BlogYou know what, Mal, I WILL. I AM HAVING A ROUGH WEEKEND. ALREADY. AND YOU AND YOUR TV SHOW AND MOVIE ARE PIECES OF THE SADNESS PUZZLE. Title is from Firefly.Animals* The Taco Bell Chihuahua died, and CNN just made FUN of it, which is kind of obnoxious. I mean, I know it's a dog. But a dog dying is almost as sad as certain CHARACTERS I LOVE DYING HORRIBLY FOR NO REASON. Ahem. Sorry. It was a rough night. Anyway, CNN is made of fail, and this Chihuahua (I cannot spell that) scared off a cougar, because it tried to eat its friend. You wouldn't do that, would you? You'd climb up a tree and watch your friend get eaten, wouldn't you? Everyone is very disappointed. You've shamed us all.Daily Hot Guy[Ianto Jones in a sweatshirt. Ignore the dead chicken thing. He's played by Gareth David-Lloyd. I didn't say ANYTHING. No spoilers here. Nope. KEEP MOVING. I'm crying because New Jersey smells bad.]Apocalypse How?* I'm not saying the plane itself will kill anyone:[Found at UniqueDaily]But people are sensitive and paranoid. You see this thing shoot by, you think, 'Oh shit, the DALEKS ARE HERE!' You run into your apartment, seal up all the windows and doors, break out your AK-47 and the beans and bottled water, and wait. And wait. And after a few days or weeks or months depending on your credit card bills, someone comes looking for you. And by then you have some nutritional deficiencies from only eating canned food and using a bucket instead of the bathroom, you hear the door being opened and think it's the zombies, FINALLY, and you shoot everyone and run through the streets like an ass. So no planes near homes, OK?TwiHate* Dear
: STOP IT. You already have books and movies. I accept that, with bad grace, but I accept it. But now you're going to be a comic? NO. JUST NO. STOP ENCROACHING ON MY TERRITORY? WHAT'S NEXT? YOU GOING TO HAVE ALAN MOORE WRITE IT? WILL NEIL GAIMAN DO A GUEST STORY? STOP BREATHING MY AIR. (I know they're vampires and they don't breathe, SHUT UP.) The point is, I AM VERY FRAGILE TODAY. AND YOU ARE MAKING ME EVEN MORE UNHAPPY. WHY? I DO NOT NEED TO GO INTO A COMIC SHOP AND HAVE STUPID TEENAGE GIRLS SIGHING OVER EDWARD 'I'M A CREEPY SPARKLY STALKER' CULLEN. I hate that I know his name. I HATE that I am using brain cells to store that knowledge. And while usually I subscribe to the philosophy that as long as people are reading, it doesn't matter what they're reading, in this case, NO. My imaginary children are not allowed to read Twilight. They can read Watchmen at TEN, but there is NO WAY they are going to grow up thinking it's OK to treat women like delicate objects of ownership, and be suckish and made of FAIL. Twilight comics. I may have to start drinking before noon.Girly Shit* If you get me these shoes, I will stop being sad and depressed and hostile. For ten minutes. More if you also let me get that manicure, and the complete
DVD series (except Children of the Earth, WHICH NEVER HAPPENED), and Dollhouse on DVD, and Gargoyles on DVD, and more of that awesome Bloody Mary Mix, and Jackie Earle Haley. And Alan Rickman, and Russell Brand. And Gareth David-Lloyd, who if I ever meet I am going to hug and refuse to let go of until the police come with cattle prods. I'm kidding, please don't arrest me. MusicThe Talking Heads are the only thing that might cheer me up today.ALSO, I got the NIN tickets. But the people I wanted to go with can't go on the day I got tickets for, so now I have to go alone, and I am stuck with the bill for all three tickets, WHICH I CANNOT AFFORD. So, Universe - Infinity. LV - 0.Technology* Do not let me near India's hot chili grenades. I will use them on ANYONE who makes me MILDLY cross. Including on my mother, who just asked me if the word 'welcome' had a 'D' on the end. I threatened to stick my head in the sink. SPELLING IS IMPORTANT, PEOPLE. That's why the country is in TATTERS. TATTERS, I SAY.What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. India is working on hot chili grenades. Which would be non-lethal, but extremely painful, so I couldn't get arrested for MURDER, now, could I? 'It was an accident, officer, he tripped and fell into the grenade. Did I say grenade? I meant Great-Nade! They're fun! LOOK OVER THERE IT'S A PONY.' Then I run away. Not that I would ever harm another person, even if the world is a cruel and sadistic place that gets off on making me upset and angry. I would just threaten them, yell a lot, then go have a good sulk. That's much more realistic. Plus I'm 5'0", and as well all know the only short dude with the power to terrify is Jackie Earle Haley, and he's at Comic-Con now, WITHOUT ME.Watchmen* This makes me very happy.Very, very happy. I am taking joy from wherever I can get it. Like here:ARCHIE ARCHIE ARCHIE. Leave me alone.Tattoo Of Win[Found at LOLTATZ]Food* These would also make me happy:[Found at WomansDay]They are macaroni and cheese nuggets. I would eat buckets of these, while drinking super-spicy bloody marys, and watching seasons 1 and 2 of Torchwood, taking a break between discs to view Watchmen, and then I would not feel so shitty and put upon by life. CAN SOMEONE MAKE THIS HAPPEN? Oh, and there are many more macaroni and cheese things here, including one with lobster, which I would eat the SHIT out of. That sounds disgusting.Moment Of Win* HOLY SHIT SHOOT IT IN THE HEAD:see more Fail BlogI know it's not a zombie, but the bitch has six fingers and a creepy smile. AIRTIGHT LOGIC.Hunter S. Thompson* Click this link to see John Cusack talking about why Hunter S. Thompson was so much win. * And here's a video of the man himself.If my unborn imaginary child is very lucky, his name will be Hunter Walter Ianto, instead of Walter Ianto Hunter, or Ianto Hunter Walter, or Rory. Although Rory is the least traumatizing name choice. 'Stop crying! You are named after heroes and warriors and makers of coffee and princes of badassery! If you the other kids tease you, BITE OFF THEIR CHEEKS.'Books* I didn't make this, but it's on the internet and in GRAPH FORM, so it must be true:see more Funny GraphsAlso vampires coated in booty dust are by definition made of fail. DEAL WITH IT.Harry Potter* Oh, LOOK! It's yet ANOTHER fandom that reduced me to a sobbing pile of misery and TEARS. How are you? Good? Ruin anyone else's day? Well, it's still early. Yes, I am going to make a LIST of fandoms that destroyed my brain and made me the way I am today, and I will PROVE MY THEORY that if I love a character, they end up NOT ALIVE. WHY MUST I BE CURSED SO? I mean, lots of people like Ozymandias. LOTS OF THEM. And his hair is FIERCE. WHY DID I NOT LOVE HIM?! HUH?! Sorry, sorry, I'm OK now. Obviously I have some geek!rage to deal with. Here are some amazing bits of trivia on the movie Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. It's interesting and fun, and David Thewlis (Lupin) has a baby with Anna Friel (Chuck from Pushing Daisies), which inexplicably pleases me. Maybe because one day ALL my fandoms will be connected.BUT: Harry's eyes do not look green in the movies. ANY of them. They look BLUE. NOT GREEN. So I don't get this bullshit about him wearing green contacts, when I have had MANY conversations about blue-eyed FAIL. Or maybe my TVs just have fucked up color issues.Star Trek* The only DVDs I've bought recently are Watchmen-related. I am sort of over DVD-buying, especially since I tried to sell some for monies, and I sold my Ingmar Bergman Criterion Collection (IT HAD THREE MOVIES) for twelve bucks. But I may compromise (sorry, Rorschach) and buy the Star Trek DVD, because J.J. Abrams is totally going to endorse my geekery by showing me around the Enterprise (AND HAHAHAHA, it's ANOTHER fandom where my favorite character died. Wait, why am I laughing about that? OMFG, and Next Generation, TOO. I AM RIGHT ABOUT THE CURSE. Who wants an exorcism?)Most likely I will post again, because it is fun to be passive aggressive and shitty on the internet. Admit it, it totally is.- LV
: STOP IT. You already have books and movies. I accept that, with bad grace, but I accept it. But now you're going to be a comic? NO. JUST NO. STOP ENCROACHING ON MY TERRITORY? WHAT'S NEXT? YOU GOING TO HAVE ALAN MOORE WRITE IT? WILL NEIL GAIMAN DO A GUEST STORY? STOP BREATHING MY AIR. (I know they're vampires and they don't breathe, SHUT UP.) The point is, I AM VERY FRAGILE TODAY. AND YOU ARE MAKING ME EVEN MORE UNHAPPY. WHY? I DO NOT NEED TO GO INTO A COMIC SHOP AND HAVE STUPID TEENAGE GIRLS SIGHING OVER EDWARD 'I'M A CREEPY SPARKLY STALKER' CULLEN. I hate that I know his name. I HATE that I am using brain cells to store that knowledge. And while usually I subscribe to the philosophy that as long as people are reading, it doesn't matter what they're reading, in this case, NO. My imaginary children are not allowed to read Twilight. They can read Watchmen at TEN, but there is NO WAY they are going to grow up thinking it's OK to treat women like delicate objects of ownership, and be suckish and made of FAIL. Twilight comics. I may have to start drinking before noon.Girly Shit* If you get me these shoes, I will stop being sad and depressed and hostile. For ten minutes. More if you also let me get that manicure, and the complete
DVD series (except Children of the Earth, WHICH NEVER HAPPENED), and Dollhouse on DVD, and Gargoyles on DVD, and more of that awesome Bloody Mary Mix, and Jackie Earle Haley. And Alan Rickman, and Russell Brand. And Gareth David-Lloyd, who if I ever meet I am going to hug and refuse to let go of until the police come with cattle prods. I'm kidding, please don't arrest me. MusicThe Talking Heads are the only thing that might cheer me up today.ALSO, I got the NIN tickets. But the people I wanted to go with can't go on the day I got tickets for, so now I have to go alone, and I am stuck with the bill for all three tickets, WHICH I CANNOT AFFORD. So, Universe - Infinity. LV - 0.Technology* Do not let me near India's hot chili grenades. I will use them on ANYONE who makes me MILDLY cross. Including on my mother, who just asked me if the word 'welcome' had a 'D' on the end. I threatened to stick my head in the sink. SPELLING IS IMPORTANT, PEOPLE. That's why the country is in TATTERS. TATTERS, I SAY.What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. India is working on hot chili grenades. Which would be non-lethal, but extremely painful, so I couldn't get arrested for MURDER, now, could I? 'It was an accident, officer, he tripped and fell into the grenade. Did I say grenade? I meant Great-Nade! They're fun! LOOK OVER THERE IT'S A PONY.' Then I run away. Not that I would ever harm another person, even if the world is a cruel and sadistic place that gets off on making me upset and angry. I would just threaten them, yell a lot, then go have a good sulk. That's much more realistic. Plus I'm 5'0", and as well all know the only short dude with the power to terrify is Jackie Earle Haley, and he's at Comic-Con now, WITHOUT ME.Watchmen* This makes me very happy.Very, very happy. I am taking joy from wherever I can get it. Like here:ARCHIE ARCHIE ARCHIE. Leave me alone.Tattoo Of Win[Found at LOLTATZ]Food* These would also make me happy:[Found at WomansDay]They are macaroni and cheese nuggets. I would eat buckets of these, while drinking super-spicy bloody marys, and watching seasons 1 and 2 of Torchwood, taking a break between discs to view Watchmen, and then I would not feel so shitty and put upon by life. CAN SOMEONE MAKE THIS HAPPEN? Oh, and there are many more macaroni and cheese things here, including one with lobster, which I would eat the SHIT out of. That sounds disgusting.Moment Of Win* HOLY SHIT SHOOT IT IN THE HEAD:see more Fail BlogI know it's not a zombie, but the bitch has six fingers and a creepy smile. AIRTIGHT LOGIC.Hunter S. Thompson* Click this link to see John Cusack talking about why Hunter S. Thompson was so much win. * And here's a video of the man himself.If my unborn imaginary child is very lucky, his name will be Hunter Walter Ianto, instead of Walter Ianto Hunter, or Ianto Hunter Walter, or Rory. Although Rory is the least traumatizing name choice. 'Stop crying! You are named after heroes and warriors and makers of coffee and princes of badassery! If you the other kids tease you, BITE OFF THEIR CHEEKS.'Books* I didn't make this, but it's on the internet and in GRAPH FORM, so it must be true:see more Funny GraphsAlso vampires coated in booty dust are by definition made of fail. DEAL WITH IT.Harry Potter* Oh, LOOK! It's yet ANOTHER fandom that reduced me to a sobbing pile of misery and TEARS. How are you? Good? Ruin anyone else's day? Well, it's still early. Yes, I am going to make a LIST of fandoms that destroyed my brain and made me the way I am today, and I will PROVE MY THEORY that if I love a character, they end up NOT ALIVE. WHY MUST I BE CURSED SO? I mean, lots of people like Ozymandias. LOTS OF THEM. And his hair is FIERCE. WHY DID I NOT LOVE HIM?! HUH?! Sorry, sorry, I'm OK now. Obviously I have some geek!rage to deal with. Here are some amazing bits of trivia on the movie Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. It's interesting and fun, and David Thewlis (Lupin) has a baby with Anna Friel (Chuck from Pushing Daisies), which inexplicably pleases me. Maybe because one day ALL my fandoms will be connected.BUT: Harry's eyes do not look green in the movies. ANY of them. They look BLUE. NOT GREEN. So I don't get this bullshit about him wearing green contacts, when I have had MANY conversations about blue-eyed FAIL. Or maybe my TVs just have fucked up color issues.Star Trek* The only DVDs I've bought recently are Watchmen-related. I am sort of over DVD-buying, especially since I tried to sell some for monies, and I sold my Ingmar Bergman Criterion Collection (IT HAD THREE MOVIES) for twelve bucks. But I may compromise (sorry, Rorschach) and buy the Star Trek DVD, because J.J. Abrams is totally going to endorse my geekery by showing me around the Enterprise (AND HAHAHAHA, it's ANOTHER fandom where my favorite character died. Wait, why am I laughing about that? OMFG, and Next Generation, TOO. I AM RIGHT ABOUT THE CURSE. Who wants an exorcism?)Most likely I will post again, because it is fun to be passive aggressive and shitty on the internet. Admit it, it totally is.- LV
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