10:01 P.M.
They're projecting Iowa for Obama, Utah for McCain. Let him have it. WE DON'T NEED HIM. WHY AM I HERE WITH MY LAPTOP INSTEAD OF AT A PARTY WITH RUSSELL BRAND AND HIS BRITISH HAIR?!
10:08 P.M.
My computer exploded, but it's better now. Stop panicking. McCain headquarters is the best place in the world for pity sex right now. I know a few people whom could use that information.
10:10 P.M.
Huzzah to Colorado for not being idiot fuckwits and voting down that underhanded amendment to impede a woman's right to vote.
10:12 P.M.
FOX is scrambling to understand HOW Obama could possibly have taken Iowa away from McCain's shaky, sweaty hand. Meanwhile, Karl Rove has stolen all the cookies from the rest of the crew. Brit Hume almost expresses an emotion when the blonde touches him. It might be revulsion.
10:14 P.M.
I'm predicting Indiana for McCain, mainly because I have ceased to care about that state, and Chris Todd does not need any more reasons to play with the hologram machine.
10:18 P.M.
OPRAH IS IN GRANT PARK. I really dislike Oprah. As in, I want to yell at her for a while about the whole James Frey bullshit. It was a good book, regardless of whether it was authentic. You behaved horribly, Oprah, and I still haven't forgiven you for that. I doubt I ever will, unless of course you love my blog and make me rich. I AM WILLING TO SELL OUT IF IT GETS ME OUT OF NEW JERSEY.
10:24 P.M.
I'm watching Indecision 2008, and I will never know a purer love than the one I feel for Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. If they were a Presidential duo, how wonderful would life be? My mind has imploded from the glorious idea.
10:26 P.M.
Chris Matthews is close to weeing his pants, and is in fact sneaking over to his laptop to secure the website title BarackObamaIsGod.com.
10:29 P.M.
Holy shit, that's really a site?! http://barackobamaisoursweetsaviour.com/. Let's go with that. It's not a real site. Don't tell Chris Matthews.
10:32 P.M.
Sweet Jesus' Donuts. Obama is a sheer, giddy delight, and I love him very much. CALL THE LAST FEW STATES SO I CAN CELEBRATE BY SLEEPING FOR FOURTEEN HOURS, OK?! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, CALL FLORIDA! CALL SOMETHING.
10:42 P.M.
So... tired. So very, very tired. And I have a wicked sinus headache. Did I mention I'm tired. It took me a whole minute to type that last sentence. Words are failing me. On the upside, Valkyrie looks like the funniest movie of the year. Tom Cruise couldn't even be bothered to FAKE a German accent. Note: I originally typed 'TAKE a German accent,' and found it so funny I almost didn't correct myself. Sleep is nice. I miss it. Guys, I've been doing this nonstop since 7:00 A.M. I am fucking TAPPED.
10:50 P.M.
Pat Buchanan is saying words on MSNBC, analyzing McCain's defeat. Holy shit, did FOX actually call Virginia for Obama?! WHAT TWISTED UNIVERSE IS THIS?! CAN I STAY?! Rachel Maddow seems very restrained. Almost sad. She should be doing a wild rumba around the news station, because I can't move.
10:52 P.M.
Pat Buchanan really needs to stop flip-flopping. Grow a pair, Pat. Hunter would have wanted it that way. You're coming across as a dick, and that makes me sad on many levels.
10:53 P.M.
When do we get a shot of John McCain wiping his tears with hundred-dollar bills?
10:54 P.M.
STOP ADVERTISING Valkyrie. The humor died. Thanks.
10:57 P.M.
FOX is trying to comfort McCain with South Dakota. Maybe Cindy will buy it for him.
10:58 P.M.
I just hope that buy the next election Chuck Todd has gotten over his crippling hologram addiction. Seek help, Chuck.
They're projecting Iowa for Obama, Utah for McCain. Let him have it. WE DON'T NEED HIM. WHY AM I HERE WITH MY LAPTOP INSTEAD OF AT A PARTY WITH RUSSELL BRAND AND HIS BRITISH HAIR?!
10:08 P.M.
My computer exploded, but it's better now. Stop panicking. McCain headquarters is the best place in the world for pity sex right now. I know a few people whom could use that information.
10:10 P.M.
Huzzah to Colorado for not being idiot fuckwits and voting down that underhanded amendment to impede a woman's right to vote.
10:12 P.M.
FOX is scrambling to understand HOW Obama could possibly have taken Iowa away from McCain's shaky, sweaty hand. Meanwhile, Karl Rove has stolen all the cookies from the rest of the crew. Brit Hume almost expresses an emotion when the blonde touches him. It might be revulsion.
10:14 P.M.
I'm predicting Indiana for McCain, mainly because I have ceased to care about that state, and Chris Todd does not need any more reasons to play with the hologram machine.
10:18 P.M.
OPRAH IS IN GRANT PARK. I really dislike Oprah. As in, I want to yell at her for a while about the whole James Frey bullshit. It was a good book, regardless of whether it was authentic. You behaved horribly, Oprah, and I still haven't forgiven you for that. I doubt I ever will, unless of course you love my blog and make me rich. I AM WILLING TO SELL OUT IF IT GETS ME OUT OF NEW JERSEY.
10:24 P.M.
I'm watching Indecision 2008, and I will never know a purer love than the one I feel for Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. If they were a Presidential duo, how wonderful would life be? My mind has imploded from the glorious idea.
10:26 P.M.
Chris Matthews is close to weeing his pants, and is in fact sneaking over to his laptop to secure the website title BarackObamaIsGod.com.
10:29 P.M.
Holy shit, that's really a site?! http://barackobamaisoursweetsaviour.com/. Let's go with that. It's not a real site. Don't tell Chris Matthews.
10:32 P.M.
Sweet Jesus' Donuts. Obama is a sheer, giddy delight, and I love him very much. CALL THE LAST FEW STATES SO I CAN CELEBRATE BY SLEEPING FOR FOURTEEN HOURS, OK?! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, CALL FLORIDA! CALL SOMETHING.
10:42 P.M.
So... tired. So very, very tired. And I have a wicked sinus headache. Did I mention I'm tired. It took me a whole minute to type that last sentence. Words are failing me. On the upside, Valkyrie looks like the funniest movie of the year. Tom Cruise couldn't even be bothered to FAKE a German accent. Note: I originally typed 'TAKE a German accent,' and found it so funny I almost didn't correct myself. Sleep is nice. I miss it. Guys, I've been doing this nonstop since 7:00 A.M. I am fucking TAPPED.
10:50 P.M.
Pat Buchanan is saying words on MSNBC, analyzing McCain's defeat. Holy shit, did FOX actually call Virginia for Obama?! WHAT TWISTED UNIVERSE IS THIS?! CAN I STAY?! Rachel Maddow seems very restrained. Almost sad. She should be doing a wild rumba around the news station, because I can't move.
10:52 P.M.
Pat Buchanan really needs to stop flip-flopping. Grow a pair, Pat. Hunter would have wanted it that way. You're coming across as a dick, and that makes me sad on many levels.
10:53 P.M.
When do we get a shot of John McCain wiping his tears with hundred-dollar bills?
10:54 P.M.
STOP ADVERTISING Valkyrie. The humor died. Thanks.
10:57 P.M.
FOX is trying to comfort McCain with South Dakota. Maybe Cindy will buy it for him.
10:58 P.M.
I just hope that buy the next election Chuck Todd has gotten over his crippling hologram addiction. Seek help, Chuck.
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