Linkmania, Because The Internet Is Boring Today

* WHY is Joe from 'Morning Joe' asking about John McEnroe's prostate? Is this really the first image I need to encounter in the morning?

* I'm going to the tattoo shop today. Whether I get the tattoo or not today remains to be seen. At the least I'll get my consultation and an estimate.

* So, I apparently have lived most of my life under a massive misconception. My entire worldview is SHATTERED beyond repair. Nothing makes sense, and everything is chaos and uncertainty: Basically, I always thought the lyrics to the theme song to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon were, "Raphael is cool but rude." I was wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. The lyrics were "Raphael is cool but crude." See? You can check it out here. Everything I know is a lie.

* I really liked 8 Mile (then again, I also really like Eminem), but this version has its own merits (namely less Brittany Murphy). Downside? No Kim Basinger yowling like a tarted-up Paula Deen: Made by the mad geniuses at ISS

* Simon Pegg is the man. Ergo, he needs to make this movie now. The Ice Cream Trilogy is the only thing holding back Armageddon. Anyway, I thought Hot Fuzz was kind of brilliant. And Shaun of the Dead needs no explanation. It is zombie love.

* I am a massive fan of Go Fug Yourself, because celebrities in insane clothing is one of the highlights of life in this bleak and confusing world, where even the lyrics to childhood shows betray you. But you all need to go vote for SWINTON, because she is a sheer delight, and knows the secrets of the universe, and Katy Perry is so twee and toolish that she makes me cross. And I still haven't heard her big hit song. Full points for LV!

* Oh, Zack Snyder. This sounds an awful lot like Robert Rodriguez's ode to his homewrecking face-melting fiancee. But I like you a lot more than Rodriguez, and you don't insist on wearing a cowboy hat everywhere, and also you introduced me to Richard Cheese, so I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Also, Watchmen.

* Dear God, what is this wonder? Ron Perlman is badass in a robe.

* The Onion has really outdone itself with its record of Obama's First Hundred Days.

* This made me laugh, for obvious reasons. Plagiarism is FUNNY.

* And finally, for all your Trekkies out there (I am a sekrit card-carrying Trekkie, and am deeply fond of both Spock and Data, and all good fandoms, so I sympathize with you and support you, in SEKRIT), here are some pictures from the upcoming movie, which will probably but the Watchmen mania to shame. This one makes me all hapy, because Zachary Quinto and his Amazing Eyebrows are glorious, and he was my second favorite on 'Heroes' before I got confused and gave up:

* OK. Need to get ready and go do shit. INK.
- LV

moreless

Third Degree Burns Are Not An Ideal Way To Start Off Your Week

* So I just dumped scalding hot coffee all over my hand, because the handle of the coffee pot fell off. Happy Monday!

* I am, for the moment, and at least to the public, DONE buying Watchmen merchandise. Because yesterday as a gift I got Absolute Watchmen, which is like crack in book form, AND The Film Companion, which is like weed in book form. I think I'm dangerously close to crossing the line from 'cheerfully eccentric' to 'frightening, batshit crazy!girl.'

* My friend Arre got me the coolest dress ever, from her job. The fact that it's yellow and black has NOTHING to do with my adoration of said dress. Pictures to come, when my hair is not frightening.

* I did not bomb on the LSAT Diagnostic test, like I expected to. Which is nice, although this awful bitch in my class was all, 'Oh, I only went up THREE POINTS' to the whole class, which is even more obnoxious considering that statistically speaking everyone goes down on the second diagnostic test. But even if you got a perfect score and discovered the cure for cancer, would you announce it to the whole class? Such behavior earns you the risk of your car getting torched. Did I mention this woman is in her forties or fifties, and therefore the oldest person in the class, and THEREFORE supposed to be more mature? I hate her, a lot. Grow up.

* Speaking of Watchmen merchandise that completely undermines the book/movie and yet I still secretly sort of want (and by 'want' I mean 'have somebody buy it for me, because even I am not crazy enough to spend money on this sort of shit'): You can read a rather brilliant take on it here at the International Society of Supervillains.

* I'm not a Star Wars fan by any means (after taking my little brother to see the cancer-causing Clone Wars animated movie, who could blame me?), but this is still very amusing:

* TRUE. And therefore a little less funny and a little more scary:

* This either made Watchmen even better, if that's possible, or ruined it for me forever. I still can't decide. And now I keep imagining Ozymandias wearing a long wig and attempting to seduce Nite Owl, and then SUCCEEDING.

* The world is a strange, fucked-up place: (NSFW, as there are plastic nipples that you BUY, for monies, in this link).

* Is it time ALREADY for me to start gearing up for the release of The Rum Diary? I know I've got about another year before it gets released, but pictures like this don't help me keep my Hunter S. Thompson love under any sort of control: . You can read the article here that accompanies the picture. And even though the author is making a joke out of Johnny Depp filming all of Thompson's books, my reaction is, "HELL YEAH. DO IT, JOHNNY DEPP. WE ALL NEED MORE GONZO IN OUR LIVES. FILM FEAR & LOATHING ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL NEXT." Because you see, Hunter S. Thompson is God, and us lowly mortals must worship him by any means possible.

* How the HELL did it slip by me that Sam Rockwell's going to be in the next Iron Man movie? I am ashamed by my ignorance. Because I think Rockwell is a great actor (he was even badass in Charlie's Angels, which is a guilty pleasure of mine because it also has Crispin Glover being even creepier than usual, and that is bizarre enough casting to win me over) who was totally shafted for his great performances in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind and Matchstick Men, the second of which makes me cry every time, and is also very funny and proves that Nicolas Cage can still act, when his toupees aren't sucking the grey matter from his ears. What? Anyway, here's a picture of Mr. Rockwell in character (he really is gifted at playing skeevy businessmen), and you can follow Jon Favreau on Twitter, too).

OK, looking on my trusty and beloved IMDB, the only part of the cast that makes me unhappy is Scarlet Jo-whatever. I've come to terms with Gwyneth Paltrow, even though she is the suck. But Scarlet too? Then again, when you Robert Downey, Jr., Sam Rockwell, Mickey 'Joaquin Phoenix Has Shit On Me Because I Am Genuinely Crazy' Rourke, Don Cheadle (although I'm still puzzled over the loss of Terrence Howard), Samuel L. Jackson, and the rumor of Tim Robbins as Tony Stark's dad, you need to accept a tiny bit of The Suck, otherwise the movie might cause spontaneous in-theater orgasms, which could help the opening box office weekend, but make it a little uncomfortable to see with your family.

All for now.
- LV

moreless

Saturdays Suck, Part 1

I am not in the mood to drive half an hour to take another LSAT Diagnostic Test, then drive half an hour home. I'm just not. Tests are not fun, especially on Saturday. Saturday is a day for recovering from hangovers and getting into trouble. Except if you're me. I fail at Saturdays.

* I know this is awful, but it makes me laugh hysterically, and want to feel the burn. The sheer, terrifying burn of being chased by a mad vigilante:

* Watched Little Children again last night (the grandparents were visiting, so I was house-bound, even if I wasn't interacting with them because we start screaming about politics, and I get upset and have to go away for a bit after each conversation and listen to soothing music) and it disturbed me just as much as it did the first time! Yay for not being jaded! I kind of liked Patrick Wilson more in Watchmen - he's beautiful in this movie, and his ass is kind of life-changing, but I now have a soft-spot for schlubby weeping Wilson. As for Jackie Earle Haley, it is a CRIME that he didn't get the Oscar. Watch this movie. Then Watch Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine. Then feel the SHAME of the wrong man winning an Oscar. Although I have to admit, the whole time I was watching it, the crazy little part of my brain that has nothing to do with sanity kept wondering, 'Rorschach, why are you letting them treat you this way? Stop being sad and start killing the sinners! There are FORNICATORS RIGHT THERE.' Also, besides the obvious sob-inducing scenes (and cringe-inducing), I get so teary every time he leaves the hospital with that little pink suitcase. It may be the most depressing pink suitcase ever made. AND HE BROUGHT HER CHOCOLATES. This movie makes me sad for so many reasons. And JEH is genius - he's a completely different person than he was in Watchmen. It really feels like you're watching a different actor. Bravo, sir.

* With the joy of comics finally be accepted as a valid (and ass-kicking) art form, and major movies with actual scripts and actors and directors being made of said comics, comes the horror that now EVERY comic is going to get a movie. Including gay mermen and Bug People.

Although Green Hornet should be good. Then again, Scarlet Johannsen (I will NOT look up the spelling of her name. I REFUSE) is going to be in the sequel. Then AGAIN, Mickey Rourke is, too. And Mickey Rourke + Robert Downey, Jr. may be THE MOST AWESOME PAIRING SINCE CHOCOLATE AND NOUGAT. Think about it.

* This makes me want to buy an X-Box, just so I can buy the Watchmen game, which I would suck at because the only game I've ever been really gifted at is Mortal Kombat Trilogy. Interpret that as you will. (I was also good at Starfox for Nintendo 64. What happened to that game? It was awesome, and you did Barrel Rolls for Freedom, and Falco made sarcastic quips all the time. But I hated the girl. Was she a frog? Why do I remember this so clearly, yet I can't recall what I had for breakfast, 35 minutes ago?)

* In the wake of Shamwow Guy's Hysterical Hooker Arrest, this picture is even funnier:

* And, to show I still pay attention to politics, albeit it in the most shallow and immature way physically possible, here is a link to an article about one dude from the Senate making jokes and riding the other dude's wife. Classy, as alway.

* Maybe more, later. Maybe. If I get enough hits, and you all decide to start a cult devoted to the awesome of ME, or you somehow ship Jackie Earle Haley to my house in Rorschach garb. He has a kid the same age as me. Should this bug me? I've decided that No, it should not.

* Finally, here's an Interactive Zombie Movie, to give you something to while away the long, lonesome hours of the weekend. Your welcome. If you live.
- LV

moreless

Lots Of Links, To Celebrate Friday

* This wins for Cracked's funniest website on movie posters, ever. I wish American posters were like this. It would make going to the movies fucking terrifying.

* Eric Cantor went to a Britney Spears concert. When will this stop being funny? Answer: NEVER.

* I do not understand the following image, but I now fully support everything IHOP related, and also want pancakes:

* This may be the dumbest/most awesome thing ever, in terms of body art. I just... Look (NSFW, because there is a heinie). Cut up your robes so your tan will be in SHAPES. This is the clothing equivalent of when you go to the beach with your friends, and they fall asleep in the sun, and you write dirty things on them with suntan lotion. Not that I've ever done that.

* This is actually very sad. Blender Magazine is closing its print edition. I love this magazine, and I mourn its loss. They had some of the best lists, including The 50 Worst Things Ever To Happen To Music, and The 500 Greatest Songs Since You Were Born. Godspeed, Blender. You will be sorely missed.

* The International Society of Supervillians is my new favorite website that makes me giggle like a complete ass, so go read their one-line movie reviews, which are far too accurate. An example of their brilliant reviews:

Pirates of the Caribbean is about how advanced special effects, bombastic action setpieces, and elaborately choreographed swordfights aren’t nearly as entertaining as a slightly drunk Johnny Depp.

* Watchmen + "Arrested Development" = THE GREATEST EXPLOSION OF DELIRIOUS FANGIRL JOY EVER:

* This is Jackie Earle Haley (AKA Rorschach, for the two people out there still confused over what I've been shrieking about the past few months) Photoshopped as Freddy Kreuger for the new Nightmare On Elm Street movie. I am against this movie up and until Haley is cast as Freddy. Then I am for it. Also, I have been gently informed that this is not supposed to be attractive. Duly noted:

* I am neutral on Spider-Man 4. Kirsten Dunst has always pissed me of, James Franco has left the franchise, and Tobey Maguire has become kind of sclhubby, only not in a charming or interesting way. On the other hand, Sam Raimi. And Spider-Man is a solid super-hero. On the other, other hand: Spider-Man 3 was awful and a little bit terrifying, and Tobey Maguire's hair was very Hot Topic, and they completely SCREWED UP the comics. But Spider-Man 2 was pretty incredible. But not as good as Iron Man, or Dark Knight, V For Vendetta, or Watchmen. But much better than From Hell, Fantastic Four, Catwoman, Daredevil, Elektra, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen or Spider-Man 3. So I'll be neutral, until I see who the villains are, and maybe they can recast Mary Jane with someone I don't want to beat senseless with a crowbar.

* Sarah Palin is really, really fucking insane. Nobody would pray with her (in case you've been in a media blackout for the past day or so), because the McCain camp are evil heathens who rape puppies and worship Cockroach Gods and, I don't know, like Hillary Clinton). See, I like this stuff, because A) I am not a Republican, and B) insane people make for good TeeVee. And this woman is out of her fucking skull. And will most likely run for the Republican nomination in 2012. If the world doesn't end in 2012 (as I've been told repeatedly it will), we are in for a fucking AWESOME Republican bitch-fest. Because....

* Michael Steele will run for President too, if God gives him the thumbs-up (haha, Michael Steele. Obviously God is pissed that you had the AUDACITY to suggest that women should be able to choose what to do with their own organs), so in conclusion God is going to smite the fuck out of all of us because of the Republican contenders, and the Rapture will be no fun for anyone, the end.

* Found a great tattoo place, not too far from me. Well, in the same state. Nice guys, clean place, very professional. Looking good. I just need to get a consultation on my next tattoo, and they said they'd touch up my other one for free. WIN. Check it out, if you're looking for a good place in Jersey (although I haven't yet been inked there, so I'm basing a lot of this on first impressions).

Time to do some work, and study, and work out, and take over a small country, and find a cure for shortness. Or not.
- LV

moreless

Everyone On The TeeVee Is Stupid

* Do the people on MSNBC know that Twitter doesn't give them any money? Or do they think, for some strange reason, that they get paid per number of followers? Does MSNBC pay its anchors per follower? Because that could be the next AIG scandal, and the irony is, we'd all Tweet about it! HAHA.

* My uncle, who is amazing beyond WORDS, sent me this link of goodness. He knows me so well. This is my favorite, because it's scary and adorable, and if I'd been a small child and this had been on the market, I would have bought about ten, and probably poked my little eyes out, by accident: . Then again, the Kill Bill one is pretty sweet too.

* I think Wonkette should start paying me for advertising. But when they write articles like this, I can't help but love them. And yes, I did for a second think they were talking about a different kind of Rorschach, and YES, that is partly why I linked to this post. Leave me alone. I APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING.

* For all the people who were impressed by my demented and frightening awesome and totally normal Watchmen memorabilia, here is one item that I do not possess, and don't really want, because they would make me look like I have giant duck feet (I do not): Although I kind of do want to buy them for the men in my life.

* IS NOTHING SACRED? CAN THERE BE ONE THING THAT ISN'T !@#$ing REMADE?! And what's with this cast? Who looks at Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking and thinks, "Yep, that is a man who would be HILARIOUS with his eyes poked"? And Benicio? You go from Che to this? The Farrelly brothers made The Heartbreak Kid, which actually is so dumb it causes cancer, and Stuck On You which inexcusably made me want to hurt both Greg Kinnear AND Matt Damon, two actors I normally adore (you should really all go rent Auto Focus. Kinnear was fantastic as Bob Crane). And YES, There's Something About Mary was very funny, we all enjoyed it, but it's been what, a decade? THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL FOR ANYONE. And Jim Carrey gets one freebie for making Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. This is it.

* I don't care who the hell they get to direct this, I will not be seeing a movie with a tiny alien and a girl who can't work a hairbrush. Unless Quentin Tarantino directs it. Then I'll swallow my pride.

* This goes under the heading: Things That I Have Suffered Through, For The Readers, And Now You Have To, Because I Can't Be The Only One With This Shit In My Head:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

* This seems like a bad idea in the making, but I'm willing to reserve judgement, because Ron Howard narrated "Arrested Development," and is therefore harder than Jesus and cooler than Buddha. I WANT DETAILS ON THE MOVIE. STOP BEING SO SECRETIVE.

* Going to see if I can get my tattoo touched up today. And find out about the next one (how much it will cost, where the hell I should get it, etc.)

* Dear Universe: Let's get rid of Twilight, OK? You will not make me love it. Because it's stupid and boring and badly written, and Edward Cullen is not sexy/cool/interesting, and Bella is a subservient twat, and the plot is moronic, and VAMPIRES DO NOT SPARKLE. Fans can have their fandom (I have no problem with loving weird shit), but really Universe, you are INUNDATING me with information on how often the girl from the movie insults her fans, or how rarely Robert Pattinson (or whatever) doesn't bathe, or who's directing the next movie. I really don't care, and this is NOT NEWS. Keep it on websites where that's appropriate. Away from me. Because, really, I do not get it. If someone wants to explain it, fine. Please do. But Twilight baffles me. I read the first two books, I GAVE IT A SHOT. But... dear God. It's so bad it actually depresses me.

OK, Life Calls.
- LV

PS HI IN PUERTO RICO!
PPSS Why is it so goddamn cold and rainy? Is Spring cancelled, due to the recession?

PPPSS Oh, and shit like THIS really make me not want to study for the LSATs, and just go find Russell Brand (for obvious reasons) until shit goes all Dr. Strangelove. Because if you're going to go, there are worse ways than going while being in the rock-god presence of Mr. Brand.

moreless

Random Notes, Take 9

* YES! Blago has risen, phoenix-like, from the ashes, and will grace humble America with his wisdom on a daily basis, and hopefully provide hair-care products to a sloppy, ungroomed nation. THIS is how we will survive the recession - on a pillow of his soft, soft hair.

* These people really like reproduction. Which is, um, fine? I mean, if you want to be perpetually pregnant. Forever.

* This may be the greatest time-waster ever invented in the history of the universe, and I am both blessed and cursed to have been given the link. I can't handle the responsibility. Favorite: "Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink."

* Best Watchmen review, ever. Bring small children and harp on the swinging blue genitals of one character. HILARIOUS. You are funny, crazy lady.

* Wonkette is like an internet God, and for that I thank them. This, in particular, had me in stitches. TEAM GEITHNER WILL WIN. Did you know there are fangirl communities devoted to Geithner? I did not know this. There is an internet site for everything. I still think there is a viable market for TEAM GEITHNER shirts, and on the back it can say, "I may be quiet and demure and cry at the drop of the stock market, but I will RUIN your 401K with my anger." Well, we can work on the back.

* We've had over 9,000 hits on this blog. Individual hits, I mean - like, specific people. That's pretty sweat, considering the average blog goes, "Blah blah blah politics everyone is stupid but me WATCHMEN WATCHMEN WATCHMEN, I want money for shit, blah blah blah." So that you for endorsing my ramblings. FULL POINTS.

* The obligatory Watchmen post, although you people really deserve a break. TOUGHEN UP. THIS IS AMERICA. And this is Rorschach:

* This may be the most insane setup for a super-hero movie, ever. And I love it. Michel Gondry, who has directed Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has such a creative, hallucinatory visual style. He also did Be Kind Rewind, which I loved inordinately, and really should have done better. Go rent it now. It's got Mos Def and Jack Black! What else do you NEED? What was I talking about? Right, Green Hornet. Well, I'm excited. It's nice to see the comic genre expanding and going in different directions. So long as it doesn't go the direction of Spirit. That is the way of suck.

* I don't get Superman. At all. He's never been one of my favorite superheroes. I don't even really like him (except in Lois & Clark which was an integral part of my childhood). He doesn't make me angry or anything - he is not in the Twilight category by any means - but he's never been much fun. Lex Luthor was always the cool one - I kind of wanted him to win. What? Anyway, Mark Millar is being funny and dickish about the whole thing, and I liked Wanted, because James McEvoy + Angelina Jolie + stylized violence + tattoos = Ridiculous WIN.

* This is kind of what my house is like, all the time:

* I have spent the past three days at work trying to fix the label system at my job. The woman who worked there before felt the need for the following record system: take the original, make three copies, throw the three copies around the office, make two computer files, scribble all over them like a kindergartner on acid, rename one of the computer files, spit in the face of an orphan, run screaming into the night. So I'm not happy about this. Paperwork ahoy!

* Oh, for the people wondering, I got the clothes in the last Watchmen-tastic post from Hot Topic. I know. REALLY. I do know. Please stop laughing. IT WAS WORTH THE SHAME.

* Sugar cubes are really addictive. Say what you will.

* Russell Brand's blog is sexytime goodness.
- LV

moreless

My Dorkness Is WIN

Sometimes, there are just no words. I should be kept away from all stores. And I still want a Prada dress, and Alexander McQueen wardrobe, and Gucci, but THIS IS FUN, DAMN IT. And I love Watchmen, as we all know. And it's a new experience, loving something, and then companies actually ENCOURAGE you to buy stuff related to it! This is capitalism! Usually, the stuff I love no longer exists, or is so small and weird that there is no merchandise for me to geek out over. I mean, I have tried to find a Transmetropolitan shirt, or Blackadder merchandise, or ANYTHING related to the movie Flight of Dragons, which may have just been a wonderful dream.

So maybe it's a good thing I don't like Twilight. Besides, you know, it sucking like ass and making babies cry and shit.

LOOK UPON MY WONDERS (WATCHMEN STUFF)

My Rorschach shirt, which is indeed teh sex. BEHOLD ITS AWESOME. BASK IN THE GLORY. BASK, GOD DAMN IT. Isn't it sad that this was the smallest size they had?


My Watchmen sweatshirt, which is too freaking big for me but I LOVE it, anyway, so SILENCE YOUR MUTTERINGS. Also, my dog is freaking cute.


The back if my sweatshirt, which is if anything even more amazing.


Tales of the Black Freighter, in a special tin box that validated the price Best Buy charged me, god damn it.


Me loving on philosophy and superheroes.


My hat, which will warm me on the cold nights with its awesome.

No, I will not wear all this stuff at the same time, except maybe to alarm my family and friends. I have a sense of fashion, you know. And sanity. Just because I ignore it doesn't mean it's not there.

In conclusion, this is why I have no money, even though I work constantly. And why my parents wonder if such behavior is normal for twenty-something females (it is). But even if you put it all together, it would cost less than one pair of True Religion Jeans, so really, WINS ALL AROUND.
- LV

moreless

I'm Pretty Sure It's All A Conspiracy To Piss Me Off

* This is unacceptable. You do not fuck with Alfred Hitchcock. Ever. Doesn't anyone remember Gus Van Sant's weird, terrible remake of Psycho? What the fuck was that, anyway? And holy fucking christ, these are the assholes that made Knowing? And they're allowed near Hitchcock? WHO DECIDES THESE THINGS?! Great, now we can all look forward to The Birds starring Lindsay Lohan and.. I don't know, Keanu Reeves. Jesus.

* I have decided that I am going to support Tim Geithner no matter what. Because he seems so ill at ease on television, and because I have an indelible image of him sobbing naked in the basement of the White House, making him the Nite Owl of the Obama administration (I don't know who the others are. Hillary Clinton can be the Comedian, and um... Joe Biden can be Rorschach, because that would he HILARIOUS). I feel bad for him. It's like, it makes sense to him, but he can't ever express himself, and he gets nervous and his lip starts quivering, and he panics, and you know Obama has to stroke his hair and soothe him going, 'Not everybody hates you Timmy.' So I am now a member of Team Geithner, based not on his economic plan, but on the fact that he seems so nervous all the time, and because I don't want him to cry anymore. TEAM GEITHNER.

* I love Michele Bachmann, as I think I've said before, because she is INARGUABLY out of her fucking gourd. She wants Minnesota to become like, Cuba in the center of America, with herself as Eva Peron (because she thinks Eva is from Cuba). Who SUPPORTS global warming? Really? At least Bush had the decency to deny its existence. That's stupid, but it's not borderline psychotic. In her mind, Michele Bachmann is Xena, Warrior Representative.

* My little brother exposed me to this game. It's all his fault. Tattoos are FUN!

* From the news: If you're afraid of getting on trouble for rape, is MURDER really the right way to distract people? Apparently, yes.

* And I am posting this picture, everywhere, for all eternity:

* And today is the release of Watchmen: Tales of the Black Freighter & Under The Hood. Which you should ALL totally buy, and watch, forever.

* Due to an awesome Watchmen fairy with magical powers, I now have the entire movie on audio. I WIN.
- LV

PS Should you have to apologize to one job because you have another job, and can't work that often? DOES THIS MAKE SENSE TO ANYONE, OR AM I MISSING SOMETHING?!

moreless

Random Notes, Take 8

* I said it on my Twitter, but seriously, does anyone else find it kind of sinister that the local grocery store would have Scrapple, but not sugar? Doesn't that seem like a WEIRD choice? Or is this just me? Will Scrapple soon be replacing sugar as the product we sprinkle in our coffee and cakes? Because I really can't get behind that.

* I wouldn't have minded if I Love You, Man was the number one movie of the week. But Knowing? Starring Nicolas Cage and Nicolas Cage's toupee? Do you know how sad that is? Do you know how supremely tragic it is that people still give money to go see this man? He went from Leaving Las Vegas to fricking this, and we are endorsing it? Also, I am pretty sure that I am responsible for ALL of Watchmen New Jersey revenue this week. Zack Snyder should call me, and personally thank me, and then... I don't know, give me props from the movie. I mean, his wife is from New Jersey. SOLIDARITY.

* I just tried to post a picture from the new Where The Wild Things Are movie, and the internet exploded. So that won't be happening.

* This comic made me howl with laughter. This is more of an Alan Moore-style game than a movie-based game. Except at the end of Alan Moore's game, he jumps out from your closet and beats you to death for endorsing the commercialization of his art. Then he sacrifices you to the Snake God:

* Is there anything the Coen Brothers can't do?

* I'm not sure that Obama should go up against Dick Cheney. It will be like Star Wars, where the young idealistic Jedi falls before the evil ministrations of the Emperor (I think. I haven't seen that movie in donkey years. Someone fell off a bridge.) Then George W. Bush will show up and distract someone, and someone will die. The metaphor got away from me.

* And here are some pictures, because I really don't have much to say, and they are funny, and everyone needs a funny on Monday, don't they?




- LV

PS DEAR SARAH PALIN: STOP WAVING AROUND YOUR SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD AND SCREAMING ABOUT THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS, YOU HEINOUS SHAM OF A HUMAN BEING. Thanks.

moreless

Random Notes, Take 7

* I'm watching CBS Sunday Morning, and it's about Mensa people. And they found the most goddamn pretentious people on the planet. I mean, really. These people are AWFUL. I hate them all so much.

They're supposed to be geniuses who can SAVE the world. They have a hug-a-thon. To beat the world record. This is what they're doing. Or they're meeting girls. Or they're congratulating themselves on being the misunderstood masters of the universe.

"Mensa validates your parking and your humanity." ARE YOU SERIOUS?! REALLY?! I know some people in Mensa, and they aren't like this. Did they just find the few megalomaniacs in any large group, or are my friends in the minority? I'm probably just jealous. There is no way I could ever get into Mensa. Math makes me panic (except algebra, which I love), and I failed chemistry twice. So I'm sure I'm just a bitter not-genius.

* LSAT class today. I do not want. Do not enjoy. I think I'm losing my enthusiasm for assumption questions and reading comprehension. I could just be going through a down cycle, though.

* I haven't discussed zombies in a while, which is irresponsible. One must be constantly vigilant, and prepared for the apocalypse whenever it comes. And the best way to prepare is to know your enemy, and what it's after. So.

* Going to see The Movie again tonight. The less said about it, the better.

* Going to post probably post some pictures later, as well. Because cameras are fun.

* Breakfast time now. And coffee. It is imperative that I have more coffee immediately.
- LV

moreless

I Am Not Fond Of Weekends

I may be the only person on earth that doesn't like weekends. But I don't. They are dull, and indicate I have to go to LSAT classes rather than do anything fun, and since I'm not working I will not be getting any money, and there's nothing fun to do.

What I'd Like To Do This Weekend
* Go Clothes Shopping: Because clothes are fun, and nothing I own really fits (I lost over 60 pounds and went from being really round to very slender, FYI), but I have no money (or rather, all my money needs to be saved for the upcoming Economic Collapse, when I will use money to clothe my naked body, or start fires to cook my cans of beans, or whatever will happen when the world as we know it ends.) Incidentally, my friends insist I am the only person they know that wants BOTH a Prada dress AND a Rorschach hoodie. Personally, I think EVERYONE wants that stuff, they are just too scared to admit it.

* See Watchmen Again: Oh, fuck off. I LIKED it. A LOT. I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THE THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY. If it was that fucking Julia Roberts shit movie that's playing, nobody would say JACK. WOULD THEY?! IT'S A CONSPIRACY. Ahem. So I might go see it by myself, which is both pathetic and sad, but I have nothing else to do because all my friends live out of state at the moment (fucking New Jersey), or they work weekends, and IT IS A CONSPIRACY, ISN'T IT?!

* Get My Tattoo: But I cannot find a good tattoo parlor in New Jersey, and my friends I want to go with are not here/busy, and I need to get an estimate, and GOD LIFE IS SO HARD. HOLD ME.

* Got To A Thrift Store: Which is the least insane/irresponsible thing on this list, and my reasons aren't weird/crazy either. I just have a ton of fat clothes that no longer fit anyone I've ever met, and I want to sell them so I can buy stuff I can actually wear. SEE? COMMON SENSE EXISTS, I JUST IGNORE IT.

So what will I be doing this lovely March weekend? Studying for the LSATs, which is taking over my life. Going to the bank (which is in and of itself a happy event, although it would be far happier if I could SPEND the money on fun things, as opposed to hoarding it like Scrooge McDuck, only even he got a giant swimming pool full of GOLD COINS. Other stuff I can't think of. Oh, I have my LSAT class tomorrow, which is like a giddy pleasure cruise of fun and excitement that NEVER ENDS.

I want to see I Love You, Man too. Although it makes me sad that there are no equivalent good chick movies. We get fucking Sex & The City. NOT FAIR.

And, the usual linkage:
* Very funny comic. I relate to it. Because I too have NOTHING to say today. Yet I keep typing, for AMERICA.

* Oh, Cracked. I love you and your cinematic observations. Even if I would have been interested to see Joaquin Phoenix slow-roast his family and friends, because I disliked Gladiator.

* I don't remember if I posted this Watchmen article about how bad the movie could have been, and I am far too lazy to go back and look. So here it is, and if I already posted it, you are free to ignore it completely. I am generous.

Hurm. Nothing else to say.
- LV

moreless

Random Notes, Take 6

* Dear Borders: Continue to send me things about the goddamn Twilight DVD release party, and I will be forced to 'release' rabid badgers into your goddamn store, lock the doors, and set the building on fire. STOP. Love, LV

* This is the most depressing movie article ever. Meet The Little Fockers? Get Smart 2? I mean, the first Get Smart shamed everyone who has ever watched the show. WHY would you continue this losing streak? Why are all these bad movies being made?

* GEORGE W. BUSH IS WRITING A BOOK! THIS IS NOT FALSE ENTHUSIASM. THIS IS A MAN WHO HAS TALKED ABOUT READING 'THREE SHAKESPEARES.' Can you imagine how funny this book is going to be?

* My high school would have been totally cooler if we'd had this.

* I fully intended to watch Obama on the TV last night, but then I fell asleep. So I missed it. Which is too bad, because as Wonkette says, he is my imaginary boyfriend (unlike Russell Brand, who is my imaginary fiancee, Hunter S. Thompson, who I am the imaginary widow of, and Rorschach, who is in fact completely imaginary, but must not be ignored because he'll KNIFE A BITCH, SERIOUSLY).

* OMFG BARACK OBAMA INSULTED THE DISABLED PEOPLE LET'S IMPEACH HIM AND FREAK OUT AND HOW DARE HE IS HE EVEN AMERICAN?!?!?!??!?!??!?! etc. Calm the FUCK down, old flabby man on MSNBC. Go hide in a bunker with Dick Cheney, and reread Machiavelli. Jesus. I have, in the past 3 minutes, come to despise Brad Blakemen with an intensity that frightens me.

* Stop showing ads for Duplicity. My dislike (nay, hatred) of Julia Roberts has a long history, and even the temptation of Clive Owen is not enough to get me to see this stupid movie.

* I'm not saying ANYTHING anymore. I'm just grinning foolishly, and going about my business.

- LV

moreless

Random Notes, Take 5

* For what it's worth, I am very saddened by the death of Natasha Richardson. In no small part because it is so FUCKED UP. I mean, she fell down and DIED?! That's awful. And it's terribly sad. And TMZ took pictures of Liam Neeson and Vanessa Redgrave leaving the hospital after Natasha Richardson died (and NO, I am NOT linking, because it's seriously awful to do that to people. Leave them the hell alone.)

* Octo-Mom is fucking NUTS. DUDE.

* No, I will not be seeing Angels and Demons. I love Ron Howard, solely because he was involved with "Arrested Development," which is also the only reason Heather Graham is allowed to live, at all, but his movies often make me blind with rage (see A Beautiful Mind. Or better yet, don't. OMFG.)

After all, this is the sequel/prequel/someway related to THe Da Vinci Code, a movie that famously inspired this reaction in myself and a friend: "I think I figured out the ending. No, surely that can't be the ending. Nobody could possibly be so foolish. OH SWEET JESUS' DONUTS, THAT IS THE ENDING." And while Ewan McGregor (and, more importantly, Ewan's Giant Freaking Lightsaber), appear in this movie, the little I know about this films makes it seem unlikely that he will whip it out, for freedom and God. Although if he does do that, I will go see the movie a lot, because that sounds HYSTERICAL.

* Bernie Madoff is not allowed out of jail. Wait, IDEA: SEND HIM ON A HOLY QUEST. If he accomplishes certain tasks, like getting Madonna to admit she's a talentless wench, or getting a lock of Blago's hair, he can go free. If he dies horribly, a lot of people will be very happy.

* WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL WHO AUTHORIZES THESE THINGS?! Although Bruce Campbell is in it. BUT IT HAS NOTHING TO WITH THE BOOK. HAS ANYONE EVEN READ THE BOOK?! WHY AM I SO SHOUTY?!

* Charlie Manson does NOT look like Russell Brand. A pox on ANYONE who says otherwise.

* OK, the poster for Where The Wild Things Are looks pretty goddamn sweet. And Spike Jonze is always good. So no shouting here.

* YES! Lost Boys 3! The universe ENDORSES my creepy Corey Feldman love. AS IT SHOULD. So, in this movie, we're looking at less focus on the stupid teenagers, and entirely focusing on Edgar Frog and his CRAZY and Rambo bandana. But this time, they need Jamison Newlander to come back (because the deleted scenes from Lost Boys 2 involving him were sweet. And while I'd like Corey Haim to come back, that seems dubious, since they apparently hate each other again. For reasons I do not understand.

* Haha, nobody gives a shit about another Mission Impossible. And I agree; I liked the third one best. The second just seemed like a very long, unwholesome love letter to Tom Cruise's arms. And even as a girl who really, REALLY appreciates a good pair of arms on a guy, I found it creepy.

* You actually thought I'd get through an entire entry without mentioning Watchmen, didn't you? Oh, you naive fools! I LAUGH at your innocence. Here is Kevin Smith talking about it, which is pretty cool. Did I ever tell you about the time I talked to Kevin Smith on the phone, when I was working at Troma? We had a really nice conversation. He's a good guy. And I liked Zach and Miri Make A Porno (except for the part with Jason Mewes' junk. More alarming then EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA).

* Now I totally want to have a Russell Brand/Jackie Earle Haley/Corey Feldman movie marathon. Although I can't really find a connecting thread in all that AWESOME and WIN. Life is hard.
- LV

PS LAST FEW HOURS TO VOTE ON MY TATTOO. JUST SAYING, PEOPLE.

PPSS Re: Crazy Cat Man (who I cannot find on the internet, no matter how hard I look. He's some Australian fellow who likes to hang out with lions, and discuss his relationship with the lion, which is WAY TOO EASY A JOKE). Dude, did you SEE Grizzly Man? That guy got his head ripped off and eaten by his furry friends. It's great you enjoy your work and all, and different strokes for different folks, and all that. But I am wary of any career where the thing you work with can RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND EAT YOUR VITAL ORGANS.

PPPSSS Poor Tim Geithner. Everyone is so mean to him, and you just know he's locked himself sobbing in the White House bathroom, and refuses to come out, while Obama slides notes to him under the door, and flat food so he doesn't go hungry, a la Microserfs. Geithner really is a delicate little flower.

OK, work now.

moreless

'I'd Trade All My Tomorrows For One Single Yesterday'

So, yesterday I ended up passing out and sleeping from around 1:30 in the afternoon until... well... 6 in the evening. Needless to say, I ended up not going to see Watchmen again, because I was all unconscious, and when I woke up my head was pounding and I was coughing and shitty, so I stayed in and listened to music on low volume, and rested.

Today, however, I am going, even if my head EXPLODES, which is possible, and would be gross for those around me, but bodily explosions can sometimes result in pretty symmetrical patterns. I know, I know, I'm SICK. GOD.

Does anyone know of ANY good tattoo parlors in New Jersey? Because I have no trouble finding creepy, filthy-looking places where I could get a clown burned into my flesh (anyone with a clown tattoo is. DO YOU HEAR ME?! SICK, I SAYS) but none where I could get a high-quality piece of work that won't result in my untimely demise. This is problematic. Someone should make lists of good tattoo places. I won't because I'm ignorant.

Also, the majority of people who bothered to vote in my survey at all don't seem to think I should get a tattoo. Perversely, they are comfortable with extreme body modifications, and stapling books to yourself, which seems far more painful and unsanitary and INSANE than just getting a tattoo. You guys are weird. (Except if you voted for an actual tattoo. Then you are normal as I, my friend.)

This AIG stuff is very upsetting and so fucking funny I can barely stand it. I tried to find the YouTube clip of Stephen Colbert waving a pitchfork and screaming, "To arms! To arms!" but was defeated by the internet. So just imagine it. It's funny, yes?

I may be a bad person, but I simply don't care about Rihanna/Chris Brown, and their relationship. Don't care. No caring from LV. YOU can care. I do not.

Here is a funny link about how Watchmen could have sucked, although I still maintain that the script in the last post was way more terrifying.

LAST DAY TO VOTE ON MY TATTOO. IMAGES CAN BE FOUND BELOW. SO LOOK, AND VOTE. JESUS WOULD VOTE, IF HE HAD THE INTERNETS. THINK ABOUT IT.
- LV

moreless

'And Even Though It All Went Wrong I'll Stand Before The Lord Of Song...'

Leonard Cohen is STUCK in my head. Not that I'm complaining; it's really rather pleasant.

Since I often use this space to bitch about all the little things that annoy me, like "Blah blah blah the sun is too bright and I am MISERY INCARNATE," I thought today I'd post some things that are making me chipper.

* The idea that everyone is so mad at AIG that we might have an actual, real-life Angry Mob Situation, which I have waited for patiently, hoping the results will be half as entertaining as they are on The Simpsons.

* It's St. Patrick's Day, and not only do I not care (double negatives!) I am of an age where if anyone tries to pinch me for not wearing green, I can mace them, knee them in the groin, and force them to listen to the warbling of.. I don't know, Scarlett Johanso-Jo, when she tried, mysteriously, to cover Tom Waits. Which normally makes me ANGRY, because GOD, why would you let anyone fuck with the wonder of Tom Waits?!

* Wonkette featured a piece on Sacha Baron Cohen, as Bruno, trying to seduce Ron Paul, as Would-Be King Of America.

* Russell Brand's book continues to be fabulous and funny, and if I meet him, ever, I am determined to ask him something inappropriate, or chain myself to his ankle. I think he might rather enjoy that. Here's a picture that also makes me happy, although I think the tattoos are fake:

* This says that the stupid Twilight Shiny Dude whose name I refuse to remember, and Megan Fox (who is not Angelina Jolie 2.0, no matter how hard she tries) are dating. Now, I usually wouldn't care, and I don't think it's true, but I do like the idea of the Cabal Of Twilight Girls amassing in sobbing hordes to seek vengeance against poor Ms. Fox, who has enough troubles, what with dating that creepy old dude AND having his name tattooed right about her unmentionables. So this could be funny.

* I'm going to see Watchmen again today.

* I'm getting a haircut soon, which I need, and hair styles always make me happy, as do makeup and clothes and sexy, emotionally damaged men. Then I'll post pictures, which makes me happy as of late.

* I had a dream about Javier Bardem, which is GOOD NEWS in my book, although I do remember telling him, "I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish." MUST MY DREAMS EVEN BE LITERAL?!

And now, your daily dose of Watchmen stuff:

* This comic takes my trauma, and makes it funny. There are a ton of other great ones on the site.

* You want funny? You want to see how BAD this movie COULD have been? Read this - the 1989 first draft of the movie - and be GRATEFUL.

* I just like this poster.

That's all. I am dull. But I have a lot to do, and some of it involves masked vigilantes!.... And most of it involves studying.
- LV

moreless

Mondays Suck

* Why is Dick Cheney allowed to go on TV and be awful? He has no power anymore? He is the political equivalent of a crazy old man screaming 'Get off my lawn!' And yet he is always on TV, being awful and terrifying the masses, and that shit is not cool.

* You know this is what Alan Moore dreams about, in the secret rat maze of his brain

* Maybe not entirely all better. Still coughing, haven't smoked IN. A. WEEK. Know that this is logically good. Also know that I am ready to bite strangers.

* MSNBC is obsessed with Twitter, and it is starting to piss me off.

* I don't want to go to work. I still am not well. But I need money. But my boss isn't answering the phone. These things are difficult.

* Time to go get ready for the day. Wheee.
- LV

PS

I got a nice image of Rorschach's symbol for my tattoo, FINALLY:


The other options are listed below, ad nauseum, so I ain't posting them again. EXECUTIVE DECISION.

moreless

Watchmen Musings, Because I Am Bored And Still Ill

So, while perusing the interwebs for other Watchmen lovers like myself, I saw things and heard things. Some were wise, and witty, and completely right on. Some were bullshit. Vague enough? Probably, but here are some thoughts I've had recently, that I'd like to post for posterity.

* Rorschach, were he real, would not like me. This may sound INSANE, especially for an intelligent, not-drugged person to be wondering if a fictional character would like them, but it's something a lot of new fans seem to ignore. Most of the characters in this book would hate you. Mine is Rorschach. He would not approve of me. AT ALL. I smoke and drink (or did, until the Dread Flu Of Death), and I am a liberal AND an intellectual. I'd be first on his list of people asking to be saved, and him not saving me.

* Rorschach will not, in any reality, be saved by true love. Rorschach is crazy. He has a split personality. The only people he likes are either insane, dead, or primarily constructs of his own psyche (except Dan, but that's another post entirely.) He does not Just Need A Hug (although I would like to hug him, but that's more my problem than anything else). He is Misunderstood, and he is a Tragic Figure, and I adore him for strange and complicated reasons, but he is Not A Nice Guy. He's rather a dick. Also, he smells and is filthy and even if his True Love (whoever you think that would be) made a move, there is a very high chance that the other person would end up with a serious case of Broken Fingers And Death, which is quite contagious around Rorschach.

(That being said, I absolutely laugh my ass off at funny renditions of an of the Watchmen. That's not what I'm talking about here. Humor, fanart, fanfiction with angst, that's FINE. My problem is CONFUSED PEOPLE who rewrite Rorschach on ANY level to resemble that assmunching sparkly vampire from the Twilight book. RETRIBUTION SHALL COME.)

* I loved the movie, but it wasn't great. Parts were great. And I am seriously considering going to see it again, alone, in part because I think I need to see it once without PUNCHING the person beside me in the arm every time Rorschach comes onscreen, and partly because fucking Race To Witch Mountain knocked it out of number one, and that makes me sad for this country. The movie had problems and issues, and parts weren't elaborated on that I would have liked, and the more I think about it the more convinced I am that Viedt was a wee bit miscast (although everyone else was AWESOME - sorry, trying to be mature).

* This movie is the best anyone could expect. A lot of die-hard comic fans will have issue with this. They shouldn't. I've worked (marginally) in film. I've had to adapt screenplays for classes. It is hard as FUCK. And really, Watchmen is unfilmable. I know, I know, they did film it. But go back and read the source material. It can't be done, not the way some people seem to imagine it could be. I am not one of those people who think the movie is never as good as the book (quite often, I think it's better - see Requiem For A Dream, Fight Club, The Godfather...) But this sort of book can't be made into a movie.
Zack Snyder really did his best. And I do think ultimately that he preserved the essence of the comic. It felt like Watchmen to me. And I maintain that the opening credits, with Bob Dylan playing, is some truly masterful filmmaking.

* This is the best adaptation of Alan Moore's work yet. With apologies to V For Vendetta, and my equally crazy love of V, who is ALSO not a Particularly Nice Fellow, All Things Considered. Although when the other movies in question are League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen and From Hell (WHY JOHNNY DEPP, WHHHYYYY?!) the idea of a WORSE movie is kind of terrifying.

Finally: I've updated the Master List of Watchmen Songs/Soundtrack. And I'm too lazy to post the tattoo pics again, so you must actually scroll down for them. Yes, I am cruel.
- LV

moreless

Random Notes, Take 4

* I HATE this commercial. Like, more than makes any sense. I will NEVER buy products from this company, even if they have Watchmen-endorsed AWESOME products. NEVER. PLEASE STOP SHOWING THIS COMMERCIAL.


* Russell Brand's book is fucking glorious. It should be. I had to call four different bookstores before I could find it. Then I had to drive nearly half an hour each way to get it. But it's really twisted and funny and wonderful, and he likes Blackadder too, SO EVERYTHING I LIKE IS CONNECTED. The bit about his pet gerbils made me fall out of bed laughing.

* Email is evil, I have decided. Here's how it works. I write an EMail. You write back. I write you back. SOCIETY RESTS ON CONVENTIONS SUCH AS THESE. WITHOUT THEM EVERYTHING WILL BE ANARCHY, AND NOT GOOD ANARCHY LIKE IN V FOR VENDETTA. And this is doubly true when said Email has QUESTIONS OF IMPORTANCE THAT NEED BE ANSWERED.

* Castle is funny. Nathon Fillion rules. Huzzah for him, and everyone must watch it, because I feel like if another show of his gets cancelled, we'll find Mr. Fillion curled up under a table with a bottle of Wild Turkey, screaming about 'No power in the 'verse.'

* My fever is gone, but now I'm in that unfortunate, unpleasant phase of illness where you're not REALLY sick, but you keep coughing and still don't feel right at all, but it manifests itself as you being totally bitchy and snarky, and saying awful, cutting things that are true but probably not wise things to say, ever.

* How long do you have to go without a cigarette before you call yourself a non-smoker? I don't even want one at this point. I did, but hacking up gobs of ick for nearly a week is sort of a motivating 'quit' factor, or at least a 'cut down dramatically to reduce the gobs of ick in lungs' factor.

Oh, and because it's Sunday, and a day for LSAT studying and feeling crappy about my inability to find a good New Jersey tattoo parlor, here's a picture of Russell Brand. You don't need a REAL reason, do you?



He's so pretty and wise. I love him, and Rorschach. I am a complicated woman.
- LV

PS FOUR DAYS LEFT IN THE TATTOO VOTING! DON'T MISS YOUR CHANCE TO PICK MY NEXT INK! Vote in the top righthand corner of the blog.

Rorschach's Signature:

Inkblot 1:

Inkblot 2:

moreless

Random Notes, Take 3

I have not had a fever in twenty-four hours! I may not be dying! Let their be rejoicing in the streets!

On the downside, I still have a hideous cough and am achy and tired, but these are small things in comparison to HORRIBLE DEATH. So rejoicing can continue.

* Keep voting on the tattoo picks! (Although those of you who voted for the stapling of the comic to my back have ignored a few major logistical issues, namely HOW CAN I READ IT when it's stapled to my back, I am against piercings in general, and also I would NEVER deface a book like that. NULL POINTS.)

* Oh. Holy. Fucking. God. WHY would ANYONE want to remake the single most terrifying cinematic experience of MY LIFE (with the exception of The Poughkeepsie Tapes, which I STILL cannot find at ANY theater.). And why remake this movie? It, for all its TV corniness and production values, scared the SHIT out of an entire generation. More to the point, it ruined my life, clown-wise. I am still scared of clowns. Like, to the point where I leave the room when commercials for the circus come on, and Ronald McDonald creeps the shit out of me, and once, at a former job, I had to wear clown makeup for this STUPID promotion, and ended up sobbing hysterically in the bathroom after I caught sight of myself. THE MOVIE AND BOOK DID THIS TO ME. DO I REALLY NEED TO SPEND MORE MONTHS OF MY LIFE BOLTING FROM THE ROOM IN A PANIC WHENEVER THE COMMERCIALS COME ON?! Anyway, Seth Green was in the original IT, and that is reason enough to leave it alone and perfect for all eternity.

* Here are some pretty sweet pictures from Tim Burton's new movie, Alice. I like Tim Burton, mostly because his movies are almost uniformly excellent (I am aggressively ignoring Planet Of The Apes, for obvious reasons), but also because his reality doesn't seem to have much to do with our reality, and his is much more interesting, and he often seems good-naturedly befuddled by the rest of us. Although points down for what looks like Johnny Depp continuing to rock the Charlie & The Chocolate Factory haircut. And the top hat. Maybe he just kept the whole wardrobe, and hid under the long table until Tim Burton let him have his outfit. I have these thoughts.

* Did I say the Watchmen love was ending? I lied. I lied HORRIBLY. I lie to you endlessly, and you will take it, because I have wondrous links to offer in exchange. Actually, it's funny, because I'm a horrible liar. Anyway, this is very cute, and almost makes you forget he could decapitate you with a SUGAR CUBE.

* Don't even bother wondering which Rorschach I picked on this Fandom quiz. I am completely transparent. Simpson-Rorschach is fascinating to me.

* This is another cute comic. I have a weakness for funny Rorschach comics. Who am I kidding? I have a weakness for all things Rorschach. Also, it seems I enjoy comics with a 'baked beans' theme. Sure that says terrifying things about my psyche.

* Sometimes, there really are no words. I... Yeah. Dude.

* And for the last Watchmen link of the day, here is one that made me laugh, in my illness, and therefore should be appreciated.

* You notice how the more human and less toolish Michael Steele tries to act, the worse things get for him? I mean, all he said, essentially, was "Hey, it's a personal choice if a woman spawns or not," rather than, "YOU ARE ALL GOING TO HELL YOU GODLESS FORNICATING SINNERS OF SIN, TAX CUTS FOR THE RICH DEPORT ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS GRRR BRAINS," and he is being SKULLFUCKED by his party.

I mean, I am confused. The party needs to make some changes, somewhere. They understand this, right? That, that, America has changed, and they have to change too, and that we didn't vote for Obama because we're all Cawmniss Abortionist Gay Swedes, or whatever? So they say they need to change, then they have Rush Limbaugh sweating on national television and getting turned on by the idea of dropping Obama down an elevator shaft of FAILURE, and when Michael Steele offers up a plan of 'Non-Crazy, Non-Evil" he gets CRUSHED. I feel bad for him. You just know he's going to wake up with Jim Cramer's head in his bed one morning, and Rush will be muttering, "Excellent" in a terrible impression of Mr. Burns. And all will continue as it has before.

* Because my library insists on being small-minded ass-ticks (wow, I am a cursy girl today), I am going to make my first journey from my home in nigh on a week to buy Russell Brand's book, because he is funny and smart and his hair has been the focus of many word-songs from your humble blogger. And I'm going to rerent Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and all rent Tales From The Black Freighter. Because I am still sick enough to mooch around the house reading, listening to music, and watch movies. And starting Monday, life resumes, hopefully without fevers and chills and hallucinations.

* I WANT this bag. For obvious, sick reasons. BUT I WANT IT:



* Just to keep it near the top, here are the tattoo choices:
Rorschach's Signature: Note: I spent a humiliating length of time trying to just find a nice picture of Rorschach's signature, so I don't have to keep sticking this poor guy's foot on my blog. But I COULDN'T find one, and then I got distracted by the messenger bag above, then I gave up. If someone finds a nice, BIG picture of his signature (from the movie or comic), I will be very grateful. Send it to elle.veev@gmail.com.

Inkblot 1:

Inkblot 2:

Vote on the poll at the top. You know you want to. And I'll post pictures, and it will be DELIGHTFUL MADNESS.
- LV

moreless

Random Notes, Take 2 (And More Watchmen Tattoos)

I am still sick, with a temperature of around 102.2, but I am partly zonked on meds at the moment, so I'm going to post randomness. In part because my hits have PLUMMETED since I stopped freaking out about Watchmen which leads me to the conclusion that I am nowhere near as fascinating or clever as that hallowed comic/movie. I mean, I never thought I WAS, but still....

* Oh, David Vitter, you are so insane and evil. You're like Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget, only dumber and with hookers and diapers, and no claw to redeem you. You made me laugh, in my illness, until the coughing took over, and I blacked out.

* I have narrowed down my Watchmen tattoo to one of two images on my hip, and (later, funds permitting) a quote on my ribs. I also need to get a Hunter S. Thompson tattoo (OK, I don't NEED to do anything, except cough and blow my nose and take massive amounts of Tylenol, but you know what I mean) but there are so many good quotes from that man that it requires a lot of deliberation, and I refuse to use the most common quotes from Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas. Because I am a snob.

* This is awesome. I totally thought THe Gummi Bears was a childhood hallucination.

* Twitter is confirming my long-held suspicion that EVERYONE I ADMIRE is secretly friends and having crazy sexytime parties to WHICH I AM NOT INVITED. I mean, Stephen Fry is at Russell Brand's show? WHAT'S NEXT? DID HUNTER THOMPSON FAKE HIS DEATH JUST TO BREAK MY TINY LITTLE HEART, AND IS CURRENTLY TRADING INSULTS WITH HUGH LAURIE?! IS DAVID CROSS BRAIDING ALAN MOORE'S HAIR?! ....Actually, that last one is scary.

* I got a package in the mail today that almost made this whole illness worthwhile. I will post pictures later, when I can figure out my camera.

* I can't seem to find ANY good Jersey tattoo parlors. Or a place where they're rated. Life is HARD.

* I should not be allowed near phones when I have a fever. I think I may be permanently banned from the library, for very nearly bursting into tears over the librarians' lack of interest in Russell Brand's new book. FOOL. I scared

* Oh dear GOD. Paula Deen is relating terrifyingly intimate tidbits of her personal life. I KNOW WHEN HER RELATIONSHIP WAS CONSUMMATED.

* Here are the tattoos I am torn between, because I am tired of trying to be clever when I am on day three of being a non-smoker, and my throat STILL hurts, and my fever WON'T GO AWAY.


This excited me SO MUCH because, for mysterious reasons, it NEVER occurred to me that this could be a tattoo. Because I am stupid. Although I would get it bigger, and on my back or hip. I'm torn between this or....


or...


This. You can vote in the poll on the right, or just post a comment with your opinion. Yet again, it would be on my hip, and eventually above it will be a quote from the comic. But first, inkblot or signature (or BOTH. WHO KNOWS?)

OK, done for now.
- LV

moreless

Still Sick

Like, really mind-bogglingly sick. With a fever, and everything. I always feel like you're not really sick until you have a fever. Your brain could be melting, but unless there's a fever, you are WELL.

I am decidedly not. So this isn't a real post, so much as a marker in time. I am still technically alive, have not had a cigarette in over 48 hours (which is the longest I've gone without smoking since, it seems, BIRTH), and psychotically planning my next tattoo. Even though I can't afford it. Actually, maybe I should get this tattoo while I'm in misery. The human body can only take so much pain, right? So I've HIT my THRESHOLD. I can feel NO MORE PAIN. I WIN. HOORAY FOR ME.

See? The coherency is gone. Back to sleep, until tomorrow.
- LV

PS I'll be posting font options for my tattoo either tomorrow or the next day, depending on how much snot is in my body, how much my eyeballs hurt, and how high my fever is.

moreless

Disease Sucks

I am sick. I have a very bad cough, a chill, and a pounding migraine. This is going around. It is terribly annoying and unpleasant, but not a huge crisis.

That is the sane part of my brain. The rest of my brain is going, as follows: "Oh dear GOD I am coughing up bits of my lung, and I NEED THOSE TO LIVE. WHY IS IT SO COLD IN HERE EVERYTHING HURTS.

WHY IS LIFE SO HARD?! I am achy, and unloved, and EVERYONE IS AWFUL, POOR ME, THIS IS THE WORST PAIN ANY LIVING CREATURE HAS EVER EXPERIENCED," etc.

Which is all bullshit, naturally. But a simple flu/cough thing can really shatter your iron resolve and turn the toughest people into whiny bitches. And I am not the toughest of people.

Right now, I want Russell Brand to show up with a high-quality Watchmen bootleg and rub my back and feed me super hot tea until I feel better.

Instead, I'm wrapped in a blanket, coughing incessantly and drinking weak coffee and yelling dementedly at MSNBC, calling everyone onscreen an asshole, including people in commercials.

Maybe lying down would be a wise move.
- LV

moreless

'I Think Fish Is Nice, But Then I Think That Rain Is Wet, So Who Am I To Judge?'

* Apparently, Watchmen made $55.7 million. But it wasn't as much as expected, even though the next most popular movie only made $8.8 million. And the bitchy lady on MSNBC was all, "Nobody will see this more than once." Well, my mission is clear. WHO'S UP FOR A THIRD ROUND?!

* Zack Snyder is not doing a sequel. Thank FUCK. Although he can, if he wants, because I won't be seeing it, for OBVIOUS REASONS. But I have to admit, the idea of a prequel did stir a guilty part of my twisted little soul. Mr. Moore, DON'T HURT ME.

* I know we all need to be realistic about the problems with the economy, and that it's serious, and that we're all in big trouble. They tell me on the TV every freaking day. We're all worried. I GET IT. That being said, maybe Warren Buffet, who most people consider to be the Patron Saint Of Money Matters, shouldn't be doing the verbal equivalent of putting on a scary clown mask and making small children cry. Our morale is low enough. WE UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM, MR. BUFFET.

* It is terribly wet and rainy out, and I have to venture out into the brutal storm, like the brave, stalwart soul I am.

* Word to the wise: Do not bother getting into an argument with the Twilight nymphets over why their obsession is stupid and embarrassing to our gender as a whole, especially when you're clutching a Watchmen shirt to your chest like a drowning man clutches a life preserver, and have a mad gleam in your eyes because they have no Rorschach shirts in your size, and they don't even have the damn lunchbox, which you weren't going to BUY, you just wanted to LOOK AT. GOD.

* But seriously, why the FUCK does Hot Topic have, like, a thousand girl shirts pledging eternal fidelity to a shiny, control-freak vampire with bad hair and NONE displaying my unwavering love for Watchmen? Do breasts and a uterus prevent me from enjoying the work of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons? Does my purchasing of makeup and dresses, and my uninhibited crush on Russell Brand eliminate me from the Holy Order Of Watchmen fans? Explain your logic, Hot Topic. Because Edward sucks.

* Team Rorschach. I'm making the shirt. TRY AND STOP ME.

* Why are political pundits discussing Michelle Obama's arms? When did this qualify as news?

* My library, seriously, sucks. It has, judging by its online catalogue, NO BOOKS. They are UPSETTING ME with their lack of:
- Will Christopher Baer
- Sigmund Freud
- Brian K. Vaughan
- Henry James
- Haruki Murakami
- William S. Burroughs
- Several others who I don't feel like listing.
So I'll go, and return my books, and get some Stephen King, who I think is required reading on dark and stormy days.

* No work today. Everyone at work is sick.So LSAT studying, and a trip to the bank, and more endless pontificating on meaningless crap. Also, my own coughing is becoming ominous. Tea makes everything better, I hear.

* I don't know if my library will be carrying a copy of My Booky Wook by Russell Brand, because I want to read it, so the evil gnomes of said library will conspire against me. What do you do if you want to read a book, but can't really afford books, and your library is run by PURE UNMITIGATED EVIL??

* I really want to dye my hair something crazy. Because I'm bored, and am trying to save money by growing my hair out, instead of cutting it, but right now my hair is disobeying me at every turn. WHEN WILL IT END?!

* I'm thinking of getting the Rorschach blot on my right hip, and the quote on my ribcage above it. Because, while spending money on books and hairstyling is SHALLOW and RIDICULOUS, spending money on comic tattoos is a GOOD INVESTMENT.

* Everybody sucks. Except Russell Brand, and David Tennant, and my dog. And my beloved English relations. And Alan Moore. OK, only a few people suck, but they suck enough to annoy me beyond comprehension.

* Mondays are awful.
- LV

moreless

I Forgotted The Important News

* Since its inception, this blog has had over 10,000 hits from over 7,000 people. Which means some of you keep coming back. Which I appreciate.

* Today was the most single hits in this blog's history. (207 unique hits). The previous most impressive day (was that a real sentence? I'm very tired, and typing is hard) was my insane election coverage, with 155 unique visitors. So hourly blogging and exhaustive promotion doesn't do as much as my Watchmen love. See? I learn things.

* I saw it again today. I liked it more this time. And I already liked it a lot.

* Russell Brand's special on Comedy Central was very, very funny, and I'm looking forward to reading his book, which comes out this week.

* Did I mention I'm tired? I'm really, really tired. I should be asleep.

* I had a long post here about a Twitter incident that was bugging me, but I reread it and realized how truly unhinged I sounded, not to mention geeky and not in the cute way but the alarming avoid eye contact way, so I have simply deleted it from my page, because it didn't really make sense ANYWAY, and also it was boring, and the rat maze in my brain has NO CHEESE at the end, and I need to go to sleep, the end.
- LV

moreless

Watchmen Soundtrack

This is every song from the movie, the trailer, and even the comic, because I like making lists, LSAT studying is boring as SHIT, and music is good.

Key
M - Movie
T - Trailer
C - Comic
S - Score
(If they're from more than one place - ie, the comic and the movie, I list both sources.)

The "Watchmen" Soundtrack
* All Along The Watchtower - Bob Dylan (C)
* All Along The Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix (M)
* All That Is Good - Tyler Bates (S)
* The American Dream - Tyler Bates (S)
* Angel - Massive Attack (T)
* The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning - Smashing Pumpkins (T)
* Black Holes & Revelations: Take A Bow - Muse (T)
* Brother To Dragons Quote (C)
* The Comedians - Elvis Costello (C)
* Countdown - Tyler Bates (S)
* Dan's Apocalypse Dream - Tyler Bates (S)
* Desolation Row - Bob Dylan (C)
* Desolation Row - My Chemical Romance (M)
* Dionysus - Jocelyn Pook (T)
* Don't Get Too Misty Eyed - Tyler Bates (S)
* Edward Blake - The Comedian - Tyler Bates (S)
* Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Tears For Fears (M)
* Fifteen Men On A Dead Man's Chest (C)
* First We Take Manhattan - Leonard Cohen (M)
* Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen (M)
* I'll Tell You About Rorschach - Tyler Bates (S)
* I Love You - Tyler Bates (S)
* I'm Your Boogie Man - KC & The Sunshine Band (M)
* It Was Me - Tyler Bates (S)
* Jocko Home - Devo (C)
* Judge Of All The Earth Quote (C)
* Just Look Around You - Tyler Bates (S)
* The Last Laugh - Tyler Bates (S)
* Me And Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin (M)
* Neighborhood Threat - Iggy Pop (C)
* Only Two Names Remain - Tyler Bates (S)
* Ozymandias Excerpt (C)
* Pirate Jenny (Live) - Nina Simone (M)
* Prison Fight - Tyler Bates (S)
* Prophecies - Phillip Glass (T)(M)
* Pruit Igoe - Phillip Glass (T)(M)
* Requiem - Tyler Bates (S)
* Rescue Mission - Tyler Bates (S)
* Ride Of The Valkyries - Budapest Symphony Orchestra (C)(M)
* Sanities - John Cale (C)
* Silk Spectre - Tyler Bates (S)
* The Sound Of Silence - Simon & Garfunkel (M)
* The Times They Are A-Changin - Bob Dylan (C)(M)
* Tonight The Comedian Died - Tyler Bates (S)
* Tyger! Tyger! Excerpt (C)
* Unforgettable - Nat King Cole (C)(M)
* Pagliacci - Vesti La Giubba (C)
* Walking On The Moon - The Police (C)
* We'll Live Longer - Tyler Bates (S)
* What About Janie Slater? - Tyler Bates (S)
* Who Murdered Hollis Mason? - Tyler Bates (S)
* You Quit! - Tyler Bates (S)
* You're My Thrill - Billie Holliday (C)(M)
* 99 Luft Balloons - Nena (M)

Let me know if I missed anything.
Tired and hungry now. Going away from the computer place.
- LV

moreless