* Due to many requests (OK, a few, but they were PERSISTENT) I have made a list of Fandom Rules. Some are general for all fandoms, and some are specific. All are good. Some are for fanfiction. Basically, these have been compiled as a quick reminder on how not to be batshit insane and shame all members of your fandom, and fandoms everywhere:
GENERAL RULES
Good: Getting a fandom tattoo.
Bad: Trying to tattoo other people with your fandom's symbol.
Getting a fandom tattoo in the first week of a fandom, then complaining about it.
Getting a fandom tattoo in a supremely personal area, then insisting on showing it to the creator of your fandom, in public.
Good: Knowing every detail about your fandom.
Bad: Forgetting that your fandom is a FANDOM, and that while in theory it would be awesome to, say, dress up as a vigilante and roam the streets for justice, your local authorities might have a problem with that.
Good: Crying and being sad when a fandom character dies.
Bad: Seeking vengeance against the actor/writer who caused your charatcer's death.
Good: Having a sense of humor about your fandom.
Bad: Raging at people who DARE to post crack!fic, funny pictures, or anything remotely entertaining, because only YOU could possibly comprehend the intricacies of said fandom.
Good: Having parties centered around your fandom.
Bad: Not telling your guests about the fandom theme of your party, then spending the whole night answering questions like, 'Why do you have pointy ears glued on?' or 'Have your eyebrows always been that angular?'
Good: Being involved in roleplaying games.
Bad: Pretending your whole life is a roleplaying game, particularly if your fandom is something like Oz.
Good: Sharing fun/interesting pictures of your favorite fandom actor.
Bad: Mailing yourself to the actor thinking you're in a real relationship with them.
Good: Going to a convention.
Bad: Going to a convention fully prepared to leave with a criminal record.
Good: Building a fansite.
Bad: Systematically undermining and destroying other people's fansites.
Good: Being attracted to people from your fandom & discussing said attraction.
Bad: Describing, in unnervingly graphic detail, your sexual fantasies about real-life people, including the model and make of the chains you intend to use.
Good: Owning memorabilia from your fandom.
Bad: Stealing memorabilia from dying orphans.
Good: Feeling contempt for people who fail to comprehend the awesome of your fandom.
Bad: Physically attacking people who dislike your fandom and beating them with replicas of your fandom's favorite weapons.
Good: Writing fanfiction that is funny/sexy/silly/dramatic/interesting.
Bad: Writing fanfiction that is so bad it actually manages to ruin the source material for readers/gratuitous use of Mary Janes/not using spell-check.
Good: Discovering a fandom and eagerly learning about it from longtime followers.
Bad: Discovering a fandom, looking up the details on Wikipedia, claiming supreme knowledge of the fandom, and verbally abusing true fans who correct your mistakes.
Good: Not sharing spoilers without fair warning.
Bad: Posting, 'OMFG I can't believe ---------- died!'
Good: When meeting a writer/actor from your fandom, being enthusiastic and polite.
Bad: When meeting a writer/actor from your fandom, screaming their name and trying to staple yourself to their leg.
Good: Tweeting friendly messages to those writer/actors who use Twitter.
Bad: Tweeting any message along the lines of, 'I want to be a part of you,' or 'You left the fridge open.'
Good: Sharing theories and ideas about your fandom, and listening to others.
Bad: Posing a truly insane theory with no basis in fact or reality, then losing your shit and E-Yelling when others laugh/correct you.
Fanfiction Rules
Danceswithelvis, fanfiction reader and ruler of parts of the internet (I can't tell you which - I'm sworn to secrecy) has the following fanfiction rules. They are wise and good, and must be followed.
1. GLUE IS NOT GOOD LUBE
2. Neither is toothpaste.
2a. Neither is washing machine detergent
3. Womb penetration = BAD. (YMMV on the whole bumping the cervix thing, though....)
4. Gnawing of delicate flesh is only good if it's Zombie sex.
5. "Tiny dick-like protuberances" is NOT a good description of nipples. EVER.
6. Rabbits do not go there.
7. If it's bigger than your cranium, do not try to stick it in something the size of a fucking lime.
8. Dwarf fruit and mining caps = instant lulz
Heroes Rules
The word 'Sybrows' must be used at least once every three months in casual conversation.
It's totally okay to want to comply with Zachary Quinto in crazy Sylar mode, because of THOSE EYES.
- Submitted by Kristamaru, interweb ninja sekrit hero who's power is - oh, shit that was a secret, right?
Denying the ridiculous slashy potential of this show is like denying your own soul - and just as painful.
It is always funny when Peter Petrelli gets hurt. What? He can regenerate, WALK IT OFF, PETRELLI.
Firefly/Serenity
Re-watching Firefly and pretending certain characters aren't dead IS acceptable coping behavior.
- Submitted by Kristamaru's boyfriend, who would pilot Serenity to the houses of FOX executives and teach them a thing or two about cancellations.
If you claim to know Chinese, and can only utter the phrases said in Firefly and Serenity, you can still count yourself as bilingual.
If you don't tear up while watching Serenity, you're a robot.
- Submitted by Kristamaru, who is not a robot.... OR IS SHE?
Doctor Who
When discussing Doctor Who, if you have only watched the newer Doctors, you automatically lose the argument if the other person has watched ALL the Doctors.
Crying every time the Doctor regenerates in no way undermines your sanity.
Star Trek
Learning Klingon or Vulcan is kind of cool. Using it on a first date is not suggested, unless it is a Star Trek date, and then you are GETTING LUCKY.
Shouting "KHAAAANNN!" for no discernible reason is always an excellent life choice.
If you love Star Trek, you must love either The Original Series or The Next Generation, if not both. The other series are optional, although highly recommended.
Picard was totally the better Captain. Deal with it.
Watchmen
If you are a fan of Watchmen, it is totally appropriate to strike people who giggle and say, 'Blue dong' when you mention the comic/movie.
It is acceptable to love the Watchmen movie, so long as you agree that the comic is infinitely superior.
It is never OK to utter the words, 'Tom Cruise would have made a great Rorschach.'
Jackie Earle Haley, AKA Rorschach, is a very affable and approachable guy, and gracious to his fans. Do not ruin this by drugging him and forcing him into your luggage to bring him to your secret underground Nite Owl Fortress of Nudity.
It is OK to like Ozymandias, I GUESS. EVEN THOUGH I BLAME HIM FOR EVERYTHING.
It is not OK to own a Rorschach thong.
It is not technically illegal, but it is suicidally unwise, to tell a Watchmen fan that Twilight is the better fandom.
V For Vendetta
It is acceptable to cry every time you watch V For Vendetta.
And speak in alliteration.
And site every difference between the comic and the movie while watching the movie, even if the other viewers have never seen it, because they NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS.
And hold Fifth of November parties in which you drink English beer, eat English food, and serve egg in a basket, even though you know it's not really English, because it's pretty much the only thing you can cook, OK?!
Lord Of The Rings
If you call someone a hobbit, it must be in an affectionate manner, otherwise the other person has the right to set you on fire.
Harry Potter
It is in fact illegal to make any more jokes about Harry Potter's magic wand.
It is not OK to laugh at someone who's favorite fandom character has died tragically, nay HEROICALLY, for a bunch of whiny little brats who don't appreciate him. It is OK for them to drown you with their tears.
Dollhouse
If you do not like Alpha, you are banned from watching the show.
Other
If you have not read the comic, you cannot speak.
It is never, EVER OK to take the name of Bruce Campbell in vain.
Be respectful of other fandoms. Except Twilight. OK, even Twilight. At least to their faces.
GENERAL RULES
Good: Getting a fandom tattoo.
Bad: Trying to tattoo other people with your fandom's symbol.
Getting a fandom tattoo in the first week of a fandom, then complaining about it.
Getting a fandom tattoo in a supremely personal area, then insisting on showing it to the creator of your fandom, in public.
Good: Knowing every detail about your fandom.
Bad: Forgetting that your fandom is a FANDOM, and that while in theory it would be awesome to, say, dress up as a vigilante and roam the streets for justice, your local authorities might have a problem with that.
Good: Crying and being sad when a fandom character dies.
Bad: Seeking vengeance against the actor/writer who caused your charatcer's death.
Good: Having a sense of humor about your fandom.
Bad: Raging at people who DARE to post crack!fic, funny pictures, or anything remotely entertaining, because only YOU could possibly comprehend the intricacies of said fandom.
Good: Having parties centered around your fandom.
Bad: Not telling your guests about the fandom theme of your party, then spending the whole night answering questions like, 'Why do you have pointy ears glued on?' or 'Have your eyebrows always been that angular?'
Good: Being involved in roleplaying games.
Bad: Pretending your whole life is a roleplaying game, particularly if your fandom is something like Oz.
Good: Sharing fun/interesting pictures of your favorite fandom actor.
Bad: Mailing yourself to the actor thinking you're in a real relationship with them.
Good: Going to a convention.
Bad: Going to a convention fully prepared to leave with a criminal record.
Good: Building a fansite.
Bad: Systematically undermining and destroying other people's fansites.
Good: Being attracted to people from your fandom & discussing said attraction.
Bad: Describing, in unnervingly graphic detail, your sexual fantasies about real-life people, including the model and make of the chains you intend to use.
Good: Owning memorabilia from your fandom.
Bad: Stealing memorabilia from dying orphans.
Good: Feeling contempt for people who fail to comprehend the awesome of your fandom.
Bad: Physically attacking people who dislike your fandom and beating them with replicas of your fandom's favorite weapons.
Good: Writing fanfiction that is funny/sexy/silly/dramatic/interesting.
Bad: Writing fanfiction that is so bad it actually manages to ruin the source material for readers/gratuitous use of Mary Janes/not using spell-check.
Good: Discovering a fandom and eagerly learning about it from longtime followers.
Bad: Discovering a fandom, looking up the details on Wikipedia, claiming supreme knowledge of the fandom, and verbally abusing true fans who correct your mistakes.
Good: Not sharing spoilers without fair warning.
Bad: Posting, 'OMFG I can't believe ---------- died!'
Good: When meeting a writer/actor from your fandom, being enthusiastic and polite.
Bad: When meeting a writer/actor from your fandom, screaming their name and trying to staple yourself to their leg.
Good: Tweeting friendly messages to those writer/actors who use Twitter.
Bad: Tweeting any message along the lines of, 'I want to be a part of you,' or 'You left the fridge open.'
Good: Sharing theories and ideas about your fandom, and listening to others.
Bad: Posing a truly insane theory with no basis in fact or reality, then losing your shit and E-Yelling when others laugh/correct you.
Fanfiction Rules
Danceswithelvis, fanfiction reader and ruler of parts of the internet (I can't tell you which - I'm sworn to secrecy) has the following fanfiction rules. They are wise and good, and must be followed.
1. GLUE IS NOT GOOD LUBE
2. Neither is toothpaste.
2a. Neither is washing machine detergent
3. Womb penetration = BAD. (YMMV on the whole bumping the cervix thing, though....)
4. Gnawing of delicate flesh is only good if it's Zombie sex.
5. "Tiny dick-like protuberances" is NOT a good description of nipples. EVER.
6. Rabbits do not go there.
7. If it's bigger than your cranium, do not try to stick it in something the size of a fucking lime.
8. Dwarf fruit and mining caps = instant lulz
Heroes Rules
The word 'Sybrows' must be used at least once every three months in casual conversation.
It's totally okay to want to comply with Zachary Quinto in crazy Sylar mode, because of THOSE EYES.
- Submitted by Kristamaru, interweb ninja sekrit hero who's power is - oh, shit that was a secret, right?
Denying the ridiculous slashy potential of this show is like denying your own soul - and just as painful.
It is always funny when Peter Petrelli gets hurt. What? He can regenerate, WALK IT OFF, PETRELLI.
Firefly/Serenity
Re-watching Firefly and pretending certain characters aren't dead IS acceptable coping behavior.
- Submitted by Kristamaru's boyfriend, who would pilot Serenity to the houses of FOX executives and teach them a thing or two about cancellations.
If you claim to know Chinese, and can only utter the phrases said in Firefly and Serenity, you can still count yourself as bilingual.
If you don't tear up while watching Serenity, you're a robot.
- Submitted by Kristamaru, who is not a robot.... OR IS SHE?
Doctor Who
When discussing Doctor Who, if you have only watched the newer Doctors, you automatically lose the argument if the other person has watched ALL the Doctors.
Crying every time the Doctor regenerates in no way undermines your sanity.
Star Trek
Learning Klingon or Vulcan is kind of cool. Using it on a first date is not suggested, unless it is a Star Trek date, and then you are GETTING LUCKY.
Shouting "KHAAAANNN!" for no discernible reason is always an excellent life choice.
If you love Star Trek, you must love either The Original Series or The Next Generation, if not both. The other series are optional, although highly recommended.
Picard was totally the better Captain. Deal with it.
Watchmen
If you are a fan of Watchmen, it is totally appropriate to strike people who giggle and say, 'Blue dong' when you mention the comic/movie.
It is acceptable to love the Watchmen movie, so long as you agree that the comic is infinitely superior.
It is never OK to utter the words, 'Tom Cruise would have made a great Rorschach.'
Jackie Earle Haley, AKA Rorschach, is a very affable and approachable guy, and gracious to his fans. Do not ruin this by drugging him and forcing him into your luggage to bring him to your secret underground Nite Owl Fortress of Nudity.
It is OK to like Ozymandias, I GUESS. EVEN THOUGH I BLAME HIM FOR EVERYTHING.
It is not OK to own a Rorschach thong.
It is not technically illegal, but it is suicidally unwise, to tell a Watchmen fan that Twilight is the better fandom.
V For Vendetta
It is acceptable to cry every time you watch V For Vendetta.
And speak in alliteration.
And site every difference between the comic and the movie while watching the movie, even if the other viewers have never seen it, because they NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS.
And hold Fifth of November parties in which you drink English beer, eat English food, and serve egg in a basket, even though you know it's not really English, because it's pretty much the only thing you can cook, OK?!
Lord Of The Rings
If you call someone a hobbit, it must be in an affectionate manner, otherwise the other person has the right to set you on fire.
Harry Potter
It is in fact illegal to make any more jokes about Harry Potter's magic wand.
It is not OK to laugh at someone who's favorite fandom character has died tragically, nay HEROICALLY, for a bunch of whiny little brats who don't appreciate him. It is OK for them to drown you with their tears.
Dollhouse
If you do not like Alpha, you are banned from watching the show.
Other
If you have not read the comic, you cannot speak.
It is never, EVER OK to take the name of Bruce Campbell in vain.
Be respectful of other fandoms. Except Twilight. OK, even Twilight. At least to their faces.
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