Staring At The Ceiling Loses Its Appeal In The Second Hour

Although my dear friend Esse recently posted a brilliantly funny entry on the trials and tribulations of an insomniac, I'd like to offer my own humble musings on a topic currently dear to my heart.I have been lying in bed for nigh on two hours, doing all the things you're supposed to do to fall asleep. And yet I am awake. What is more, I feel exhausted, yet more awake than I did all day.I don't know how it is for other people, but it almost always takes me at least an hour to fall asleep. This isn't helped by the fact that I simply cannot sleep without my TV on [muted, but still flickering obnoxiously], because for some reason I have decided that if the TV is on, roaches will not bother me. This theory has been proved false several times, but I simply don't feel safe going to sleep on the dark.My mind wanders in weird and disturbing circles at this hour. I worry about everything: my date on Wednesday, past dates, things I can't remember but probably should, sending text messages, rent, the fact that my bedside clock is still an hour fast because it seems like too much work to change it, my messy apartment, going to the gym, my friends, what I had for dinner, my bank balance, how many cigarettes I have left, work and so on.Then I begin to ponder Deep Questions, with an intensity that implies I must make come up with an answer immediately: should I go to graduate school? What do I want to do with my life? Do I want to have children? Do I want to have a relationship? Should I chuck everything, move to England, and try my luck in another time zone? Should I move? Should I stay? Should I follow my instincts, which usually lead me horribly wrong, or be perpetually uncomfortable but doing what is considered 'right' by myself as well as others? Do I watch the news enough to make an informed opinion, or are all my reactions knee-jerk? Trust me, at 3 AM, these questions seem immensely important.Note: If you have any answers to any of the above questions, please post me a reply. Like, now. I need to get some fucking sleep.I'm not tired enough to sleep, but I'm too tired to read, put on a movie, or smoke a cigarette. This is exhausting me. My thumb is asleep, but not my brain. That's just cruel and twisted.Forgive me a moment of pure angst, but, to quote the deity-like Warren Ellis' orgasmic TRANSMETROPOLITAN, "Sometimes I want to be someone else so much it hurts." That's my angsty moment for the day.FYI, I just spen nearly forty minutes looking for that quote, because I didn't want to paraphrase it. I think that really sums up my personality.I'm going to go look up more Spider Jerusalem quotes now. TRANSMETROPOLITAN is a wallbanging bastard sent from heaven to skullfuck the sense back into us. Or something.- LV

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