Blog
* Pushing Daisies was cancelled. 90210 was not cancelled. If you ever needed proof that there is no god, this is it.
Freakangels Friday
* Today IS going to be a good day. Because another week of FREAKANGELS has come, and we are blessed with the wisdom of Warren Ellis. When is his next novel coming out? I believe the Barnes & Nobles I worked at was closed in part by my continued fixation on selling copies of Crooked Little Vein to inappropriate customers. 'Children's book? Well, this has Godzilla in it. What's bukkake? Um... it means smile. Yes. Smile.' 'Need a present for your grandma? This has a love story! It's sweet! Tell me, is your grandmother on any heart medication?' But I digress. Go read FREAKANGELS. I will read it after I post this, so spoilers below my signature.
Comics
* I came THISCLOSE to going to the San Diego ComicCon, and one day I will get over that, maybe. But my friends who are going have to have a good time. THEY ARE OBLIGATED. Here is a list of stuff that WILL NOT be at the ComicCon, including Joss Whedon's new horror/comedy thing, but that HARDLY comforts me. Did you see what IS going to be there? DID YOU? This is because I make fun of religion and stupid people, isn't it?
People I Love
* This may have filled me with geek love. Like a lot. Rainn Wilson, Nathan 'Captain Tightpants' Fillion, and comics. This also proves my theory that Twitter can be used for good. And they both used the phrase, 'shit percolating,' which inexplicably delights me. I have no idea what the project could be, but I will endorse it and buy it. Because Nathan Fillion rules. He's Captain Reynolds, DAMMIT.
Remake!Fail
* Well, I quit. Me and Hollywood are breaking up. This is it. I am DISGUSTED. I put up with a LOT, Hollywood. I forgave you for shafting Terry Gilliam, and mis-marketing Be Kind Rewind and Grindhouse and apparently driving M. Night Shyamalan insane. But COME THE HELL ON? I really had been actively pretending that the Karate Kid remake was all a sick, tacky joke. But it's all too real. Oh, wait, you're calling it the Kung Fu Kid. THAT MAKES IT ALL BETTER, DOESN'T IT? Here's the summary:
OK, why the FUCK is Will Smith's spawn acting now? I am not getting behind this. Your father can act, sometimes (in Six Degrees of Separation, although since then I have come to despise him, excluding of course The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, which is still funny and timeless) but he has lost his mind and now insists on making painfully bad movies like Hancock, which people continue to see and I DO NOT KNOW WHY. When he's not making movies about jellyfish killing people, of course.
And Jackie Chan. No. NO. I expected better from you. You are made of WIN. Even when you make awful, stupid movies, you continue to be made of win. Remember First Strike? THAT WAS GREAT. And I know you're getting older, but this is NOT the solution. No, don't try to explain yourself. I can't even look at you right now.
Depression Session
* This may be bitchy of me, but I find this story sort of entertaining. In Indiana, you can't just sit around and be unemployed anymore. Oh, no.
This is all news to me. Does this happen in other states? I mean, I was unemployed in New York for months, and while I wasn't collecting unemployment so nobody gave a shit while I STARVED, and I was submitting dozens of goddamn job applications PER DAY, nobody even TOLD me about this. I kind of like the idea. Except, as I am an excellent example of, sometimes you send out twenty job applications a day, and are willing to break most major laws, and you STILL don't get a job, and then the depression and jag crying spells happen, which help NO ONE. Maybe they should help people find jobs they can actually GET? Instead of rubbing in the shittiness of the job market? Anyone?
Daily Hot Guy
[Alexander Skarsgard, AKA Eric Northman in True Blood before his hair got all bloody, but it's sexy now so it's OK, and who managed to replace Vampire Bill in my heart, because Eric would kick your ass and degrade you and ruin your life, and still be totally bored by you. Except I think he's going to be in the Straw Dogs remake, and we need to have a chat about that.]
TeeVee
* So while watching Burn Notice last night (such a good show), a trailer for Torchwood: Children of Earth came on. And I maybe screamed and cheered and then had to go lie down, and then panicked because OMFG it's on at nine ever night next week, which is the SAME TIME as Burn Notice, until I was reminded that we have that recording thing on the TVs in my house, so maybe I should not panic even though I can't work it, so I will have to figure that out at some point before Monday. Anyway. Good news everybody! They are airing each episode uncut, so they will run over an hour, AND there will be special Inside Interviews with the cast and crew. All I care about is Jack/Ianto. TEAM IANTO. He's my favorite. DON'T SPOIL IT FOR ME, NON-AMERICANS. Or I can sue you for emotional damage, and also I will win my very own Jack Harkness and he will KILL you for me and Ianto will make me coffee and we will be friends. My fourth cup of coffee, why do you ask?
Journalism
* The Continuing Brain-Snap of Glenn Beck: in which his logic goes like this: Obama is a man. Hitler was a man. Ergo, OBAMA WANTS TO KILL ALL THE PEOPLE OH NOES. You think I'm kidding. And I am, but not by much. What's it like in Glenn Beck's head? I imagine it's very loud. That's why he has to yell so much, to drown out the voices.
* Even with this news story about ginormous cucumbers (seriously. THIS IS ON THE NEWS. SOMEONE DECIDED THAT THIS WAS PERTINENT INFORMATION) I really miss MSNBC. CNN is destroying my brain. And Fox... well, the less said the better. But Dave Shuster losing his shit and laughing over the cucumber kind of makes me forgive many, many sins. Good thing Pat Buchanan wasn't on - you know it would've been a goddamn SOCIALIST cucumber and he would chop it up, for DEMOCRACY.
Wow
* This is a billboard that bleeds when it rains, to remind you not to drive recklessly in bad weather.
Apparently it works, and it's brilliant marketing, but it upsets and frightens me profoundly. So it's effective. And creepy. I want to meet whoever thought this up. And understand their brain. Because this is some David Lynch shit right there.
Geek Want
* This would be more effective than ANY anti-depressant:
[Found at NerdApproved]
It lays eggs and dances and SMILES! It is a sincere delight. And it SINGS. This could revolutionize the world. Give one to everyone. Violence will go down. IT LAYS LITTLE PLASTIC EGGS. Of course, productivity will plummet, as the entire world sits around smiling at the plastic ducks. And then they will be our overlords. Which I'm also fine with. DUCKY!
Politics
* Sometimes you just have to wonder about politicians. Lindsey Graham is suggesting we shouldn't probe the personal lives of politicians, because everyone has dark secrets. Dark, dark secrets. Including him. This is the verbal equivalent of holding up a sign that says, 'I got some skeletons buried in the closet, DIG! DIG FOR THE TRUTH!' He might as well just say, 'Don't go near that brothel on Main Street and mention General Randypants, OK?' SOMEONE NEEDS TO DO THAT. Not call him that, though. That was just creepy. But really, imagine if Bill Clinton had said, 'See that intern over there? Don't ask her any questions about me, OK, guys?' It would have been a madhouse. More so than it was anyway.
* If I am ever a politician, and I am married and trying to maintain me dignity, I will not have an affair with my friend's husband. But if I DO have an affair with my friend's husband, who WORKS FOR ME, I promise, I PROMISE, that I will not ask my mommy and daddy for money to pay off my lover. Listen to this: you are having a hot affair. And you have to go to your mom and DAD, and say, 'Listen, so I'm cheating on my partner, and I can't pay my lover to go away because that's illegal, so can I borrow thousands of dollars to make them leave me alone? Mommy?" When did politics get so lame? Sarah Palin and Pat Buchanan need to have a love affair. I'm depressed by these lame politicians. You know what JFK did when his affairs went badly? HE KILLED THEM AND SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE? I have no proof to back this up, but you didn't see him cringing and crying and going to his parents for money to make his affairs go away. I mean, Mark Sandford and John Ensign are lame. They can't even have GOOD scandals. At least Jon Edwards is coming across as a total douchebag. God, I'm depressed by this. Hunter Thompson would skull-fuck these guys to death, then dance on their ashes. I miss him.
Enough for now. FREAKANGELS, and then I have to go get ready for Watchmen: The Director's Cut. I am wearing a fedora, and I have to CROSS STATE LINES TO SEE THIS MOVIE. Not that I'm complaining. I am filled with delight. And I'm going with my friends! I will post pictures, at least of the theater. And I decided not to wear my Watchmen sweatshirt and beanie, because it is New York City and hot as hell, and if I die of heatstroke I will miss the movie.
- LV
WARNING: SPOILERS FOR FREAKANGELS BELOW
* OH MY FUCKING GOD. THAT WAS INTENSE. DUDE. But doesn't Luke have the Brain Powerz? I bet someone stops the bullet. But it's INTENSE. And the more I hear about Mark, the more curious I become. He sounds like a sick bastard. And Karl did not die once again. Warren Ellis must be plotting someone. Lastly, beautiful, beautiful art. I know it's simple, but the blood behind Luke is so effective. I loves me FREAKANGELS.
* Pushing Daisies was cancelled. 90210 was not cancelled. If you ever needed proof that there is no god, this is it.
Freakangels Friday
* Today IS going to be a good day. Because another week of FREAKANGELS has come, and we are blessed with the wisdom of Warren Ellis. When is his next novel coming out? I believe the Barnes & Nobles I worked at was closed in part by my continued fixation on selling copies of Crooked Little Vein to inappropriate customers. 'Children's book? Well, this has Godzilla in it. What's bukkake? Um... it means smile. Yes. Smile.' 'Need a present for your grandma? This has a love story! It's sweet! Tell me, is your grandmother on any heart medication?' But I digress. Go read FREAKANGELS. I will read it after I post this, so spoilers below my signature.
Comics
* I came THISCLOSE to going to the San Diego ComicCon, and one day I will get over that, maybe. But my friends who are going have to have a good time. THEY ARE OBLIGATED. Here is a list of stuff that WILL NOT be at the ComicCon, including Joss Whedon's new horror/comedy thing, but that HARDLY comforts me. Did you see what IS going to be there? DID YOU? This is because I make fun of religion and stupid people, isn't it?
People I Love
* This may have filled me with geek love. Like a lot. Rainn Wilson, Nathan 'Captain Tightpants' Fillion, and comics. This also proves my theory that Twitter can be used for good. And they both used the phrase, 'shit percolating,' which inexplicably delights me. I have no idea what the project could be, but I will endorse it and buy it. Because Nathan Fillion rules. He's Captain Reynolds, DAMMIT.
Remake!Fail
* Well, I quit. Me and Hollywood are breaking up. This is it. I am DISGUSTED. I put up with a LOT, Hollywood. I forgave you for shafting Terry Gilliam, and mis-marketing Be Kind Rewind and Grindhouse and apparently driving M. Night Shyamalan insane. But COME THE HELL ON? I really had been actively pretending that the Karate Kid remake was all a sick, tacky joke. But it's all too real. Oh, wait, you're calling it the Kung Fu Kid. THAT MAKES IT ALL BETTER, DOESN'T IT? Here's the summary:
Jaden Smith plays Dre, a skateboarding video game buff who is forced to move to China after his single mother (Taraji P. Henson) is forced to transfer to the China for work. Of course, unable to speak Chinese, Dre finds it hard to settle in, and gets beat up by the local bully. Jackie Chan plays Mr. Han, a maintenance man who spots Dre’s black-eye and offers to teach him both martial arts and Chinese, so he can defend against the students of Li Quan Ha’s Fighting dragon school of Kung-Fu.
OK, why the FUCK is Will Smith's spawn acting now? I am not getting behind this. Your father can act, sometimes (in Six Degrees of Separation, although since then I have come to despise him, excluding of course The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, which is still funny and timeless) but he has lost his mind and now insists on making painfully bad movies like Hancock, which people continue to see and I DO NOT KNOW WHY. When he's not making movies about jellyfish killing people, of course.
And Jackie Chan. No. NO. I expected better from you. You are made of WIN. Even when you make awful, stupid movies, you continue to be made of win. Remember First Strike? THAT WAS GREAT. And I know you're getting older, but this is NOT the solution. No, don't try to explain yourself. I can't even look at you right now.
Depression Session
* This may be bitchy of me, but I find this story sort of entertaining. In Indiana, you can't just sit around and be unemployed anymore. Oh, no.
Those on unemployment must now submit at least one job application each week and also look for work at least two other places. Previously, unemployment recipients simply had to conduct three work searches per week.
This is all news to me. Does this happen in other states? I mean, I was unemployed in New York for months, and while I wasn't collecting unemployment so nobody gave a shit while I STARVED, and I was submitting dozens of goddamn job applications PER DAY, nobody even TOLD me about this. I kind of like the idea. Except, as I am an excellent example of, sometimes you send out twenty job applications a day, and are willing to break most major laws, and you STILL don't get a job, and then the depression and jag crying spells happen, which help NO ONE. Maybe they should help people find jobs they can actually GET? Instead of rubbing in the shittiness of the job market? Anyone?
Daily Hot Guy
[Alexander Skarsgard, AKA Eric Northman in True Blood before his hair got all bloody, but it's sexy now so it's OK, and who managed to replace Vampire Bill in my heart, because Eric would kick your ass and degrade you and ruin your life, and still be totally bored by you. Except I think he's going to be in the Straw Dogs remake, and we need to have a chat about that.]
TeeVee
* So while watching Burn Notice last night (such a good show), a trailer for Torchwood: Children of Earth came on. And I maybe screamed and cheered and then had to go lie down, and then panicked because OMFG it's on at nine ever night next week, which is the SAME TIME as Burn Notice, until I was reminded that we have that recording thing on the TVs in my house, so maybe I should not panic even though I can't work it, so I will have to figure that out at some point before Monday. Anyway. Good news everybody! They are airing each episode uncut, so they will run over an hour, AND there will be special Inside Interviews with the cast and crew. All I care about is Jack/Ianto. TEAM IANTO. He's my favorite. DON'T SPOIL IT FOR ME, NON-AMERICANS. Or I can sue you for emotional damage, and also I will win my very own Jack Harkness and he will KILL you for me and Ianto will make me coffee and we will be friends. My fourth cup of coffee, why do you ask?
Journalism
* The Continuing Brain-Snap of Glenn Beck: in which his logic goes like this: Obama is a man. Hitler was a man. Ergo, OBAMA WANTS TO KILL ALL THE PEOPLE OH NOES. You think I'm kidding. And I am, but not by much. What's it like in Glenn Beck's head? I imagine it's very loud. That's why he has to yell so much, to drown out the voices.
* Even with this news story about ginormous cucumbers (seriously. THIS IS ON THE NEWS. SOMEONE DECIDED THAT THIS WAS PERTINENT INFORMATION) I really miss MSNBC. CNN is destroying my brain. And Fox... well, the less said the better. But Dave Shuster losing his shit and laughing over the cucumber kind of makes me forgive many, many sins. Good thing Pat Buchanan wasn't on - you know it would've been a goddamn SOCIALIST cucumber and he would chop it up, for DEMOCRACY.
Wow
* This is a billboard that bleeds when it rains, to remind you not to drive recklessly in bad weather.
Apparently it works, and it's brilliant marketing, but it upsets and frightens me profoundly. So it's effective. And creepy. I want to meet whoever thought this up. And understand their brain. Because this is some David Lynch shit right there.
Geek Want
* This would be more effective than ANY anti-depressant:
[Found at NerdApproved]
It lays eggs and dances and SMILES! It is a sincere delight. And it SINGS. This could revolutionize the world. Give one to everyone. Violence will go down. IT LAYS LITTLE PLASTIC EGGS. Of course, productivity will plummet, as the entire world sits around smiling at the plastic ducks. And then they will be our overlords. Which I'm also fine with. DUCKY!
Politics
* Sometimes you just have to wonder about politicians. Lindsey Graham is suggesting we shouldn't probe the personal lives of politicians, because everyone has dark secrets. Dark, dark secrets. Including him. This is the verbal equivalent of holding up a sign that says, 'I got some skeletons buried in the closet, DIG! DIG FOR THE TRUTH!' He might as well just say, 'Don't go near that brothel on Main Street and mention General Randypants, OK?' SOMEONE NEEDS TO DO THAT. Not call him that, though. That was just creepy. But really, imagine if Bill Clinton had said, 'See that intern over there? Don't ask her any questions about me, OK, guys?' It would have been a madhouse. More so than it was anyway.
* If I am ever a politician, and I am married and trying to maintain me dignity, I will not have an affair with my friend's husband. But if I DO have an affair with my friend's husband, who WORKS FOR ME, I promise, I PROMISE, that I will not ask my mommy and daddy for money to pay off my lover. Listen to this: you are having a hot affair. And you have to go to your mom and DAD, and say, 'Listen, so I'm cheating on my partner, and I can't pay my lover to go away because that's illegal, so can I borrow thousands of dollars to make them leave me alone? Mommy?" When did politics get so lame? Sarah Palin and Pat Buchanan need to have a love affair. I'm depressed by these lame politicians. You know what JFK did when his affairs went badly? HE KILLED THEM AND SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE? I have no proof to back this up, but you didn't see him cringing and crying and going to his parents for money to make his affairs go away. I mean, Mark Sandford and John Ensign are lame. They can't even have GOOD scandals. At least Jon Edwards is coming across as a total douchebag. God, I'm depressed by this. Hunter Thompson would skull-fuck these guys to death, then dance on their ashes. I miss him.
Enough for now. FREAKANGELS, and then I have to go get ready for Watchmen: The Director's Cut. I am wearing a fedora, and I have to CROSS STATE LINES TO SEE THIS MOVIE. Not that I'm complaining. I am filled with delight. And I'm going with my friends! I will post pictures, at least of the theater. And I decided not to wear my Watchmen sweatshirt and beanie, because it is New York City and hot as hell, and if I die of heatstroke I will miss the movie.
- LV
WARNING: SPOILERS FOR FREAKANGELS BELOW
* OH MY FUCKING GOD. THAT WAS INTENSE. DUDE. But doesn't Luke have the Brain Powerz? I bet someone stops the bullet. But it's INTENSE. And the more I hear about Mark, the more curious I become. He sounds like a sick bastard. And Karl did not die once again. Warren Ellis must be plotting someone. Lastly, beautiful, beautiful art. I know it's simple, but the blood behind Luke is so effective. I loves me FREAKANGELS.
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