Blog* Title comes from Firefly, and sums up my stance on cleaning in general.Movies* You know what I hate? When scenes in movie trailers don't make it into the actual movies. Like
. My absolute favorite scene was this moment in the trailer where Jeff Daniels said, "I didn't mean to hurt anyone; I just had to paint." I thought that was beautiful, and I went to see the movie in part because I thought that line was so lovely. And it wasn't in the movie. And the movie was uneven, overall, but William H. Macy AND Don Knotts can be forgiven pretty much everything, not to mention Joan Allen and Jeff Daniels. Here are some more recent movies where scenes that are in the trailers did not make it to the final cut, including Baby!Spock being DENIED the big screen, which is EVIL.Stupid People* Dude got arrested and fined for mowing the lawn, and no that is not a metaphor.Remake!Fail* I am many things, but I am not naive (or excessively, anyway. I know a lot of the movies I loved as a kid aren't especially good, and that most of my fondness for them stems from memories and a child's innocence. I KNOW this. And I DO like remakes a lot, because sometimes they are badass and fun and affectionate, and the heavens open up and a dulcet choir sings. But I am NEVER going to be OK with them remaking The Incredible Mr. Limpet. First off, the movie is set in World War II and has a talking fish and Don Knotts fighting Nazis, which is admittedly one of the greatest ideas in the history of EVER, but may not be accessible to kids of this generation. Second, YOU DO NOT REPLACE DON KNOTTS WITH ANYONE, EVER. HE IS DON FREAKING KNOTTS. (Did I tell you I met Don Knotts when I was nine? He was with Tom Posten, and they were both drunk, and for mysterious reasons I walked over and just started babbling at them about horses and pancakes (we were at a ranch, and had gone on a breakfast trail ride, so this DID make sense) and they were very nice and listened to me ramble, in part because they were both sauced on martinis, and when my mother tried to explain WHO I had just been talking to, I wasn't impressed until she identified Don Knotts as the voice of Mr. Bone on
. I was NINE). Anyway, Don Knotts cannot be replaced, and they'd make the fish all CGI and creepy, and I KNOW the movie sort of sucked, really, but I want it to remain beloved in my memory, so this remake is cancelled, for THE ALLIES.Books* On the list of 'Interesting Ways To Commit Suicide,' I suppose we must add, 'ripping off J.D. Salinger, who is crazy and shoots at people who come on his property.' Or just, 'Writing A Sequel to Catcher In The Rye,' because CLEARLY the world was waiting for a shitty unauthorized sequel to a great book. I blame all those awful sequels to Pride and Prejudice. THE JANE AUSTEN ZOMBIE IS GOING TO RISE UP AND EAT YOU IF YOU WRITE ANY MORE SEQUELS TO HER WORK. AND J.D. SALINGER CONTROLS HER. This is true.Star Trek* I feel like I already posted these, but I can't find them and it's Sunday, and dammit, I WANT one of these, even if I could never wear it in public because I currently reside in a small town where I was nearly chased through the streets as a teenager for having blue hair, so Star Trek support probably results in a public stoning, or at least stern words from the neighbors:[Found at LikeCool]Clearly I would get blue, because Spock wears blue. And no, I do NOT have any pictures of the period in my life with blue hair, and my family can't talk about it without snerking with laughter and muttering about 'Smurfs.' But these corsets are super-sexy, yes?Daily Hot Guy* At the request of my dear reader thefangirlblog, I present her requested DHG:[Terrance Zdunich, AKA The Graverobber, AKA That Dude From Repo!, AKA The Dude With The Voice]But you know what? Pictures don't do him justice. Like Seth MacFarlane, or Hugo Weaving, it's all about The Voice. Ergo:A little glass vial? A little glass vial.TeeVee* Read this and mourn the death of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles ALL OVER AGAIN. Journalism* Every single person working at the NY Post being a really vile and hideous human being?[Found at BestWeekEver]Why, what would make you think that?Geek Want* This is a chair that records how many calories you burn while fidgeting in your chair:[Found at DVICE]Although the more I think about it, the less I want it. Because there are few things more uncomfortable than having a pleasant conversation with someone as they spasm in their chair, trying to burn off the calories in their morning latte.Politics* I unironically love Pat Buchanan, because he was friends with my beloved late imaginary husband Hunter Thompson, and also because he's very intelligent when he's not being insane, and maybe a tiny bit because he was featured, twenty years young and played by an actor, in Watchmen. But mainly I love Pat because no matter how offensive or stupid or crazy the bullshit he sometimes splutters, I can't get angry. He's like my grandfather, only more extreme. "Oh, Grandpa Pat, you blame Sonia Sotomayor for every atrocity of the twentieth century? That is so cute! Would you like more cocoa?" And then Pat Buchanan smiles a gentle senile smile and tells me stories about HST.Apocalypse How?* if the human race is exterminated because of giant jellyfish, I will be so embarrassed for our species. On the other hand[Found at i09] RUN! FEED IT THE CHILDREN WHILE I MAKE MY ESCAPE.WTF, INTERNET?* You KNOW there is a fetish for this:[Found at LikeCool]It's a glow-in-the-dark condom. There are so many ways this could go. The people who find this sexy would be all, 'Huzzah! Glowing johnson!' Or if you hated the person you'd managed to seduce, you could conveniently forget to tell them about it, and surprise them after sex by flicking off the lights and screaming, 'My dick is your kryptonite!' I'm sure there are endless lightsaber jokes to be made here. If they made blue ones, there'd probably be a market among Watchmen fans who find Doctor Manhattan's blue junk appealing. The point is, it's all about the marketing, and glowing condoms are freaking ridiculous.Zombies* This is a zombie jelly mold:[Found at BoingBoing]If you loved me, I'd be making zombie jello RIGHT NOW, instead of blogging and slurping coffee and trying vainly to figure out the ominous crazy of the day before me.Nature* Due to science that I am far too lazy/sleep/stupid to explain, this table eats itself as the plant grows, making it both eco-friendly and sort of sinister:[Found at Neatorama]If this thing somehow mated with the glowing condoms, the world would implode on itself.More later, maybe, because it IS Sunday, and I still feel sort of shitty, and the weather can't decide if it wants to be nice or not, and suddenly people are demanding I DO things today, which is just bullshit, really, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING.- LV
. My absolute favorite scene was this moment in the trailer where Jeff Daniels said, "I didn't mean to hurt anyone; I just had to paint." I thought that was beautiful, and I went to see the movie in part because I thought that line was so lovely. And it wasn't in the movie. And the movie was uneven, overall, but William H. Macy AND Don Knotts can be forgiven pretty much everything, not to mention Joan Allen and Jeff Daniels. Here are some more recent movies where scenes that are in the trailers did not make it to the final cut, including Baby!Spock being DENIED the big screen, which is EVIL.Stupid People* Dude got arrested and fined for mowing the lawn, and no that is not a metaphor.Remake!Fail* I am many things, but I am not naive (or excessively, anyway. I know a lot of the movies I loved as a kid aren't especially good, and that most of my fondness for them stems from memories and a child's innocence. I KNOW this. And I DO like remakes a lot, because sometimes they are badass and fun and affectionate, and the heavens open up and a dulcet choir sings. But I am NEVER going to be OK with them remaking The Incredible Mr. Limpet. First off, the movie is set in World War II and has a talking fish and Don Knotts fighting Nazis, which is admittedly one of the greatest ideas in the history of EVER, but may not be accessible to kids of this generation. Second, YOU DO NOT REPLACE DON KNOTTS WITH ANYONE, EVER. HE IS DON FREAKING KNOTTS. (Did I tell you I met Don Knotts when I was nine? He was with Tom Posten, and they were both drunk, and for mysterious reasons I walked over and just started babbling at them about horses and pancakes (we were at a ranch, and had gone on a breakfast trail ride, so this DID make sense) and they were very nice and listened to me ramble, in part because they were both sauced on martinis, and when my mother tried to explain WHO I had just been talking to, I wasn't impressed until she identified Don Knotts as the voice of Mr. Bone on
. I was NINE). Anyway, Don Knotts cannot be replaced, and they'd make the fish all CGI and creepy, and I KNOW the movie sort of sucked, really, but I want it to remain beloved in my memory, so this remake is cancelled, for THE ALLIES.Books* On the list of 'Interesting Ways To Commit Suicide,' I suppose we must add, 'ripping off J.D. Salinger, who is crazy and shoots at people who come on his property.' Or just, 'Writing A Sequel to Catcher In The Rye,' because CLEARLY the world was waiting for a shitty unauthorized sequel to a great book. I blame all those awful sequels to Pride and Prejudice. THE JANE AUSTEN ZOMBIE IS GOING TO RISE UP AND EAT YOU IF YOU WRITE ANY MORE SEQUELS TO HER WORK. AND J.D. SALINGER CONTROLS HER. This is true.Star Trek* I feel like I already posted these, but I can't find them and it's Sunday, and dammit, I WANT one of these, even if I could never wear it in public because I currently reside in a small town where I was nearly chased through the streets as a teenager for having blue hair, so Star Trek support probably results in a public stoning, or at least stern words from the neighbors:[Found at LikeCool]Clearly I would get blue, because Spock wears blue. And no, I do NOT have any pictures of the period in my life with blue hair, and my family can't talk about it without snerking with laughter and muttering about 'Smurfs.' But these corsets are super-sexy, yes?Daily Hot Guy* At the request of my dear reader thefangirlblog, I present her requested DHG:[Terrance Zdunich, AKA The Graverobber, AKA That Dude From Repo!, AKA The Dude With The Voice]But you know what? Pictures don't do him justice. Like Seth MacFarlane, or Hugo Weaving, it's all about The Voice. Ergo:A little glass vial? A little glass vial.TeeVee* Read this and mourn the death of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles ALL OVER AGAIN. Journalism* Every single person working at the NY Post being a really vile and hideous human being?[Found at BestWeekEver]Why, what would make you think that?Geek Want* This is a chair that records how many calories you burn while fidgeting in your chair:[Found at DVICE]Although the more I think about it, the less I want it. Because there are few things more uncomfortable than having a pleasant conversation with someone as they spasm in their chair, trying to burn off the calories in their morning latte.Politics* I unironically love Pat Buchanan, because he was friends with my beloved late imaginary husband Hunter Thompson, and also because he's very intelligent when he's not being insane, and maybe a tiny bit because he was featured, twenty years young and played by an actor, in Watchmen. But mainly I love Pat because no matter how offensive or stupid or crazy the bullshit he sometimes splutters, I can't get angry. He's like my grandfather, only more extreme. "Oh, Grandpa Pat, you blame Sonia Sotomayor for every atrocity of the twentieth century? That is so cute! Would you like more cocoa?" And then Pat Buchanan smiles a gentle senile smile and tells me stories about HST.Apocalypse How?* if the human race is exterminated because of giant jellyfish, I will be so embarrassed for our species. On the other hand[Found at i09] RUN! FEED IT THE CHILDREN WHILE I MAKE MY ESCAPE.WTF, INTERNET?* You KNOW there is a fetish for this:[Found at LikeCool]It's a glow-in-the-dark condom. There are so many ways this could go. The people who find this sexy would be all, 'Huzzah! Glowing johnson!' Or if you hated the person you'd managed to seduce, you could conveniently forget to tell them about it, and surprise them after sex by flicking off the lights and screaming, 'My dick is your kryptonite!' I'm sure there are endless lightsaber jokes to be made here. If they made blue ones, there'd probably be a market among Watchmen fans who find Doctor Manhattan's blue junk appealing. The point is, it's all about the marketing, and glowing condoms are freaking ridiculous.Zombies* This is a zombie jelly mold:[Found at BoingBoing]If you loved me, I'd be making zombie jello RIGHT NOW, instead of blogging and slurping coffee and trying vainly to figure out the ominous crazy of the day before me.Nature* Due to science that I am far too lazy/sleep/stupid to explain, this table eats itself as the plant grows, making it both eco-friendly and sort of sinister:[Found at Neatorama]If this thing somehow mated with the glowing condoms, the world would implode on itself.More later, maybe, because it IS Sunday, and I still feel sort of shitty, and the weather can't decide if it wants to be nice or not, and suddenly people are demanding I DO things today, which is just bullshit, really, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING.- LV
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