Blog* I don't know if I want America to HAVE a wang. Title is from The Simpsons.Stuff To Live - New Category* This is stuff you need. Stuff I need. Stuff we all need. Like these dust goggles, which you can MAKE:[Found at BoingBoing]I want these, and I have NO REASON to own them. I live in a land of no dust. Just mud. But I need these. Desperately. Because then I get to pretend to be in
or maybe Mad Mad Beyond the Thunderdome, because the outfits were demented. Look, I don't need a reason to want these goggles. They are goddamn awesome, and I am up freakishly early, and Cory Doctorow has some, AND A CAPE, so yeah, the end. Movie!Fail* Here are the 15 most annoying movies yet to come out in 2009 (some have already come out, sue me) as determined by geniuses at Best Week Ever. Um, I want to see some of these. I'm sorry, but the Final Destination series is genius. I mean, they are ELABORATE death scenes of terrible characters. How can that be bad? And Thirst. As long as the vampires don't sparkle and cry, I am there. And I saw the trailer, and DUDE IT WAS FREAKING GROSS. SO I am dying to see it. No pun intended. But if you try to make me see
, I will slash my throat. Or your throat. Someone will die. Horribly. Like in FINAL DESTINATION. I'm so glad everything worked out. Incidentally, the only redeeming thing about The Zoo Gang is Jackie Earle Haley. His poodle hair - not so much. But then he puts on sunglasses and lights a cigarette, and I become very alarmed by how attractive he can be. Ask me about the forbidden love between Mongo and Homeless Alcoholic. I dare you.TeeVee* Look, SyFy, I will continue to watch you so long as you have awesome TV shows, but I will NOT be endorsing your name, because now you remind me of girls named Kimberly who change the spelling to Kymberli, to be 'interesting,' and I HATE THAT, because these girls inevitably mispronounce my name, which is TWO SYLLABLES. GOD DAMMIT. But this dude has decided to defend the rebranding of Sci-Fi, and that's FINE, but it's like when Boston Chicken became Boston Market. It doesn't FEEL right. Even if Sci-Fi and SyFy sound the same. That's not the point. Not the point at all.Journalism* Did you read that article about how Jon Stewart is the most trusted name in news? That's disturbing. I mean, I adore Jon Stewart (SPOILERS I'M POSTING A CLIP) but if HE is the most trusted name in news? We're screwed. It's supposed to be funny. That's all. But instead, it is a vital and necessary source of information. I mean, it could be worse. At least Jon Stewart is made of badassery and win. For example, Lindsey Graham pisses him off horribly, like more than he really should, so Jon Stewart demands to know why Mr. Graham resembles an old lesbian. "ARE YOU NOW OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AN AGED HOMOSEXUAL FEMALE?"
It's not news, but then again, when CNN is having a panic attack because Twitter is down, what qualifies as 'news' has become pretty fluid, yes? Geek Want* The first Sims 3 Expansion Pack is coming. Sims 3 hasn't overwhelmed me the same way Sims 2 did. I mean, remember 2007? I don't, but I can tell you what my Sims were up to. Anyway, this one hasn't enamored me. I liked to build Sims empires, where everyone in town was related. With this one, I can't figure out how to switch between families. This could be because I am technologically disabled and a little dumb, but STILL. SIM!EMPIRES. Anyway, what? Expansion pack. I can take my Sims to Egypt. Somehow this fails to excite me on any level. I want Street!Sims, where the Sims can shoot heroin and get pregnant as teenagers and commit murder. And no, I do not have a Ianto!Sim. And he does not have a wife or two children. Silly readers. Daily Hot Guy[Eric Stoltz, whose last name is a verb AND a noun]Politics* Thousands of years from now, when the aliens (like the Doctor) dig through the rubble of our civilization, they will find pictures like this:[Found at Wonkette]In which a member of Congress, yes CONGRESS, is discussing Larry the Cable guy, and the Doctor will understand that we brought this on ourselves.* This is an article about Eric Cantor, and Birthers, but whenever I hear the name 'Eric Cantor' I immediately think, 'Britney Spears fan' and when I think 'Birther' I laugh and laugh, so no I didn't read the article. OK, I just did, and I wish I hadn't. For both sides of the political fence: Calling the other side idiots? Not the way to mend bridges. Also Chris Matthews isn't a politician. Just wanted to point that out. I miss MSNBC. CNN is in some confusing love affair with Twitter. It's tiresome.* I'd have a beer with the President. No one has to arrest me. Or I'll arrest someone. I just want to tell people, 'Yeah, I'm going to the White House to grab a brew with the Prez.' I would say that, and be hated, but I do not CARE. You would envy me. I would envy me. I envy these dudes:Awesome* Reader Julie sent me this link, and I am both horrified and amused. It asks the vital question, 'Why the Fuck Did You Have A Kid?"[Found at WhyTheFuckDoYouHaveAKid?]I don't see the problem. I grew up chewing on large reptiles, and I'm perfectly normal.WTF, INTERNET?* I love vending machines. They hold fun things. And are inexpensive, usually. And Mitch Hedberg had that hysterical bit about vending machines, although now when I listen to him I tend to get sad, because, well, he's not around to be funny anymore. But some vending machines are seriously disturbing. Like this one, that sells pet beetles:[Found at BusinessPundit]Namely those big-ass Rhinocerous beetles form Aladdin, that terrified me because my father told me they were native to New Jersey, I was LITTLE AND GULLIBLE. This one is just gross. And unhygienic. And inappropriate.[Found at BusinessPundit]They are real, and they sell schoolgirl underwear, and I am creeped out on EVERY possible level. DO NOT WANT. However, some are just awesome:[Found at BusinessPundit]That's a pot vending machine. They were in California, before they were banned, because fun is ILLEGAL in California. But if they really want to improve their economic situation, you get a shitload of the marijuana vending machines, and put them next to these:[Found at BusinessPundit]This baby makes fresh pizza in under three minutes. I'm thinking of YOU, California. This could solve all your problems. Hell, this could bring about World Peace. This could make me LIKE California. The possibilities are endless.There are more weird vending machines here, and I will be staying the HELL away from most of them.Movie!Win* This combines two things I love: Movies, and books with old-timey covers:[Found at Flickr]Plus the movie novelization might have some helpful survival tips. There are so many more here, including a SICK one for Blade Runner, that should exist and be sitting in front of me right now.Russell Brand* Here is a picture of Mr. Brand and his current lady friend:[Found at DListed]I'm posting this mainly because you can see his tattoos, which I hope/assume are real. I have no problem with him dating people. Because I am not insane. Or at least not insane enough to think famous celebrities who don't know me owe me ANYTHING, except to continue being awesome. I'm just saying. It's one thing to think Russell Brand is sexy and funny. It's another for me to show up at one of his appearances in a wedding dress with a list of baby names. One is true, and acceptable. The second lands you in a room with soft walls and no shoelaces. Just saying.Jackie Earle Haley* The Zoo Gang was really a terrible, terrible movie. And Jackie Earle Haley had poodle hair of terror. And yet...[Made by Erin_Uniquename]I take it back. I take it ALL BACK.* Robert Englund likes Jackie Earle Haley, which proves he is a wise and good human being, and the angels will sing, and all will be well. * Oh, look, here's ANOTHER article on how awesome Nightmare on Elm Street is, while telling me NOTHING OF VALUE and showing me NOTHING OF AWESOME. * Caro made this. It is guaranteed to make you happy, no matter what:[Made by Caro]It's a Jackie Earle Haley pirate! If they are hell-bent on making another Pirates of the Caribbean, I propose Jackie Earle Haley play the evil swarthy pirate, and Russell Brand play Johnny Depp's immoral and lusty younger brother, and nobody pay any mind to that extra in the corner with the red hair who keeps blacking out from the happy.* You'd seriously better go listen to World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley, because if you miss the most recent podcast you'll fall behind, and EVERYONE will judge you, and you won't know what the HELL is going on. Plus, Mr. Haley is going to take over the world one day, with hugs, and he'll quiz you on the podcast. Think about it.So today I have T-Shirts to make (Not for anyone I know, or who reads this or works on an awesome podcast, just because it's COLD) and make up a writing schedule so I can get something done instead of breaking down into tears over the words, and also podcast fun tonight, and I need to record True Blood, and read Shutter Island, and try to find some free, legal audiobooks, because they DO exist, and I just want to hear Gareth David-Lloyd read things, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?I'm OK now. For the moment. Mainly because Pat Buchanan and Eleanor Clift are on the McLaughlin Group, and if I ignore the shrill blonde from the Washington Post, I can pretend that we're in the Watchmen universe, which means life will be shorter, but much more interesting.- LV
or maybe Mad Mad Beyond the Thunderdome, because the outfits were demented. Look, I don't need a reason to want these goggles. They are goddamn awesome, and I am up freakishly early, and Cory Doctorow has some, AND A CAPE, so yeah, the end. Movie!Fail* Here are the 15 most annoying movies yet to come out in 2009 (some have already come out, sue me) as determined by geniuses at Best Week Ever. Um, I want to see some of these. I'm sorry, but the Final Destination series is genius. I mean, they are ELABORATE death scenes of terrible characters. How can that be bad? And Thirst. As long as the vampires don't sparkle and cry, I am there. And I saw the trailer, and DUDE IT WAS FREAKING GROSS. SO I am dying to see it. No pun intended. But if you try to make me see
, I will slash my throat. Or your throat. Someone will die. Horribly. Like in FINAL DESTINATION. I'm so glad everything worked out. Incidentally, the only redeeming thing about The Zoo Gang is Jackie Earle Haley. His poodle hair - not so much. But then he puts on sunglasses and lights a cigarette, and I become very alarmed by how attractive he can be. Ask me about the forbidden love between Mongo and Homeless Alcoholic. I dare you.TeeVee* Look, SyFy, I will continue to watch you so long as you have awesome TV shows, but I will NOT be endorsing your name, because now you remind me of girls named Kimberly who change the spelling to Kymberli, to be 'interesting,' and I HATE THAT, because these girls inevitably mispronounce my name, which is TWO SYLLABLES. GOD DAMMIT. But this dude has decided to defend the rebranding of Sci-Fi, and that's FINE, but it's like when Boston Chicken became Boston Market. It doesn't FEEL right. Even if Sci-Fi and SyFy sound the same. That's not the point. Not the point at all.Journalism* Did you read that article about how Jon Stewart is the most trusted name in news? That's disturbing. I mean, I adore Jon Stewart (SPOILERS I'M POSTING A CLIP) but if HE is the most trusted name in news? We're screwed. It's supposed to be funny. That's all. But instead, it is a vital and necessary source of information. I mean, it could be worse. At least Jon Stewart is made of badassery and win. For example, Lindsey Graham pisses him off horribly, like more than he really should, so Jon Stewart demands to know why Mr. Graham resembles an old lesbian. "ARE YOU NOW OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AN AGED HOMOSEXUAL FEMALE?"
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