Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Bruce Campbell Once Won A Game Of Connect Four In 3 Moves.

Books
* I love books. Ergo, I love bookcases, which lovingly cradle those times of wisdom and entertainment that cruel and stupid people seek to replace with their damn Kindles. I really am the world's oldest 23-year-old. Anyway, there are bookcases, and then there are BOOKCASES. Which are the same, only capitalized, you see, to indicate the drama:

[Found at IncredibleThings]
How fun would this be? You could curl up and read a book in the little cave, and nobody would bother you. And if they tried to bother you, you could be all, 'Dude, Fortress of Bookitude.' If you say the enough, pretty soon no one will bother you. Here are a bunch more, including one that's like the TARDIS of bookshelves, in my mind.

Star Trek
* Sometimes people say that this category exists just as an excuse for me to post something about Zachary Quinto. I can neither confirm nor deny such slanderous accusations. Here is a picture, from Zachary Quinto's official blog, of Zachary Quinto shaking hands with President Barack Obama:

Really, where do people get such ridiculous ideas?..... Zachary Quinto.

Remake!Fail
* This may not suck at all, but I m giving this a preemptive Remake!Fail because A) Ridley Scott seems incapable of making any movie without Russell Crowe. And while Mr. Crowe is a fine actor, he also seems like a douchebag, and should not be allowed near science-fiction masterpieces, even by association with said director, and B) You don't remake/re-imagine/whatever Blade Runner. It's been done. How many versions of this damn movie do we have now? I love the Final Version, and I've seen every other version, and I've read the original short story. I am TAPPED OUT. Also, it just seems unnecessary. A web reimagining/sequel/whatever you're calling it today of Blade Runner? Why, Ridley? Still feeling shame over Gladiator? I mean, that makes sense. You essentially just ripped off Braveheart, only with crazy Joaquin Phoenix before he was pretend-crazy and no Scots. I can understand your chagrin.
But I will quickly and unabashedly revoke this Remake!Fail if I hear good things about this project. Because despite everything I just said, the Blade Runner universe is totally sweet, and if it's done well it could be fascinating and wonderful. I just don't think it will be.

TeeVee
* I was very sad when Reaper got cancelled, because it was weird and funny and interesting, and the dude who played the Devil was all the badassery needed for the role, and smarmy to boot, which is good because I secretly always think the Devil would be kind of like Frank Sinatra. Also shows like Desperate Housewives are still on and that kills my soul.
Even though SyFy's new name makes me furious for obvious reasons, if they decide to adopt the lost child that is Reaper, I will take back all the bad things I have said about them (or at least stop saying them quite so often). This might all come to nothing, of course, as most of my TeeVee hopes and dreams do, you corporate BASTARDS. But wouldn't it be nifty if Reaper returned?

Journalism
* Sean Hannity does not make me remotely as angry as Bill O'Reilly, although without Bill O'Reilly we would not have Stephen Colbert, so every cloud of crazy has a silver lining of humor, yes? But really, Sean Hannity should maybe look into relocating somewhere far away.I cannot stand anybody who extracts one sentence from a speech, and completely misinterprets it for their own pathetic needs, regardless of their political party. THAT IS NOT JOURNALISM. THAT IS, I DON'T KNOW, JUST AWFUL. This is why journalism is ending, and it's failing, and writers are going to all have to become strippers to earn money, although writers by and large have enormous emotional/social problems, and most of them shouldn't be gyrating on a stage anyway, and I don't even OWN any sequined underwear, and it will be all Sean Hannity's fault for completely undermining our profession. So in conclusion, Sean Hannity's hate-spewing and lying leads to people taking off their clothes for money. SEE WHAT I DID THERE, MR. HANNITY? WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED TODAY?

Geek Want
* Nothing says classy like screw-in-bottle tops for your wine:

[Found at TheWorldsBestEver]
I'm not being sarcastic. Why do you always think I'm being sarcastic? I am genuinely excited by these wine bottle tops. They're pretty and silly and adorable, and I want them. And you could use them for other bottles, I guess, but I think putting one of these in a really expensive bottle of champagne would be fabulous.

Politics
* I think this quote about Sonia Sotomayor is enough to make me love G. Gordon Liddy forever:
Let’s hope that the key conferences aren’t when she’s menstruating or something, or just before she’s going to menstruate. That would really be bad. Lord knows what we would get then.

Yes, that was sarcasm. See? See the difference? And by the way, HOLY GOD. WHO SAYS THESE THINGS? I'm sure other guys have made this joke, and possibly some women, too, but IN PUBLIC? WHERE REPORTERS CAN HEAR YOU AND REPEAT WHAT YOU SAID FOREVER? Bad life choice, Mr. Liddy. Incidentally, this quote makes me think of that scene in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut where Mr. Garrison says essentially the same thing to Wendy about women bleeding and not dying, which is obviously a sign that we are all evil succubi.

Daily Hot Guy

[Hunter Stockton Thompson, my imaginary late husband, who I STILL love, despite the inarguable fact that he was apparently an unmitigated bastard]

Apocalypse How?
* It doesn't matter HOW the world ends, apparently, just the fact that it WILL end, and soon, and we'll all be fucked regardless, so PARTY IN NEW JERSEY FOR THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS. Of course, this panic could all be simply to sell a TV show about the end of civilization, in which there will be no TVs, which I guess makes the whole thing funny, only everyone will be dead so no one will be left to laugh. But anyway, century-long party in Jersey, until the end comes. I'll bring the soda and chips. You bring the booze and Russell Brand. He's the guest of honor. You can't have a party without Russell Brand. And Lady Gaga can come too. But keep her away from Brand. He's mine.
- LV

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