Netflix lied to me. My Gossip Girl DVDs and The Strangers (What? I like clothes AND horror movies) did not come, even though it SAID THEY WOULD, and the mailman thinks I'm crazy because I ran up to the mailbox all excited, then fell to my knees screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" a la Darth Vader in the third Star Wars prequel, causing the audience to burst into laughter. Then I had all my limbs replaced by robot pieces and took over the universe because my mommy didn't hug me enough as a child.
Dear Netflix,
You cannot lie to me. I time my DVD returns so that on days when I know no one is around and I have nothing to do, I will have SOMETHING TO WATCH BESIDES EPISODES OF SPONGEBOB BECAUSE I CAN'T WATCH THAT SHOW ANYMORE AND I WANT TO WATCH THE DVDS I ORDERED. WHY DID YOU LIE?! I have been a loyal customer. I rent TONS of movies from you, due to my insomnia, unemployment, and suburban existence. I am your constituency. And this is how you treat me? I'm already cross that I can't WATCH MOVIES INSTANTLY ON MY PC!, as you advertise, because I don't HAVE a PC, I have a MAC, and that makes me worth SHIT to you, doesn't it? And nobody is around tonight, and I'm busy the rest of the weekend, so tonight is really the night I need my DVDs, and now I'm going to find myself sulking around the mailbox, trying to surprise it when it isn't looking so that it will reveal the DVDs.
Because usually your estimated arrival date thing is spot-on, and I will not be blamed for losing these DVDs. I am an empowered young woman, and I will not be made the victim of your sick little games.
Watch Your Back,
ElleVee
On the plus side, I got my copy of the magazine my article was printed in, which is nice. It looks good, and I got a full page, and I'm very pleased.
- LV
Dear Netflix,
You cannot lie to me. I time my DVD returns so that on days when I know no one is around and I have nothing to do, I will have SOMETHING TO WATCH BESIDES EPISODES OF SPONGEBOB BECAUSE I CAN'T WATCH THAT SHOW ANYMORE AND I WANT TO WATCH THE DVDS I ORDERED. WHY DID YOU LIE?! I have been a loyal customer. I rent TONS of movies from you, due to my insomnia, unemployment, and suburban existence. I am your constituency. And this is how you treat me? I'm already cross that I can't WATCH MOVIES INSTANTLY ON MY PC!, as you advertise, because I don't HAVE a PC, I have a MAC, and that makes me worth SHIT to you, doesn't it? And nobody is around tonight, and I'm busy the rest of the weekend, so tonight is really the night I need my DVDs, and now I'm going to find myself sulking around the mailbox, trying to surprise it when it isn't looking so that it will reveal the DVDs.
Because usually your estimated arrival date thing is spot-on, and I will not be blamed for losing these DVDs. I am an empowered young woman, and I will not be made the victim of your sick little games.
Watch Your Back,
ElleVee
On the plus side, I got my copy of the magazine my article was printed in, which is nice. It looks good, and I got a full page, and I'm very pleased.
- LV
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