One of the first comics that really 'got' me. Also made me pee myself laughing, which says quite a bit about my attitude towards violence. Enjoy.
"This is the Johnny shirt that all your ugly friends are wearing. You are much better looking, so get it and make them see how hideous they are. It's not really edible, you could eat it if you really tried."
"Much more will happen, but I am sneaky piggy, so I no tell."
"Dear Die-ary, there's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt. I can't say I'm very pleased with where my life is just now... but I can't help but look forward to where it's going."
"Let's go to my room, Shmee. We'll hide under the blankets and maybe fall asleep before we die."
"I've excluded happiness as one of those possibilities we seek for ourselves. Oh, I still want it, but that's beside the point. Contentment - they say it's the ultimate, but I can't even wish for that. I don't even want the desire to be content. I can only hope for silence."
"OOOOH, SORREEEE!! I only created THE UNIVERSE!!! You’re right, I should be out running LAPS."
"As you may already know, I tried to kill you. I see how that could be construed as a bad thing, but the part that understands that is not the one running things in my little world."
"It's a book you can enjoy with the entire family, so long as they're numb to the grotesque."
"You know that feeling you get? The one where you just know you're going to projectile vomit out of every orifice? I feel that right now. I want you away. Leave me to my vomit."
"Sir? There seems to be a problem with this ice-sucky machine. Please make my pain end."
"Do you have ANY idea what's going on down there?!! Hideous things! People are suffering, and people like... well... ME, heh, are running around!! Suicide, genocide!! People are killing MOOSE!! You buy a video game system, and a better one comes out in a month!!! Powdered eggs?!!! Self esteem is so low, girls are buyin wonder bras!!! Do you see!? DO YOU?"
"Until the future happens, goodnight."
"I've been talking to dead rabbits and feeding bloody walls. I've done horrifying things with salad tongs. It's really eaten into my social life."
"I wish... I wish someone would just switch me off and... fix me."
"Dear Die-ary, today I stuffed some dolls full of dead rats I put in the blender. I'm wondering if, maybe, there really is something wrong with me."
"Don't sue me. I'm funny."
"Angry nun is always comedy."
"This is Heaven. You can stop praying now."
"She liked you and you tried to kill her. That was impolite."
"Yay!! I’m home and I wasn’t attacked by that squirrel!"
"It's a frightening world to be alone in."
"Does light even EXIST when the refrigerator door is shut!?"
"Either my hair burned off in hell, or I sleep-shaved it during a really stupid dream."
"It's okay! I'm alright! I think my spine has exploded, but I'm fine."
"WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BACTINE!!"
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