Sunday, October 4, 2009

I Did It! I Teleported In To The Women's Bathroom!

Blog
* Yatta! Title is from Heroes.

Lie To Me
* Here's an interview with Tim Roth, BAMF and Tarantino lackey, on his show Lie To Me. Critics have said, 'It's like House, only he solves non-medical mysteries and gets to keep his accent.' To which I reply, 'Why is that a problem?' AIRTIGHT LOGIC.

Plus, did you see last weeks' episode where he threatened and scared that girl? AMAZING.

Wow
* Remember when David Lynch was the High King of Cinematic What The HELL? Those were heady days, my friends. I mean, the man made Eraserhead, which STILL blows my mind, and Blue Velvet which A) Made me terrified of Dennis Hopper, B) Has doomed me to panic whenever I hear the titular song, and C) Caused me to yell out during his time on Sex & The City, 'Kyle McLachlan, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GO FIND AN EAR.' This did not endear me to, well, anyone.

But then David Lynch got into, like, meditation and yoga, and I had to watch Mullholland Drive in EVERY damn film class I took (it's a great movie, but at least half the professors picked it just for the lesbian scene, and one professor maintained it was directed by Terry Gilliam. Yeah, I don't know either). He was still weird, but he was sort of BORING weird. Safe, I suppose. This made me sad.

So when I saw the title of this article: David Lynch, Window-Dresser, I groaned and felt the weirder parts of the world die. Then I saw the photo:

[Found at Boing Boing]
Welcome back, Mr. Lynch. I never should have doubted you. Twin Peaks ruined my childhood.

Note: I know he sells coffee on his website. I do not know why (although the proceeds go to charity, always good) and frankly I'd like to keep it that way. Unless the coffee causes you to hallucinate, like in Lost Highway, in which case I'll take ten bags.

Animals
* There is a fish-only hotel. Like, a hotel for your fish, while you go on vacation. It's at an airport, so you drop them off on your way out, then pick them up when you return.

Guys, i couldn't MAKE this shit up.

Girly Shit
* This shoe would make an excellent weapon:

[Found at World of Wonder]
On the other hand, if you trip on it during the dead of night while stumbling to the bathroom, you will die. And porcupines will hump your feet. Such is the price of fashion.

These are the hottest shoes ever, and they are mine:


And another picture of me, my hair once again dyed red:

Narcissism, spelled LV.

WTF, INTERNET?
* Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the Wii-powered endoscope. For looking up people's butts:

[Found at Crunch Gear]
Endoscopes are a necessary tool for checking for diseases in the stomach, throat, cervix, anus, and a host of other parts of the body that occasionally go all wonky. My problem is not with endoscopy. No, my problem is with a Wii-powered endoscope.

This is not OK. Because this comes from someone playing Wii one night and saying, 'You know, this would be a great way to look up people's butts.' And thus was this thing born. No one can convince me that this is more effective than the regular endoscope. And how will doctors learn to use this thing? By playing Super Mario Party 5?

Although now I'm imagining Dr. House getting his hands on it, and how that might result in the most terrifying television episode ever filmed.

Life Lessons
* Further proof that beauty is equal to suffering, especially when it comes to your feet:

[Found at Indexed]
This reminds me of that amazing episode of The IT Crowd involving shoes, pain, and mushed toes. Valuable educational tool, The IT Crowd.

Music
* Britney Spears sings 'You Oughta Know' by Alanis Morissette:

Alanis' cover of 'My Humps' by Fergie is one of my favorite covers. Everyone sings everyone else's songs now! Lady Gaga sings Beyonce! Beyonce sings Miley Cyrus! ANARCHY is loosed upon the world.

Technology
* Here are some amazing 404 webpages that are so clever they almost make me WANT all the webpages I'm looking for to disappear, forever. Except Netflix, and Hulu, and Wonkette, and World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley, and Blogger, and Last.Fm, and... never mind. Here's my favorite:

[Found at Stumble Upon]
Plankton is my second favorite character on Songebob Sqaurepants. Squidward is my first. Don't pretend you don't have a favorite.

Heroes
* Here's an excellent recap of last weeks' Heroes, in case you missed it. I agree with most of this guy's points. A few more (pretty much spoiler-free, unless you're SUPER behind):
A) Does anyone else think there's going to be some weird lesbian subplot with Claire and Gretchen? Something about the way their last scene together was shot seemed... weird?
B) HRG Man needs to get some love. He's one of the best characters in the show, and all he does right now is mope.
C) Sylar and Parkman are the best duo ever. Utterly epic. Don't listen to this guy saying Sylar needs a season off. BLASPHEMY. Sylar is the best part of the show. He is SO TWISTED. I like the part with the bunny.
D) Peter is slightly less irritating to me this season. Maybe it's his new haircut.

I HATE the new limitations on Blogger labels. ANGER. I HAS IT. I also have a fever, and therefore am going to lie down and watch more of The IT Crowd. Maybe my power is always being sick? That is so depressing.
- LV

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