Things That Are Pissing Me Off Right Now
* Madonna's Divorce - Because I don't care, and I am being INUNDATED with this bullshit. Madonna's a psychotic control freak who sleeps in a body-bag and runs all those miles trying to flee the skeletal hand of Death? SHOCKER. I do not care. The election is coming up, I am having nightmares about who's going to win, the economy is in the shitter, I have a zit that is making me very unhappy, and I'm supposed to be OMFG MADONNA is DIVORCING! MY WORLD HAS SHATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES AND HOW WILL I PICK UP THE PIECES AND GO ON?! HOW, I ASK YOU?! And I like celebrity gossip. Like, a lot. I think it's funny and entertaining, and it's diverting when I'm tired and bored with serious issues. Plus, I'm a movie geek, so actors are always fascinating to me. But these two? Don't give. A Shit. Sorry. I still won't listen to her music, and if I see Guy Ritchie's movie, it will be because it gets good reviews, not because he finally managed to tear himself away from the iron grip of the Monster. If America Ferrara punches out Katherine Heigl for being a smug, talentless whore, however, I will be reloading Perez Hilton every five seconds, cackling with glee into my Tab. I really dislike Katherine Heigl. And I really like Tab.
* My Dog - Because he's cute and sweet and wonderful to snuggle with, but he will NOT stop barking or nipping me, and I don't know why. He's been walked, he has water, food, snacks, LOVE, and I don't know what I NEED to give him to make him LEAVE ME BE.
* Hardball - Because I watch it, and end up screaming at the TV, even though I know Pat Buchanan can't hear me (and I have a not-so-secret love for Pat, because he used to be very close friends with Hunter S. Thompson, and anyone who the Good Doctor liked is automatically Cool, now and forever, even if he's being a total dick about Obama), and I scare my little brother shitless by threatening violence against political pundits I don't know, who exist in the flickering box.
* The Election - You have to ask? It's scary and intense, and if McCain wins I don't know what I'll do. (That's not true. I'll probably scream at the TV, cry, get supremely drunk, drunk-dial anyone I know who voted for McCain, the probably try to call the White House and beg them for a recount, at which point I will either be informed that I'm a moron, or Homeland Security will arrest me for Dialing With Intent To Annoy, and then my parents won't have to worry about me getting a job anymore.)
* ShopBop - Because I go on there pretending to be a rich beer baroness, remember I'm broke and only marginally employed, and get really fucking annoyed that someone out there is charging THOUSANDS of dollars for a bag. I pay $6,000 for a bag, the seams better be lined with unicorn tears. Or CRACK.
* My Writing Class - Because the hot guy dropped it, my teacher doesn't think there's ever been a good female journalist, half the class doesn't understand BASIC GRAMMAR (I'm talking basic - like, period at the end of a sentence basic. Or how to use a semi-colon. These things make me twitchy with rage. Also, the train ride is ridiculous, and sometimes the kiosk doesn't have diet ginger ale, and it's like, THE WHOLE TRIP WAS FOR NAUGHT), and the other half are self-obsessed, vaguely racist in a way that also encompasses the middle class. And the only bright spot the past two weeks have been the guy who would arrive to class half an hour late with no apologies, then use the five minute break to walk six blocks to Dunkin Donuts, and return twenty-five minutes after the break with pastries and coffee, and I kind of loved him because he was such a bastard that he found this behavior socially acceptable, and he dropped the class TOO. Also, there's a lady who thinks she's teaching the class because she's old, and by the end of the semester my professor may beat her to death with his iced tea bottle. Which I would enjoy, since she also thinks the rest of us are lowly peons because we are not old, and we told her that her articles shouldn't be five-page advertisements for the Bible, no matter how nifty a read it might be.
I'm writing an article on a beekeeper. Tomorrow, I get to go see BEES. I don't think I'm allergic, but then again, I still don't know why my face mysteriously turned red and swollen the other day. The peanut theory is a bit of a wash, because I (being subconsciously suicidal (which I think would be a great name for a band, or maybe a Lifetime movie)) ate a peanut bar, and nothing happened. So was it just those peanuts? Did it have nothing to do with the peanuts? IS MY SKIN TRYING TO SEND ME MESSAGES? WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD?!
I had more stuff I wanted to write, but it's all BLAH BLAH BLAH, I have a lot of writing to do, blah blah blah, I keep missing Gossip Girl, blah blah blah, I'm excited about the Edward Norton/Colin Farrell movie, even though it looks a bit suckish. I should do an update involving upcoming movies. I may do that now. It's Post-A-Rama!
And if anyone has any ideas on how to get more people reading my blog, please comment.
And to the reader who wants me to post my next tattoo options, I have been nudged, and I will do so tomorrow, once I locate a few pictures to illustrate them. SEE?! YOU COMMENT, AND I RESPOND. This is the way the world works.
- LV
PS I'm going to be going back through the blog and reformatting it from the beginning, for my own personal reasons. I won't be changing the text (unless I see a typo, or I said something insanely stupid), so if anyone was worried, don't be.
* Madonna's Divorce - Because I don't care, and I am being INUNDATED with this bullshit. Madonna's a psychotic control freak who sleeps in a body-bag and runs all those miles trying to flee the skeletal hand of Death? SHOCKER. I do not care. The election is coming up, I am having nightmares about who's going to win, the economy is in the shitter, I have a zit that is making me very unhappy, and I'm supposed to be OMFG MADONNA is DIVORCING! MY WORLD HAS SHATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES AND HOW WILL I PICK UP THE PIECES AND GO ON?! HOW, I ASK YOU?! And I like celebrity gossip. Like, a lot. I think it's funny and entertaining, and it's diverting when I'm tired and bored with serious issues. Plus, I'm a movie geek, so actors are always fascinating to me. But these two? Don't give. A Shit. Sorry. I still won't listen to her music, and if I see Guy Ritchie's movie, it will be because it gets good reviews, not because he finally managed to tear himself away from the iron grip of the Monster. If America Ferrara punches out Katherine Heigl for being a smug, talentless whore, however, I will be reloading Perez Hilton every five seconds, cackling with glee into my Tab. I really dislike Katherine Heigl. And I really like Tab.
* My Dog - Because he's cute and sweet and wonderful to snuggle with, but he will NOT stop barking or nipping me, and I don't know why. He's been walked, he has water, food, snacks, LOVE, and I don't know what I NEED to give him to make him LEAVE ME BE.
* Hardball - Because I watch it, and end up screaming at the TV, even though I know Pat Buchanan can't hear me (and I have a not-so-secret love for Pat, because he used to be very close friends with Hunter S. Thompson, and anyone who the Good Doctor liked is automatically Cool, now and forever, even if he's being a total dick about Obama), and I scare my little brother shitless by threatening violence against political pundits I don't know, who exist in the flickering box.
* The Election - You have to ask? It's scary and intense, and if McCain wins I don't know what I'll do. (That's not true. I'll probably scream at the TV, cry, get supremely drunk, drunk-dial anyone I know who voted for McCain, the probably try to call the White House and beg them for a recount, at which point I will either be informed that I'm a moron, or Homeland Security will arrest me for Dialing With Intent To Annoy, and then my parents won't have to worry about me getting a job anymore.)
* ShopBop - Because I go on there pretending to be a rich beer baroness, remember I'm broke and only marginally employed, and get really fucking annoyed that someone out there is charging THOUSANDS of dollars for a bag. I pay $6,000 for a bag, the seams better be lined with unicorn tears. Or CRACK.
* My Writing Class - Because the hot guy dropped it, my teacher doesn't think there's ever been a good female journalist, half the class doesn't understand BASIC GRAMMAR (I'm talking basic - like, period at the end of a sentence basic. Or how to use a semi-colon. These things make me twitchy with rage. Also, the train ride is ridiculous, and sometimes the kiosk doesn't have diet ginger ale, and it's like, THE WHOLE TRIP WAS FOR NAUGHT), and the other half are self-obsessed, vaguely racist in a way that also encompasses the middle class. And the only bright spot the past two weeks have been the guy who would arrive to class half an hour late with no apologies, then use the five minute break to walk six blocks to Dunkin Donuts, and return twenty-five minutes after the break with pastries and coffee, and I kind of loved him because he was such a bastard that he found this behavior socially acceptable, and he dropped the class TOO. Also, there's a lady who thinks she's teaching the class because she's old, and by the end of the semester my professor may beat her to death with his iced tea bottle. Which I would enjoy, since she also thinks the rest of us are lowly peons because we are not old, and we told her that her articles shouldn't be five-page advertisements for the Bible, no matter how nifty a read it might be.
I'm writing an article on a beekeeper. Tomorrow, I get to go see BEES. I don't think I'm allergic, but then again, I still don't know why my face mysteriously turned red and swollen the other day. The peanut theory is a bit of a wash, because I (being subconsciously suicidal (which I think would be a great name for a band, or maybe a Lifetime movie)) ate a peanut bar, and nothing happened. So was it just those peanuts? Did it have nothing to do with the peanuts? IS MY SKIN TRYING TO SEND ME MESSAGES? WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD?!
I had more stuff I wanted to write, but it's all BLAH BLAH BLAH, I have a lot of writing to do, blah blah blah, I keep missing Gossip Girl, blah blah blah, I'm excited about the Edward Norton/Colin Farrell movie, even though it looks a bit suckish. I should do an update involving upcoming movies. I may do that now. It's Post-A-Rama!
And if anyone has any ideas on how to get more people reading my blog, please comment.
And to the reader who wants me to post my next tattoo options, I have been nudged, and I will do so tomorrow, once I locate a few pictures to illustrate them. SEE?! YOU COMMENT, AND I RESPOND. This is the way the world works.
- LV
PS I'm going to be going back through the blog and reformatting it from the beginning, for my own personal reasons. I won't be changing the text (unless I see a typo, or I said something insanely stupid), so if anyone was worried, don't be.
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