Blog
* Title is from the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett (specifically Pyramids) and is the defense I use whenever I declare war on the dolphins, who will bail at the first sign of trouble. Jerks.
Tattoo Of Win
[Found at LOLTATZ]
Well. That was certainly one way to start off the day. Blind.
Food
* This link will give you food and drink hacks, including:
- How to build a fire with chocolate and Coke.
- Open a beer bottle with a piece of paper.
- Not cry while cutting onions.
The first one I listed will obviously be useful when the zombies attack, but mostly I just want to see people try to do these hacks and fail. 'Look, dudes, take the piece of paper, take the beer bottle, and- OH GODS MY EYES THE BEER STINGS!' Then I laugh and open my beer bottle with an opener.
Words of Win
see more Fail Blog
YouTube Wonders
* This isn't being posted because it obliquely has to do with Michael Jackson. This is being posted because the reporter HIT a dude, and that is always funny. But the real beauty is the expression of amused horror on the anchor's face.
EMBED-Reporter Slaps Drunk Michael Jackson Fan - Watch more free videos
Books
* Here is an article on why even 'young authors' are generally in their thirties. Clearly I need to break this trend, and be published by twenty-five. So I need to have written a book by the time I was ten, and MAYBE the book would be out by now if the editing process had gone smoothly. By my calculations, if I finish editing my book by the end of THIS month, and send it out to agents, etc, I can expect to be published around the time I start wearing turbans and apply for Social Security (which won't exist anymore!). So... shit. I'm depressed. Switching from alcohol to hard booze.
People I Love
* Ryan Gosling is one of the very, VERY few people allowed to get away with shit like this:
[Found at BestWeekEver]
And even he had better not push it. But he was on the Mickey Mouse Club AND Are You Afraid of the Dark?. He can do whatever the hell he wants.
Remake!Fail
* This is a joke, right? It's not a remake, but... WHY would anyone make a movie out of Asteroids? There is no plot. There are no characters. There is a tiny ship, and it shoots asteroids and aliens. The ship can't even move very much. There are no graphics, and frankly that's great and I loved this game when I got my first computer (it was called a Unicorn (I'm serious) and I still want to know what truck from hell that machine fell off the back of, but at nine I thought it was rad) and I played it all the time, and I don't WANT Hollywood to do anything with it. LEAVE ASTEROIDS ALONE.
Depression Session
* You should be ashamed of yourself. Yes, you. What with all the hard work our government is putting into the economy, most consumers still have no confidence. So it's YOUR fault that we're all screwed and going to die poor and alone. Not the corrupt companies that screwed us out of untold millions of dollars, or the economic climate, or ANYTHING. It's not my fault. I bought TWO books at Borders yesterday, and one was a HARDCOVER. It's all because you won't buy me an apartment. Don't get me STARTED on the housing market. That's your fault too. Also global warming and Jennifer Anniston's movie career. Well? What do you have to say for yourself?
TeeVee
* Fuck it. I spent ten minutes cursing at the computer and trying to figure out how to embed the trailer for Bored To Death, the new show on HBO coming this fall and starring two guys I like with ridiculously challenging last names (Jason Schwartzman and Zach Galifianakis, and you bet your sweet ass I copy and pasted that) and I ADORE detective themed things, which is why I still love Raymond Chandler and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, but I couldn't figure out all the damn technical shit, and I'm TIRED and was up late trying to figure out a scene in my book (180 pages typed, and they are all BAD, YAAAAY!) and I have work today and people are not texting me back so I don't KNOW what's happening tonight, and I really want to curl up and read The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, because I can't read The Strain until I finish MY vampire book, and everyone is SICK of vampires anyway, and HBO is on my shit list because Hung is not funny AT ALL, so you know what? Click on the damn link, and then watch Bored To Death, because writers pretending to be detectives is AWESOME.
Daily Hot Guy
[Zack Snyder, director of Dawn of the Dead (the remake, which I fucking love, and you should love, although of course it doesn't have the political and social commentary of the original), 300 (dooming me to eternally scream, "THIS. IS. INSERT WORD HERE" and imagine I am kicking irritating people into the Pit of Death), and of course, Watchmen, which DID NOT SUCK and he had Jackie Earle Haley play Rorschach, WHICH IS ALL I NEED OUT OF LIFE, and Snyder lives his life entirely in slow-motion, and really, directors are not supposed to be sexy, and his appeal is WARPING my fragile mind, but in a good way, and STOP MAKING EVERYTHING BLU-RAY, you sexy devil, you]
Comics
* Oh, LA Times, go fuck yourself. A girl can like comics. Not just because of the hot guys (which, obviously, I do appreciate a great deal) but because comics and science fiction and fantasy kick ASS. I have been to the New York Comic Con, and you KNOW what I got the most excited about? Saying hi to Mike Mignola, seeing Neil Gaiman speak, and harassing the poor DC Comics guy about why Ron Perlman wasn't going to play The Comedian in Watchmen (not that Jeffrey Dean Morgan didn't do an amazing job). Also the free shit and seeing Bill Hader gush about Neil Gaiman and accidentally body-checking Chris Carter as he ran to the bathroom. And the lightsaber fights.
Look, in many ways girls that go to ComicCons are like girls who do not: some of us like hot guys and makeup and shoes. Some of us do not (I do, as you probably know by now, but I am not representative of anyone but myself). The point is, I can't imagine paying the amount of money you have to put down for a ComicCon just to stare psychotically at an attractive male. Why can't I do both? I'm complicated, and I can be just as excited about asking Mike Mignola if he thinks the film version of Hellboy remains true to the mythology set down in the comics AND think Zachary Quinto is hot. I can multitask, dammit. Now I'm offended and angry and running out of coffee and just sort of pissed I can't afford to go to ANY ComicCon's this year, the end.
Journalism
* Malcolm Gladwell sez: "You can't start blogging at 23 and call yourself a journalist."
ElleVee sez: "What the hell do you call this then? You're just jealous because I'm not old and saggy."
* If a tree falls in the forest and hits Bill O'Reilly, will he FINALLY stop screaming? No. He never will.
* World, if you are serious about Long Island being a state, I will sign whatever you need to get that done:
Wow
* For all those people who don't think pyromania is sexy:
[Found at LikeCool]
[Found at LikeCool]
Well, I have a new crush. Fire is the cleanser. Of LOVE. Click here for a ton more pictures.
Geek Want
* I'm lying, I don't want to own these shoes:
[Found at BoingBoing]
I want to HANG OUT with someone wearing these shoes, and bask in the light of their awesome and win. Like, if Jackie Earle Haley wore these shoes, the world would implode with sheer coolness.
Politics
* Continuing our Sarah Palin coverage, here are a few quick links of rumors that may turn out to be true, for your edification:
- Sarah Palin is maybe going to work to stop abortion, even though she CHOSE to have her youngest child, which is what being PRO-CHOICE IS ABOUT.
- Sarah Palin lost her shit over shit over the piles of paperwork and legal issues and can't handle you all YELLING AT HER ALL THE TIME, so she quit to go not be a quitter, because clearly quitting is what you do when you're a FIGHTER.
- Sarah Palin had a long and serious talk with Dick Cheney and Rudy Giuliani before deciding to run screaming into the woods of of Alaska. Clearly, a dude who SHOT A DUDE IN THE FACE and also wants America to be attacked, and another dude who married his cousin and makes me think of the movie Leprechaun, are the perfect people to consult when making important life choices.
The one good thing about CNN? Anderson Cooper and his Arms of Morality.
- LV
* Title is from the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett (specifically Pyramids) and is the defense I use whenever I declare war on the dolphins, who will bail at the first sign of trouble. Jerks.
Tattoo Of Win
[Found at LOLTATZ]
Well. That was certainly one way to start off the day. Blind.
Food
* This link will give you food and drink hacks, including:
- How to build a fire with chocolate and Coke.
- Open a beer bottle with a piece of paper.
- Not cry while cutting onions.
The first one I listed will obviously be useful when the zombies attack, but mostly I just want to see people try to do these hacks and fail. 'Look, dudes, take the piece of paper, take the beer bottle, and- OH GODS MY EYES THE BEER STINGS!' Then I laugh and open my beer bottle with an opener.
Words of Win
see more Fail Blog
YouTube Wonders
* This isn't being posted because it obliquely has to do with Michael Jackson. This is being posted because the reporter HIT a dude, and that is always funny. But the real beauty is the expression of amused horror on the anchor's face.
EMBED-Reporter Slaps Drunk Michael Jackson Fan - Watch more free videos
Books
* Here is an article on why even 'young authors' are generally in their thirties. Clearly I need to break this trend, and be published by twenty-five. So I need to have written a book by the time I was ten, and MAYBE the book would be out by now if the editing process had gone smoothly. By my calculations, if I finish editing my book by the end of THIS month, and send it out to agents, etc, I can expect to be published around the time I start wearing turbans and apply for Social Security (which won't exist anymore!). So... shit. I'm depressed. Switching from alcohol to hard booze.
People I Love
* Ryan Gosling is one of the very, VERY few people allowed to get away with shit like this:
[Found at BestWeekEver]
And even he had better not push it. But he was on the Mickey Mouse Club AND Are You Afraid of the Dark?. He can do whatever the hell he wants.
Remake!Fail
* This is a joke, right? It's not a remake, but... WHY would anyone make a movie out of Asteroids? There is no plot. There are no characters. There is a tiny ship, and it shoots asteroids and aliens. The ship can't even move very much. There are no graphics, and frankly that's great and I loved this game when I got my first computer (it was called a Unicorn (I'm serious) and I still want to know what truck from hell that machine fell off the back of, but at nine I thought it was rad) and I played it all the time, and I don't WANT Hollywood to do anything with it. LEAVE ASTEROIDS ALONE.
Depression Session
* You should be ashamed of yourself. Yes, you. What with all the hard work our government is putting into the economy, most consumers still have no confidence. So it's YOUR fault that we're all screwed and going to die poor and alone. Not the corrupt companies that screwed us out of untold millions of dollars, or the economic climate, or ANYTHING. It's not my fault. I bought TWO books at Borders yesterday, and one was a HARDCOVER. It's all because you won't buy me an apartment. Don't get me STARTED on the housing market. That's your fault too. Also global warming and Jennifer Anniston's movie career. Well? What do you have to say for yourself?
TeeVee
* Fuck it. I spent ten minutes cursing at the computer and trying to figure out how to embed the trailer for Bored To Death, the new show on HBO coming this fall and starring two guys I like with ridiculously challenging last names (Jason Schwartzman and Zach Galifianakis, and you bet your sweet ass I copy and pasted that) and I ADORE detective themed things, which is why I still love Raymond Chandler and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, but I couldn't figure out all the damn technical shit, and I'm TIRED and was up late trying to figure out a scene in my book (180 pages typed, and they are all BAD, YAAAAY!) and I have work today and people are not texting me back so I don't KNOW what's happening tonight, and I really want to curl up and read The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, because I can't read The Strain until I finish MY vampire book, and everyone is SICK of vampires anyway, and HBO is on my shit list because Hung is not funny AT ALL, so you know what? Click on the damn link, and then watch Bored To Death, because writers pretending to be detectives is AWESOME.
Daily Hot Guy
[Zack Snyder, director of Dawn of the Dead (the remake, which I fucking love, and you should love, although of course it doesn't have the political and social commentary of the original), 300 (dooming me to eternally scream, "THIS. IS. INSERT WORD HERE" and imagine I am kicking irritating people into the Pit of Death), and of course, Watchmen, which DID NOT SUCK and he had Jackie Earle Haley play Rorschach, WHICH IS ALL I NEED OUT OF LIFE, and Snyder lives his life entirely in slow-motion, and really, directors are not supposed to be sexy, and his appeal is WARPING my fragile mind, but in a good way, and STOP MAKING EVERYTHING BLU-RAY, you sexy devil, you]
Comics
* Oh, LA Times, go fuck yourself. A girl can like comics. Not just because of the hot guys (which, obviously, I do appreciate a great deal) but because comics and science fiction and fantasy kick ASS. I have been to the New York Comic Con, and you KNOW what I got the most excited about? Saying hi to Mike Mignola, seeing Neil Gaiman speak, and harassing the poor DC Comics guy about why Ron Perlman wasn't going to play The Comedian in Watchmen (not that Jeffrey Dean Morgan didn't do an amazing job). Also the free shit and seeing Bill Hader gush about Neil Gaiman and accidentally body-checking Chris Carter as he ran to the bathroom. And the lightsaber fights.
Look, in many ways girls that go to ComicCons are like girls who do not: some of us like hot guys and makeup and shoes. Some of us do not (I do, as you probably know by now, but I am not representative of anyone but myself). The point is, I can't imagine paying the amount of money you have to put down for a ComicCon just to stare psychotically at an attractive male. Why can't I do both? I'm complicated, and I can be just as excited about asking Mike Mignola if he thinks the film version of Hellboy remains true to the mythology set down in the comics AND think Zachary Quinto is hot. I can multitask, dammit. Now I'm offended and angry and running out of coffee and just sort of pissed I can't afford to go to ANY ComicCon's this year, the end.
Journalism
* Malcolm Gladwell sez: "You can't start blogging at 23 and call yourself a journalist."
ElleVee sez: "What the hell do you call this then? You're just jealous because I'm not old and saggy."
* If a tree falls in the forest and hits Bill O'Reilly, will he FINALLY stop screaming? No. He never will.
* World, if you are serious about Long Island being a state, I will sign whatever you need to get that done:
Wow
* For all those people who don't think pyromania is sexy:
[Found at LikeCool]
[Found at LikeCool]
Well, I have a new crush. Fire is the cleanser. Of LOVE. Click here for a ton more pictures.
Geek Want
* I'm lying, I don't want to own these shoes:
[Found at BoingBoing]
I want to HANG OUT with someone wearing these shoes, and bask in the light of their awesome and win. Like, if Jackie Earle Haley wore these shoes, the world would implode with sheer coolness.
Politics
* Continuing our Sarah Palin coverage, here are a few quick links of rumors that may turn out to be true, for your edification:
- Sarah Palin is maybe going to work to stop abortion, even though she CHOSE to have her youngest child, which is what being PRO-CHOICE IS ABOUT.
- Sarah Palin lost her shit over shit over the piles of paperwork and legal issues and can't handle you all YELLING AT HER ALL THE TIME, so she quit to go not be a quitter, because clearly quitting is what you do when you're a FIGHTER.
- Sarah Palin had a long and serious talk with Dick Cheney and Rudy Giuliani before deciding to run screaming into the woods of of Alaska. Clearly, a dude who SHOT A DUDE IN THE FACE and also wants America to be attacked, and another dude who married his cousin and makes me think of the movie Leprechaun, are the perfect people to consult when making important life choices.
The one good thing about CNN? Anderson Cooper and his Arms of Morality.
- LV
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