Life* Happy June! And it's a Monday! And I have seven days until the LSATs! KILL ME NOW! I also may be the only person in America who didn't watch the MTV Movie Awards, and yet I've seen huge chunks thanks to the internet. I boycotted because all those evil little tweens voted for everyone BUT Watchmen. Monsters. Also, if you follow me on Twitter, you already know that I have gone from hating Lady Gaga to loving her. Her music really is amazing. And I love her hair. But I still want her to put on pants, so I've got my morals, RIGHT?Movies* Welp, America, it was nice knowing you. We've had some good times over the past 200-odd years. And some bad. A lot of bad, let's not kid ourselves. It's mostly been shit. But there have been some good times, and those are what I'll try to remember. For, you see, the third horseman of the apocalypse has shown up. And I wanted to bid you farewell before the fourth one shows up, and it's all crazy and there's no time for us to talk civilly. For, you see, they are making a movie based on a chewing gum. Nostradamus prophesied this as the beginning of the end. Prepare yourselves.Stupid People* When I was a kid, the big threat was those wristband-bracelet things that you smacked against your wrist and they curled up like a bracelet. Because some kids would like stab each other in the eyes, or they would smack themselves with such force as to leave bruises. Then, in high school, it was those rubber bracelets that reportedly if broken meant the breakee would engage in deviant sex. Either I went to the wrong high school or wore the wrong bracelets, but that shit never happened to me or anyone I ever met. But it COULD HAVE. DARK TIMES, MAN. Now the big crisis is hugging. SAVE THE CHILDREN FROM FRIENDLY PHYSICAL CONTACT. FLEE. Really, THIS is the new anxiety for parents? When I was a kid we had school shootings and drugs and violence. Now you're worried your kids will give into the peer pressure of HUGGING? Where the fuck are these people coming from, and what idyllic fantasy world do they live in? They're probably all in line to see the Bazooka Joe movie. Books* This kid is my hero of the week/month/until I find someone else worthy of being my hero. His school banned a bunch of books, most of them classics and essential reading. So, he created a lending library in his locker. Of banned books. I wish this kid had gone to my school, where they cut a chapter from
because it would make all the girls lesbians and give all the boys lesbian-induced boners, and where Catcher In The Rye was exposed as a thinly-veiled homosexual treatise. My school had some issues, yes? But really, this kid is great. Freedom of speech, and he's doing a great thing. I hope he keeps it up. My hat is off to you, young man. You rock.Star Trek* I try to keep reality and fantasy separate, because the doctors in white coats warned me about what would happen if I thought my next-door neighbor was Magneto and tried to stop him from pulling the iron from my blood again. That was awkward. But even the most rational and dead-souled of us must secretly wish real life was more like , which is a perfect world and there are SEXY VULCANS FOR ALL. OK, that isn't the point, but it should be, because even if we all live in a world where the pursuit of nobility and happiness beats out the pursuit of money, my pursuit of happiness will never be complete without a pointy-eared Vulcan. Remake!Fail* Dear Nicolas Cage: Stop it. You were wonderful in Raising Arizona. You were great in Leaving Las Vegas (although the book was better, and Sean Penn probably should have won for Dead Man Walking, but considering where both your careers are now I think he'd let you have that). I had a horrible crush on you due to City Of Angels, but I was in middle school so let it go. But now you are remaking/sequeling Bad Lieutenant. This movie is famous for starring Harvey Keitel's penis, and lots of drugs, and being so goddamn disturbing that I am not even mentioning specific scenes. There is no need to remake this movie. And I do not want to see you naked, ever, or doing drugs, and I am sick of your sad little toupees. Also, how the HELL did you trap Werner Herzog into directing this? HOW?! Herzog took a bullet and kept doing an interview, and saved Joaquin Phoenix from a car-wreck. He's like Superman, only BETTER. So let him go make awesome movies, and you can get to work on National Treasure 3: Parchment Of Secret Mysteries. No Love, LVTeeVee* I missed the premiere of Glee, because I fail at life. Is it only Hulu yet? Anyone know where I can find it? I NEED TO SEE WHAT I MISSED AND RECTIFY THIS TERRIBLE MISTAKE.Daily Hot Guy[Robert Downey, Jr. AKA Tony Stark AKA Who Cares What I Call Him He's Lying Naked In A Bed, Lying Naked In A Bed]Geek Want* I am trying very hard to quit smoking (with debatable success). It SUCKS, and I think I need to wait until I finish the LSATs before I can do it without ripping someone's throat open to suck the nicotine from their throat. Anyway, these socks are funny:[Found at TheWorldsBestEver]They may not help me quit smoking, but they are entertaining, and will provide me hours of amusement as I bitterly calculate all the money I have spent on cigarettes. And novelty socks.TwiHate* Maybe I should start being nicer to Stephenie Meyers...[Found at xkcd]She can kill us all with a few flowery words.Travel* I want to go to this hotel. It's soundproof, and filled with breakable stuff. I want to go to a hotel and smash the shit out of things and howl like a beast and scribble on the walls and pretend I am Courtney Love back in the day, before the plastic surgery and crazy and drugs and Bad Life Choices overwhelmed her talent and awesome. In fact, I could PLAY old-school Hole while I smashed stuff. I'm breaking out my old copy of Pretty On The Inside. And planning the Best Vacation Ever. Who's in?![Found at BoingBoing]It's a lovely day, and nothing has exploded yet. Let's see how long the peace lasts.Fatally,LV
because it would make all the girls lesbians and give all the boys lesbian-induced boners, and where Catcher In The Rye was exposed as a thinly-veiled homosexual treatise. My school had some issues, yes? But really, this kid is great. Freedom of speech, and he's doing a great thing. I hope he keeps it up. My hat is off to you, young man. You rock.Star Trek* I try to keep reality and fantasy separate, because the doctors in white coats warned me about what would happen if I thought my next-door neighbor was Magneto and tried to stop him from pulling the iron from my blood again. That was awkward. But even the most rational and dead-souled of us must secretly wish real life was more like , which is a perfect world and there are SEXY VULCANS FOR ALL. OK, that isn't the point, but it should be, because even if we all live in a world where the pursuit of nobility and happiness beats out the pursuit of money, my pursuit of happiness will never be complete without a pointy-eared Vulcan. Remake!Fail* Dear Nicolas Cage: Stop it. You were wonderful in Raising Arizona. You were great in Leaving Las Vegas (although the book was better, and Sean Penn probably should have won for Dead Man Walking, but considering where both your careers are now I think he'd let you have that). I had a horrible crush on you due to City Of Angels, but I was in middle school so let it go. But now you are remaking/sequeling Bad Lieutenant. This movie is famous for starring Harvey Keitel's penis, and lots of drugs, and being so goddamn disturbing that I am not even mentioning specific scenes. There is no need to remake this movie. And I do not want to see you naked, ever, or doing drugs, and I am sick of your sad little toupees. Also, how the HELL did you trap Werner Herzog into directing this? HOW?! Herzog took a bullet and kept doing an interview, and saved Joaquin Phoenix from a car-wreck. He's like Superman, only BETTER. So let him go make awesome movies, and you can get to work on National Treasure 3: Parchment Of Secret Mysteries. No Love, LVTeeVee* I missed the premiere of Glee, because I fail at life. Is it only Hulu yet? Anyone know where I can find it? I NEED TO SEE WHAT I MISSED AND RECTIFY THIS TERRIBLE MISTAKE.Daily Hot Guy[Robert Downey, Jr. AKA Tony Stark AKA Who Cares What I Call Him He's Lying Naked In A Bed, Lying Naked In A Bed]Geek Want* I am trying very hard to quit smoking (with debatable success). It SUCKS, and I think I need to wait until I finish the LSATs before I can do it without ripping someone's throat open to suck the nicotine from their throat. Anyway, these socks are funny:[Found at TheWorldsBestEver]They may not help me quit smoking, but they are entertaining, and will provide me hours of amusement as I bitterly calculate all the money I have spent on cigarettes. And novelty socks.TwiHate* Maybe I should start being nicer to Stephenie Meyers...[Found at xkcd]She can kill us all with a few flowery words.Travel* I want to go to this hotel. It's soundproof, and filled with breakable stuff. I want to go to a hotel and smash the shit out of things and howl like a beast and scribble on the walls and pretend I am Courtney Love back in the day, before the plastic surgery and crazy and drugs and Bad Life Choices overwhelmed her talent and awesome. In fact, I could PLAY old-school Hole while I smashed stuff. I'm breaking out my old copy of Pretty On The Inside. And planning the Best Vacation Ever. Who's in?![Found at BoingBoing]It's a lovely day, and nothing has exploded yet. Let's see how long the peace lasts.Fatally,LV
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