A brief search of Wikipedia, which is on the internet, and therefore always right, informs me that while there are words for killing your mother (matricide), your father (patricide), brother (fratricide), sister (sororicide), husband (mariticide), wife (uxoricide, which I hope will one day be the name of a band, or edgy art film), aunt , uncle (avunculicide, which is a word that really should be used more often), offspring (filicide), and of course self (suicide), there is no term I could find for someone killing a grandparent.
Interesting. That's all I'm saying.
Actually, there are lots of nifty words about killing. This may be morbid, but I just love that language can be so wonderfully specific as to have, for example, a word that's definition is "the killing of your older, geriatric relatives for being close-minded, manipulative control freaks who seem to think you're still an infant who needs accompaniment to the toilet and yell at you and your younger brother constantly, and nothing you do is right, but if you can just get on tape some of the insane bullshit she spouts, you could probably get by on an insanity plea, and the jury might give you a cookie for your pain."
OK, not that specific. And no, I will not commit a murder of any sort, because I am a wuss, and don't want anyone dead so much as to go away and leave me alone and stop screaming at me.
Here are a few cool words about killing:
* Vulpicide: The killing of a fox by means other than hunting with hounds. (Why is this word needed? How AWESOME is it that this word exists?!)
* Vaticide: The killing of a prophet. (Probably by throwing them into big vats of boiling green acid, like the Joker. And wouldn't a great headline be: Vaticide at the Vatican?)
* Tomecide: The killing of books (That's just sick.)
* Lampricide: a substance that kills lampreys (parasitic fish). (Actually mildly disappointing, as for one brief shining moment I was absolutely certain someone out that had invented a word about killing lamps, and somehow managed to make it part of the accepted vernacular.)
* Tyrannicide: The killing of tyrants. (Another misnomer, and DON'T tell me you didn't think for one second it was about dinosaur murders. Don't lie to me like that.)
Further research uncovers this little word:
Senicide: Putting of the elderly to death. Not quite what I was going for. Forget it. The jail time would make me stressed out and cranky, and they probably wouldn't let me bring my laptop. Plus, I usually like my grandparents. They're entertaining, in that insane-old-person way, and they make amazing food like homemade pasta and this meat sauce that can cause orgasms. It's just that they've been given power, and it's corrupting them. In the way I kind of believe that Alexander the Great and Napoleon were probably decent guys until everyone started fawning over them, and they realized they could kill and conquer without anyone yelling at them.
So instead of any actions that could result in jail time and a made-for-TV-movie titled, Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead, Because Our Grandparents Were Babysitting Us, And This Qualifies As Homicide, And Anyway Mom Might Be Disturbed That Her Daughter Offed Her Parents In A Fit Of Justified But Still Illegal Rage, I will settle for making a list of what I've had to deal with since my parents went AWOL in California oh, six hours ago:
* Being screamed at because I have never watched Army Wives, meaning I don't really understand the war, and am not a patriot.
* Being lectured because my brother wasn't hungry, and didn't want to eat breakfast. How this was my fault is beyond me.
* Being told I'm not very smart because, while I agree my brother is often insane, usually annoying, and occasionally evil, I do not agree with my grandmother's statement that he is a sick, demented creature who will bite the heads off puppies the moment I give him the chance.
* Having to deal with my grandmother telling me, at least seven times since she came here yesterday, that I am far too thin and must be dying or have a crippling eating disorder. This would be less upsetting if she hadn't spent the years I was much heavier calling me fat and taking food away from me.
* Getting told, in minute detail, all the reasons I'm single. Again. Twice this morning. With more to come.
* My grandparents threatening to leave three times so far, because my brother cursed, refused to eat breakfast, and couldn't find his bathing suit. Made worse because I'd love for them to get the fuck out and leave me alone.
And let me just say, I am deeply offended that at twenty-two years of age, and living on my own in New York for four years, my parents don't think I am capable of taking care of a dog and a ten year old kid, who's going to be in school most of the time, for one fucking week. I know shiny objects distract me, and I get way too excited about Doctor Who trivia, and can spend hours staring lustfully at the sheer erotic glory of Edward Norton, but come on. Nobody would DIE under my care. Probably.
I need coffee. And to sneak off for a cigarette. Add into all this a crippling stomachache.
Life is good!
- LV
Interesting. That's all I'm saying.
Actually, there are lots of nifty words about killing. This may be morbid, but I just love that language can be so wonderfully specific as to have, for example, a word that's definition is "the killing of your older, geriatric relatives for being close-minded, manipulative control freaks who seem to think you're still an infant who needs accompaniment to the toilet and yell at you and your younger brother constantly, and nothing you do is right, but if you can just get on tape some of the insane bullshit she spouts, you could probably get by on an insanity plea, and the jury might give you a cookie for your pain."
OK, not that specific. And no, I will not commit a murder of any sort, because I am a wuss, and don't want anyone dead so much as to go away and leave me alone and stop screaming at me.
Here are a few cool words about killing:
* Vulpicide: The killing of a fox by means other than hunting with hounds. (Why is this word needed? How AWESOME is it that this word exists?!)
* Vaticide: The killing of a prophet. (Probably by throwing them into big vats of boiling green acid, like the Joker. And wouldn't a great headline be: Vaticide at the Vatican?)
* Tomecide: The killing of books (That's just sick.)
* Lampricide: a substance that kills lampreys (parasitic fish). (Actually mildly disappointing, as for one brief shining moment I was absolutely certain someone out that had invented a word about killing lamps, and somehow managed to make it part of the accepted vernacular.)
* Tyrannicide: The killing of tyrants. (Another misnomer, and DON'T tell me you didn't think for one second it was about dinosaur murders. Don't lie to me like that.)
Further research uncovers this little word:
Senicide: Putting of the elderly to death. Not quite what I was going for. Forget it. The jail time would make me stressed out and cranky, and they probably wouldn't let me bring my laptop. Plus, I usually like my grandparents. They're entertaining, in that insane-old-person way, and they make amazing food like homemade pasta and this meat sauce that can cause orgasms. It's just that they've been given power, and it's corrupting them. In the way I kind of believe that Alexander the Great and Napoleon were probably decent guys until everyone started fawning over them, and they realized they could kill and conquer without anyone yelling at them.
So instead of any actions that could result in jail time and a made-for-TV-movie titled, Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead, Because Our Grandparents Were Babysitting Us, And This Qualifies As Homicide, And Anyway Mom Might Be Disturbed That Her Daughter Offed Her Parents In A Fit Of Justified But Still Illegal Rage, I will settle for making a list of what I've had to deal with since my parents went AWOL in California oh, six hours ago:
* Being screamed at because I have never watched Army Wives, meaning I don't really understand the war, and am not a patriot.
* Being lectured because my brother wasn't hungry, and didn't want to eat breakfast. How this was my fault is beyond me.
* Being told I'm not very smart because, while I agree my brother is often insane, usually annoying, and occasionally evil, I do not agree with my grandmother's statement that he is a sick, demented creature who will bite the heads off puppies the moment I give him the chance.
* Having to deal with my grandmother telling me, at least seven times since she came here yesterday, that I am far too thin and must be dying or have a crippling eating disorder. This would be less upsetting if she hadn't spent the years I was much heavier calling me fat and taking food away from me.
* Getting told, in minute detail, all the reasons I'm single. Again. Twice this morning. With more to come.
* My grandparents threatening to leave three times so far, because my brother cursed, refused to eat breakfast, and couldn't find his bathing suit. Made worse because I'd love for them to get the fuck out and leave me alone.
And let me just say, I am deeply offended that at twenty-two years of age, and living on my own in New York for four years, my parents don't think I am capable of taking care of a dog and a ten year old kid, who's going to be in school most of the time, for one fucking week. I know shiny objects distract me, and I get way too excited about Doctor Who trivia, and can spend hours staring lustfully at the sheer erotic glory of Edward Norton, but come on. Nobody would DIE under my care. Probably.
I need coffee. And to sneak off for a cigarette. Add into all this a crippling stomachache.
Life is good!
- LV
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