I Have Learned Absolutely Nothing. Good Day.

Blog* This could be any day of my life. I aggressively learn nothing. Title is from Home Movies.* Note: I know the blog looks all wonky. I have been trying to fix it, and I have been failing, so let's all pretend it looks fine, OK? OK.* CARL'S DOING DISCO![Drawn By Erin]The day is suddenly worthwhile.Geek Want* This is almost too realistic. With this lawn ornament, i can pretend I LIVE in Super Mario world:[Found at Geekologie]I mean, this thing is incredible. Someone MADE this thing. I want one. Scratch that, I want a garden made up of JUST these things. I'll pretend to water them, and freak out my neighbors.Awesome* Further proof that Facebook is the source of ALL EVIL:[Found at Comics Alliance]Facebook makes Daredevil sad! And his shitty movie does that well enough!. It was hard to pick a favorite, because several left me with coffee on my keyboard. Check out the superhero Facebooks. Superman is a tool on Facebook. Why wasn't Lex Luthor on there? FAIL.Movie!Win* We have reached the next level of human evolution. They are making a sequel. No, I find this so funny. The first movie, which I saw because I worked at a video store where most of the employees were males (I also saw Gigli thanks to them, and am pleased to report that it disturbed them far more than it did me) freaked me out and disgusted me, but was also sort of funny in a way that alcohol can explain. Like, the chick is so naked all the time, and she just wants to BE naked, for monies, and Gina Gershon is sort of fabulous in this, and I kind of want her to have a spin-off, because Crystal is BAD-ASS.But yeah, this may be one of the dumbest movies ever filmed. It is epic trash. It is so freaking bad. I mean, have you ever sat down and WATCHED this movie? Not just heard about it?So why is this Movie!Win? Well, despite the fact that Paul Verhoeven, who directed the first one, is a misogynistic asshole of the first degree, the movie figured out pretty quickly that it was a joke. The VIP Limited Edition had shot glasses and nipple tassles. We sold it at my video store. Yes, the movie is mind-numbingly stupid, offensive, and pointless. But it KNOWS that. And I have to give credit for self-awareness.Wow* This morning, the internet taught me that sometimes bigger is not better, in this case, giant gummi bears. They are scary:[Found at Geekologie]Sure, they're cute when they are tiny blobs of gelatin. But big....they look deformed. And sentient. And I think the one on the right is staring into my soul. And I don't think I can eat something that I know has 12,600 calories. It's five pounds. I think it's going to be demanding equal rights soon. LOOK AT IT. I have frightened myself. Well done, LV.Daily Hot Guy[Alan Cumming, whose commercial for his cologne is like low-grade porn, and makes me laugh awkwardly. Have you seen it? It's very weird, yes? Requested by KaishaBackwards, who bottles the scents of talented people.]Animals* Remember Beanie Babies? Of course you do. Everyone does. Remember how they had birthdays, and you always wanted the Beanie with your birthday, for some unidentifiable but compelling reason?Mine was a platypus:[Found at Neatorama]So I am much gratified to find that platypus are adorable and interesting, because as a little girl whose friends all had kittens and puppies and bears who shared their birthdays, it was a bit rough to be the one kid with a birthday-buddy with a beak.Girly Shit* This dress would be such a bad idea for a fidgeter like me:[Found at Geekologie]It's a dress made up of 120 zippers. You can change it to many different styles, and I think it's a fabulous dress, and certainly unique enough to make a splash. But I fidget, and I'd spend the whole night fiddling with zippers, which would either A) annoy everyone with that zipping noise, B) flash someone I had no intention of flashing, or C) get the zipper stuck and have to walk around with part of my dress hanging open. Yes, I have these thoughts.WTF, INTERNET?* Raise your hand if you don't like the new format? Those of you who are A) indifferent or B) like it, skip this category. No, really, I would appreciate it if you went ahead to the next category. Those of you who are griping about my technical difficulties, BEHOLD:[Found at dlisted]It's a teddy bear made out of human placenta. I told you not to make fun of my Blogger issues.Life Lessons

Dear existential angst, you show up and you're never welcome. You've high fived me on the subway, patted my back in the bath house and grabbed my behind in the supermarket. You're rude, loud and inconsiderate, making me want to scream No No No. That doesn't help much. And because I lack religious leanings, I've had to make up my own chant to make you go away. Seems these are the words you least want to hear:"Glad to be here, we're all in the same boat". Repeated in absurdum. Please stay away from me.

[Found at letters from the end consumer]Truer words....Music* I have not played Beatles Rock Band yet, but now I think I should, because I can learn valuable life lessons, and I need me some life lessons:

Ringo was really pretty good.Seriously, some of those drum parts are hard as fuck.

Here are eight life lessons the International Society for Supervillains learned from Beatles Rock Band. If THEY can learn from it, imagine what a lowly mortal could gain.George Harrison was the best Beatle. YEAH I SAID IT.More later, including links to NEW blogs I'm working on, funny quotes, cool pictures, and FREE FIRE. OK, no free fire.- LV

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