Blog
* Bruce Campbell did not do a wheelie on a unicycle during last night's season premiere of Burn Notice, but only because he did not want to lower Michael's self esteem, and was far too busy teaching me lessons of courage, self-worth, & mango mojitos.
Freakangels Friday
* And once again, Friday has a purpose in my life! It has gotten to the point where I just hope Karl ISN'T in a chapter, because I want him to live forever in his garden with his little hat, chatting with his strawberries. Mr. Warren Ellis, PLEASE let Karl live? Per usual, I will post spoilers after my signature at the bottom of this entry, and WAIT until I finish blogging to read it. I'm like Jesus, on a girl with a computer and coffee all over her sweatshirt.
Geek Want
* This is especially brilliant for those of us who have lived in major cities, or had to utilize subway systems on rainy days:
[Found at LikeCool]
You pull the little string, and the umbrella bends down so as not to stab strangers with those pointy bits! Plus, if you're in a rush you can hold the string and use the umbrella to barge through crowds like a RAIN BULLET. Or, if someone is pissing you off, you can hold the string, sidle up beside them, and accidentally let go of the string, stabbing them with the pointy bit. 'Oh, sorry about your eye. Guess you shouldn't be going through every ringtone on your goddamn cell-phone while we're all stuck together on the subway, yeah? Stop crying, you only need one eye to text message.'
Furniture
* My furniture is ALIVE:
[Found at DVICE]
Or, you know, it would be if I owned this chair, instead of stupid dead chairs. Eventually, skinny people can sit directly on these trees without the aid of the plastic covering, but frankly everyone I know who has spent extensive time sitting in trees is a little tweaked. Yes, I know people who have spent years sitting in trees. No, I don't want to talk about it.
Politics
* I don't really have an special problem with Ralph Nader, but this whole article is too funny not to share.
* I really despise Bill O'Reilly on an almost visceral level, so it pleases me that he knows nothing of the internet, while alarming me that this article discusses his junk.
* Does Tom Tancredo understand why referring to ANY group as the 'Latino KKK without the hoods and without the nooses' will go down in history as one of the worst ideas ever? Who wants to sit Tommy down and have a little chat?
Apocalypse How?
* Have you seen the Will Smith movie Seven Pounds? I hope not, because it was terrible and I despise Will Smith and want him to go away and spend hours lying on top of a mirror admiring himself, and stop making terrible, terrible movies in a desperate bid for an Oscar that he will probably get one day, because a lot of people inexplicably love him, which would be FINE if he didn't have to send his spawn out to ruin the fucking Karate Kid movies.
I do have a point. I brought up Seven Pounds because it featured Death By Jellyfish, which is funny as shit, and this is a giant jellyfish crop-circle, so obviously Will Smith is calling to the mother planet because Seven Pounds didn't get him an Oscar, and Earth must now be destroyed, so we will all die because Will Smith makes bad movie choices, The End.
Daily Hot Guy
[Christopher Eccleston as Claude Rains in Heroes, with the love of his life, pigeon, and proving that I have a serious thing for hobos]
[Note: If you have any Daily Hot Guy requests, please Email me at elle.veev@gmail.com. I will be happy to comply. Otherwise, expect more of the fellows we've already featured, because I am not creative.]
Doctor Who
* The new Doctor Who titles will feature the ginormous floating head of Eleven! But it will only be acceptable if the giant head winks, then spins around crazy-like while spewing pea soup everywhere. I want Doctor Who to go in a WHOLE NEW direction.
WTF, INTERNET?
* This product makes me want to beat the everloving shit out of anyone ass enough to buy it. I want to punch this kid in his happy, innocent little head:
[Found at LikeCool]
It's a solar-powered personal fan that clips to your hat. What tofu-eating lunatic would force their corn-fed, cow-loving spawn to don such a thing. Also that hat is just ridiculous on its own. Also the kid has one pierced ear. I cannot in good conscience endorse any product that appeals to such a twisted demographic.
Zombies
* This article states that some guy was arrested for having too good of a zombie costume. Obviously that is insane, and he was an actual zombie, only these cops were too dense to notice. The interview is clearly forged, by the government, to hide the growing Zombie Menace. TELL US THE TRUTH, GOVERNMENT PEOPLE FROM THE GOVERNMENT. WE NEED TO ARM OURSELVES. Plus, who dresses up as a Resident Evil zombie? Unless they meant from the games, not the movies. Big difference.
Animals
* See, this is the sort of thing that makes me want to run screaming into the night, only not the night, because they LIKE the dark. Let's try that again. This is the sort of thing that makes me want to live in a plastic bubble far away from anything living except my dog and Russell Brand, who will also provide me with snacks and sweet loving:
[Found at BoingBoing]
It doesn't matter if they're real or not. The mere possibility that they COULD, potentially, exist, is enough to shatter the psyche of the most well-adjusted young woman. And yes, I KNOW earth worms are harmless creatures who are blind and poop out good soil, because I read James & the Giant Peach as a child. They also dislike centipedes, whom they find obnoxious. The bottom line is, these things are way too big. Imagine getting up in the dead of night to use the bathroom, and stepping on one. IMAGINE THAT. I'll wait. Scarred yet? OK, how about sleeping in bed and waking up with one pressing down on your chest?! Nature is disgusting. Stay away from me.
- LV
SPOILERS FOR FREAKANGELS BELOW
* Huzzah! Karl has not yet died tragically. Because, once again, he is not in it. I am FINE with this, because I can imagine him arguing with his strawberries and humming to himself, happy in his own private Plant World. Also I do not much fancy him being anywhere near Crazy Sword Slasher Man, or Kait, for that matter. Kait has some issues. Scary, scary issues. But yay to mindless slaughter and murder mysteries! Oh, FREAKANGELS, my heart is yours.
* Bruce Campbell did not do a wheelie on a unicycle during last night's season premiere of Burn Notice, but only because he did not want to lower Michael's self esteem, and was far too busy teaching me lessons of courage, self-worth, & mango mojitos.
Freakangels Friday
* And once again, Friday has a purpose in my life! It has gotten to the point where I just hope Karl ISN'T in a chapter, because I want him to live forever in his garden with his little hat, chatting with his strawberries. Mr. Warren Ellis, PLEASE let Karl live? Per usual, I will post spoilers after my signature at the bottom of this entry, and WAIT until I finish blogging to read it. I'm like Jesus, on a girl with a computer and coffee all over her sweatshirt.
Geek Want
* This is especially brilliant for those of us who have lived in major cities, or had to utilize subway systems on rainy days:
[Found at LikeCool]
You pull the little string, and the umbrella bends down so as not to stab strangers with those pointy bits! Plus, if you're in a rush you can hold the string and use the umbrella to barge through crowds like a RAIN BULLET. Or, if someone is pissing you off, you can hold the string, sidle up beside them, and accidentally let go of the string, stabbing them with the pointy bit. 'Oh, sorry about your eye. Guess you shouldn't be going through every ringtone on your goddamn cell-phone while we're all stuck together on the subway, yeah? Stop crying, you only need one eye to text message.'
Furniture
* My furniture is ALIVE:
[Found at DVICE]
Or, you know, it would be if I owned this chair, instead of stupid dead chairs. Eventually, skinny people can sit directly on these trees without the aid of the plastic covering, but frankly everyone I know who has spent extensive time sitting in trees is a little tweaked. Yes, I know people who have spent years sitting in trees. No, I don't want to talk about it.
Politics
* I don't really have an special problem with Ralph Nader, but this whole article is too funny not to share.
* I really despise Bill O'Reilly on an almost visceral level, so it pleases me that he knows nothing of the internet, while alarming me that this article discusses his junk.
* Does Tom Tancredo understand why referring to ANY group as the 'Latino KKK without the hoods and without the nooses' will go down in history as one of the worst ideas ever? Who wants to sit Tommy down and have a little chat?
Apocalypse How?
* Have you seen the Will Smith movie Seven Pounds? I hope not, because it was terrible and I despise Will Smith and want him to go away and spend hours lying on top of a mirror admiring himself, and stop making terrible, terrible movies in a desperate bid for an Oscar that he will probably get one day, because a lot of people inexplicably love him, which would be FINE if he didn't have to send his spawn out to ruin the fucking Karate Kid movies.
I do have a point. I brought up Seven Pounds because it featured Death By Jellyfish, which is funny as shit, and this is a giant jellyfish crop-circle, so obviously Will Smith is calling to the mother planet because Seven Pounds didn't get him an Oscar, and Earth must now be destroyed, so we will all die because Will Smith makes bad movie choices, The End.
Daily Hot Guy
[Christopher Eccleston as Claude Rains in Heroes, with the love of his life, pigeon, and proving that I have a serious thing for hobos]
[Note: If you have any Daily Hot Guy requests, please Email me at elle.veev@gmail.com. I will be happy to comply. Otherwise, expect more of the fellows we've already featured, because I am not creative.]
Doctor Who
* The new Doctor Who titles will feature the ginormous floating head of Eleven! But it will only be acceptable if the giant head winks, then spins around crazy-like while spewing pea soup everywhere. I want Doctor Who to go in a WHOLE NEW direction.
WTF, INTERNET?
* This product makes me want to beat the everloving shit out of anyone ass enough to buy it. I want to punch this kid in his happy, innocent little head:
[Found at LikeCool]
It's a solar-powered personal fan that clips to your hat. What tofu-eating lunatic would force their corn-fed, cow-loving spawn to don such a thing. Also that hat is just ridiculous on its own. Also the kid has one pierced ear. I cannot in good conscience endorse any product that appeals to such a twisted demographic.
Zombies
* This article states that some guy was arrested for having too good of a zombie costume. Obviously that is insane, and he was an actual zombie, only these cops were too dense to notice. The interview is clearly forged, by the government, to hide the growing Zombie Menace. TELL US THE TRUTH, GOVERNMENT PEOPLE FROM THE GOVERNMENT. WE NEED TO ARM OURSELVES. Plus, who dresses up as a Resident Evil zombie? Unless they meant from the games, not the movies. Big difference.
Animals
* See, this is the sort of thing that makes me want to run screaming into the night, only not the night, because they LIKE the dark. Let's try that again. This is the sort of thing that makes me want to live in a plastic bubble far away from anything living except my dog and Russell Brand, who will also provide me with snacks and sweet loving:
[Found at BoingBoing]
It doesn't matter if they're real or not. The mere possibility that they COULD, potentially, exist, is enough to shatter the psyche of the most well-adjusted young woman. And yes, I KNOW earth worms are harmless creatures who are blind and poop out good soil, because I read James & the Giant Peach as a child. They also dislike centipedes, whom they find obnoxious. The bottom line is, these things are way too big. Imagine getting up in the dead of night to use the bathroom, and stepping on one. IMAGINE THAT. I'll wait. Scarred yet? OK, how about sleeping in bed and waking up with one pressing down on your chest?! Nature is disgusting. Stay away from me.
- LV
SPOILERS FOR FREAKANGELS BELOW
* Huzzah! Karl has not yet died tragically. Because, once again, he is not in it. I am FINE with this, because I can imagine him arguing with his strawberries and humming to himself, happy in his own private Plant World. Also I do not much fancy him being anywhere near Crazy Sword Slasher Man, or Kait, for that matter. Kait has some issues. Scary, scary issues. But yay to mindless slaughter and murder mysteries! Oh, FREAKANGELS, my heart is yours.
0 comments:
Post a Comment