This is my long-planned hate-post against the Poptart commercials.
This one features two happy pop-tarts enjoying their day, who are BURNED ALIVE.
This commercial is about a brave pop-tart who cleverly escapes death by toaster, only to be stuck upside-down, freezing in a fridge to wait with his fellow pop-tarts for their inevitable demise. And that smug little ice-pop; what, you don't think this will happen to you too?! If you listen, at the end of the commercial you can hear the pop-tarts screaming.
In this one, a foreign pop-tart is tackled on the streets by a psychotic person. Is the dog smoking a cigarette at the end?
In this one, the terrified pop-tart cowers before a fire-breathing dragon. It's SCARED.
This one is really sick. The little pop-tart is performing for his pop-tart friends. Some kids sneak onto the set, and peck him to death BEFORE THE AUDIENCE. THEY WATCH THEIR SCREAMING FRIEND GET EATEN ALIVE!
In this one, the pop-tart, mad with fear, hides in a fridge, and speaks with the man who will murder him, shaking with fear. Cold, cold fear.
And my favorite. One pop-tart mourns the death (by eating) of his love. Wracked with grief, he expresses his pain through the majesty of song. And some smug, soulless little bastard of a kid smugly replies, "She WAS hot."
It's not cannibalism, because we are clearly not Pop-Tarts. But according to these commercials, these are sentient beings capable of falling in love, mourning the loss of friends and family, and creating a complex society not unlike our own. So when does it get funny when another species, albeit our own, comes in and eats them as they scream and cry and beg for mercy? Should we encourage our children to feast on the flesh of a creature who is pleading with us to spare them?
I know I'm totally overanalyzing this, but come on - am I really the only person who finds these commercials sick and wrong?
Now when I see Pop-Tarts in the grocery store, I shudder, knowing the thin line between me and utter depravity.
This useless post brought to you by ElleVee, to letters not found in Pop-Tarts.
- LV
PS You totally can't tell from the rest of this post, but I am extremely upset at the moment, and actually kind of loathe my parents. I am a sneaky monkey.
This one features two happy pop-tarts enjoying their day, who are BURNED ALIVE.
This commercial is about a brave pop-tart who cleverly escapes death by toaster, only to be stuck upside-down, freezing in a fridge to wait with his fellow pop-tarts for their inevitable demise. And that smug little ice-pop; what, you don't think this will happen to you too?! If you listen, at the end of the commercial you can hear the pop-tarts screaming.
In this one, a foreign pop-tart is tackled on the streets by a psychotic person. Is the dog smoking a cigarette at the end?
In this one, the terrified pop-tart cowers before a fire-breathing dragon. It's SCARED.
This one is really sick. The little pop-tart is performing for his pop-tart friends. Some kids sneak onto the set, and peck him to death BEFORE THE AUDIENCE. THEY WATCH THEIR SCREAMING FRIEND GET EATEN ALIVE!
In this one, the pop-tart, mad with fear, hides in a fridge, and speaks with the man who will murder him, shaking with fear. Cold, cold fear.
And my favorite. One pop-tart mourns the death (by eating) of his love. Wracked with grief, he expresses his pain through the majesty of song. And some smug, soulless little bastard of a kid smugly replies, "She WAS hot."
It's not cannibalism, because we are clearly not Pop-Tarts. But according to these commercials, these are sentient beings capable of falling in love, mourning the loss of friends and family, and creating a complex society not unlike our own. So when does it get funny when another species, albeit our own, comes in and eats them as they scream and cry and beg for mercy? Should we encourage our children to feast on the flesh of a creature who is pleading with us to spare them?
I know I'm totally overanalyzing this, but come on - am I really the only person who finds these commercials sick and wrong?
Now when I see Pop-Tarts in the grocery store, I shudder, knowing the thin line between me and utter depravity.
This useless post brought to you by ElleVee, to letters not found in Pop-Tarts.
- LV
PS You totally can't tell from the rest of this post, but I am extremely upset at the moment, and actually kind of loathe my parents. I am a sneaky monkey.
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