9:01 P.M.
The family of ElleVee is sniping and snarling over petty idiocy.
More Projected Wins
* Pennsylvania - Obama
* Connecticut - Obama
* DC - Obama
* Minnesota - Obama
* North Dakota - McCain
* New Hampshire - Obama
* Wisconsin - Obama
* Wyoming - Obama
Florida has fallen in my graces. GO BACK TO BARACK. I need to calm down. He's still leading by more than twice as many electoral votes. And Chris Matthews wants me to wait until we get more votes in. But no! I shall not calm down. I shall be bitchy and paranoid.
9:07 P.M.
I kind of really hate Chuck Todd. The hologram of North Carolina looks like it's about to pounce on Todd, while the state of Virginia just looks scared.
9:08 P.M.
Arkansas went for McCain, raising his number to 76.
9:10 P.M.
Chuck Todd is already comparing this election to 2000 and 2004. Wise choice, Chuck. Crush the spirit of American under your well-shined (shone?) shoe. Never invite Chuck Todd should never be invited to your party. He brings doom and gloom, and his creepy holographic girlfriend who will find a way to steal all your shoes.
9:21 P.M.
Oh, Anderson Cooper. You are so wise and serene in the midst of chaos. Would that YOU were running for President. They wouldn't even bother with an election. Your policy? Hugs For All.
9:24 P.M.
CNN is predicting West Virginia for McCain. It's close, but no cigar. I need an Anderson hug. Hank Williams may be the most depressing celebrity endorsement in history.
9:25 P.M.
MSNBC is calling Ohio for Obama. but more importantly, Saxby Chambliss is the BEST NAME EVER. If he, Barack Obama, and David Axelrod started a punk group, it would TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
9:26 P.M.
Louisiana for McCain, but they briefly put Florida as Obama. I wonder what Saxby Chambliss would say about that. I'm sorry, I love his name so much. Chuck Todd is mixing his metaphors, and we are not amused. Ink does not DRIFT.
9:29 P.M.
OHIO! Oh, how I love thee and thou's wise voting choices. Nicolle Wallace from the McCain camp is offering up some bullshit platitudes on losing Pennsylvania. It HURTS, don't it?! But her hair is great, and she can lie about Sarah Palin. She'll go far.
9:32 P.M.
New Mexico goes to Obama. Is ElleVee's pessimism unfounded? The cast of MSNBC is getting more and more gleeful with each McCain loss. They must be so happy at the idea of never having to deal with Sarah Palin's dementia.
9:36 P.M.
Chris Matthews is ripping into Tom Delay with delight. Keith Olbermann isn't good at math either! We should totally hang out.
9:40 P.M.
Now MSNBC is doing Senate, but really my brain is on one track, and it ain't going anywhere else for a while. Alaska is still voting. I'm not counting on Florida at this point.
9:41 P.M.
The pictures of Grant Park make me very jealous I'm not there. I want to be where the people are, I want to see, want to see 'em dancing.
9:42 P.M.
OK, I kind of love Chuck Todd now. He just called McCain's path 'narrow.' HAHAH.
9:44 P.M.
You KNOW as soon as the cameras stop rolling, Chris Matthews and Chuck Todd are going to run offstage and congratulate each other on being such clever, clever devils.
9:48 P.M.
Election Plaza looks like a wild time, too. So many places I should be. But instead, I'm here with you lovely people. FOX has a huge freaking monitor. If that thing fell on you, you'd be a grease stain. I wonder if the blonde in the really cute suit has nightmares about that. I think the blonde is having a breakdown over the results.
9:50 P.M.
O.M.F.G. FOX News ITSELF is claiming that this race won't be close enough for any legal contest. I am warm and fuzzy.
9:51 P.M.
Karl Rove wants to eat your babies, and brush his teeth with your soul. He is Jabba the Hutt's lost lovechild, and frankly he frightens me terribly.
9:53 P.M.
They're handing out COOKIES on FOX News. DOOM COOKIES. Can you imagine sitting in FOX News Room, eating cookies with Karl Rove while Obama leads the election? It boggles the mind. And yet I kind of wish I could experience it.
This has been a good hour. I liked this hour.
9:56 P.M.
Texas went to McCain. Not surprising again, but how cool would it have been if Obama had won? If Obama gets Arkansas, it might actually make McCain dead. Not metaphorically dead, either.
The family of ElleVee is sniping and snarling over petty idiocy.
More Projected Wins
* Pennsylvania - Obama
* Connecticut - Obama
* DC - Obama
* Minnesota - Obama
* North Dakota - McCain
* New Hampshire - Obama
* Wisconsin - Obama
* Wyoming - Obama
Florida has fallen in my graces. GO BACK TO BARACK. I need to calm down. He's still leading by more than twice as many electoral votes. And Chris Matthews wants me to wait until we get more votes in. But no! I shall not calm down. I shall be bitchy and paranoid.
9:07 P.M.
I kind of really hate Chuck Todd. The hologram of North Carolina looks like it's about to pounce on Todd, while the state of Virginia just looks scared.
9:08 P.M.
Arkansas went for McCain, raising his number to 76.
9:10 P.M.
Chuck Todd is already comparing this election to 2000 and 2004. Wise choice, Chuck. Crush the spirit of American under your well-shined (shone?) shoe. Never invite Chuck Todd should never be invited to your party. He brings doom and gloom, and his creepy holographic girlfriend who will find a way to steal all your shoes.
9:21 P.M.
Oh, Anderson Cooper. You are so wise and serene in the midst of chaos. Would that YOU were running for President. They wouldn't even bother with an election. Your policy? Hugs For All.
9:24 P.M.
CNN is predicting West Virginia for McCain. It's close, but no cigar. I need an Anderson hug. Hank Williams may be the most depressing celebrity endorsement in history.
9:25 P.M.
MSNBC is calling Ohio for Obama. but more importantly, Saxby Chambliss is the BEST NAME EVER. If he, Barack Obama, and David Axelrod started a punk group, it would TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
9:26 P.M.
Louisiana for McCain, but they briefly put Florida as Obama. I wonder what Saxby Chambliss would say about that. I'm sorry, I love his name so much. Chuck Todd is mixing his metaphors, and we are not amused. Ink does not DRIFT.
9:29 P.M.
OHIO! Oh, how I love thee and thou's wise voting choices. Nicolle Wallace from the McCain camp is offering up some bullshit platitudes on losing Pennsylvania. It HURTS, don't it?! But her hair is great, and she can lie about Sarah Palin. She'll go far.
9:32 P.M.
New Mexico goes to Obama. Is ElleVee's pessimism unfounded? The cast of MSNBC is getting more and more gleeful with each McCain loss. They must be so happy at the idea of never having to deal with Sarah Palin's dementia.
9:36 P.M.
Chris Matthews is ripping into Tom Delay with delight. Keith Olbermann isn't good at math either! We should totally hang out.
9:40 P.M.
Now MSNBC is doing Senate, but really my brain is on one track, and it ain't going anywhere else for a while. Alaska is still voting. I'm not counting on Florida at this point.
9:41 P.M.
The pictures of Grant Park make me very jealous I'm not there. I want to be where the people are, I want to see, want to see 'em dancing.
9:42 P.M.
OK, I kind of love Chuck Todd now. He just called McCain's path 'narrow.' HAHAH.
9:44 P.M.
You KNOW as soon as the cameras stop rolling, Chris Matthews and Chuck Todd are going to run offstage and congratulate each other on being such clever, clever devils.
9:48 P.M.
Election Plaza looks like a wild time, too. So many places I should be. But instead, I'm here with you lovely people. FOX has a huge freaking monitor. If that thing fell on you, you'd be a grease stain. I wonder if the blonde in the really cute suit has nightmares about that. I think the blonde is having a breakdown over the results.
9:50 P.M.
O.M.F.G. FOX News ITSELF is claiming that this race won't be close enough for any legal contest. I am warm and fuzzy.
9:51 P.M.
Karl Rove wants to eat your babies, and brush his teeth with your soul. He is Jabba the Hutt's lost lovechild, and frankly he frightens me terribly.
9:53 P.M.
They're handing out COOKIES on FOX News. DOOM COOKIES. Can you imagine sitting in FOX News Room, eating cookies with Karl Rove while Obama leads the election? It boggles the mind. And yet I kind of wish I could experience it.
This has been a good hour. I liked this hour.
9:56 P.M.
Texas went to McCain. Not surprising again, but how cool would it have been if Obama had won? If Obama gets Arkansas, it might actually make McCain dead. Not metaphorically dead, either.
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