Blog* If you read this title slowly, before coffee, it seems profound as all hell. Title is from Firefly.Politics* The International Society of Supervillains has done a minute-by-minute analysis of Sarah Palin's resignation speech. So you don't have to. Also so that, maybe, someone could figure out what the hell she was talking about? Remember the part with the dead fish being the only one's who go with the flow? Well, Mrs. Palin, dead fish FLOAT, and bob there pathetically, as my late and beloved goldfish Iggy showed me. I think there should be a law where if you quit your job in a huff because people are MEAN to you, you should not be allowed to run for President. Can you imagine if Hillary Clinton had cracked under the media scrutiny? Please. I'm not a fan either way of Mrs. Clinton, but that lady would laugh in your face and set fire to your hair, and go merrily about her way. Although if Sarah Palin continues to make speeches like this, I will never run out of things to write about. So maybe I should be quiet.* You KNOW that Nancy Pelosi is doing the Victory Butt Shake in her office ever since it came out that the CIA lied to Congress. Good for her. This will no doubt cover up all the shit SHE lied about, at least for a little while, until it blows up in her face and she tearfully resigns because people are mean. Because all politicians lie, always, about everything. Honestly, I would have been disappointed if the CIA HADN'T lied. They're the CIA. It's their job to be shadowy and mysterious harbingers of doom. They show up likes extras from
, scare everyone, lie, take your laptop with your collection if illegally downloaded music, add to the enormous file on you, and haunt you like a specter of misery until you break down and confess to whatever they want. They're like Men in Black, only less annoying than Will Smith.* We here at FEAR AND LOATHING are not going to let this resignation of Sarah Palin go. Because it is TWISTED and funny and unsettling, and hints at either a grand master plan that will result in every American being forced to shoot elk, never say the word 'abortion' again, and claim to be fishermen because they like a lightly grilled salmon filet every now and again, or the complete mental breakdown of a person who probably should not be allowed near the media for a while. What makes this fall on the 'funny' rather than 'ominous and a sure sign we're all screwed' is that her own spokeswoman has no goddamn clue why this woman decided to give up her position in government. I'd almost feel bad for her, if she hadn't aligned herself with someone who is so incompetent that she can't even think up a good excuse for leaving politics. Call the CIA. They'll have some helpful pointers, Ms. Palin.Whedonverse* Should we be worried that they moved the premiere episode of back a week? No. No we should not. Because I have too many other things to worry about. I need to find some people to go see Watchmen: The Director's Cut with me, and may have burned all my bridges because I HIT people when I go see the movie, so nobody want to deal with me, BUT I NEED TO SEE IT IN THEATERS. I need to find people to see Nine Inch Nails in August, but NO ONE IS AROUND IN AUGUST. I need to finish typing up my book so it can get rejected and crush my tender dreams. I need to see the new Harry Potter movie, and I don't want it to suck because then those Twilight freaks will delight in my pain. I need to save money so I can move out of my parent's house. I'm worried that the recession will keep me here forever. I'm worried that the world will end in 2012, because Hunter Thompson thought it might and he knew EVERYTHING, except how to be polite to Nixon. I have a LOT ON MY MIND. And I also want to go clothes shopping, and need to find out of the new Chuck Palahniuk book is better or worse than Snuff, because that book was made of FAIL.So no. I am not worried about Dollhouse right now. I can schedule you in for September.Harry Potter* Speaking of Harry Potter - which I ALSO need to buy tickets for, thank you for reminding me - Helena Bonham Carter is probably the scariest Death Eater ever. Her Crazy Eyes are far more alarming than anything Voldemort could throw at you. So I am delighted she is going to be in the next movie, and she's going to get her Crazy on, and maybe she and Snape will run off together and have crazy, judgmental babies of Evil/Good, and I will be happy. Look, I was up late, the coffee isn't working, times are tough, and I will take happiness any way I can get it, OK? Click here for a really great clip of Helena Bonham Carter being awesome and crazy, and a clip with the kids from the movie, who I have only moderate interest in.WTF, INTERNET?* In theory, I get this mug:[Found at LikeCool]You can tie the plug to something on your desk, and if anyone tries to steal it, the plug comes out and dumps coffee everywhere, the end result being that nobody will try to steal your mug. But I have a few questions:- Is mug-stealing really a serious enough issue that you need a special mug to prevent this?- How does it teach people a lesson when it's YOUR desk and YOUR papers that are soaked in coffee?- Do you really believe that you won't forget to put the plug in your mug (which sounds dirty, right?) and pour coffee in one Monday, and get it all over yourself, and your boss will see you sloshing coffee everywhere and wonder if perhaps he needs an employee who can't poor a cup of coffee without shaming himself and his company?Movie!Win* Here is an article on judging horror movies by their titles. I love horror movies. The article is really about how you can't judge a horror movie by its title because of marketing liars. Obviously, you can only judge a horror movie by its director. Otherwise I would never have seen Drag Me To Hell, and my life would be a little less bright.Animals* Did you know you could go to jail for a year and pay $100,000 for picking up a bald eagle feather? I know, shit's crazy. I guess the government doesn't want ypu to get germs. The solution is to never pick up anything. Including trash. You drop a pile of papers, LEAVE THEM THERE. Who knows when THAT will have a fine and jailtime? WHO, I ASK YOU?Daily Hot Guy[I had a huge grunge crush on Dave Grohl back in the day, and he seems like a fun, nice guy, and I Love the Foo Fighters, and this is funny, so obey the Grohl, OK?]Apocalypse How?* Ever wondered how your town would look if it was hit by a nuke? No, me neither. In fact, I don't want to know ANYTHING about this sort of thing. Unfortunately, I have the internet, and a compulsive need to click links I find on Twitter. So I present: What happens when a bomb hits your town:So we're all going to die, and that's scary, the end.
, scare everyone, lie, take your laptop with your collection if illegally downloaded music, add to the enormous file on you, and haunt you like a specter of misery until you break down and confess to whatever they want. They're like Men in Black, only less annoying than Will Smith.* We here at FEAR AND LOATHING are not going to let this resignation of Sarah Palin go. Because it is TWISTED and funny and unsettling, and hints at either a grand master plan that will result in every American being forced to shoot elk, never say the word 'abortion' again, and claim to be fishermen because they like a lightly grilled salmon filet every now and again, or the complete mental breakdown of a person who probably should not be allowed near the media for a while. What makes this fall on the 'funny' rather than 'ominous and a sure sign we're all screwed' is that her own spokeswoman has no goddamn clue why this woman decided to give up her position in government. I'd almost feel bad for her, if she hadn't aligned herself with someone who is so incompetent that she can't even think up a good excuse for leaving politics. Call the CIA. They'll have some helpful pointers, Ms. Palin.Whedonverse* Should we be worried that they moved the premiere episode of back a week? No. No we should not. Because I have too many other things to worry about. I need to find some people to go see Watchmen: The Director's Cut with me, and may have burned all my bridges because I HIT people when I go see the movie, so nobody want to deal with me, BUT I NEED TO SEE IT IN THEATERS. I need to find people to see Nine Inch Nails in August, but NO ONE IS AROUND IN AUGUST. I need to finish typing up my book so it can get rejected and crush my tender dreams. I need to see the new Harry Potter movie, and I don't want it to suck because then those Twilight freaks will delight in my pain. I need to save money so I can move out of my parent's house. I'm worried that the recession will keep me here forever. I'm worried that the world will end in 2012, because Hunter Thompson thought it might and he knew EVERYTHING, except how to be polite to Nixon. I have a LOT ON MY MIND. And I also want to go clothes shopping, and need to find out of the new Chuck Palahniuk book is better or worse than Snuff, because that book was made of FAIL.So no. I am not worried about Dollhouse right now. I can schedule you in for September.Harry Potter* Speaking of Harry Potter - which I ALSO need to buy tickets for, thank you for reminding me - Helena Bonham Carter is probably the scariest Death Eater ever. Her Crazy Eyes are far more alarming than anything Voldemort could throw at you. So I am delighted she is going to be in the next movie, and she's going to get her Crazy on, and maybe she and Snape will run off together and have crazy, judgmental babies of Evil/Good, and I will be happy. Look, I was up late, the coffee isn't working, times are tough, and I will take happiness any way I can get it, OK? Click here for a really great clip of Helena Bonham Carter being awesome and crazy, and a clip with the kids from the movie, who I have only moderate interest in.WTF, INTERNET?* In theory, I get this mug:[Found at LikeCool]You can tie the plug to something on your desk, and if anyone tries to steal it, the plug comes out and dumps coffee everywhere, the end result being that nobody will try to steal your mug. But I have a few questions:- Is mug-stealing really a serious enough issue that you need a special mug to prevent this?- How does it teach people a lesson when it's YOUR desk and YOUR papers that are soaked in coffee?- Do you really believe that you won't forget to put the plug in your mug (which sounds dirty, right?) and pour coffee in one Monday, and get it all over yourself, and your boss will see you sloshing coffee everywhere and wonder if perhaps he needs an employee who can't poor a cup of coffee without shaming himself and his company?Movie!Win* Here is an article on judging horror movies by their titles. I love horror movies. The article is really about how you can't judge a horror movie by its title because of marketing liars. Obviously, you can only judge a horror movie by its director. Otherwise I would never have seen Drag Me To Hell, and my life would be a little less bright.Animals* Did you know you could go to jail for a year and pay $100,000 for picking up a bald eagle feather? I know, shit's crazy. I guess the government doesn't want ypu to get germs. The solution is to never pick up anything. Including trash. You drop a pile of papers, LEAVE THEM THERE. Who knows when THAT will have a fine and jailtime? WHO, I ASK YOU?Daily Hot Guy[I had a huge grunge crush on Dave Grohl back in the day, and he seems like a fun, nice guy, and I Love the Foo Fighters, and this is funny, so obey the Grohl, OK?]Apocalypse How?* Ever wondered how your town would look if it was hit by a nuke? No, me neither. In fact, I don't want to know ANYTHING about this sort of thing. Unfortunately, I have the internet, and a compulsive need to click links I find on Twitter. So I present: What happens when a bomb hits your town:So we're all going to die, and that's scary, the end.
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