Blog* Title is from Arrested Development. God hangs up on the Bluths.Movies* There is absolutely NO REASON to make a movie out of , There is NONE. I challenge you to find one. There's no real plot, and if they cast Will Ferrell the sun will be swallowed into the ocean. This is almost as bad as Bazooka Joe: The Movie. Hollywood is out to wreck my brain.Books* A little girl's uterus will prevent her from enjoying fire, monsters, explosions, or anything fun at all. These Doodle Books have shown me the truth of my gender, and how I really just should like cleaning myself hysterically and dancing, even though when I dance I look like Elaine in
and people worry I'm seizing. I'm sorry I was wrong about everything I ever liked. I will immediately start bathing five to six times a day and take up needlework. (And yes, I do knit and I like knitting a lot, but that's not the POINT. I can like knitting AND explosions. I am a creature of mystery, dammit.)People I Love* This guy is AWESOME:[Found at UniqueDaily]I want to marry him and have little somersaulting BABIES and be happy and somersault from helicopters at our wedding. It will be GLORIOUS. You are all invited.Remake!Fail* Teen Wolf should not be remade. I don't know how much clearer I can be. Michael J. Fox cannot be imitated or replaced. His goodness and adorable come along so rarely, why would anyone try to undermine that? FOR SHAME.Star Trek* This is going to be the cake at my imaginary wedding to Zachary Quinto:[Found at Neatorama]And we will ride in on black unicorns and he will do the Vulcan Nerve Pinch on my ex-boyfriend, and I will win the lottery, and then I wake up and cry because life is not NEARLY that awesome. Here are more cakes of Trekdom, including a massively scary Captain Picard cake.TeeVee* V is going to be the best show on TV, except of course for Heroes, True Blood, House, Human Target, Glee, 30 Rock, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Doctor Who, Torchwood...Journalism* This video of Sean Hannity and Sarah Palin talking in the woods feels like a deleted scene from a really bad horror/porno movie:Tell me it doesn't seem that way. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't expect a serial killer to jump out and slash while Ms. Palin runs naked through the woods. It's like Evil Dead, only AWFUL and sad instead of funny, and everyone you love dies, the end.Geek Want* This is a motorized pool chair:[Found at LikeCool]I want this. My parents have a pool, which I rarely go into. This way I could sit in my seat and motor around the pool, sipping a martini (dirty with extra olives) and dictating the execution of my enemies by my sexy minions. What? WHAT? It's raining and gross, and I want some sexy minions. They could go to the grocery store for seltzer. I need some. But in reference to the chair, can it electrocute you? Because pathological laziness is a really awkward cause of death.Politics* Bill O'Reilly is a filthy, unabashed liar and spinner of false bullshit, and doesn't even have the courage to stand behind his asinine and offensive belief system. In other news, the sky is blue.WTF, INTERNET?* Part of the reason I am so delighted to be a female is that when I am turned on, I can keep it a secret. It is nobody's business but mine and my filthy little mind. Now there are people out to destroy my privacy. This bra I am about to show you pushes up your boobs in conjunction with how aroused you are:[Found at Jezebel]I imagine that if I met Russell Brand the bra would explode. That could be entertaining, at least until the paramedics showed up.Zombies* When I am rich, I will blow up this poster, and it will be one full wall of my old spooky farmhouse:[Found at BoingBoing]Or maybe not. It might not go with the decor. But I want it, regardless. They're such cute zombies! And I never thought I'd say that.Animals* Baby pandas are tiny! Tiny animals are inherently cuter. It's in the Bible. And it's WHITE. Like a Dalmatian, before Cruelle De Ville shows up to buy them all to make a fur coat, and I CRIED because I thought she would hurt the wee puppies. Here's the panda:[Found at ChinaDaily]I want to feed it bamboo. Can pandas become infected by the zombie virus? Why are there no zombie pandas? HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?Daily Hot Guy[Christopher Eccleston, master of facial hair, who CONTINUES to play games with my emotions by insisting on being in SHIT MOVIES, and what the hell happened to New Orleans, Mon Amour? DO I REALLY HAVE TO GO SEE GI JOE FOR YOU?]Ads* It's Saturday, and I hate weekends, on principal, so here is a truly disturbing ad about safe sex:[Found at SociologicalImages]I'm not insane about this, though. The ad makes me cringe, as a girl who does not want spiders or crawly things ANYWHERE NEAR my unmentionables. But I'm not like crying or throwing up or putting on multiple pairs of underwear. If it was a Daddy Long-Legs, I'd be catatonic. But anyway, this does not say anything to me about Safe Sex. It says, 'Hire an exterminator, and maybe buy more bug spray.' More images of creepy inappropriateness can be found here.Apocalypse How?* This isn't really the end of the world, but for me it could be. I dislike flying. I really, really do. I have flown all over the country, and to Europe, and I love traveling, but I spend most of my time airborne either weeping like a small child or drinking everything that might make me stop crying. I know the statistics, and that it's more dangerous to drive a car, but a car won't suddenly EXPLODE AND PLUMMET TO THE EARTH IN A HOWLING RAIN OF FIRE AND DEATH, unless you're driving a Yaris. The Air France thing only bugs me as a flier because they don't quite know WHY the plane broke. Or where it went. But I do try to be at least slightly reasonable about flying, because I love going to new places. This story about the pilot dropping dead during a flight does not help me. And they were flying to Jersey. DO YOU SEE THE IMPLICATIONS? And don't tell me that the plane landed just fine, and that there was another pilot. I've seen Turbulence. I KNOW how things are. Mamma didn't raise no fool.More later, if I have time. Family stuff, then fun in the city, despite the NEVERENDING RAIN, which I am FINE WITH. Sunlight is overrated. Just ask the dudes on True Blood. And they are attractive and fictional, so they MUST be right.- LV
and people worry I'm seizing. I'm sorry I was wrong about everything I ever liked. I will immediately start bathing five to six times a day and take up needlework. (And yes, I do knit and I like knitting a lot, but that's not the POINT. I can like knitting AND explosions. I am a creature of mystery, dammit.)People I Love* This guy is AWESOME:[Found at UniqueDaily]I want to marry him and have little somersaulting BABIES and be happy and somersault from helicopters at our wedding. It will be GLORIOUS. You are all invited.Remake!Fail* Teen Wolf should not be remade. I don't know how much clearer I can be. Michael J. Fox cannot be imitated or replaced. His goodness and adorable come along so rarely, why would anyone try to undermine that? FOR SHAME.Star Trek* This is going to be the cake at my imaginary wedding to Zachary Quinto:[Found at Neatorama]And we will ride in on black unicorns and he will do the Vulcan Nerve Pinch on my ex-boyfriend, and I will win the lottery, and then I wake up and cry because life is not NEARLY that awesome. Here are more cakes of Trekdom, including a massively scary Captain Picard cake.TeeVee* V is going to be the best show on TV, except of course for Heroes, True Blood, House, Human Target, Glee, 30 Rock, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Doctor Who, Torchwood...Journalism* This video of Sean Hannity and Sarah Palin talking in the woods feels like a deleted scene from a really bad horror/porno movie:Tell me it doesn't seem that way. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't expect a serial killer to jump out and slash while Ms. Palin runs naked through the woods. It's like Evil Dead, only AWFUL and sad instead of funny, and everyone you love dies, the end.Geek Want* This is a motorized pool chair:[Found at LikeCool]I want this. My parents have a pool, which I rarely go into. This way I could sit in my seat and motor around the pool, sipping a martini (dirty with extra olives) and dictating the execution of my enemies by my sexy minions. What? WHAT? It's raining and gross, and I want some sexy minions. They could go to the grocery store for seltzer. I need some. But in reference to the chair, can it electrocute you? Because pathological laziness is a really awkward cause of death.Politics* Bill O'Reilly is a filthy, unabashed liar and spinner of false bullshit, and doesn't even have the courage to stand behind his asinine and offensive belief system. In other news, the sky is blue.WTF, INTERNET?* Part of the reason I am so delighted to be a female is that when I am turned on, I can keep it a secret. It is nobody's business but mine and my filthy little mind. Now there are people out to destroy my privacy. This bra I am about to show you pushes up your boobs in conjunction with how aroused you are:[Found at Jezebel]I imagine that if I met Russell Brand the bra would explode. That could be entertaining, at least until the paramedics showed up.Zombies* When I am rich, I will blow up this poster, and it will be one full wall of my old spooky farmhouse:[Found at BoingBoing]Or maybe not. It might not go with the decor. But I want it, regardless. They're such cute zombies! And I never thought I'd say that.Animals* Baby pandas are tiny! Tiny animals are inherently cuter. It's in the Bible. And it's WHITE. Like a Dalmatian, before Cruelle De Ville shows up to buy them all to make a fur coat, and I CRIED because I thought she would hurt the wee puppies. Here's the panda:[Found at ChinaDaily]I want to feed it bamboo. Can pandas become infected by the zombie virus? Why are there no zombie pandas? HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?Daily Hot Guy[Christopher Eccleston, master of facial hair, who CONTINUES to play games with my emotions by insisting on being in SHIT MOVIES, and what the hell happened to New Orleans, Mon Amour? DO I REALLY HAVE TO GO SEE GI JOE FOR YOU?]Ads* It's Saturday, and I hate weekends, on principal, so here is a truly disturbing ad about safe sex:[Found at SociologicalImages]I'm not insane about this, though. The ad makes me cringe, as a girl who does not want spiders or crawly things ANYWHERE NEAR my unmentionables. But I'm not like crying or throwing up or putting on multiple pairs of underwear. If it was a Daddy Long-Legs, I'd be catatonic. But anyway, this does not say anything to me about Safe Sex. It says, 'Hire an exterminator, and maybe buy more bug spray.' More images of creepy inappropriateness can be found here.Apocalypse How?* This isn't really the end of the world, but for me it could be. I dislike flying. I really, really do. I have flown all over the country, and to Europe, and I love traveling, but I spend most of my time airborne either weeping like a small child or drinking everything that might make me stop crying. I know the statistics, and that it's more dangerous to drive a car, but a car won't suddenly EXPLODE AND PLUMMET TO THE EARTH IN A HOWLING RAIN OF FIRE AND DEATH, unless you're driving a Yaris. The Air France thing only bugs me as a flier because they don't quite know WHY the plane broke. Or where it went. But I do try to be at least slightly reasonable about flying, because I love going to new places. This story about the pilot dropping dead during a flight does not help me. And they were flying to Jersey. DO YOU SEE THE IMPLICATIONS? And don't tell me that the plane landed just fine, and that there was another pilot. I've seen Turbulence. I KNOW how things are. Mamma didn't raise no fool.More later, if I have time. Family stuff, then fun in the city, despite the NEVERENDING RAIN, which I am FINE WITH. Sunlight is overrated. Just ask the dudes on True Blood. And they are attractive and fictional, so they MUST be right.- LV
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