Friday, July 31, 2009

You Were Strangled To Death With A Plastic Sack. That's Probably An Odd Thing To Hear But I Wasn't Sure How To Sugar-Coat It.

Blog
* No good comes from a conversation that starts this way. Title is from Pushing Daisies.

Freakangels Friday
* Huzzah, for it is Friday and not a skip week because everyone I love in the UNIVERSE is partying in San Diego, and Freakangels has returned in all its macabre and deviant glory, and I am smiles. Life is good again! So go read it, after you read this blog, OBVIOUSLY, and then come back and read my spoilers for this week's episode at the bottom, under my signature.

Jackie Earle Haley
* I never thought I'd say this in this category, but THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. WHY, oh Movie Gods of Movie, are they moving back the release date of Nightmare on Elm Street?

Look, if it comes out the same weekend as Iron Man 2, I will go see both. If you are worried about ticket sales, I will see NOES twice for every time I see Iron Man 2. OK? Don't make me WAIT, dammit. It's been MONTHS since Jackie Earle Haley released a movie, and I didn't get to go to Comic-Con, and TicketMaster HATES me for mysterious reasons, and frankly I have a LOT OF STRESS IN MY LIFE. Since I'm living at home I'm not allowed to buy a pet rat and name it Rorschach, or a hamster and name it Ianto, which SUMS UP why you should not live at home in your twenties, and Netflix keeps sending me Pushing Daisies instead of Torchwood, and I LOVE Pushing Daisies, and it's actually a better show, but dammit I need to flush out the trauma of Children of the Earth and I'm on an Ianto kick.

ALSO, Jackie Earle Haley has never been in a movie/TV show with Gareth David-Lloyd, and that makes me very sad. Someone needs to photoshop me an image of the two of them together, so I can geek out fully.

Also I painted my nails black and white for Rorschach yesterday, because I was bored. So the movie should come out NOW. AIRTIGHT LOGIC.

Also, have you listened to the ultimate Jackie Earle Haley podcast? He'll know if you're lying. Jackie Earle Haley frowns upon lying. Frowns, and then slays the liars with his mighty arms of justice.

And I'm sorry, because I like Benicio Del Toro a great deal, but I don't care when they release Wolfman. It's all about Nightmare on Elm Street, and I'm not going to shame myself by lying. Might anger Jackie Earle Haley.

Whedonverse
* Show of hands, who is excited about Joss Whedon's horror movie, The Cabin in the Woods? Everyone, obviously, because after that episode of Buffy with the dudes who didn't talk and smiled and KILLED, we know Mr. Whedon has a sick mind that should be allowed to run rampant. Plus, the posters indicate that it's going to be a fun, funny, smart horror movie, along the lines of Drag Me To Hell and Slither, which makes me even happier:

[Found at FearNet]
And it doesn't hurt that the chance of Whedon killing a character I desperately love in this movie is slim, since he already killed all of them in other mediums, so Wins all around. I will never stop loving Joss Whedon. Accept this. And watch all his shows, because he really is a genius.

Iron Man
* I love it when Robert Downey, Jr. talks about Tony Stark. You can tell this isn't some arbitrary performance to him. He thinks about the character. He cares about him. And he really wants to be faithful to the character he's playing. So I'm very excited about Iron Man 2, as you all should be, even if they're not totally addressing his alcoholism in this movie. Which I'll admit is a little disappointing, but s long as they allude to its beginning, I'm good. And it seems like they want a more gradual descent into self-destruction, which gets authenticity points. And more movies. Which I always endorse, if they involve Robert Downey, Jr. I mean:

[Found at io9]
Symmetrical facial hair WIN.

Nature
* M. Night Shyamalan was right. Plants are talking to each other, and they're going to plot against humans, and make us kill ourselves in surprisingly boring ways, and the human race will have to be rebuilt by Mark Wahlbergh, which does not bode well for those of us who aren't Mark Wahlbergh. Or who hated The Happening with a white-hot intensity, because it was all the awful in the world. Actually, they should do a double feature of that and Twilight, for serial killers. That's torture of a whole new mentality, and it would take human rights groups a few years to think up a response. Then again, the scientist could be completely talking out of his ass and wrong. I prefer that idea. Plants sit there and grow shit. That's what they do. If I find out the tomato plants on the deck are talking shit, you can be SURE I'll be making tomato sauce that night, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Daily Hot Guy

[Karl Urban, who I know as Dr. McCoy from the Star Trek reboot. My brain is swirling with 'doctor' jokes, and uncouth 'Bones' cracks, and you don't want that, so let's just sit quietly and admire, yes?]

Apocalypse How?
* Amazon wants to buy Netflix. The guy who wrote that article is all, 'Yay, wouldn't that be lovely?' NO. IT WOULD BE THE BEGINNING OF THE END. First Amazon buys Netflix. Then AmazoNetflix buys IMDB. Then AmazoNetflIMBD brings back the message boards, and those crazy people post their usual bullshit, only now their bullshit has super-powers and the internet EXPLODES, and we all die, and I never get to enjoy my Netflix queue, which I spent a lot of time organizing, and I'm still waiting for Battlestar Galactica, the end.

TwiHate
* Actually, I'd be lying if I said I didn't find this cake sort of amusing:

[Found at Geekologie]
But I don't like ice cream cake, and I think eating sparkly vampires has not been approved by the FDA, so you can have my slice.

Girly Shit
* I want the shoe on the right:

[Found at ShoeLust]
You can have the one on the left. And you can laugh when I fall out of those shoes and seriously injure myself.

Music
* Cheap Trick released their newest album on 8-track. This may have made my life good again. Also made me like Cheap Trick again. What? They had some good songs, and you know it. Shut up. Leave me to my 8-tracks, you mp3-loving weirdo.

Technology
* Here is an article on Email etiquette. Now, my older relatives don't read this blog, because I curse and lust and have tattoos and smoke and yell, but I hope they pick up this article by osmosis, because sending me an Email in ALL CAPS that is about both my bad attitude AND a chain letter, and then they write ANOTHER Email asking me why I didn't RESPOND to the chain letter, and I wonder if I can feasibly change my Email address.
Actually, this SomethingAwful piece sums up my relative Email issues remarkably well.


Watchmen
* On a scale of 1-10 on the Amazing metere, this is about a 9.9.

I'm lying, it's a 12. MILLION. YES. Made by Prefiera. I want her rat. Is that weird? Yes, it is.

Tattoo Of Win
* This gentleman here got a tattoo of a Palm Pre, so he could get a free one.

If you need me, I'll be busy getting a tattoo of a book deal. And a flame-thrower. And Rorschach. What? WHAT? Apparently these are the rules now. You get a tattoo of something, you OWN it. That explains why people get their names tattooed on their own bodies. Everything makes sense now!

Food
* On a serious note, we need to remember that the world is full of cruel people who lie, cheat, and mislead innocent consumers. Think of the poor woman who didn't know that Crunchberries were not, in fact, a real fruit. Then, to rub salt into an open wound, the judge dismissed her case when she sued over false advertising of the magical berries.

I remember the day I learned. It was worse than learning about the tooth fairy. Thank goodness I still have the Easter Bun- Oh, no.

Going to read FREAKANGELS now. Spoilers below my signature for this week's entry. Huzzah for Warren Ellis!
- LV

SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEK'S FREAKANGELS BELOW. BE WARNED.

God DAMN, Warren Ellis and Paul Duffield, you are sick bastards. And Kirk. DAMMIT. He shot Luke in the DICK. That's rude. Can he fix that? I know he's a rapist, but DAMN. There is no coming back from that mentally. I am so glad to be a girl right now. Because holy SHIT. That was VIOLENT. Damn. Well, they certainly came back with a BANG. HAAHAHAHAHAHA... ehhhhh.... I need more coffee.

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