Immediate, Adrenalin-Fueled Review Of 'Watchmen'

OMFG. IT DIDN'T SUCK! PARTS SUCKED, AND THERE WERE PROBLEMS, AND IT WASN'T PERFECT, AND IT WAS TOO LONG, AND THEY CUT MY FAVORITE FUCKING LINE.BUT WHO CARE?! IT DIDN'T SUCK AND RORSCHACH WAS PERFECT, OMFG JACKIE EARLE HALEY HAS LIVED AND EXISTED ALL THESE YEARS JUST TO BE IN THIS FILM, AND PERFORM THIS ROLE, AND HE KICKED THE ASSES OF EVERYONE EVER AND I LOVE HIM AND I AM TOTALLY GETTING THAT TATTOO NOW AND I WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.Deep Breath.Like the character I love and admire so deeply, the movie is terribly flawed with some really redeeming qualities. The movie is like RORSCHACH. And I ORDER you all to go see it, and love it, because Rorschach is perfect. The whole cast is perfect. And I actually liked Laurie MORE in the movie. But Rorschach. It's all about Rorschach.Focus, Elle, focus.I think a major part of my love is the fact that I was determined to love this movie. I walked into this movie with the following mentality: "I love this movie, and it's great, and NOTHING ANYONE SAYS, OR REALITY OFFERS UP TO ME, will change that." Seriously, the movie could have been three hours of Zack Snyder yelling, "BOOM" into the camera, and I would have walked off all, "That was like Citizen Kane, only BETTER."It wasn't bad. Yes, there were problems, and I completely understand everyone's issues, and they CUT MY FAVORITE FUCKING LINE, and also Rorschach used pronouns, which was disconcerting, and THE ENDING... well.... stuff was changed. Big stuff. But I understand why things were changed. I accept them. I forgive Zack Snyder. Alan Moore is probably sharpening his knives as we speak, planning bloody retribution for all involved with this film, but he really shouldn't. I mean, if you put League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen at one end of the spectrum, and Dark Knight at the other end, on the scale of good comic movies, this would definitely be on the side of Dark Knight. Not equal to or better than, which is a shame considering the source material, but if you wanted to put... um... a mediocre comic movie in the middle, Watchmen would be not the NOT SHITTY SIDE by a solid margin.That being said, WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID THEY CUT MY FAVORITE LINE?! ZACK SNYDER, WE NEED TO TALK.And yes, I'm seeing it again on Sunday. Like another Alan Moore character, I apologize for nothing.- LVPS A more coherent review will come tomorrow. I need to sleep, and waft away on the good vibes of the not-suckage. LET ME REPEAT: WATCHMEN DID NOT SUCK. SPREAD THE GOOD WORD

moreless