means either
A) I too can expect to be paid for flirting with hot guys, getting drunk, and behaving like the opposite of civilization, or
B) The Third Horseman of the Apocalypse just showed up, and he is PISSED.

Journalism
* The New York Times is just digging itself right into a hole of outdatedness, with this article about abandoned blogs. Please. In high school, when I was full of angst and rage and self-righteous indignation, I had about ten LiveJournals, all of them discussing the various injustices visited upon me by my parents and teachers and authority, and damn it I can live my own life! So this isn't new, or cool, or whatever. And you know what? This blog is coming on two years old. And while I have taken breaks from time to time, long-time readers will know I've been blogging every day for quite some time, and I KEEP IT UP, and I have a Twitter and still blog. So in conclusion, The New York Times is wrong about EVERYTHING, thank you for your time.
And, because this BARELY qualifies as journalism, like when senile old people drool on themselves and mumble about Zoinist conspiracies, and you tell people you had 'a nice chat,' here is The Daily Show exposing what hypocritical horndogs work at Fox & Friends, because really I love The Daily Show, and they are frequently right and wise.

Geek Want
* This T-Shirt is so badass, it may be illegal in some of the lamer states:

[Found at BoingBoing]
And it's TRUE, and I love it, but realistically, wouldn't it help the DIY industry more if you made your own version of this shirt? No? I... I should just be quiet? But... I.... You know, DIY would imply that Doing It Yourself would be good.... I should stop talking? OOH, COFFEE!

Daily Hot Guy

[Bruno, giving us all sexual confusion for years to come]

Politics
* HAHA, here's proof that abortion protestors are disingenuous, in case you doubted it. Actually, the article is pretty fucked up and disturbing, on a lot of levels. People are AWFUL. Boo on people. This coffee isn't working.

Apocalypse How?
* Scientists woke up 120,000 year old bacteria, and it is CRANKY, and now we're all going to die. The article mentions Jurassic Park, but fuck that, what about The Thing? If Kurt Russell has trouble with those bastards, what hope do the rest of us have? WHERE'S BRUCE CAMPBELL?

Words of Win

"When my daughter Ellen was four I started teasing her that I was saving all of my boogers in a big booger ball. I don’t know why I told her that except that it was fun to watch her make that “grossed-out” face that kids make when they smell something bad or see a squished cat on the road. She always begged to see it so finally I told her that she couldn’t see it now but I would give it to her for her eighteenth birthday. Well, guess what – she’s turning eighteen and I’ve got to come through with a booger ball!"

And he did!

[Found at Neatorama]

WTF, Internet?
* This makes me angry the same way that those jars with the pre-mixed peanut butter and jelly make me angry. They are unnecessary, and help to lower the overall IQ of society, and really, I want to HIT people with these:

[Found at UniqueDaily]
Note: The following conversation occurred with my mother, upon her seeing the pictures:
"Look how ridiculous this thing is!"
"AHAHAHAHA"
"Stop laughing! You're ruining my point!"
"They sell those at Stop & Shop."
"You're making it WORSE!"

Zombies
* Zombie parties, zombie movies, zombie parades, and zombie confusion - all in one deceptively short post! Also, this was submitted by reader Julie, who has a horde of zombies that she sics on those who aggravate her:

I can't wait for Valentine's Day!

Animals
* Baby moose Baby Moose BABY MOOSE!

[Found at LATimes]
I want a baby moose. I would name it Walter. You know why. And I would love my baby moose, and raise it, and teach it right and wrong, and feed it sugar cubes, and the sun would come out and peace would reign.

Sorry for the brevity of this entry, and the general sour mood. Too many relatives talking at me. And I have to go into work early today. So yeah. Sulking will commence. May post another entry later.
- LV

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Also I Can Kill You With My Brain.

Blog
* Poor Jayne got abused a lot on Firefly. Luckily his hat kept him from further misery.

Music
* I will no longer apologize for my love of Lady Gaga and her bizarre fashion choices, because god dammit she is FUN. Here is a video of her shopping, and now I want more sunglasses. Wednesdays are hard enough without being reminded of my poverty.
And here is a life-altering video of Lady Gaga doing an acoustic version of 'Paparazzi,' while wearing a pirate hat. I don't feel the need to explain this anymore. Just accept it.


Technology
* I have a very hateful relationship with cameras. I used to be fat (and when I say fat, I mean I could sit on you and they'd never find you. I lost over sixty pounds, people. That is more than my brother weighs) and I avoided cameras like the plague they were. Then I lost the weight, but whenever anyone takes a picture of me I make a weird, awful expression. One friend described it as, 'The look a fox makes before the dogs catch it,' which I do not appreciate. So here's an article on how to appear more photogenic, and hopefully I will stop baring my teeth and grinning like Vana White.

Watchmen
* Dude who wrote Watchmen is writing another comic movie, this one Deadworld. Myep. That's not Watchmen-rific enough, is it? No, it is not. Here are two Watchmen pics, because it's Wednesday, and it starts with a W and so does Watchmen, and I do not need any other reason, DO I?


I'd like to grapple HIS hook, if you know what I mean. I hope you do. Because I have no idea.

Tattoo Of Win
* OK, someone needs to tell me what this is, because it HAUNTS me. I have sent it to people, asked strangers on the street, and I cannot get an answer:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
I believe there's a chicken somewhere in this tattoo.

Food
* This is a honey-baked ham cupcake:

[Found at Neatorama]
There is actual cake in there, wrapped lovingly in ham and topped with pineapple. I want to throw these at vegans, because on True Blood the raw vegan is MEAN to Eddie the Pathetic Vampire, and that is so sad, and also my dad is a vegan, and I have eaten Tofurkey, which oozes grey fluids, so I am allowed to make vegan jokes, and even if I'm not allowed I fully intend to continue. MEAT.

Comics
* I read somewhere on the internet (so that means it's true) that Pete Wentz likes to drink breast milk, or urine, or some other fluid I do not need to know about him drinking, and also he gave his spawn a truly idiotic name (and I wanted to name my kid 'Fox' once, after Mulder, so don't talk to me about weird names) and he's annoying and I don't particularly like or dislike his music per se, but his persona is beyond words, and for these reasons, HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE INVOLVED IN THE COMIC INDUSTRY. Gerard Way is, though. Because I like My Chemical Romance. Stop judging me with your eyes.

Words Of Win

[Found at Indexed]

YouTube Wonders
* Star Trek + Monty Python = The Best Argument For The Existence Of God I Have Seen This Month:


Movies
* I got my brother a Watchmen shirt. He's eleven, and the shirt showed all the main characters from the movie/comic - Rorschach, Nite Owl, Ozymandias, Doctor Manhattan, and the Comedian. My brother loves this shirt. He wore it to school for a week straight. Until he was sent home with a note saying that he could no longer wear the shirt, because it featured the Comedian smoking a cigar. I told him to tell them it wasn't a cigar, it was a joint. He didn't, which is probably why I'm not in jail, but this falls under Stupidity That Hurts Me. So does the anti-smoking brigade that says ANY movie with ANY smoking should be rated R. Because clearly adding further mystique and danger to the idea of smoking will make kids stay FAR away from cigarettes, weed, and cigars. Wolverine has enough problems, what with the awful new movie, without having to deal with people getting all Freudian about his cigars.
Note: My mother just compared my brother wearing his Watchmen shirt to my brother wearing a shirt depicting hardcore pornography. Clearly my point has failed to make contact. I weep for the future of this country.

Books
* Roald Dahl begged you to immunize your kids. So does Cory Doctorow. HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO THEIR JOINT WISDOM?

People I Love - New Category!
* Because some people's badassery and win needs to be honored, and they are just too cool for the Stupid People category. Read and be amazed: There is a record for 'People Simultaneously Air-Guitaring', and it has been BROKEN.

Daily Hot Guy

[Zachary Quinto, who I love and am not going to wonder over his sexuality, because that is insane, and because I think deep down we all know the truth, but he's still gorgeous and talented and sweet in his interviews, and I am not nuts enough to get upset over that, although if I turn out to be wrong I GET DIBS ON HIM. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, please don't call the SWAT team, I have work]

More later. Time to go make some monies, which I need, for AMERICA. Actually for clothes. And maybe a pirate hat. Just saying.
- LV

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Bruce Campbell Puts The 'Laughter' In 'Manslaughter.'

Blog
* The title is true.

* Today's entry is a little late. Been yelling at CNN again (because if my rage is pure enough, they will HEAR ME and stop saying things that aren't true) and because I've been following the Iranian Elections on Twitter. Who knew Twitter could be used for good?

Twitter
* Here is a handy BoingBoing guide to helping and aiding those bloggers in Iran who are posting on Twitter. They really are amazing people, and deserve all the help they can get. Here's some advice on what you can do to get the word out, without putting anyone in danger. PS At least they are FIGHTING for their election. During the 2000 election fiasco, people in America bitched a lot, but ultimately they rolled over and sulked.

Star Trek
* I think I represent as a pretty proud girl-geek. But even I draw the line at having horribly disfigured Starfleet captain's on top of my wedding cake:

[Found at i09]
Out of all the romantic/cheesy/surreal scenes in the glorious history of Star Trek, who thought the mutilation of Captain Pike was the best way to express undying love? Why not a Tribble? What? They make everything better. Science told us so.

TeeVee
* Lifehacker asks if you would pay for Hulu. A lot of people were neutral. I say no. Absolutely not. I will wait for the damn DVDs and watch them on Netflix. I use Hulu BECAUSE it's free. That's its appeal. Otherwise, I'll go back to BitTorrent and crappy YouTube videos. TAKE BACK THE INTERNET. Or, you know, we could watch TV shows ON TV, like the cavemen did. Just putting that out there.

Journalism
* Cory Doctorow, who is a techno-wizard and should be loved and feared, found this fantastic article on the newspaper industry and how it's insane. Well, it's a little more complicated than that. It analyzes the journalistic infrastructure that has led us to where we stand today (on the brink of collapse) and why. It's fascinating, sobering, and scary.

Geek Want
* This is what has been missing in my life:

[Found at CrunchGear]
For the past twenty-three years, there has been a skewer-shaped hole in my life, especially when I barbecue. But now I am complete. I am going to buy this thing, and barbecue ALL SUMMER LONG. I will be dressed like Lady Gaga, for obvious reasons, and reenact that Firefly episode where Mal got stabbed. BUCKLE! SWASH! My summer is BOOKED RIGHT UP. And then Nathan Fillion will SHOW UP IN PERSON, and then everything will make sense. When you own a barbecue skewer with a fencing handle, ANYTHING is possible.

Politics
* I'm going to let Bill O'Reilly address the murder of Dr. George Tiller all by himself, without any commentary besides this, because the man doesn't need any help making himself look vile.

* And, because this blog is neither Fair nor Balanced, here are some of Dr. Tiller's patients discussing him, and his influence on their lives.

Apocalypse How?
* So I have to bid farewell to my Marlboro Lights. Look, I may be stupid about a great number of things, but I know cigarettes are bad, and I am trying (once again) to quit, because it is expensive. But until I quit, I am a smoker, and I have rights. And I know they're bad for me. I never thought 'Light' cigarettes would be healthier. Yes, healthy cigarettes - they make your hair thicker and increase blood flow to the brain! If you are really that dumb, you probably aren't reading the labels. On anything. And I only switched to Marlboro Lights because my friends actually PROTESTED me smoking Kools, which was the right thing to do because menthols are disgusting and now they make me sick, but I was a CHILD and they came in a pretty green box, and when you are a rebellious fifteen year-old, that's how you make decisions. So I guess I'll go from three Marlboro Lights a day to two Marlboro Reds a day? Those things are INTENSE. This isn't fair. LET ME HAVE MY LIGHTS (and please, no Emails. Smoking is awful and disgusting and I'm paying people to give me cancer. I've heard it ALL. Nobody should smoke, ever, and I am WORKING on it). By the way, I consider the fact that people think that relabeling certain types of cigarettes will have any influence on the health of this country, a sure sign of the apocalypse.

Daily Hot Guy

[Sam Trammell, AKA Sam Merlotte, AKA, The Second Hot Guy On True Blood, AKA I Like Him Better Than Bill, AKA Why Does Anna Paquin Get To Choose Between Sam & Bill WHERE IS THE JUSTICE, making plaid all sorts of sexy]

WTF, INTERNET?
* So, apparently, if there had been a subplot in Repo! The Genetic Opera wherein the Gravedigger sold steampunk vibrators for extra cash, this is what they would look like:

[Found at i09]
This vibrator is steam-driven. But there are a few kinks (HAHA SEE WHAT I DID THERE) in the system. And that makes me nervous. Plus I kind of want to beat zombies to death with it. WHICH COULD BE A GOOD MARKETING CAMPAIGN. It's fascinating, but wouldn't there be a real risk of serious steam burns on delicate areas? Just asking.

Zombies
* I apologize for ever doubting Harvard's genius. A real Harvard smart-person explained zombie neurology. For real. I love you, Harvard Psychiatrist. You can be on my team when the apocalypse hits. You'll probably be killed off in the third act in a final dramatic throw-down, but that's a risk we will all have to take.

Animals
* Caterpillars are cute and harmless, and when I was a kid I raised them in one of those mail-order kits and they grew into butterflies which I let go in the backyard. What? I have a few childhood memories that aren't weird or depressing. But if I see a caterpillar that looks like this, I'm killing it with my imaginary flame-thrower:

[Found at EnvironmentalGraffitti]
I'll give you a moment to stop screaming. I don't care if this thing grows up to be the the Butterfly Of Healthcare Reform. I'm smooshing it. LOOK AT IT. WHAT HATH GOD WROUGHT? There are more if you click here, a few of which don't make me burst into panicky tears of ick.

Doctor Who
* Dear Doctor Who Production People Who Keep Posting This Stuff: The Daleks have gone from scaring the everloving shit out of me to sort of pissing me off. They need a break. HOW MANY TIMES CAN THE DOCTOR DESTROY THEM? And Cybermen are exhausted. I do not feel comforted by reusing the same damn villains over and over. You want to bring back an old villain for the New Doctor? How about those Bug Moon Aliens from the First Doctor episode, The Web Planet? You think you're all so good? Update this shit, make it cool and interesting and scary:

[Found at BBC]
Well? I'm waiting. Terrify me.

Depression Session
* Here's a fun way to keep track of all the jobs you applied for and didn't get. I did a similar thing when I was trying to get a publishing job in New York. Now I have a job in publishing, and most of the places I applied at are going under, SO WIN FOR LV. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry. That was inappropriate and wrong. I'm still bitter, OK? I LOST OUT ON A JOB I WAS PROMISED BECAUSE THE EDITOR'S KID NEEDED A JOB. I'll get over it, maybe, one day.

Girly Shit
* NooooooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooooo. They've stopped selling Max Factor in the United States. Because America is a wasteland, and we have no need to look pretty when we are all DOOMED. But if you know people in other countries who will buy it and ship it to you, this is irrelevant. Wait, does this mean no more of those horrible ads with Kate Moss pouting at me and writing stuff with her lipstick? That might be an unanticipated bonus. Oh, never mind, those are Rimmel ads. Forget I said everything. There is no positive side to Max Factor abandoning the colonies. I weep.

All for now. Sorry this was delayed, ish.
- LV

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