Yeah, People Are Mostly Crap.

Blog
* Joss Whedon's characters are not bright balls of merriment. Title is from Dollhouse.

TwiHate
* Caro, who understands profoundly the evils and dangers of Twilight, sent me this article about how Twilight will ruin your love life. I agree with all these points, in particular how Bella is a disgusting human being stuck entirely on being around some dude, and how Edward doesn't seem to believe she can do things like buckle her seatbelt without his supervision. Anyway, aren't characters more interesting with flaws? And, you know, personalities? No? We just need them to sparkle? Oh... well, OK.
(Incidentally, I accidentally tagged this 'TwiGate,' which delighted me, because politics would officially need to shut down.)

Hunter S. Thompson
* I love this. It's one of my favorite factoids about Hunter S. Thompson:

Thompson spent hours copying "The Great Gatsby" over and over again to teach himself how to write.

He wanted to know how it felt to write those words. That reminds me of my frantic memorization of books that I love, as if remembering them could enhance my own writing. I don't know if it works, but it does give you a connection to the work.
I really want to know if Hunter S. Thompson ever read Transmetropolitan. And if he was amused or enraged. They seem equally likely.

TeeVee
* This gives me hope for Heroes, which I sorely need. Bryan Fuller, the show's producer, says that Redemption, the new installment of Heroes, will not suck. And he seems to know that the show needs to focus again, and go back to season one awesome. Although if they want Sweaty Sylar from Season 2 to come back, you will not hear me complaining at all.

* True Blood is insane. Good insane. And I have decided that Eric Northman should always be around children, because he is so entertained by them, and refers to them as 'tiny humans.' And it was really hot when he said, 'Are you scared of vampires, little girl?' I had to say it. Oh, and I'd like to be the Queen Vampire when I grow up, or at least have that sort of power to incite fear, and make people play Yahtzee whenever I choose.

Geek Want
* Tiny Ghostbusters!

[Found at NerdApproved]
I want a tiny Egon, and he will try to drill a tiny hole in his tiny head, and we will negate the possibility of Ghostbusters 3 , because Ghostbusters 2 sucked enough as it is.

Awesome
* THIS is what they should be teaching in schools:

Screw chemistry. I never use that shit anyway.

WTF, INTERNET?
* All right, REALLY:

[Found at NerdApproved]
I don't care about the pillows shaped like condom wrappers. Yeah, they're tacky and dumb, but whatever. They don't upset/offend/alarm/confound me. I want to talk about the pillows SHAPED like condoms.
- WHAT THE HELL, DUDE?
- You'd have to hide these whenever any relative came over. Because even if they're cool, you WILL end up having a sex conversation with Great Aunt Bertha.
- These are not funny. Now, keep in mind, I am talking about the one SHAPED like a condom. The others, if I saw them at a guy's house, I'd laugh and roll my eyes and move on. But for some reason, a large cloth condom really bothers me.
- Gentlemen: At some point you will get falling-down drunk and either A) try to use this when you are getting sexy with your lady friend, or B) try to have sex with this pillow, and never be able to look anyone in the eye, ever again.

Daily Hot Guy

[Robert Downey, Jr. who would never own the aforementioned pillows, and if he is a brat, I love me some brats, and WHEN is Sherlock Holmes coming out? And I think he should do an audio book for all the Sherlock Holmes stories, because I love them dearly, and want him to read them. Or Hugh Laurie. That would work. Why don't the people who decide such things return my calls?

Movie!Win
* I am moving Wes Anderson's Fantastic Mr. Fox from Movie!Fail to Movie!Win, because these new images do not scare the everloving shit out of me and come close to RUINING a Roald Dahl book for me, like the original picture did. I am still not happy about this, and would rather they not make this movie, but I think Mr. Anderson deserves some sort of commendation for making a Mr. Fox who does NOT inspire me to claw out my own eyes.

Wow
* This house was inspired by the game Jenga:

[Found at Neatorama]
Why is my first instinct to pull out one of the boards and then run away laughing?

Animals
* SCOTTISH SHEEP ARE SHRINKING! This makes me profoundly happy, because I want teeny tiny sheep that I can fit in my pocket, and I shall carry them with me, and name one Gob, because it just seems RIGHT, doesn't it?

[Found at io9]
I hope to one day have a teeny tiny herd that lives on my desk, and I will pet them, and they will be cuter than rats, which I STILL WANT, but am not allowed to own because I live at home with my parents, at 23, and that is all sorts of tragic. A tragedy that only tiny sheep can cure.

Journalism
* CNN reporters making weird, not-funny jokes about The Toxic Avenger. Seriously, shut the hell up. Marvel doesn't OWN The Toxic Avenger, Troma does, and I worked for Troma as an intern, ergo shut up. I hate everyone on CNN, mostly, except for Anderson Cooper, who is the Silver Fox of Wisdom.

* Did she just say we're 'Marvel-ing' over the deal between Disney and Marvel? This just in: Hunter Thompson is rising from the dead to EAT everyone at CNN. Even if he is ashes. They will CONGEAL with rage.

Girly Shit
* I need this bag:

[Found at LikeCool]
Admittedly it is not as cool as my Watchmen bag (you've seen it if you follow me on Twitter, otherwise you'll have to wait until I finish my T-Shirts and do a big post about it), but it's pretty close, and you can never have too many bags, and I could pretend to be Swiss, yes? Or a doctor? A SWISS doctor? Dr. Swiss? Yeah, clearly the coffee hasn't kicked in yet. But still. Do want this bag.

Music
* The Flaming Lips may have a song in the new Where The Wild Things Are trailer. This makes me very excited, because I love the Flaming Lips, and they would fit in perfectly with the imagery from the movie. But I kind of think they should keep the trailer they have, the one with the Arcade Fire song, because it alone is flawless and touches something profound in me, and maybe I cry a little whenever it comes on, because it's beautiful. But yeah, Flaming Lips rule.

Technology
* I tweet way too much. I'm nearing 10,000 Tweets, because I work from my computer and NEVER SHUT UP. And I text too much. But I have enough common sense to not do these things while walking/driving/moving. Unlike this girl, who FELL INTO A MANHOLE while texting. How intently are you texting that you failed to notice the open manhole in front of you? And now she's suing over it, because she lost her shoe. Can I sue her for being a moron who is unable to walk around OPEN HOLES IN THE GROUND? No? Then neither can she. These are the rules, which I have just made up, but are sound nonetheless.

Watchmen
* Um. OMFG I WANT. MINE.:

[Found at WatchmenComicMovie]
That is a lithograph SIGNED by Dave Gibbons. Further proof that everything is better in England. FURTHER PROOF. This is a PROMO from England, and OMFG, it's not even the half of it. You need to click here and share my insane lust, which is out of control over this, especially THIS:

[Found at WatchmenComicMovie]
Oh, WHY IS THIS NOT HERE WITH ME NOW?! There is so much more. There's a TIMELINE, and a written introduction by Zack Snyder, and, and, THIS IS MINE GIVE IT TO ME. MINE. DAMMIT. I'm going to hug my Watchmen bookmark, which I bought at Borders, and is NOT AS COOL, but is all I have, so SUCK IT.

* During a World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley pic!spam war (where everybody wins!) this came onto my computer screen:

Ozy's sassy pool party by ~Luthien13 on deviantART
Rorschach's bathing suit makes me so happy. He's modest. He's a GENTLEMAN. But it took me a while to figure out that Dr. Manhattan is the floaty toy, and that he is grinning in a most unsavory manner.

WhedonVerse
* Dollhouse! Oh, how I love thee, although I will be violent myself if we do not get more Alpha Wash, but WESLEY! Sorry, Alexis Denisoff is going to be on Dollhouse, and I hope A) he has an accent, and B) he is smarmy and immoral, because that would be wicked. Summer Glau is going to be on Dollhouse too, which is exciting for the fanboys, but I am much more thrilled to see the return of Denisoff, who I HATED on Buffy, and whose role on Angel eventually broke me like an EGG. So Dollhouse should be good this season, yes? And remember: if Topher dies, I called it. Just saying.

Ugh, Monday. Do not want. Coffee not working. Have a meeting thing tonight about a possible book thing (yes, I am being intentionally vague, and no, it's not about MY book). When I finish the other shirts, I will model them and take pictures, for the delight and edification of all.

I'm rereading and annotating Transmetropolitan (the whole comic series) and keeping track of notes and quotes from the genius of Warren Ellis. Volume 1 should be up in a day or so.

I'm thinking about listing all the things I'm working on here on my blog, for shits and giggles. And to prove that I DO work, and write, and sometimes make money from it. And to shame me into finishing stuff.

OK, have a good Monday. So far, mine has involved dog feces. Stupid dog.
- LV

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I Don't Have To Put Up With Your Misplaced Prepositions!

Blog
* You know what? Maybe you do. Maybe you do. Title is from Psych.

Tattoo Of Win
* I actually think this is a badass tattoo:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
But that doesn't mean it should be permanently burned into someone's skin. My judgement isn't always the best. What?

Moment Of Win

see more Fail Blog

Food
* This is NOT a bagel, which is too bad, because bagels are delicious and I miss Murray's Bagel shop in the city, and their lox, which was LIFE-CHANGING, and dammit, I just ate breakfast but now I want a bagel. Which this is not:

[Found at CakeSpy]
It is, in fact, a DOUGHNUT with cream-cheese frosting, and I want to make a shitload of these and not tell people what they really are, and see if they A) complain, or B) notice. But I'd eat them all, thus ruining the plan. Here's a recipe. Make some for me, OK?

Zombies
* So many people sent me this, but NAZI ZOMBIES. ZOMBIE NAZIS. BEST MOVIE EVAR.


Books
* Here's a great article on the Kindle debacle where they deleted books from people's Kindles, and everyone got angry, and now they're all trying to work together for the common good. Or something. I don't know. I'm sleepy. Is this decaf coffee? I don't know, I don't look, I just MAKE it. AND I miscounted the number of blank shirts I have. AND I need some Sharpies. And Spongebob is running around testing the slime viscosity of his pet snail. I can't find the batteries for the remote.
As far as all this goes, I'm just going to stick with real books, and also audio books, which is my new thing, if the author happens to be a deleriously sexy Welsh fellow.

Star Trek
* Apparently, I am very hungry today:

[Found at ONTD_StarTrek]
Zachary Quinto and I shall feast upon this glory, then go take over the world, because season two of Heroes is so problematic I cannot BEGIN to dissect it. I really would like to watch the movie again. It was really quite excellent.

Daily Hot Guy(s)

[Alan Rickman and Tom Felton from the Harry Potter series. This is why you always want to play with the bad guys. Because we get these fellas, and the good guys are stuck with Daniel Radcliffe, who seems like a fine young man, but really? No.]

Torchwood
* Sigh. They changed the covers for the new Torchwood books from gorgeous, Ianto covers to stupid Gwen covers:

[Found at a_silver_story]
I don't even have the energy to be angry anymore. I've been putting off finishing my Torchwood rewatch, because once it's done, I have to go back and watch Children of the Earth, because that's how my brain works, and I really don't want to be a sobbing, awful wreck over it again. At least not without proper alcohol cushioning of the system.
Joss Whedon may make me cry regularly, and consistently (but not in Dollhouse, yet, a fact that is now going to make me very nervous) but I never felt like he disrespected the characters. I never felt they were treated with anything but love, even when he was slaughtering them LEFT AND RIGHT. Russell T. Davies, you are not Joss Whedon. For so many reasons.

Inglourious Basterds
* So, by now we all know Christoph Waltz is going to get the Best Supporting Actor nomination for his terrifying, genius role as the Jew Hunter (and Jackie Earle Haley will get nominated for Best Actor, since he was the main character in Watchmen, and he should win because WTF for Little Children, he should have won for THAT, dammit, and then um... I don't know who should win for Best Actress. I'll get back to you) and Quentin Tarantino has publicly stated that if it weren't for Christoph Waltz gave him the movie, and I'm sort of inclined to agree, because he is the holding point, and he scares the SHIT out of me, and the strudel scene made me fear pastry. Here's an interview.

People I Love
* God DAMN, Seth Green:

[Found at WorldOfWonder]
I was going to write this whole long post on how much I loved you growing up, and how we're both short so we would be a cute couple, and how fun you are in everything, even utter shit, and how you were the only part of the movie It that didn't make me demented with fear, and how great you were in Can't Hardly Wait and Radio Days and Buffy, and how much I cried when Oz left the show, and I think Robot Chicken is a new sort of genius, and I wish you would work again with Joss Whedon, and basically how you are one of my longest crushes, if not intense and dramatic, consistent, one of those crushes that lasts forever, etc. etc.
But you know what? You look really good holding that gun. And Apparently, you get enough stupid questions.
So I say DAMN.

Stuff To Live
* Yeah, this should be free:

[Found at NerdApproved]
Because it's true. And you shouldn't have to pay for the truth. AIRTIGHT LOGIC.

Movie!Fail
* In high school, me and my friends went through a rabid phase wherein we all read Youth In Revolt numerous times, and essentially thought it was the greatest piece of literature in history. I don't know why. Because it's not that great, at all, and some parts are downright awful. I don't dislike the book, except for the discomfort I feel over our devotion. So the movie just... it does nothing for me at all. And I want Michael Cera to stop playing George Michael Bluth, unless he's IN the damn Arrested Development movie itself, AM I RIGHT?

Not feeling it. Sorry.

Jackie Earle Haley

[Found at JackieEarleHaleyFans]
I posted this to keep myself calm and not-upset when I read about all the awesome that 2010 will hold, and then realizing it is STILL 2009, and that Shutter Island got pushed back, and they still have the old date! WHY? But it's a cool interview, and the above picture soothes me so much.

Random
* OK, first of all, if you follow me on Twitter you get sneak peaks of all my stencil madness, which is why you should be following me on Twitter. The end. TOTE BAG OF WIN.

* Second of all: I found this autograph in my bag of autographs, and I have NO IDEA who it is from, because I am a bad person:

If you can help me identify this, I will reward you. Somehow. It is most likely a comic/movie/book person. That is not remotely helpful, is it?

* Finally, I cannot count. Or someone is stealing my shirts, which is ALARMING, because I only have three shirts and a tote, instead of four and a tote. So, I may go get more. I need more stencil paper, too. And Sharpies. These are my thoughts.
- LV

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What The Fuck Is It With White People & Jello?

Blog
* I think it has something to do with the way it jiggles so. But that's just a theory. Title is from True Blood.

T-Shirts
* I know there's an hour left, but I think we can all safely determine the winners. Plus I already started making the Watchmen tote of love, so it damn well better win. Here's the final tally:
- Watchmen: 73% (Tote Bag)
- Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog: 48%
- Doctor Who: 34%
- Firefly: 30%
- Hunter S. Thompson: 27%
- Torchwood: 27%
- True Blood: 16%
- Heroes: 15%
- Transmetropolitan: 9%

I have to admit, I was surprised. After a strong start, True Blood fell HARD. And how could more of you not vote for Transmetropolitan? Go read it, and feel the shame.

BUT I have a confession to make. I sort of lied a little. Well, not really. Just a bit. You guys voted, and therefore the shirts/totes I'm making are the five winners. BUT BUT do not despair, because I will be making the other shirts as well. Oh, yes. You can never have too many fandom shirts. Especially ones that fit. Since I am short, and most shirts could comfortably fit me and several other fangirls, and probably still have enough room for Rorschach to hide out. Just saying.

Pictures to follow.
- LV

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As Private Parts To The Gods Are We: They Play With Us For Their Sport!

Blog
* The gods are a bunch of sick bastards, aren't they? Title is from Blackadder.

Life
* I am watching Sponngebob, because I can't find the remote, and if I put anything on that I actually want to watch on the TV, this will never get done. FEET ARE DISGUSTING.

* Today I am making my tote. With any luck, I will post pictures today or tomorrow, depending on how much I get done, and how much I screw it up. Be excited.

* I am going to watch Torchwood and Heroes today, because it is raining buckets, and I am house-sitting. And I got like no sleep, because I couldn't fall asleep until around 3:30 AM, and then was woken up by family tear-assing around the house at like 6:00 AM. I went back to sleep until 9:00 AM. That makes, what, five hours of sleep? I don't know. Math is hard.

World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley
* Do you like contests? Do you like free stuff? Do you like Watchmen? Do you hate the fact that Shutter Island was pushed back to February? Good, this shows that you are still sane. So bravo.
It is also a clear sign that you need to go enter our Who Runs Paramount? contest over at World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley. You will get so much free shit, it will blow your mind. Free fanart, free icons, free t-shirts.... and a fun contest. I promise, we don't want your organs. So go to the site, read up, and enter. Because if you don't want free stuff, the world is doomed.

TeeVee
* So this is what our TV week will look like, America. And I for one am excited. Be excited, BE BE excited! Even though it fails to mention Castle. Captain Hammer is displeased. This is network TV, keep in mind. But everyone is excited about Human Target. EVERYONE. So it should be aired NOW, especially since A) Shutter Island was delayed, for sinister reasons, B) Chi McBride, and C) JACKIE EARLE HALEY HAS A MUSTACHE.

Geek Want
* DO WANT. DO WANT. This has so many uses:

[Found at NerdApproved]
It's an alarm clock, and you have to shoot the alien with a gun to turn it off. SO it wakes you up, and focuses you, AND works on your aim. It is so versatile. Although, I think that if you don't shoot the alien in a timely fashion, the alien should burst out of your chest. That wakes you up almost as good as coffee.

Awesome
* There is a religion based on Shia LaBeouf.

[Found at Shiantology]
I don't want this to be a joke. Because it is so funny and wonderful and entertaining. And it reminds me of all the religions in Transmetropolitan, which has been on my mind lately, if you haven't been able to notice.
Incidentally, I think there should be a religion based on Jackie Earle Haley's arms. They are strong and wise. Would make as much sense as anything, am I right? Who wants to donate to my charity?!

WTF, INTERNET?
* I know it's a TV show. I have seen the show:

[Found at NerdApproved]
But there is no way, in this life or the next, that I am EVER going to insert change into ANY anus, plastic or otherwise, and frankly this stops being funny real quickly. And if you have one of these, I think we need to reevaluate your life, and maybe get you a nice piggy bank.

Daily Hot Guy

[Steve Buscemi, who is one of those inexplicable crushes that I can only defend in Reservoir Dogs and Airheads and Living In Oblivion, because the man really can work facial hair, and long hair, and he has nice eyes. PLUS he's friends with Quentin Tarantino. All the people I like are friends with each other, and hang out together. Now I'm sad.]

Movie!Win
* Hellboy III is going to happen! GET EXCITED. We just need it to happen before Ron Perlman is too old, so move your ass and make The Hobbit. AND BABY HELLBOYS. And the movies make me cry, and Ron Perlman deserves an Oscar for everything he's ever done, and have you SEEN City of Lost Children? And I love him, OK? I want a hug from him. And Guillermo del Toro is life-changing as a director. So yeah, this is all just a huge geek-out on my part, because I love Hellboy so much, and Mike Mignola is a nice, talented man, and yeah, I'm not justifying myself to YOU people.

Wow
* Yeah, I am not going to staying at this hotel, ever, OK?

[Found at BoingBoing]
Because I would spend my entire 'vacation' screaming in abject, hysterical, soul-wrenching terror. I'd wake up, and howl, and upset my neighbors, and ruin everyone's vacation, and it would just be awful. There are more weird-ass hotels, but I am still too scared by the idea of essentially LIVING in an airplane. NO. DO NOT WANT. I need to go lie down.

Animals
* OMG a baby wolf cub has been adopted by a doggie.

[Found at Neatorama]
They howl at the moon together. The doggie takes care of the wolf puppy. This is like a children's book come to life. I want a wolf puppy. My dog would be scared of it. My dog is scared of everything, really.

Girly Shit
* I hate this girl's outfit. Because it's a onesie, I think, and those should be illegal.Because even the most beautiful people look like assholes in them, and that's sad, so let's ban them from the universe, OK? All that aside, I want these socks:

[Found at IncredibleThings]
No, ignore the onesie. It shames us all. The bag is pretty fabulous though. So, the socks and the bag can exist. The rest of the outfit needs to be burned. With free fire.

Music
* I would babysit this kid, for FREE, so long as he played the guitar for me. And gets a haircut.

Johnny Cash greets you when you die. If you were a good person, he sings to you. If you were bad, he hands you over to Alan Moore's beard. Then the screaming begins.

Technology
* Yeah, this is superfluous:

[Found at CrunchGear]
This is a piece of equipment that allows you to translate your dogs' barks. This is pointless. I have a dog. I love my dog. He's awesome. I mean, look at him:

But he is not complicated. By any stretch of the imagination. Here are his emotions: hungry, sleepy, scared, happy, guilty, have to go to the bathroom (which is a doggy emotion. And maybe a human emotion.) I do not need to pay money to find out what he's thinking. I can assume any serious problems can be dealt with by liberal giving of biscuits. The point is, I'll be impressed when you make one of these for cats. Who knows WHAT goes on in their minds?

Watchmen
* HOW DID MY GOOGLE SEARCHES END UP ON THE INTERNET?!


* I love Terry Giliam, in part because he is one of those people that I sincerely believe are not of this world, and also because he made Brazil and Twelve Monkeys and MANY OTHER MOVIES OF WIN. But I'm happy he didn't make Watchmen. Because the last movie I saw of his was Tideland, and it upset me and confused me, and made me feel bad, and I don't know what was going on in it, and maybe Mr. Gilliam will redeem himself with his newest film (I hope he does. I love him) but I suspect his version of the comic would have been... bizarre. And the squid would have looked like a giant vagina. I'm sorry, it had to be said. And he didn't really like the movie, which is fine and I don't care, but he would have cast... I don't know, someone WRONG for Rorschach, and the Comedian wouldn't have been in it. Read his interview about the movie, if you doubt me.

* Megan sent me this. I snerked:

[Made by Luna-WolfDemon]
If Rorschach was in the Olympics, there would be no drug use. None at all. He'd make an example of one of them, and it would be the most polite Olympics ever. World Peace Through Rorschach. And you thought we were kidding.

Russell Brand
I have no idea WHAT is going on in this video, but Russell Brand is shirtless and has what appears to be a ukulele, and sometimes I just don't need any more than that.

OK, I have to get stuff done, INCLUDING:
- Tote
- Writing my comic
- Reading Transmetropolitan, and taking notes
- Friends coming and going all week, which I am looking forward to. People win!
- Other stuff I can't remember, because I haz EXHAUSTION, dammit.
- LV

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Paranoids Only Think Everyone Is Out To Get Them. Wizards Know It.

Blog
* Title is from Sourcery by Terry Pratchett.

Shows I'm Following 2009/2010
* Castle - Nathan Fillion FTW. And he hasn't had a show renewed, like, EVER, so we need to reward him. Also he was in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, and Captain Hammer likes gently wafting curtains.

* V - Or I will be, once we get any information AT ALL. Firefly cast members! They live! But doesn't this remind you a bit of District 9?

* Flash Forward - Because I have a Voice Crush on Seth MacFarlane, and because the trailer are bizarre enough to intrigue me.

* Human Target - Jackie Earle Haley and Chi Macbride. Let me say that again: Jackie Earle Haley on TV every week. JACKIE EARLE HALEY. THAT IS ALL.

* Bones - Confession: I've never seen it. In large part because watching David Boreanaz run around in daylight led me to scream, 'Angel look out! You'll catch on fire!' But he didn't, and then I'd feel stupid. But I love every clip I've seen, and I'm very pleased that Mr. Boreanaz has a career still, so well done sir.

* Dollhouse - Because it got freaking RENEWED. HUZZAH. Also Alpha Wash, who needs to be in every episode, generally watching TV naked.

* Glee - Because it may be the best show on TV, from what I've heard.

* House - This is my last effort, though. Another incident where my character died, and we all know that Wilson and House are meant to be, so why keep pretending, FOX? BUT Andre Braugher is going to be in this season, and that is all sorts of amazing, so maybe this season will be good?

* Lie To Me - This is essentially House with the accent, but I adore Tim Roth, and the show is quite good.

* Heroes - Also last chance. Look, my adoration of Zachary Quinto and all the guest stars and comics, and my lingering hope that Christopher Eccleston will show up with his Beard of Magic and beat the shit out of Peter Petrelli, for the World, can only last so long under the near-constant WTF barrage of FAIL.

* Chuck - Because I don't want it to be cancelled.

* 30 Rock - When I grow up, I want to be Tina Fey.

* Burn Notice - Bruce Campbell.

* Torchwood - Well, it's on Hiatus. Or something. Because there is NO ONE LEFT, Russell T. Davies. YOU CANNOT HAVE A CAMERA POINTED AT A BLANK WALL FOR AN HOUR. Oh, I guess you'll have to, because EVERYONE IS DEAD.

* True Blood - Because the vampires don't sparkle, and this show has taught me that in the South, people do nothing but have sex and eat amazing food and drink. And it's on HBO, so you know it's true.

* Doctor Who - When the hell do we get new episodes? WHEN? And I'm nervous for the new Doctor, because David Tennant and Christopher Eccleston are hard acts to follow.

Night, now.
- LV

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What'd Y'all Order A Dead Guy For?

Blog
* Well, Jayne, actually... you know what? Go sit in the corner and talk to Vera. Bring your hat. Title is from Firefly, which I suddenly and desperately miss.

Freakangels Friday
* FINALLY, Mr. Ellis. I waited and waited for TWO WHOLE WEEKS, during which I decided to do an Epic Reread of Transmetropolitan, for which I need no reasons. Because I love Spider Jerusalem, and you, and Hunter S. Thompson, and a future in which you eat monkey burgers. But I digress. You gave me FREAKANGELS, and life has a purpose and a meaning, and we shall rejoice, and this whole AWFUL week is vindicated by your pen. Or computer. I don't know how you write, actually. Bad fangirl. I will read after I post, so spoilers/review under my signature.

Incidentally, can we all agree that August sucks? Even if you don't believe this, can you just humor me, and PRETEND to agree? I'd appreciate it.

Comics
* Due to this week, which is determined to ruin my sunny and perky disposition (stop laughing) I did not go to the comic store, so I did not pick up the comic of 28 Days Later..., which is a totally awesome zombie movie with Christopher Eccleston as a creepy army dude. Even if it IS about Selena, not that I disliked Selena. At all. She just fails to be Christopher Eccleston. It's a burden we all have to deal with. Anyone read this? Because zombie survival is important to all of us.

Books
* I want to read this:

[Found at BoingBoing]
In part because it sounds awesome, in part because I tried to write a crime/horror novel and it just collapsed under the weight of its own pretensions, so I'd like to see someone succeed at genre-mixing, and in part because Cory Doctorow liked it, and he is an Internet Guru, and you just don't question Gurus of the Internet.

Star Trek

[Found by Puig]
You can lie to me, your friends, your family, and yourself, but if Patrick Stewart said, 'Now,' you'd say, 'Yes sir.' There is no one who wouldn't hit that. It's beyond sexual attraction. It is simply the way the world works.

Torchwood
* BULLSHIT. Prepare for a rant, and if you don't watch Torchwood, maybe skip over this, because I am ANNOYED. Ready?
THEY ARE MAKING SEASON FOUR. WHAT THE FUCK? HOW? REALLY? HOW? I MEAN, EVERYONE IS DEAD. IGNORING MY FAVORITE CHARACTER DYING HORRIBLY AND POINTLESSLY, EVERYONE ELSE IS DEAD, AND ONE CHARACTER IS HAVING A PSYCHOTIC BREAK, AND THE OTHER IS REPRODUCING. AND GWEN SUCKS.
AND THE WOMAN WHO WROTE THIS IS ALL, 'YAY!' AND I AM ALL, WTF? THIS IS NOT HAPPY TIMES, YOU FOOL. DID YOU EVEN WATCH CHILDREN OF THE EARTH? DID YOU?! DO YOU REMEMBER DAY FOUR? CUZ I DO. I REMEMBER, USUALLY AT THREE IN THE MORNING.
AND THEN THE GIRL AT BORDERS WAS ALL, 'I HEARD THEY'RE BRINGING HIM BACK,' AND I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS SORT OF EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL. UNLESS THIS IS ALL AN ELABORATE GAME TO SCREW WITH ME, AND IANTO SHOWS UP AT MY DOOR WITH COFFEE AND A SUIT AND HIS STOPWATCH, IN WHICH CASE DISREGARD ALL THE YELLING.
Oddly enough, this is me being LESS annoyed about this. Shut up, it's been a bad summer. I need something to take me anger out on.

Daily Hot Guy

[Eugene Hutz, the writer and singer of Gogol Bordello, as requested by reader and awesome-finder Mademoiselle Guignol. This is a man who can rock a 'stache. Just saying. His 'stache feeds on weaker 'staches and soul patches. And Gogol Bordello is made entirely of WIN, and I'm going to listen to them right now.]

Apocalypse How?
* You know how I know we're doomed?

[Found at NYDailyNews]
Even Elmo is mad as hell, and beating up strangers. Plus he's in Times Square, where I always sort of imagine the apocalypse will begin. Have you been there? It is quite unpleasant.

TwiHate
* I said I would be nice to Twihards, but you know what? It's been a shitty morning ALREADY, and it's raining, and I have stuff to do, and have been traumatized MULTIPLE TIMES this week, so screw it, if I want to be a snarky bitch, I WILL be. Reader Liz sent me this, either because she loves me and wants this section to last forever, or because she really hates me and is trying to destroy my will to live:

[Found by Liz]
Can you imagine going away to college for the first time, and your roommate has put this up? I don't want undead dudes to watch me bathe. It's a weird quirk I have. I don't even want Rorschach's face on my shower curtain (although a 'Hurm' shower curtain would be hysterical, and now I want one). Shower time should not involve the plastic, immobile faces of sparkly vampires. There's a law somewhere. Also, ew.

Inglourious Basterds
* First of all, I love Quentin Tarantino. I love him, and his huge forehead, and his lantern chin, and his pretensions and his ego. OK? He was one of my first crushes, because my parents had NO concept of maybe not letting their eight-year-old daughter watch Pulp Fiction, and I still love him. It's in my DNA. In college, this conversation happened because of my crush.
Bee: Elle, this is Dave.
Me: You look like Quentin Tarantino.
Dave: Yeah, I get that a lot. Doesn't help that I'm a film student.
Me: Marry me.
Dave: Haha! We just met.
Bee: She's not kidding.
Me: We can get to town hall in fifteen minutes. Bee can be our witness. Do you want to stop somewhere and get a tux?
Dave: Look, you're cute and all, but-
Me: I'm totally kidding. Let's go get coffee.
Dave: OK!
I wasn't kidding, but Dave was like a cute Quentin, and I was willing to compromise. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, Quentin Tarantino. Here is an article written by a guy who apparently looks an awful lot like Quentin. Someone needs to explain my attraction to men with big foreheads. Because really, it mystifies me. Also, Mr. Tarantino, please don't wear this in public again:

[Found at BestWeekEver]
Because I get enough shit for my love for you. And you kind of look like a clown. A crazy, sexy clown.

People I Love
* Dear Man Who Rollerskated Down A RollerCoaster:
You are made entirely of win.

Love, LV

Stuff To Live
* I need this because I don't have a clock in my room, and I never know what time it is:

[Found at LikeCool]
Plus, this is the sort of thing they'd have in Transmetropolitan. In my mind.

Movie!Fail
* DIstrict 9 did NOT steal Avatar's thunder. District 9 was amazing, and the trailer for Avator sucked, and was kind of funny, in a bad way. The way I found Alone In The Dark funny, although that also was sort of depressing, ultimately, because you can see the moment Tara Reid decides that Taradise would be less painful than continuing to make movies like this.
Not that I think Uwe Boll is on the same level of skill as James Cameron. Let's not joke. I'm just saying that Avatar has no one to blame for its faults but itself (can a movie blame? Where's Philip K. Dick when you need him?) and if District 9 looked even more amazing in comparison, well, them's the breaks, isn't it?

Jackie Earle Haley
* This is a Jackie Earle Haley dress:

[Found at Flickr]
It was made by MissDandy, and DAMN IT ALL, who HAS these ideas? My totes/T-shirts are shamed. SHAMED BEYOND WORDS. In conclusion, sometimes Google Images shows me amazing stuff, instead of random porn images.

* I assume you've all gone to World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley, and watched the video above this entry, and are ENRAGED over the pushing back of Shutter Island, because otherwise, you don't want world peace, or Shutter Island, and that is just SICK.

OK, I have things to do, including driving people places, and writing, and making T-Shirts, and continuing LV's August Of Suck 2009, and TV to watch, and people to hang out with, and maybe comics to purchase, or weapons, for PROTECTION, so I'm going to read FREAKANGELS now. Spoilers below my signature.
- LV

SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEKS FREAKANGELS:
OOOH, next week is going to be DRAMATIC. Karl got mentioned, but did not appear, so he lives, so yay me. And Karl. And Kait is fucking NUTS. And Mark is out there, being brain-dead and crazy as shit. So unless next week is another skip week, I predict SHIT WILL GO DOWN. YAY, WARREN ELLIS!

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Anyway, He Seemed To Be Having A Kind Of… Man-Reaction.

Blog
* You give ME a woman-reaction.... I'm sorry. I like Topher, a lot. He's awesome. Title is from Dollhouse.

Animals
* Please, please tell me this is Photoshopped:

[Found at UniqueDaily]
Because otherwise I don't know what I'll do. I mean, this is a fish with human teeth. WHAT is going on? I do not have enough caffeine in my system to watch fish evolve past us. I need this to be fake. Because this is the start of a horror movie. Animals decide we can't handle opposable thumbs, so they grow them and exterminate us, EVERYBODY RUN.

Depression Session
* This is a chart of how long you'd have to work in specific cities to be able to afford a Big Mac:

[Found at BoingBoing]
The thing is, how much are they saying a Big Mac costs? Because when my family was in Mexico, a Big Mac was much more expensive than here in New Jersey. I'm not arguing with the statistics, I'd just like to know what the base price is for a Big Mac.
Incidentally, Big Macs are gross. Go to White Castle, people.

Zombies
* Thefangirlblog sent me this link, about how zombies are going to wipe us all the hell out, and we're doomed. Well, you all are. When zombies attack, I'm grabbing Jackie Earle Haley and Gareth David-Lloyd and Russell Brand and Warren Ellis and Bruce Campbell and Alan Moore, and we're all going to fight the zombies, although I think Alan Moore's beard will do most of the fighting. Bruce Campbell will just sneer at the zombies and they will explode, and Warren Ellis will yell at them. Mr. Haley will rip shirts, Russell Brand will make jokes, and Mr. David-Lloyd will be in charge of the coffee. I'll be in charge of the guns.
This will society be rebuilt.

Girly Shit
* Betsey Johnson is batshit insane:

[Found at Fashionologie]
And, as most of you know by now, I totally support this. I like crazy people. Not evil crazy people, who cause genocide and pain. More like, 'Hey, let's see what happens when I wear every single color known to man at the same time! And Ms. Johnson says she will never retire, and I am going to be watching her aging process very closely, because I fully intend to be a senile old woman with blue hair who whips pigeons and yells at buildings and just steals shit, because I am OLD, dammit. I survived, and ergo this is all mine.
Incidentally, I do like some of Betsey Johnson's clothing. Just... not all together. At the same time. That leads to blindness.

Daily Hot Guy(s)

[Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto, who are both very pretty, although my heart belongs to Mr. Quinto, who I am almost stupidly attracted to (and if rumors turn out to be true, my crush has to reluctantly transfer to Eli Roth, who looks like a less-attractive version of Zachary Quinto, although Inglourious Basterds helped that a lot. Anyway, Chris Pine is gorgeous, and Zachary Quinto is gorgeous, and Star Trek was AWESOME, and sometimes we just need two pretty guys, yeah?]

Music
* Rufus Wainwright is goddamn great, and his voice makes angels weep, and a bunch of people posted this after Katie Holmes' hideous performance on that dancing show, because he is so much better than anyone, so watch it, and get happy:

By the way, nice legs. What? It takes a BAMF to wear pantyhose and not get a run. I still do that sometimes.

Technology
* Oh come the fuck on:

The French "Three Strikes" law is back on -- a law that can punish you for being accused of copyright infringement by cutting off your internet connection, fining you, and putting you in prison. It also criminalizes offering free internet access because pirates might use it.

Are you serious? Listen, I have always liked the French, even during that insane period where it was Freedom Toast (I thought it was a new product, and spent a few days feeling very confused) and I was delighted when I went to France and people were cool and rude, and my experience with socialized medicine (I got sick in Paris) gives me a good background to talk about things, but this is HORSE SHIT.
I mean, you don't need evidence. You just need to be accused. Three times. That's it. They take away your shit and you go to Prison, where there are prison hugs, and DO NOT WANT.
Look, I know the internet is scary, and downloading a song to listen to it is the END OF SOCIETY AS WE KNOW IT, but can we all calm down, as a species, and maybe work out some same, universal laws that we can all agree on without infringing on basic rights? Maybe? Mr. Sarkozy? Hello?

Watchmen
* Caro sent me this image. It makes me happy, for obvious reasons:

I want this to be the tote picture. Caro also started a blog, and I think it's the reason my blog hits are down. So did Theresa and Megan, and IT'S A CONSPIRACY ISN'T IT?! RUN! You should go read them all, actually. When all four blogs combine, we become... I don't know. Sonic the Hedgehog? I liked that cartoon. Captain Planet? He's a hero, you know.

* This shirt gives me massive girl-boner:

[Found at WBShop]
DO WANT. More than that, DO NEED, DAMMIT. I don't care that I have a myriad of Watchmen memorabilia. And a tattoo. Or that I could make a shirt (and intend to). IRRELEVANT. I need THIS shirt, and after payday today, it will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine. If they have it in my size.
Also, the quote from the back is HOT.

* DO WANT. Today is DO WANT DAY:

[Found by Moriahbard]
OH MY GOD. My laptop could be made of LOVE, instead of sort of gross because it's getting old, and Apple doesn't seem to understand that white plastic does not hold up well against coffee.

Russell Brand
* Russell employs his friend Danny to demonstrate some of his famous sex moves. I am suddenly, profoundly jealous of this dude Danny. Leave me alone, my crush on Russell Brand stems mostly from his book, which is fabulous and sad and he is SMART, and I love his hair.

Tattoo Of Win
* I just don't know:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
And frankly, maybe it's better that way.

Words Of Win

[Found at Indexed]

Food
* Bakon Vodka:

[Found at BakonVodka]
This may come as a surprise to all of you, but this does not fill me with glee. Just nausea. Bloody Marys do not need bacon, they are fabulous without them. Ditto vodka. Also, ew.

OK, work, again, and I have decided I am slowly becoming a zombie, because I am tired ALL the time, and I can't be turning into a vampire, because that is trendy right now, and I am a rebel, dammit. Brains?
- LV

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I'm Always Late. That's Why I Don't Wear A Watch. They Depress Me.

Blog
* I often tell people this, but they almost NEVER get the reference. Title is from Daria.

World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley
* Newest episode is up, and it is organized, because we are PISSED, because Shutter Island was pushed back, for mysterious and sinister reasons, and we have theories but no answers. And then Megan made a list of reasons Jackie Earle Haley is awesome, and the list itself is awesome, which refracts the awesomeness, I think. AND we share reader comments, so if you send them, we'll read yours, or play an audio of it. And we talk about The Zoo Gang, again, because that is a movie you do not quickly get out of your psyche. Poodle hair. It runs free as the wind. Terrorizing us all. Anyway, go have a listen, and have you watched the movie above this entry? Because it will BLOW YOUR FRAGILE LITTLE MIND. Look what it did to me!

Stuff I Want
* This is going to be a list of stuff I want, in case you didn't get that from the subtle title. Things that are making me turn to a life of crime, FOR A GOOD CAUSE, DAMMIT. I need this stuff. They can be new book and DVD releases, comics, or just random shit that make me realize the howling void of consumerism in which I suffer:

- A red IBM Selectric Typewriter:

[Found at Treehugger]
Just like the one the Good Doctor wrote on, and I COVET. DAILY. But they are expensive, and while I do get to use a typewriter almost every day at work (because I have the best job ever), it's not red and I'm not writing my own stuff on it, and therefore it's not the SAME. And no, I didn't learn ANYTHING from Wonder Boys about typewriters versus computers, why do you ask?

- An iPhone:

[Found at MapDS]
Because it has APPS, and maybe Watchmen apps, yes? I played a fishing app on it at the store, but I wasn't very good at it. And it can do things that sort of scare me, and I want to be able to Twitter when I'm away from the computer, and MY POS phone won't let me, and I have to HIT IT AGAINST THINGS before I can answer a call, and yes it has a Watchmen background, but that BARELY helps when it deletes all my text messages, for no good reason.

- Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon

[Found at Amazon]
OK, I was AT the bookstore last night, and while I was admittedly insane for a number of personal reasons, HOW could this glorious thing have slipped by me? AND it came out August 4th, so it's not like I shouldn't have heard about this. I'm disgusted with myself, but mostly all of you, for not telling me. Thomas Pynchon is GODLY, and you all need to buy his books, to atone for my sins.

- This shirt:

[Found at BackStreetMerch]
Even though my family and several friends INSIST that once you have a tattoo of a fandom, buying any more merchandise is simply moot. They are fools, obviously. HUGE fools. On a sort-of-related topic, I still can't decide if I want to make a shirt or a tote for Watchmen. I am totally stealing an idea from someone else, SHAMELESSLY, but will give her credit, and internet cookies, so it's OK, yes? Also it was her idea. Anyway, I may also post potential shirt/tote ideas, but no one sent me any image ideas, so all text again, but the tote NEEDS an image, DAMMIT. On one side. I have these thoughts.

- Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett

[Found at Amazon]
I love Terry Pratchett. So much. Like, there are no words for the level of adoration I have for this man. He is from another universe, and we are lucky he deigned to stop by ours for a little while, and give us books like this. Death and Rincewind are my favorites. Team Death: You'll meet us sooner or later.

- Astonishing X-Men Omnibus by Joss Whedon

[Found at Amazon]
DO WANT. NAOW. Joss Whedon plus X-Men equals GENIUS beyond words, except if he wrote for Iron Man, but that might kill me.

Another random. I want Jackie Earle Haley to play Spider Jerusalem from Transmetropolitan:


This isn't the best picture to illustrate what I ASSURE you is an uncanny resemblance between Mr. Haley and Mr. Jerusalem. I just really like this picture.

OK, T-Shirt Ideas. I have four shirts and one tote, so top five fandoms win. Highest winner gets the tote, probably:

* Watchmen:
The Squid Is A Lie
Waiting For A Flash of Enlightenment In All This Blood And Thunder.
Must Investigate Further.

* True Blood:
It Hurts So Good.

* Torchwood:
Team Ianto: We Make Good Coffee
Team Ianto

* Doctor Who:
Team Gallifrey

* Heroes:
Team Sylar
This Is Usually The Part Where People Start Screaming.
This Season Won't Suck.

* Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog:
The World Is A Mess, & I Just Need To Rule It.
What A Crazy Random Happenstance!
The Status is Not Quo.
I Want To Be Like Bad Horse.

* Hunter Thompson:
Team Gonzo

* Transmetropolitan:
Did You Vote? Do You Have Thumbs?
Spider Jerusalem

* Firefly:
No Power in the 'Verse
Team Wash: We Like Dinosaurs.

So make suggestions, vote, etc. DO IT. Or bad shirts will be all your fault

See? I keep my promises.
- LV

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