You Better Go Find Your Boyfriend. Before He Bites My Cat Or Something.

BlogKinky! And I think illegal, at least in a few states. Title is from Six Feet Under.* Happy New Year! I hope that 2010 finds you with rocket lasers, and robot sex slaves, and flying rocket boots of sex. Or whatever.* I KNEW I forgot someone awesome yesterday, and I am bereft, and hang my head in shame. To make up for my hideous oversight, please go read Marvel Smart Ass, who is brilliant and snarky and a gentleman and a scholar.Food!Win* Let's start 2010 off with a deep-fried caloric ORGY, shall we?[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]Hot apple-bacon turnovers with icing? YES, please. Although rumor has it that bologna is the new bacon, and that soon bacon will be our PARENT'S meat product, man.

I love bologna sandwiches. Bologna with American cheese, lettuce, tomato, on rye bread. Get me one.Girly!Want* In 2010, I would like this jacket:[Found at Haute Macabre]Only the chances of me wearing it in a field of wheat sans pants is rather unlikely. That's not really how I roll.Whut?* My hatred of raisins is well-known in my social circle. I hate them. I despise them. They are the fruit of SATAN. But even if I loved raisins in all their shriveled glory, I still think I'd be scared of the Sun-Maid Girl:This may be scarier than The Ring. This is the face you see before you die. AND YOU THOUGHT RAISINS WEREN'T EVIL. BAH.Fandom* I can't decide if this is awesome or terrible, and finally I decided it was awesome, because My Little Pony plus Star Wars equals the best babysitting time ever:[Found at Unique Daily]Star Trek* In 2010, the Oscars will be ruled by GEEKS, HAHHA! And Star Trek will win every Oscar ever, and Chris Pine will celebrate by taking off his clothes, and.... what are we talking about? Who are you people, again?Art* I love this Venn Diagram of Art and Science, because it is TRUE and WISE, and also the accompanying article is true, wise, and funny.[Found at Ariana Osborne]The best art has elements of science, and the best science has hints of art in it. THEY ARE THE SAME. Except I'm not afraid of art.Daily Hot Guy[John Krasinski. In a suit. Happy New Year, indeed. Requested by Kristamaru, zombie fighter and general badass.]WTF, INTERNET?* Now you too can grow herbs out of the President's skull:[Found at Amazon]Really, this just... I do not get it. Why would I want to grow plants out of a President's head? I've never gotten the who Chia Pet thing with humans. I mean, am I weird? Is it abnormal to have no desire to plant things in the head of the Chief of Staff? Should I seek counseling?The thing that really gets me, however, is the two faces of Obama. You can either have a Happy Plant President, or a Determined Plant President. THEY HAVE DIFFERENT EXPRESSIONS.I like to imagine Happy Plant President has just experienced a refreshing summer rain, while Determined Plant President is staring down a lawnmower.Last question: Was there a George W. Bush Chia Pet? Because his last name makes for some hilarious marketing possibilities. Just saying.Music* I listen to the music Warren Ellis tells me to listen to, because he is somewhat scary and has no problem beating people with chair legs of truth, and I am small and do not want to be beaten with furniture. And Surf Solar is quite good, actually.I am saying this of my own free will.Comics* Remember when Jhonen Vasquez was awesome, and had made Squee! And Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Filler Bunny and Invader Zim, and we all loved him and his weird?Then he sort of went bad-insane, and made Jellyfist, and went away because he was being hunted by the assassins from Nickelodeon for making the Invader Zim comic finale entirely about space piggies?Well, he's back (from outer space?) and working on Strange Tales, and hopefully this will be more JTHM and less Jellyfist, because I HAVE READ IT MULTIPLE TIMES AND HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE WHAT IT'S ABOUT. I HATE IT.Oh, and I miss Wobbly-Headed Bob.Words Of Win* This is from July 2009, but it still made me snerk with laughter when I found it in the FEAR AND LOATHING archives, so I'm sharing it:

A Royal Air Force parade was recently cancelled in Lincolnshire, England when a possible bomb was found in a telephone booth. The bomb turned out to be an air freshener

It's nice to know other countries screw up, too.Politics* Let me make this as simple and inoffensive as I can:- Conservatives: If you want to convert liberals, fine, but please do not mention 'Convert-A-Liberal Day,' as it immediately invalidates ALL your arguments.- Liberals: If a conservative wants to convert you, politely listen to their arguments, as they may have some good points. And if they mention 'Convert-A-Liberal Day,' you have the legal right to laugh and mention Tea-Bagging.Fair? I think so.Epic!Fail* I'm going to let this article speak for itself, because honestly, TASING CHILDREN IS ONLY FUNNY IF YOU ARE NOT A POLICE OFFICER:

An Arkansas cop tasered an unruly 10-year-old girl after her mother called police to report that the child was crying, screaming, and refusing to go to bed.

The mother and the cop fail. FAIL JAIL. THEY BELONG THERE.Books* I love Lovecraft, and this year I intend to knit a small Cthulu. Click here to look at John Coulthart's Lovecraftian illustrations. They are wonderful and terrifying.It's 2010. Do you know where YOUR children are?And I want to sue The Jetsons for lying to me. I do not have Rosie the Robot to clean up after me. THAT IS UNFAIR.Oh, and for those of you paying attention, I've joined NaBloPoMo, which means I'm going to blog every day without fail, NO MATTER WHAT. Except zombie apocalypse (although can you IMAGINE the entry?) Join the site to keep track, send out links, whatever. SUPPORT FEAR AND LOATHING IN 2010.Or darkness descends. Honest!- LV

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