If I'm The Only Sane One Left, We Are All Screwed

Troublesome Things That Are Upsetting/Irritating Me Right Now

* The first review of Watchmen was bad. But the guy who wrote it is clearly insane, and an idiot, and HATES all wonderful things.

The thing is, these aren't so much superheroes as ordinary human beings with, let us say, comic-book martial arts prowess.

This is akin to saying, "I don't like Rent because of all the singing," or "The Godfather had too many Italian people."

And, as my little brother pointed out, neither Batman nor Iron Man had any real super powers, aside from technical know-how and an assload of money, which is a super power in this day and age.

So blow me, Hollywood Reporter. EVERYTHING you say is a LIE.

* There is actually a movie out there called Ace Ventura, Jr.: Pet Detective. Apparently the complex plot involves a fat kid in a hideous shirt screaming "Alrighty then" at an assortment of terrified, sedated animals.

* There is a New American Tea Party. Its major goals are worshipping at the holy altar of Rick Santelli, and conspicuously ignoring the history of the ACTUAL Tea Party.

* I am still sick, which is no one's fault, but for the purposes of this entry I have decided to blame it entirely on Bobby Jindal.

* I once again am having GMail problems, but I got on long enough before it EXPLODED to see that I haven't really answered ANY EMail since.... um.... 2008. So I'm a bad person.

* I am deeply in love with Twitter, and apologize for ever doubting its wonder. It may ruin my life.

* Burn Notice kicks fucking ass, and Bruce Campbell is in fact God. This is bad only in the sense that it's not on EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY.

* Lost In A Good Book was much better than The Eyre Affair. Did I ever tell you about the time I met Jasper Fforde? I had no idea who he was, and had never read any of his books. But he was so nice I felt kind of guilty about it, and went out and bought one to assuage my guilt.

* OK, studying before work. Then more studying. If I don't get a decent score on the LSATS, I will WRECK this place with my anger.
- LV

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Monday Morning Blearghs

* There's not much going on in the Wonderful World Of The Interweb this morning.

* I'm slammed from this weekend. LSATs are stressful. And getting lost on campus and being hideously late for your Diagnostic Test does not make your score go up, surprisingly.

* Now I want to watch The Dark Knight again.

* James Franco and Seth Rogen's skit was fucking hysterical. They and Hugh Jackman should join forces and save the entertainment industry. They could do it.

* I really like Nicole Richie and Joel Madden together. Partly because I knew Joel Madden (casually) back in the day, and he was always a nice, chill guy. So yay for spawning again, and may you give your second kid an equally not-freakish name.

* I have almost nothing to say this morning. Tired. Have work, then library for LSAT studying, then sleep at some point, maybe, if I'm lucky. I am not looking forward to the next few months. There will be much work, and little play. I will emerge from my Cave Of Knowledge only to see Watchmen on opening day, and if I'm not arrested for trying to CLIMB INTO the movie screen, I will immediately return to my Fortress Of Knowletude. This means I will either be blogging/Twittering constantly to avoid working, or I'll be working a lot and not blogging. We'll see how it goes.

* In retrospect, I seriously want Amy Adam's dress. I would wear it to work. IT WOULD BE AN INVESTMENT.

* The problem with the Oscars is that I want to go shopping. High-end shopping, the kind where you're served booze while similar-sized servants put on dresses so you can see how you would look in them, and you lounge on a silk couch and are fed diamond grapes by David Tennant, and Tim Gunn displays an endless array of makeup and jewelry JUST FOR YOU. It's good that no such place exists, because I don't have money for NORMAL shopping sprees. And law school costs money.

* I need a car.

* I'd like Watchmen to come out now, please. The world NEEDS IT. Or at least the soundtrack, so I have something to listen to while I drive from work to school to the library. WHERE'S THE FUN?! DO YOU SEE IT?!

* MSNBC just showed a picture of President Obama purposefully striding through a grassy field, and my immediate thought was, "Where is this field, and who authorized this photo op?" What does this say about me?

* My brother may be the world's smallest natural disaster.

* Team Rorschach!
- LV

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LiveBlogging The Oscars, For No Good Reason

This should go without saying, but DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE WINNERS. SPOILERS ON THE OSCAR WINNERS BELOW.

8:31 - I'm still waiting eagerly for the day Ricky Gervais hosts the Oscars. That shit would be TIGHT.

8:32 - Although I doubt he could fill a tuxedo quite as well as Mr. Hugh Jackman.

8:33 - Apparently people will applaud ANYTHING Hugh says. Luckily, he's Broadway-trained.

8:34 - This is actually pretty funny. And Hugh's got a great voice. I think Kate Winslet may have just weed herself a bit.

8:35 - Shit, this is better than some of the movies. Hugh Jackman for Secretary of Defense.

8:36 - I take back everything bad I've ever said about Hugh Jackman, or musicals. Anne Hathaway changed her dress, and is a good sport. Wow, she can sing too. My esteem for her just rose beyond words.

8:38 - Hugh Jackman is dangerously close to losing his shit.

8:39 - Mickey Rourke may beat up Hugh Jackman for this. I wonder how fanboys reconcile a singing Wolverine.

8:40 - Hugh Jackman is chatting and sitting on Frank Langella's lap. Mickey Rourke is pleased with Hugh Jackman's offering, and has decided he may live. For now.

8:42 - Now a retrospective on Best Supporting Actress. Bring back Hugh. Make him sing a song about Geithner.

8:44 - Holy crap, lots of Oscar Winners! Whoopi Goldberg skinned a cat on her way there. Tilda Swinton is wearing makeup. She never wears makeup. I feel uneasy. Eva Marie Saint is so chill. Anjelica Huston and Goldie Hawn win Best Dressed.

8:46 - Whoopi pwns The View. I vote that she usurp Barbara Walters in a bloodless coup.

8:47 - Goldie Hawn is dangerously close to falling out of her dress. This is really a very nice way to honor the nominees. This way, at least the losers got commended by actual winners.

8:48 - Huzzah! Penelope Cruz! Actually, if she faints, that dress would be a good landing place.

8:54 - Ooh, Tina Fey! She looks terribly glam. Steve Martin is funnier here than the past two Pink Panther movies combined.

8:56 - This is a cool way to show Best Original Screenplay. I hope In Bruges wins.

8:58 - DAMN IT. I mean, don't get me wrong, Milk was great, and I loved it, and yay and all, but In Bruges was AMAZING.

8:59 - This is another lovely speech. Political, but beautiful. So now it's OK he won.

9:01 - Best Adapted Screenplay. I have to vote for Frost/Nixon, because I loved it, and because I'm pretty sure Slumdog is going to sweep.

9:02 - WHO CALLED IT?! I AM THE NATE SILVER OF LAST-MINUTE PREDICTIONS.

9:04 - HAHA, Jennifer Anniston has to present an award in a stupid dress, while her ex-husband sits next to Angelina Jolie IN THE FRONT ROW. SUCK IT.

9:05 - Wall-E, how I love thee. Madagascar 2 has no right to even be in the same ROOM as you. SMITE IT.

9:07 - How come the roaches at my apartment weren't cute like that?!

9:08 - Wall-E! Is anyone surprised? Man, I should have bet money on that.

9:10 - I want Oktapodi to win, because octopi are frigging ADORABLE.

9:11 - Man, I suck at this.

9:12 - DUDE, DOMO ARIGATO GUY ROCKS.

9:16 - Perez Hilton is LiveBlogging the Oscars too. Bet he gets more hits than me.

9:17 - SJP's dress reminds me of toilet paper, but all is forgiven when you're walking beside Daniel Craig.

9:18 - They got dressed up, AND they wore roller skates at the phone company. Times used to be simpler. I just want Dark Knight to win everything, because seriously, WHY no Best Picture?

9:19 - I really hope nobody is betting based on my predictions.

9:20 - I just couldn't bring myself to see Benjamin Button. And I love David Fincher. I just... didn't have the energy to see this movie. Hm. Weird.

9:21 - Daniel Craig looks profoundly bored. Why is he presenting costume awards anyway? Put the man in a suit, and leave it alone. DON'T MESS WITH WHAT WORKS.

9:22 - Eh. The Duchess. Who can argue with dresses that glamorous?

9:24 - SJP's whole problem is that she is nowhere near as cute as she likes to believe.

9:25 - PLEASE LET HELLBOY WIN.

9:26 - GOD FUCKING DAMN IT IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THE WORLD?!

9:27 - I dislike both these people. Pattinson needs to be gone from my sphere of awareness.

9:29 - Some weird choices in this 'Romance' thing. High School Musical 3? Twilight? AND WHY NO HELLBOY?! WHY DOES THE ACADEMY REFUSE TO LOVE RON PERLMAN?!

9:34 - Ben Stiller, THANK YOU for mocking Joaquin Phoenix. I forgot you could act. And kudos to Natalie Portman for keeping a straight face.

9:35 - BEN STILLER HAS WANDERED OFF.

9:36 I'm tired of Slumdog winning stuff.

9:37 - This dude has GREAT hair. I want to pet it. Is that weird? I think that's weird.

9:47 - THAT. WAS. AWESOME. Why is James Franco so hot, and not in my life?

9:49 - Wait, was Seth Green nominated for an Oscar?

9:51 - IMDB has just informed me that it is in fact Steph Green, and I'm an idiot.

9:53 - Yes, he's singing again!

9:54 - Beyonce, stop ruining my happy. STOP IT.

9:55 - OK, Hugh's goodness is overwhelming my Beyonce dislike.

9:56 - DUDE.

9:57 - Etta James is going to knife Beyonce in the parking lot. Who called it first? I am completely unenamoured with Zach Efron.

9:59 - Hugh Jackman may actually single-handedly bring back vaudeville.

10:04 - IT'S THE WALKEN! This is the only way Cuba Gooding, Jr. could get on Academy Property again.

10:05 - HAHA, Alan Arkin is WASTED. If Heath Ledger doesn't win, there may be a nation-wide insurrection. And I'll be upset.

10:06 - Josh Brolin's inner monologue: 'Yes, I am indeed glorious. How kind of you to notice.'

10:07 - You know, it really doesn't matter what Christopher Walken says. Just float on the music of his voice.

10:08 - Kevin Kline can rock a 'stache.

10:09 - Yes. I'm really, really happy he won. Sean Penn is crying.

10:12 - OK, so maybe I cried a little. What of it?

10:21 I think I'm going to go to bed. I don't really care anymore. i just needed Heath to win. And now I'm sleepy. And have LSAt shit to finish.

10:46 - Will Smith is the High Priest of tools.

10:47 - Kudos to Jerry Lewis for the shortness of his speech. I appreciate that. I seriously need to go to bed.

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LiveBlogging The Red Carpet, Because It's On

6:56 P.M. - The Twilight dude is stalking the red carpet in a cloud of his own cool.

6:57 P.M. - What the HELL is on Heidi Klum's arm?

6:58 - I really just want Danny Boyle to discuss zombie movies, and Shallow Grave and Christopher Eccleston. He looks about a second away from clubbing someone to death. Danny Boyle, I mean.

6:59 - Viola Davis and her husband are adorable. Her dress color is stunning. Leslie Mann looks stoned.

7:01 - Is it just my TV, or is Heidi Klum's dress kind of pink? And her hair looks like she didn't have time to blow it dry. And that dude from America's Next Top Model is drawing squiggles all over her boobs.

7:04 - Michael Shannon looks like a Bizarro World version of Ewan McGregor. To me, at least. Amy Adams is wearing a KILLER red dress. I need that dress, and her hair.

7:05 - Seal has the loveliest speaking voice.

7:06 - The Mama Mia! chick is also wearing red, but a grosser red. And she has a ginormous bow. I am against the ginormous bow trend. I feel strongly about this serious matter.

7:07 - Does Heidi Klum have a tattoo? I suddenly like her so much more.

7:10 - Michael Sheen is like, mind-bogglingly sexy when he's not playing David Frost. He's so British and raunchy.

7:11 - Amanda Seyfried has no excuse looking so crappy. JESUS CHRIST Seth Rogen is HOT. GORGEOUS. Who's that chick with him? Are there TWO chicks with him?

7:12 - Mickey Rourke is here. The party can finally begin. Sarah Jessica Parker looks like the world's bitterest bridesmaid. Like, 'FUCK YOU, bride.'

7:13 - Natalie Portman is someone I want to be friends with. She just seems cool. And she went to Harvard, and can give me Hugo Weaving's number. These are thoughts in my head.

7:14 - I hope Ryan Seacrest demands that Amanda Seyfried explain her dress, and her hair, and her deeply sour expression. No, they're talking about Diablo Cody, who I care not at all about.

7:15 - Robert, Downey Jr. is making faces because he doesn't know the camera is on him. I can't describe how much this makes me love him. Is Anne Hathaway wearing white AGAIN? Is she trying to recreate herself as the sacrificial virgin of bad relationships? I need to understand.

7:16 - Did I mention I also want Amy Adam's necklace?

7:17 - Robert Pattinson is NOT attractive. OK, his accent is kind of hot. But ALL accents are hot. And I am a woman who is easily won over by an accent. Did he even wash his hair? I've decided his bowtie is a clip on, and no evidence refuting that belief will change my mind.

7:18 - WHO IS JAMES FRANCO WITH?!

7:19 - Sarah Jessica Parker is so incredibly full of shit. And what is going on with her husband's hair? Is it HIGHLIGHTED?! Broderick looks supremely bored by the Sex and the City questions.

7:20 - RDJ is back onscreen, and all is well. Seth Rogen looks banging. Applause all around.

7:21 - Maybe I can't be friends with Natalie Portman. She's so beautiful, she can even pull off pink and sequins. I'd probably hate her, and spit in her beer, then feel real bad about it.

7:22 -Sean Penn looks very handsome. Dashing, I'd say. Ooh, commercials.

7:27 - I like Marisa Tomei a lot, but she has a lot of explaining to do regarding that dress. Thank you, Ryan Seacrest, I think she knows the name of the movie she won an Oscar for.

7:28 - I dislike Beyonce, but I love how angry her dress makes my mother. She looks like the Little Mermaid gone horriblt wrong. Dominatrix Mermaid Barbie?

7:29 - Mickey Rourke is demented. And possibly stoned. Does he have his hand in his crotch? Aww, what he's saying about his dog is incredibly sweet. I love him very much now, more than ever before. He seems like such a NICE nutcase. And Mickey Rourke wanders off to confound someone else.

7:31 - SJP called her dress 'barely mint.' That is toolish. And behold the High King Of Tools, Josh Brolin. Diane Lane's not allowed to talk apparently. "Just stand there and look pretty, Woman."

7:32 - I am really thinking of petitioning that Brolin play Blagojevich. I don't CARE about any other aspect. I just need that to happen in my lifetime. Queen Latifah kicks everyone's ass.

7:33 - I think Jessica Biel's phone is stuck in her hair. That takes windswept to a WHOLE new level. The only thing I want to hear Ron Howard say is, "The Arrested Development movie is coming out..."

7:35 - Blah Blah Blah. Ron, I love you, but I don't want to hear about Nixon. I just read 750 goddamn pages on the man. I saw the movie twice. I am TAPPED OUT.

7:36 - FINALLY! Arrested Development news!

7:38 - I HATE Jessica Biel's dress. I just don't get it. She's rich a beautiful and her boyfriend is rich and beautiful, and she got to make out with Edward norton.

7:40 - The announcer actually screamed when Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt came out of the limo. I know this isn't real journalism, but aren't you supposed to be slightly professional? I love Angie's dress. And her hair. And her tattoos. And her arm candy. Team Jolie!

7:43 - Penelope Cruz can wear whatever she wants. I rather resent her for that. But she was so glamorous and disastrous in Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

7:44 - PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN IS WEARING A DO-RAG. LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN - HE'S WEARING A DO-RAG. HOLY EVERLOVING CHRIST.

7:46 - In my next life, I hope I am HALF as sexy, pretty, and cool as Angelina. Only I'd ditch Brad Pitt, and make Russell Brand MINE. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE UNIVERSE WHERE THOSE TWO ARE A COUPLE?! I'm both intrigued, and terrified.

7:47 - I'd like to revise my opinion of Beyonce. She may be Queen Tool of The Oscars.

7:48 - Kate Winslet's dress isn't doing anything for me. But I don't think she gives a shit, either way. She's rich and famous and insanely talented, and I'm lying here in a stained sweatshirt alternating between blogging and working on my LSAT notes. So no, I don't think my opinion will bother her terribly.

Break for commercials, and to make tea and smoke a cigarette.

8:00 - RDJ is so cool.

8:02 - Kate WInslet is such a normal person. I know how that sounds, but really. She's so calm. I hope she wins.

8:03 - Diane Lane speaks! And says nothing of interest whatsoever.

8:04 - Tim Gunn is such a nice man.

8:05 - SJP is speaking French, and it makes me angry. These two are so weird. Like they've just been introduced, and each thinks the other smells a bit like poo.

8:06 - Frank Langella really should win the Oscar. He won't, and I'll be really happy if Loco Rourke wins, but Langella's performance was the best. His daughter is so shy. I want to hug her. Hugs for ALL.

8:07 - Miley Cyrus' dress is AMAZING. It has its own zip code. And possibly its own system of imports and exports.

8:12 - The Slumdog Millionaire kids are so adorable. I want to give them all chocolate.

8:13 - Mickey Rourke has no idea what he's wearing. The public should be thankful he's wearing anything at all.

8:14 - Those High School Musical kids do nothing for me. RDJ is going to be Sherlock Holmes. I know this well, but I am still desperately excited about this.

LOOK AT HIM:



8:17 - Anne Hathaway looks like a wan, pale, unhappy disco ball.

8:22 - Meryl Streep's daughter has a fabulous dress. Ms. Streep, not so much. I'm getting bored. I want the show to start now. And to see if my picks win.

8:28 - I did this backwards. Most recent entry should be at the TOP, not the BOTTOM. Bad, stupid LV. No cookies for you.

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Lots Of Bullet Points, Most Of Them Worshipping The Watchmen

* I really need to write an Email to my relatives in England. It's strange that it's so hard for me; I love them, and miss them terribly, and think/talk about them every day. But it's hard, probably BECAUSE I miss them so much. I should really be in England. For the good of the world.

* I was late for my first LSAT class, and hysterical during the first part of the diagnostic test, so I thought I bombed. Turns out I only bombed the first section, and did remarkably well on the sections where I wasn't holding back tears of self-pity and loathing. So if I study a lot, and give up the tragic remains of my social life, I should do well. Then I move to DC, marry Russell Brand or David Tennant, who WILL BE THERE BECAUSE I SAY SO, and save the world with my brilliant... stuff. Yes.

* I'll be LiveBlogging the Oscars tonight, including the red carpet extravaganza, for no other reason than it seems like a lot of fun.

* I saw Watchmen toys at Blockbuster, and my immediate thought was, 'How do I justify buying a wee plastic action figure of Rorschach without undermining myself as a human being?' I couldn't, so I didn't.

* I waited, because I wanted to make sure I had enough money. I WAITED because I wanted to be RESPONSIBLE. And, instead, when I logged on, I discovered that the PJ Harvey tickets were ALL SOLD OUT. HOW MUCH MORE MUST I TAKE?!

Because I LOVE IT LIKE WHOAH, here are a shitload of Watchmen Links, because this movie has got to be the best thing ever. IT HAS TO BE. I'VE GOT NOTHING LEFT, MAN.

* The New Frontiersman: The website behind the conservative, Red-smearing magazine that Rorschach loves so much.

* Watchmen Movie: The main website, where I just spent quite a lot of time watching trailers from the movie. But what's with the Ozymandias love? SCREW HIM. TEAM RORSCHACH.

* The Minutemen Arcade Game: This may be the greatest game EVER. It's a true tragedy that this doesn't exist EVERYWHERE.

* I Watch The Watchmen: How long have I been making this joke? I should sue for a free movie ticket, or a free copy of the soundtrack, or something. The soundtrack looks pretty incredible, I'd like to add. Anyway, this website is mostly just fun and glorious little time-wasting apps, which I will now spend a few wasted minutes enjoying before I rush off to become a serious lawyer-type person.
- LV

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Porn Is Always Funny

I totally overslept today, which annoys me, since I have less time to mooch around the house in the morning and chug coffee like the sweet, sweet nectar of death it is.

Working again, at Bartender. See, I promote where I work!

Twitter is dangerous, because I use it less to see what my friends are doing and much, much more for the sheer geeky (dare I say creepy?) pleasure of reading celebrity updates. But, come on:
* Joe Hill has one. And he's probably my favorite living fiction writer (there are a lot of caveats in that statement, but really I do adore his work, and he's also a wonderfully nice guy.)

* RUSSELL BRAND HAS ONE. This makes me shouty, because he's RUSSELL BRAND.

Those are the two that make me mental. I have a bunch more on my own Twitter page. So add me. Because it's good for you. It's good for your SOUL.

And MSNBC is causing rashes. Because the Republicans only get their jollies from shrieking 'No!', then rolling around in the wrinkled, tear-stained dollar bills of the lower-middle class, while listening to religious hymns. Well, some of them. The ones that keep wailing about the Stimulus Plan.

Well. I have to go get ready for work. People should be reading and promoting my blog, because I am awesome, and I've been writing a lot.

And to explain the title, you haven't lived until you've had a second grader discuss the beauty of reproduction in minute detail. Kids say the darnedest shit.
- LV

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FINALLY

* I finished Nixonland. Let there be dancing in the streets, and general merriment. Great, great book. George McGovern is the MAN. And how can you NOT love a protest group that stages a 'puke-in?'

* I'm sick, with a stomach bug/sinus infection/Depressionitis, but I have work soon. This is sad. My head is POUNDING. And I still have bug bites ALL OVER my legs and stomach and back and arms, AND I got the date of The Castle wrong, AND I missed House on Monday and didn't even feel bad about it, because frankly I'm getting sick of certain aspects of the show, AND I want to go back to sleep. LIFE IS CRUEL. (I kid, I kid. Well, all those things are true, and I'm not happy about any of it, but I'm not quite as self-pitying as I may sound."

* I need to get a counter for the Watchmen movie. OPENING DAY, I am seeing it. I don't care WHAT I HAVE TO DO, I AM GOING, AND IF IT SUCKS, I WILL...... um.... WRITE A SUPER-ANGRY BLOG ENTRY THAT WILL DEVASTATE ZACH SYNDER! SO THERE.

* Truck Nutz: What. The. Fuck.

* Next I'm going to be reading Little House On The Prairie, because when the economy collapses and we're all DOOMED, it will probably be useful to know how to whittle shit. Incidentally, The Shit-Whittler sounds like a very funny book.

* As a dear friend of mine pointed out a few days ago, "You know some stuff about politics, but you sort of undermine your authority by squealing like a groupie whenever Obama comes onscreen." Well if that's wrong, then damn it, I don't want to be right.

* Haha, Confessions Of A Shopaholic SUCKS. Those trailers made my EYES BLEED. WATCH:

BECAUSE WOMEN AND MEN ARE DIFFERENT. THIS IS FUNNY. LAUGH AT THIS REVOLUTIONARY OBSERVATION. AND WOMEN LIKE SHOPPING, AND ARE SO BAD AT MATH THAT THEY CAN'T LIVE WITHIN THEIR MEANS. AND BECAUSE THERE ARE PEOPLE STUPID ENOUGH TO GOOGLE THEIR NEW JOB DESCRIPTION WHILE AT WORK, WITH THE BOSS NEARBY. AND BECAUSE TRUE LOVE CAN ONLY BE FOUND WHEN THE GUY 'SPEAKS PRADA.' AND THE GUY IS HOT AND FALLS FOR A DUMB GIRL WITH A PINK LAPTOP. JESUS FREAKING CHRIST. DO YOU SEE HOW SHOUTY THIS HAS MADE ME?! THE BOOK SUCKED TOO!
Plus, I want Isla Fischer's hair. It is very pretty and red, and deserves a head NOT in a sucky movie. Stop hair abuse.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when Elle gets inordinately angry about something very, very stupid.
- LV

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The Apocalypse Is Itchy

It is hard to find time to sit down and write a blog entry, particularly when the world is EXPLODING all around us, crisis looms at every turn, and my bedroom has been infested with invisible bugs that bite me in my sleep, and I Am ITCHY.

* I really like the book Nixonland, but I feel like I've been reading it for MONTHS. Nixon and Kissinger were BATSHIT insane, incidentally.

* So two nuclear submarines HIT each other, and we're all OK with this?! I want PANIC and hysteria. I mean, how the HELL does this happen? The ocean is big. Were they playing chicken? Because at least that I could understand.

* Being a gym teacher substitute is the most pointless, boring job in the history of the universe. I'm not complaining - a job is a job, particularly now - but NOT what I would call a brainstretcher.

* I'm annoyed I missed the first episode of Dollhouse, because I support Joss Whedon no matter WHAT (I watched EVERY goddamn episode of Firefly, AND saw the movie opening weekend, so BITE ME), but I'm not that disappointed, because the commercials confused me.

* Speaking of Whedon-related goodness, I want to watch THe Castle tonight, because Nathon Fillion rocks a lot. I wish I had a more intellectual reason behind my interest, but I won't sully myself by lying.

* It's a holiday, right? But I still have to go to work. Which is cool, because I like work, and I enjoy it more than I probably should, and if I stay home I'll just be stuck studying and thinking up bullshit reasons for not answering my E-Mails (today's excuse: LEECHES) (also weird, because I LOVE the people who have written me E-Mails, and I want to talk to them pretty much every day, and want them HERE right NOW to add amusement to my dull little life, but for some reason the writing of an E-Mail overwhelms my smallish brain. Hm.) but still, who doesn't like a holiday?

* I know it's a little late, but can we retroactively announce George McGovern as President? Not the current President - I still like Obama, thank you very much - but the President Past. He's a COOL DUDE, GOD DAMN IT. Hunter Thompson liked him (and, according to reports, drinking his booze and screaming obscenities, but those are the endearing facts we all love about the Good Doctor).

* I need to go do stuff, and then go to work. Blah blah blah.
- LV

PS The Revolution will probably be televised, but the real question is, Will Anyone Be Watching?!

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Media Notes

* I am sick of hearing about the stimulus package. I no longer want to be informed on the debates, issues, whatever. Either pass the damn thing or reject it. NEXT. TOPIC.

* Haha, Stephen King said Stephenie Meyer sucks at writing. Go listen to Coldplay and Muse and cry into a bucket of lard and write about sparkly, controlling, chauvinistic vampires and their whiny, submissive, utterly boring girlfriends now, you talentless hack. I feel I can say such things, since Ms. Meyer has more money now than I ever will, and doesn't give a shit what I think, and also, you know, she sucks.

* Coraline was a surprisingly good movie, although not as creepy as the book. The song from the trailer is stuck in my head, and I post it here because it is wonderful and may get stuck in your head too, and we can start a support group.



I still want to name my imaginary daughter Coraline. It's a GOOD NAME.

* My reading suffered recently, because it felt like a job, and reading should never EVER feel like a job, or a punishment, or anything but a sincere and hallowed pleasure. So I'm taking a break from reviews, and slogging through my scary TBR pile, and instead am reading whatever I want from the library of the school where I sub, and also the local library which has quite a good selection. So expect a number of children's books on my list.

* On the subject of books, Redwall wasn't as good the second time around, but I finally GET The Hobbit (which, truth be told, I have never been able to finish before). Dominic was just as good as I remember. There's something comforting about rereading the books you loved as a kid, especially when you only have vague rosy memories.

* Have you ever tried to call Google? No? Don't. It's akin to trying to have a sane conversation with HAL 2000. Terrifying.

* I burned myself very badly on the thumb with a hot glue gun (and yes that almost rhymes, but I'm not trying to be clever because it freaking HURTS), so typing is rather more difficult than it normally is, which doesn't bode well for tomorrow, as I'll spend most of the day.... typing.

* Say what you want, I still think Nancy Pelosi is the most bipartisan person alive, because she hates everyone equally, regardless of party affiliation.
- LV

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Dick Cheney Is Plotting

I have now heard Mr. Cheney's bullshit gloom and doom speech five times today. No kidding. This is the verbal equivalent of peeing on Obama's front step, then running away giggling like a sadistic schoolboy.

Pause in blogging to walk annoying dog.

Back and refreshed. Had my first day of working my second job - editing letters, making phone calls, doing random jobs, and sending out mail for a magazine. It's pretty simple stuff, but I enjoy it. It's actually a lot of fun. And I get to use a typewriter, which filled me with euphoric glee that I fear my employers assumed was false.

Working on another magazine bowl.

I'm going to live blog the Oscars, even though I doubt I'll get to see them all by Sunday.

That's all. My Gmail is still not working, and I'm officially pissed off. The Google Entity is cruel.
- LV

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My Heroes Have Always Been Journalists

* I currently have two jobs, a totally unsuccessful web business, and my LSAT class looming on the horizon. I AM BUSY AND STRESSED. That's no excuse for my apparent inability to write a blog entry or an E-Mail, but god damn it it's the best I can do right now.

* I truly believe Rod Blagojevich should have his own TV show. I don't care about the format. I need him to be on TV every day, regularly, to put a smile on my solemn face. TIMES ARE TOUGH, PEOPLE. I AM WORKING TWO JOBS AND LOOKING FOR A THIRD ON WEEKENDS. I HAVEN'T BEEN SHOPPING IN WEEKS. I AM MAKING BOWLS OUT OF OLD MAGAZINES. THIS IS PATHETIC AND TRAGIC, AND I NEED SOMEONE TOTALLY FUCKING NUTS TO LAUGH AT AND MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT LIFE IN GENERAL. I also need to cut down on my coffee intake, apparently.

* Return Of The Living Dead wasn't the best zombie movie I've seen, but it was creative and original, and had the puzzling presence of Naked Punk Rock Zombie Chick, who I'm sure is very proud of her thespian contributions.

* Dick Cheney needs to shut the fuck up. Seriously.

* Contessa Brewer is wearing a very upsetting outfit, but unfortunately I can't find a picture of it.

* Slumdog Millionaire was a wonderful movie, but seriously the older brother looked like Michael Jackson circa Thriller, and that kind of ruined it for me. And I can't find a picture to illustrate my point, and I have to go get ready for job #2. Will update later.
- LV

PS Frost/Nixon kicked ass, and Sam Rockwell is still sexy and amazering, and the blonde British dude looked like an older version of my cousin, so go see it, because I said so.

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