Blog* And you say, 'Yes sir, absolutely.'Life* I really fucking dislike any day that requires me to interact in close quarters with people I am biologically affiliated with. Erm, Happy Fourth of July? I may go into the nearby town and laugh at the teabaggers. For shits and giggles.Comics* Chuck Dillon has drawn twenty types of art school students. I went to school with a lot of these people:[Found at Neatorama]And we all know that the True Gods are Alan Moore, Hunter S. Thompson, and.... I don't know. The third member of the trinity rotates, depending on my mood. Joss Whedon? Terry Pratchett? Martin Scorcese? Jimi Hendrix? Why are there no female gods? Hm. Warrants some serious thought, doesn't it?Moment of Winsee more Fail BlogYouTube Wonders* I KNOW you've all seen this, but it NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY. I've tried to kill the humor. THERE IS NO WAY. So, Enjoy.Books* Never let me into the seven most impressive libraries in the world. Because the following conversation will take place, in one form or another:'Well, Miss LV, what do you think- Give them back.''It's a lovely library! Really, very nice. What?''You've got books stuffed into your shirt and pants.''How DARE you? I'm just enormously fat. You didn't notice when I came in.''Your fat is book-shaped?''Yes, and actually I'm quite sensitive about my book-shaped fat.''A first-edition dickens just fell out of your shirt.''I have to go to the bathroom.''I'm calling the police.''Yes, well, I'll be running away now. Slowly. With my enormous pile of book-fat.'Vampires* In case you're bored with vampires from the past or present, here are future space vampires! OMFGWTFBBQ! My vampires are not from the future. Or space. They're from New Jersey. Make whatever jokes you must. Cretins. People I Love* This is the reason I love Russell Brand:[Found at Jezebel]I would marry him. Inevitably our love would sour and we'd end up on Inside Edition calling each other horrible names, but UNTIL that happened it would be glorious, sexy fun. What? It's Fourth of July. Thomas Jefferson would be PROUD, dammit. And Ben Franklin. You KNOW they were big pimpin'.Depression Session* Crabtree & Evelyn filed for bankruptcy. Oh, noes! Where will I buy overpriced, stinky candles, lotions, and soaps NOW? Oh, wait. Yankee Candles are still OK. And there's still a Sephora at the mall. America is safe, people. Daily Hot Guy* Since it's the Fourth of July, and I AM an American, despite what my grandparents scream at me from time to time, I've been looking through my folders to find an all-American DHG. And I have been FAILING. Apparently I have a serious weakness for accents. But there are a few. So, let us celebrate those All-American boys we love so much:[Alan Tudyk, born in El Paso, Texas][Hunter S. Thompson, born in Louisville, Kentucky][Robert Downey, Jr. born in New York City][Jackie Earle Haley, born in Northridge, California][Zachary Quinto, born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania][Bruce Campbell, born in all places at all times, eternal and GODLIKE, but mainly from Royal Oak, Michigan, land of KINGS]Dry your eyes, and be proud to be an American.Politics* As I know you know, Sarah Palin is resigning from High Priestess of Batshit of Alaska, to, I don't know, eat David Letterman and sue someone, or something. Or plan to take over the White House, which scares the shit out of me. Also, she may be pregnant, according to Rick Sanchez, who maybe doesn't know what the hell is going on. Nobody knows. But her hair is very tossy and nice, so she's got that going for her. WHAT WILL AMERICA DO WITHOUT SARAH PALIN TO LAUGH AT? LOOK AT THE HUMOR SHE HAS BROUGHT US, PEOPLE:- Remember when David Letterman made a stupid joke, and it wasn't very funny but nobody would have noticed, and Sarah Palin's head exploded, and she vowed bloody retribution because she DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE JOKE and made it into some hideous political statement about how David Letterman thinks all girls should be impregnated by steroided-up baseball players, and tried to make it a Universal and Powerful Statement? Good times.- Did you read about when she was jogging and she fell down and executed all the Secret Service dudes who saw her, and wants to run a foot race against Obama, because obviously THAT will prove who should be running the country, OH SNAP SEE WHAT I DID THERE? Ouch. That was physically painful to type.* I mean, politics will just not be as entertaining without Crazy Palin. How many other politicians have pornos made about them? And Mark Sandford's scandal is BORING compared to people wearing diapers and breaking into airplanes, DAVID VITTER I AM LOOKING AT YOU. I mean, is this what we'll have to look forward to until Sarah Palin unveils her Evil Master Plan for World Dominance?It's a video of a cheese replica of President Abraham Lincoln. On FOX News. The man ended slavery and united the country (and YES I KNOW THE POLITICAL HISTORY, thank you) and was shot trying to watch a stupid play. To thank him, you carved him out of cheddar cheese. Is anyone else suddenly really, really depressed?Most likely more later. Because this is America, where the bloggers can say whatever they want, until they get sued by Sarah Palin or Anne Rice or something.- LV
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