Blog* But you came pretty close to it when you ran out of Twinkies. Title is from Zombieland, which came out today and which I now own.* In honor of Zombieland, which I love very much (in case you haven't been paying attention), today's blog is A) Much later than usual, and B) Zombie-Focused. OK, A is more because I overslept. But let's say it has something to do with Zombieland, shall we?* I posted a shitload of Zombieland rules posters over on my Tumblr, along with some other fun stuff. And I'm not posting it all again, and you can't make me, so HA.Life Lessons* There will be a zombie apocalypse, one day, if you believe George Romero (and I do). You may scoff, but don't come crying to me when people are munching on your grey matter.Even if you do prepare, we're still probably all screwed. The Oatmeal explains why the zombies always win. On the other hand, ZOMBIES IN A BALL PIT? Sign me up.* Here are ALL the Zombieland Rules. Memorize them. Burn them into your brain (or your skin, a la Memento). THEY WILL SAVE YOUR ASS.Wow* Did you know that AFTER you die, you can stand trial? And real trial, not that Street Court shit:
In 897 CE, Pope Stephen VI accused former Pope Formosus of perjury and violation of church canon. The problem was that Pope Formosus had died nine months earlier. Stephen worked around this little detail by exhuming the dead pope’s body, dressing it in full papal regalia, and putting it on trial. He then proceeded to serve as chief prosecutor as he angrily cross-examined the corpse. TI would have paid good money to see that. This will make it much easier to prosecute the zombies. Until, you know, they start chewing on the judge. Dead people can also get married, and be used as fuel. Death is not the end!Epic!Fail* NO:
Swaroup Anand, 23, from Bangalore, is fully conscious as he undergoes open-heart surgery.NO. You cut me open, I am knocked the hell out. I want ALL the drugs, you hear me? I am not going to sit there WATCHING as you root around in my chest cavity. THAT IS NOT OK. What are the benefits to this, besides being able to tell the story afterwards? I know anesthesia is dangerous, but isn't open-heart surgery already dangerous? And wouldn't it be somewhat distracting for the surgeon as his patient SCREAMS through the entire procedure?I don't know what this has to do with zombies, except that after this sort of thing I'd run towards the nearest living thing and kill it (identify the quote, get a prize!)Click here for a picture, and INSTRUCTIONS (do not try this at home. Seriously. No one wants to hang out with the people who try this stuff at home).Food!Win* Reader (and blogger, and Deviant Artist) Chey posted this picture in the comments, but it's so amazing that I feel it deserves further attention. She labeled it, 'the wedding cake of Tallahassee and LV':The reception is going to be OFF THE HOOK.Comics* PEOPLE: DO NOT SEX THE ZOMBIES:[Found at NatalieDee]SERIOUSLY. And is she putting her tongue in, or pulling it out? Or is that a piece of meat? ZOMBIE SEX IS BAD TOUCH.Daily Hot Guy[Woody Harrelson as Tallahassee, the Greatest Zombie Hunter Ever, from Zombieland. I bought the same hat for my Halloween costume. Tragically, a Tallahassee does not come with your purchase.]MusicNote: Singing to a zombie does NOTHING.Zombies* if you want ANY hope of surviving the Zombie Apocalypse, this is the site to look into. Art* DANCESWITHELVIS MADED ME A ZOMBIE OMFGWTFBBQ:BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNSSSSS by ~DanceswithElvis on deviantARTWhy yes, she is made entirely of win. I already knew that.You know, I didn't get paid to advertise this movie. NOT ONE DAMN PENNY. But you know what this movie paid me in? KNOWLEDGE, PEOPLE.
- LV
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