For Halloween Alan Moore Cuts Down A Tree Scoops Out The Inside, Fills It With Candy & Then Stabs Anyone Who Rings His Doorbell...

For Halloween Alan Moore Cuts Down A Tree Scoops Out The Inside, Fills It With Candy & Then Stabs Anyone Who Rings His Doorbell. He Then Eats The Candy-Filled Tree.

Note: The title was too long to fit. This is how I post titles on my LiveJournal, where I promote this thing.

Animals
* I present to you the weirdest, cutest, most WTF mouse-thing ever. I want these to be my hopping mouse minions. WHAT? It's Sunday, I'm tired, screw you. MOUSE MINIONS FTW.


TwiHate
* I stopped this section for a while, for a few reasons. A) As a member of MANY fandoms, I should be more tolerant of the fandoms of others, even if they're stupid and bullshit. B) As was pointed out by my Twitter friend, anything that gets kids to read has some sort of validity (Although it's NOT OK, because there are so many good books out there, why are they reading SUCK? So I was going to grumble to myself and leave it be. Until I saw this:

[Found at i09]
Once I stopped throwing up/clawing at my eyes over the pasty teen nudity (is he covered in chalk dust?) I decided that TwiHate can return, so long as I make fun of the source material, and not the fans. After all, people criticize MY fandoms (fools that they are). It's BACK ON.

Music
* Further proof that you can be a musical genius, total weird guy, writer of the best Johnny Cash cover EVER, former dater of Courtney Love, and still be a really good person.

Depression Session
* I am a huge fan of Staycations (where you stay home and have fun). They are inexpensive, and became cool when House stayed home and watched the TV show about the Galapagos, rather than GOING to the Galapagos. I think Staycations should become required until the world decides to pay for me to go to England. Here's how you can have a great Staycation yourself.

Girly Shit
* It is very sad that this jacket is not in my life:

[Found at NubbyTwiglet]
If you people loved me, you'd buy this for me. BUT YOU DON'T.

Tattoo Of Win
* Longtime readers of my blog remember my deep and inexplicable hatred for Pop-Tarts and their commercials. Shit like this isn't helping:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
I know it's not REALLY related to Pop-Tarts in any way, and that it's all about this:

But they sort of look alike, and damn it that's how my brain works.

Food
* Let's file this under, 'Stuff ElleVee Would Eat, But Then Cry From The Shame And Caloric Content':

[Found at ThisIsWhyYoureFat]
This is duck foie gras, bacon, and puffy pastry. This will also be served at my wedding. Paramedics will be in stand-by.

Comics
* If it's wrong to buy a comic solely because it's about Spock and you love Spock with crazy fangirl enthusiasm, then I don't want to be right. It's a prequel to a prequel of a reboot, which may tear the fabric of reality. Just a warning.

Words Of Win

[Found at FrigginRandom]

More later, maybe. It's a lovely Sunday, and I must crawl back into LSAT cave. On the upside, got some writing done yesterday. I WILL FINISH THIS BOOK. AND IT WILL NOT SUCK, POSSIBLY.
- LV

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Alan Moore Was Once On Jeopardy. It Was The First Occasion In Jeopardy History That Alex Trebek Had Appeared Without A Mustache. & A Head.

BookExpo America
* Yesterday kicked ASS.
- Got an early copy of Al Capone Shines My Shoes, the sequel to Gennifer Choldenko's wonderful young adult novel, Al Capone Does My Shirts. Also nearly ran directly into Ms. Choldenko herself. Literally.
- Got a signed copy of Robert Dunn's novel, PinK Cadillac, and discussed the merits of web-based publication when it comes to musical novels. He was incredibly nice.
- Waved at Jane Yolen like a total crazy person, and she waved back though she CLEARLY had no idea who I was or why I was waving to her.
- While exploring the Scientology - I'm sorry, L. Ron Hubbard - section of the Expo, I was accosted by super-tall pirates who wanted me to take pictures with them. This is in no way a metaphor. Very attractive young men dressed as pirates, who I would have flirted with shamelessly were they NOT dressed as pirates, wanted me to take photos with them. I declined, very politely.
- Paid $8.25 for a chicken wrap and $4.00 for a diet soda. There was no crack in the soda. It was four dollars for ALL fluids.
- Due to the utter kindness of the HarperCollins people, and the wonderful/made genius of my remarkable boss, I got to meet Neil Gaiman. He was incredibly, unbelievably nice (not that I thought he'd be an asshole, but whenever you meet someone you admire there's always a lingering fear that they'll be awful, at least for me), and he knows my uncle and we talked about that and he signed three books for me and my boss, and I think I may have floated out of the Javitts Center. It was a fabulous end to the day.

Pictures:



I could have taken more, but considering I knew him through six degrees, I felt that would have been creepy. Also my boss made a joke about me having a shrine of Mr. Gaiman. I really, really hope he knew that my boss was joking.

Freakangels Friday Saturday
* Freakangels, huzzah! Does Karl live, or is my destiny as the Killer of All Characters Fulfilled? Check the spoilers beneath my signature! Sidenote: While waiting (for an hour and a half, because the line was INSANE) for Neil Gaiman, three people recognized my Freakangels bag, which is the first time that has happened since I bought it. I was very pleased.

Remake!Fail
* Continuing with the torture of BAFFLING and unnecessary remakes, here's another one that will make me cry for years over the skullfucking of my childhood: They're remaking Flight of the Navigator. Why? WHY? WHY IS IT NECESSARY TO MAKE ANOTHER VERSION OF THIS MOVIE? Disney has failed. They made a sequel to Bambi, for the love of fuck. They made TWO sequels to Cinderella. AFTER SHE MARRIES THE PRINCE, THERE IS NO MORE STORY. THE STORY IS OVER. STOP TRYING TO CONTINUE A STORY THAT HAS ENDED. More importantly, stay the HELL away from Flight of the Navigator. It is an intrinsic part of my childhood. YOU'RE ALREADY MAKING A FRAGGLE ROCK MOVIE, HOLLYWOOD. WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE FROM ME BEFORE YOU'RE SATISFIED?

Cars
* I fully support the mass-marketing of this car:

[Found at LikeCool]
True, it's more a buggy than a car, but that is irrelevant. This reminds me of that Nintendo 64 game Starfox, where you had to drive a truck like that and blow up stuff while that annoying frog yelled crap at me me from its ship and then Falco was as badass as a middle-schooler could handle. Good times, good times. There are a lot of technical specs for this thing, but I don't care. I want it. I want to drive across the desert in this baby, wind in my hair, sunglasses on, rifle at my side. I don't NEED a reason.

TeeVee
* I am so proud of my home state. I can't even watch commercials for Real Housewives of New Jersey. Because they are simultaneously completely different from reality, and kind of on the nose. They're the most extreme, ridiculous versions of people I know. It's awful, and we are not all in the mob, because sometimes the mob doesn't return our phone-calls or appreciate the dead hookers in their trunk. Is there nothing I can do to win them over and get my own armada of goons? I NEED MINIONS. But yeah, New Jersey is horrifying and awful and shames me and mine. Yet I will continue to defend it, because I live here, and someone has to.

Geek Want
* I want to grow corn in these things:

[Found at NerdApproved]
I could make a MAZE in my backyard. And send people I don't like out to die in my corn maze of Tetris doom.

Politics
* Whatever your stance on gay marriage, you have to admit that few topics send Republicans into quite such a panic. It's like the words 'gay' and 'marriage' when put together in any order short-circuit the Republican brain, and they start weeping and blathering beyond the point of coherency. This is not a dig on Republicans - I'm not kicking them while they're down, especially when Rush Limbaugh is eating all the weaklings - simply an observation. I mean, John Culberson was asked about gay marriage by a small child. He burst into tears, wet his pants, and had to be carried away to a quiet room for a glass of warm milk.

Doctor Who
* A little bit of Win, a little bit of Fail.
Win: BBC America is getting Doctor Who! Huzzah! No longer will I have to wait for the DVDs, and spend months avoiding everyone who's already seen the show.
Fail: They're airing shit that's already been out in England since DECEMBER. Someone needs to explain this time lag, because it makes me angry. Cybermen, perhaps?

Watchmen
* I love it when fandoms overlap/join forces/WHATEVER. This is a podcast (or Snapecast) that's Rorschach and Snape and THAT IS ALL THAT I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS. Sent to me via Twitter by one of the patron saints of Twitter, who is determined to snap my smallish brain with fangirl delight.

WTF, INTERNET?
* I admit that I have some weird interests/fantasies/crazy behavior.

I can safely say, however, that never have I ever EVER dreamed about looking like the demented love-child of a Terminator and a faun.

Zombies
* I am a big fan of small weapons that pack a major punch. I am a tiny slip of a girl, and while I love the idea of huge freaking firearms, I'm not sure how logical it is to expect me to carry around a twenty-five pound gun for extended periods of time. I would, of course, make an exception for anything involving lasers/flamer throwers. Anyway, this suits my needs nicely:

[Found at LikeCool]
This is the BodyGard. It contains a door glass breaker and seatbelt cutter. This isn't strictly a weapon, but could totally be used as one in a pinch. And if you are trapped in your car and zombies approach, you can get out quickly. Lastly, I can't help but think that if the chick in Drag Me To Hell had had this little gadget, maybe things would have gone differently.

Another update later, after the LSATs destroy me.

- LV

Spoilers For FREAKANGELS:
Another week without the demise of Karl! And there was chikkinz AND Jack the Ripper. And FORESHADOWING. And Kirk is happily peeing in his bucket. All is well. BUT FOR HOW LONG?

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Alan Moore Resides In A Village Where His Name Translates To Santa Claus. In Unrelated News Children In The Village Are Scared Shitless Of Santa Claus

Life
* I'm posting again today, because tomorrow I have to get up early to get to BookExpo America. What is that, you ask? IT IS GLORIOUS. And I get to go for work. There will be free stuff, and authors like Joyce Carol Oates and A.J. Jacobs and Chuck Klosterman and Neil Gaiman and China Mieville and Joey Buttafuco's wife.... um.... and Gennifer Choldenko and Jane Yolen. JANE FREAKING YOLEN. I worshipped her as a child. She was like God to me. And I'll be in the same room as her. So that's why I won't be posting tomorrow morning, unless I get up super early and am perky and alert. Which is unlikely. If I can, I will be a total tourist and take pictures of everything and shame myself and my employers. Here's hoping.

Depression Session
* In the future, we will all be nomads. We will roam the destroyed and barren wastelands looking for food, shelter, and sexy leather jackets. The lucky ones will have motorcycles and rifles and the keys to the grocery stores. The rest of us will make do with what we can scavenge in this dark new world. The smart ones, however, will have bikes with tiny gardens on them:

[Found at BoingBoing]
OK, first of all, there is no way that tiny garden could sustain any life whatsoever. Unless you can live off of dill, you are in trouble. Try growing carrots or potatoes in that baby, and you will end up with nothing. I'd like to see someone try it with corn, though. Second, as the article says, I'd feel really dumb falling off this bike. Not only would you get scratched to shit, you'd get dirt everywhere, and KILL your pathetic little garden. Then you can sit in the deserted center of an abandoned city, covered in dirt, and cry over your tragic little garden.

Girly Shit
* I find this to be an utterly repulsive color for nail polish:

[Found at MakeupAndBeautyBlog]
And even if I didn't chew my nails down to sad little nubs that make people grimace, I would never willingly associate with such a shade. To paraphrase Mean Girls, 'They remind me of a baby prostitute.' That was a good movie. And in the time before Lindsay Lohan became a sort of sad joke. She'd wear this nail polish. Think about it.

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at LOLTATZ]
As my friend brilliantly put it, "Imagine getting up in the middle of the night to pee, sitting down, and seeing those faces grinning up at you."

Food
* Oh. My. God:

[Found at ThisIsWhyYoureFat]
You think those are just French fries, don't you? Oh, how wrong you are. Those are donut French fries with raspberry jelly and Bavarian cream dipping sauces. Those are the most perfect desert food ever. I want to serve this at my wedding. I want to get married JUST to eat this. I want a wedding cake made out of these. Where do I GET these things?

Comics
* I am a fan of Die Hard, mostly because of Alan Rickman and his Sexy Glare And Sneering Attitude Towards All That Cross His Path. I mean, the movie was fun and great and Bruce Willis is a compulsively watchable actor when he isn't straining himself, and it has one of the best lines ever, which I'm not saying because it's oversaid, people. And now they're making a comic of John McClane's early years. They've got an impressive team behind this comic, and as long as they don't allow McClane to become a caricature like the later Die Hard movies, this could be good. And I am IGNORING the bit below which contains information on Megan Fox AND Diablo Cody, neither of whom I like.

Words Of Win

see more Fail Blog

Jackie Earle Haley
* The recent winner of my Daily Hot Guy survey (and proud he is, I'm sure, wearing the Freddy costume for Nightmare on Elm Street:

[Found at JoBlo]
There are more images here, but let's not kid ourselves. The ones of Mr. Haley in costume are the only ones we care about AT ALL.

Movies
* Um....

[Found at WorldOfWonder]
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, AKA the love of my life when he was on Third Rock From The Sun and when I was young enough to think that comedy began and ended with Third Rock, is filming a movie. Isn't that nice? He was quite good in Mysterious Skin, and Brick. He's a good actor. Myep. That he is. I am not paying ANY attention to what I'm typing right now.

Stupid People
* In the course of one day, I have gone from having absolutely no opinion whatsoever about Kanye West to thinking he is a stupid, pretentious asshole who needs to learn to shut his mouth. He doesn't read. He is PROUD that he doesn't read. Because, you know, books keep you from doing things. THEY HOLD YOU DOWN, MAN. THEY RUIN LIVES. I knew this girl, was going to be a doctor, read a book, BANG, dead from a drug overdose. AIRTIGHT LOGIC. Oh, by the way, did Kanye mention he wrote a book? And would like you to buy it? You don't have to read it at all, just give him your money. It's filled with 'Kanye-isms,' WHICH HE CALLS THEM. Don't worry, it's short, so you don't have to waste any of your life where you could be doing EXTREME LIVING on actually reading and processing information and thoughts. Some of the pages are entirely blank, too, so that makes it less of a book, so it barely counts. IT'S TIGHT.

Heroes
* This makes up for most of the very bad second season, and reminds me why Sylar=Life.

Oh, fine, here's one for you Peter Petrelli Emo Lovers, too. I am so generous sometimes.


Books
* Harlan Ellison loves Doctor Who, is a brilliant writer, and could kill you all with his pinky finger if he felt like it, and you are lucky he doesn't, because he is one of the Olde Gods, and look on his work ye mighty, and despair.


Star Trek
* There are no coincidences, as Albert Einstein and V both said (and one was quoting the other, but let's not get into that). Except on the set of the new Star Trek movie. Then, there are nothing but coincidences. Although really, J.J. Abrams, if people want to think you're more clever than you actually are, why would you dissuade them?

Journalism
* I have a myriad of issues with Vice magazine, mostly due to spending years in college arguing with people over whether it counted as journalism, or endless masturbation. Well, I put it under this subject heading, so they should be happy. Here is proof that Vice is nothing but a tool, and not even a good tool, a self-wanking machine, if you will. On the other hand, I love the idea of jaded intellectual hipsters reading this article and being shocked, just SHOCKED, that Vice is, like, a cog in the MACHINE, man. Far out.

I'm done yelling, for the moment.
- LV

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The Movie 'Ray' Is Loosely Based On The Life Of Alan Moore Only They Substituted Piano Playing For Eating Toddlers & Blindness For The Ability To Fly.

Books
* There's a great quote by Alfred Hitchcock on how paperback books would never replace hardcover, as paperback books suck as doorstops:

[Found at BoingBoing]
This collection of Agatha Christie that ends up being over a foot thick, is probably the doorstop wet dream.

Star Trek
* Say what you will about our president, his policies, and his politics. Our Geek President liked the new Star Trek, loves the old Star Trek, and gives the Vulcan salute. No one who is evil loves Star Trek. Dick Cheney can't even utter the words, or he bursts into flames.

Journalism
* This is either funny because it's true, or the exact way our species will KILL ITSELF through misinformation:

[Found at Neatorama]

Remake Fail
* I cannot even BEGIN to deal with this. There are certain RULES of existence on this planet, and if you don't follow them, you get the fuck off and go to Mars with Doctor Manhattan. One of the primary rules is YOU DO NOT FUCKING REMAKE BUFFY WITHOUT THE WISE AND BENEVOLENT AID OF JOSS WHEDON. The original movie was NOT GOOD (Except for the line about a vampire bite looking like 'A really gross hickey') and Buffy had CRAMPS whenever she saw a vampire and there was no Giles, or Wesley, or Xander, or Spike, or Angel, or Wesley, or ANYONE GOOD. THERE WAS NOTHING. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? WHY IS JOSS WHEDON NOT SUING THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE? Joss, I was there for the cancellation of Angel and Firefly, the near-cancellation of Dollhouse, the end of Buffy, all of it. Do NOT put me through a bastardization of Buffy. PLEASE.

TeeVee
* Due to some weird TV issues at my house, I can no longer watch MSNBC, which is TRAGIC. So I'm stuck watching CNBC until we fix it. And I still seem to miss people losing their minds and going batshit insane. CNBC Fail.

Geek Want
* Horribly, inexcusably, I was never a Star Wars fan. I liked it and all, but I never subscribed to that fandom. Naturally, it's the only fandom my little brother is interested in, but that's another story. Regardless, I want this so badly:

[Found at Neatorama]
It's got a little frozen Skywalker inside! I kind of wish it had little organ-pillows inside, too, but one has to make do with what one gets, yes?

WTF, INTERNET
* You know, H.P. Lovecraft had a rough life. He had a lot of personal and emotional problems, he was afraid of things with tentacles.... dude had problems. His stories are brilliant and I love them but, like Kafka, reading them is a pretty clear indication that some geniuses need a hug and strong sedatives. Lovecraft is dead, now, which is probably good, because these exist:

[Found at Neatorama]
This is almost mocking the illustrious author. 'Haha, you were tortured by nightmarish visions that destroyed your sanity, here's a TABLE that embodies your worst fears! Look, it's SKITTERING towards you!'
Also, those tables don't look very steady. Just saying.

Daily Hot Guy
* Continuing our Joss Whedonverse theme:

[Nathan Fillion, AKA Mal Reynolds, AKA Captain Reynolds, AKA Captain Tightpants, AKA RIchard Castle, AKA Captain Hammer, AKA Bill Pardy, AKA I Know He Was On Desperate Housewives But I'm Pretending Otherwise Because I Hate That Show & Won't Watch It, AKA Caleb, making giant rubber gloves sexy in a very disconcerting way]

Zombies
* When zombies rule the world, the haiku will be the natural form of communication. True fact. Also, in 2010 Plants Vs Zombies will be the world's only source of economic trade. Think about it.

Animals
* Remember how in that shitty, shitty movie The Happening, they kept talking about the honeybees? No? Well, they did. And that movie sucked. Which has nothing to do with this, which is a honeybee sculpture hive thing:

[Found at BoingBoing]
I just like mentioning that movie because it sucks so bad it causes your eyeballs to explode. And bees are cool. And I've got to go get ready for work. BEES. LASER BEES.

I've either had too much coffee, or not enough, and I can't really decide.
- LV

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Alan Moore Auditioned For The Role Of Dumbledore In The 'Harry Potter' Movies. Producers Sent Him On His Way before Realizing He Was A Real Wizard.

Survey Results
* I was, as I've said before, surprised and pleased by my survey results:
- Jackie Earle Haley: 46 (59%)
- Zachary Quinto: 20 (25%)
- David Tennant: 19 (24%)
- Hunter S. Thompson: 18 (16%)
- Hugh Laurie: 18 (23%)
- Christopher Eccleston: 9 (11 %)
- Quentin Tarantino: 9 (11%)
- Russell Brand: 7 (9%)
- Chris Pine: 7 (8%)

I really did think Pine was going to sweep. People LOVE him (and while he's not my favorite On the Enterprise, I wouldn't say no). So, look below in the Daily Hot Guy for your winner, Mr. Jackie Earle Haley, in all his glory. No, not NAKED glory. Perverts. Also, couldn't find any such pictures. WHAT?

The next survey, which I'm sure will snap a few brains because it is HARD, is up, and it's all about Joss Whedon, partly because I'm still delighted Dollhouse wasn't cancelled, and partly because of these disgusting Buffy movie rumors I will scream about later. I myself am abstaining from voting, or explaining WHO I would vote for, until the end of the survey. If you want to explain your vote, or just talk about your Whedon-love, you can post in the comments, or Email me at elle.veev@gmail.com. Whedonverse!

Animals
* Here is a picture of a tiger cub and a puppy. Cute animals are cute. And apparently, this will get you through Hump Day:

[Found at http://jezebel.com]

Depression Session
* If you are anything like me, you drink untold GALLONS of coffee on a daily basis, in the vain attempt to make the morning a little more tolerable, and reduce the number of casualties brought on by people TALKING TO YOU before you're awake. Coffee is GOOD. But that leads to coffee grounds, and no matter how much you love coffee, eating them is unpleasant and harmful to your teeth. So, what do you do with your old coffee grounds? Especially when you have less money and feel guilty throwing ANYTHING away? You use them to get rid of fleas and clean your dishes, because there is nothing coffee cannot do.

Girly Shit
* This was sent to me by reader Julie, who seems hell-bent on making me even more depressed about all the pretty clothes I NEED TO LIVE and cannot afford. She sent me a TON of links, no doubt laughing cruelly at my desire for shoes and handbags and THAT SHIRT, but this pretty much sums up my clothes lust:

[Found at PlasticLand]
And, as I have discussed with Julie, who should BUY me these things because they are CUTE, the name of this store makes me think of either a children's toy store/theme park, or a really twisted sex shop.

Tattoo Of WIn
* Oh, David Cross, dump your pretty actress girlfriend and marry me and imitate Tobias Funke, and explain your tattoo over and over:

That would make me truly happy. Who DOESN'T love David Cross, and tattoos? COMMUNISTS, that's who. Actually, that's a total lie, Communists are wise and cool people who would love this shit as much as anyone. I'm sorry I misled you all.

Food
* These are tiny little melons, 3/4 of an inch long. They are the cutest fruit EVER, putting kiwis to SHAME:

[Found at SlashFood]
I don't really like melons, and I would not eat them most likely. But I want them. I want to offer them to friends, and have a goddamn bowl of them on my table. TINY MELONS. Why am I so enamored with these things? Answer: THEY ARE AWESOME.

Comics
* When I first discovered comics, I was really into Jhonen Vasquez and Roman Dirge. I thought they were the beginning and end of the medium. I was clearly naive, and learned that through the righteous power and unholy wisdom of being given Watchmen. I still LIKE Vasquez and Dirge (less Vasquez, as of late, because Jellyfist was disappointing/confusing, and I'm still a little bothered by it), but I've expanded my reading list considerably. Anyway, Roman Dirge has signed a deal with Titan that will bring more Lenore into all our lives, and I am quite thrilled with these developments.

[Found at Newsarama]
Titan Books has published such wonders as Watchmen companions, and Kevin Smith's awesome biography. JERSEY WIN.

Daily Hot Guy
* You voted for him, you got him, we all love him (Note: No pictures of Haley as Rorschach, because that will inevitably be a separate entry.)










[Jackie Earle Haley, AKA Rorschach, AKA Walter Kovacs, AKA Ronnie, AKA Sugar Boy, AKA Kelly Leek, AKA That Dude From Those Movies, AKA SHAFTED For An Oscar, proving that short people are indeed made entirely out of awesome]

Words Of Win

[Found at FrigginRandom]

Movies
* Thomas Lennon is coming for you, and he's going to punch you in the dick if you like Twilight. I find this right and just, and since I lack the equipment to be bothered by any of this, I completely support him and his dick-punching campaign.

Stupid People - New Category
* Hey, remember when I posted aboout CockBibs, and how the creator must be a horrible, sex-starved person? It's hard, being right all the time. No, actually, it's AWESOME being right. Here he is, yelling at Jezebel writers and commenters for failing to comprehend the awesome majesty of his blowjob product. My favorite quote?

What is this shit? I created the CockBib.... and this is the mutherfucking thanks I get?

And this:

I have never seen such unladylike like behavior in my life.

Although this shows I was clearly wrong, and that he understands the pain of women, understands our need to be dominated by stupid men who make up LAME and not-funny novelty gifts:

I understand that you guys may not be completely happy with your lives. Some of you are single and lonely, some of you are married and unhappy, some of you are divorced or headed there. Some of you are lesbians which if you are not outwardly comfortable, can be dificult! Shit, some of you might be happily married but just feel the need to bitch about something!

It's... it's like he knows my SOUL. Teach me more, wise teacher-man:

Also, please tell the following readers I said fuck you!

pursedangler: fuck you

ichago18: fuck you

andbegorrah: fuck you

Ibleedglitter: you're cool

and natekyswhoreskidsister: fuck you

I am out!

Oh, to be Ibleedglitter, and have gotten those two simple words of utter endorsement and validation from a mental titan. Seriously, CockBib Dude? Calm the fuck down. It will be OK. Someone out there will buy this, most likely a dude with NO sense of humor, and end his day in the hospital, wondering A) why his girlfriend wasn't touched by his thoughtfulness, and B) whether it's possible to unbend a penis.

I'm out.
- LV

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Alan Moore & Hunter Thompson Walked Into A Bar. The Bar Was Instantly Destroyed As That Level Of Awesome Cannot Be Contained In One Building.

TeeVee
* I love Robot Chicken, mostly because I have a long-term crush on Seth Green, from back when he was in Radio Days and It. I also loved Breckin Meyer in Clueless, and was fairly certain we would get married when I was in middle school, which is problematic for a number of reasons. And Spore is a fun game, although unable to hold my interest with the intensity of Sims 2. In conclusion, when Robot Chicken joins with Spore, the results are glorious:


Geek Want
* Dude, YES:

[Found at Geekologie]
Tetris Soap, for all your cleaning needs. Only showers will become at least an hour long, because I will need to build a fort made entirely of Tetris Soap. This might lead to me drowning, but it will be worth it for a badass Tetris Soap fort, and maybe it will melt before I die, right? Geek fatalities are going to go through the ROOF, man.

Furniture
* This is guaranteed to end badly:

[Found at LikeCool]
Like, it's fine if one person is sitting there, rocking gently in the breeze as they read a book. Don't eat on it, or you might hurl. But then you have a party. And your friends think it would be funny to swing on your couch. And you end up with ten friends on your swinging couch, rocking as hard as they can, and then the couch snaps its bonds and flies out your eighteenth-floor window, and suddenly you have no friends and no couch, and worse, no one to help you clean up.

Technology
* Remember that awful movie White Noise, about hearing ghosts in static on TVs and tape recorders? And then they made the sequel with Nathan Fillion, and it was actually a lot better? This is sort of the updated version, only not a movie:

[Found at CrunchGear]
You use your NintendoDSi, and you find ghosts, and you never sleep again. I don't believe in ghosts, but unlike most beliefs that I'm willing to be wrong on, I do NOT want to know that dead people are floating around while I'm watching Heroes. I can't HANDLE that. I have LSATs in two weeks, and work, and I need to research SANDWICHES, and I have books to sell on Amazon, and I have a novel to finish and a practice test on Saturday, and I CANNOT DEAL with dead people harassing me right now, OK?!

Politics
* Sarah Palin has been replaced in my heart. I never thought I'd find anyone as crazy as her, let alone CRAZIER. But it's over, Mrs. Palin. Sorry. Michelle Bachmann is in danger, too, and THAT is kind of terrifying considering everything she has ever done. But this woman is CANADIAN, and she ATE THE RAW STILL-BEATING HEART OF A SEAL WITH A KNIFE. OK, it wasn't really still beating, but I like to imagine it was just like that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, only with a seal. This woman ROCKS. Next she's going to feast on the liver of Rush Limbaugh.

Dollhouse
* I almost feel bad for FOX, because clearly they are morons with no understanding of the internet, people, society, politics, or the rabid loyalty of Whedon fans. Look, Whedon fans are insane. I am one of them. I went to Serenity opening night in theaters and sang along at the end credits, while my friend watched in confusion and awe as the other Browncoats joined in. I was DEVASTATED when they cancelled Angel. And, really, is it a good idea to insult and demean the very people who watch the show you're trying to advertise? Does FOX want to die? Is this all an elaborate plea for help? I don't know, but Dollhouse fans are not to be trifled with. Team Alpha has multiple personalities. Remember that.

Doctor Who
* This is a spoiler-free post on the end of Doctor Who in its manifestation with Russell T. Davies and David Tennant and OH GOD, DON'T LEAVE US. IT HURTS SO BAD. WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE THIS? I FORGAVE YOU WHEN YOU TOOK AWAY NINE FROM ME. I FORGAVE YOU WHEN YOU KILLED ALMOST EVERY SUPPORTING CHARACTER I LIKED (including Jack Harkness, MANY TIMES), I FORGAVE YOU WHEN YOU HAD THAT EPISODE WITH SARAH JANE AND THE DOCTOR WHERE I LOST MY SHIT. PLEASE STAY, DAVIES AND TENNANT. THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

Daily Hot Guy

[Hunter Thompson, AKA Raoul Duke, AKA Doctor Of Journalism, AKA ElleVee's Late Husband, and the Honorary Patron Saint of This Blog, On Top Of A Car He No Doubt Set On Fire Mere Moments After This Picture Was Taken]

WTF, INTERNET?
* In high school, I knew a guy who was a furry (if you don't know what one is, Google it. I am not explaining.) and when he wasn't talking about werewolves he was a really lovely person. In college one of my roommate's boyfriends liked people to pee on him, and told everyone the first time we met him. I had another roommate who was a exhibitionist, much to my dismay. So I have a high threshold for weird kinks. This, however, is a whole new level of disturbing:

[Found at Neatorama]
There are knitted vaginas on this page. Let me say that again: VAGINAS. KNITTED OUT OF WOOL. I AM DONE WITH PEOPLE.

Off to work, now.
- LV

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The Song 'Puff The Magic Dragon' Is Based On Alan Moore's Adventures Through Medieval Europe With A Talking Mutton Chop.

Life
* Hangover has faded to an unpleasant memory. Let's not speak of it, OK?

Watchmen
* So, wait, I am confused. Does the tricked-out version of the Watchmen DVD ONLY come in Blu-Ray? Because I do not have a player for those, I cannot afford a player for those, and I need - NEED - the Super Version of this movie. Because it comes with games, for shit's sake. I CAN PLAY GAMES. In other news, I need a PS3 player JUST so I can play this stupid game. Wait, it's available for XBox 360! My brother's got one of those! Viva America! But I still need a Blu-Ray player, obviously.

WTF, INTERNET?
* This isn't especially stupid/weird, but I laugh every time I see this image, because I can't help but imagine the dude FALLING on this stuff:

[Found at UniqueDaily]
'Hey, guys, who wants a cheeseburg-OH MY GOD IT'S PIERCED MY LUNG.' 'Damn it, Ralph, this is the THIRD TIME you've fallen on that crap!'

Animals
* I think, in honor of Memorial Day, everyone should be given a tiny mule:

[Found at UniqueDaily]
He's puppy-sized and tiny and SO EFFING CUTE. I love him. Don't tell you wouldn't want a herd of these roaming your living room. DON'T LIE.

Depression Session
* I think these are a great idea, and I want them. I could have Watchmen speakers. STOP AND THINK ABOUT THAT. Or, you know, you could have Nirvana speakers, or Lady Gaga speakers, if you enjoy pantsless music.

[Found at LikeCool]
They are cheap, too, so even when you don't have any money, you can still have tricked-out speakers. See? Great country!

Girly Shit
* Yeah, I want everything on this page. I love mod stuff. Blame Dita Von Teese, for making it look so effortless and awesome.

[Found at NubbyTwiglet]

Tattoo of Win
* This is, without irony, the best tattoo ever. XKCD tattoos FTW.

[Found at LOLTATZ]
I salute you, mysterious unnamed tattooed person. YOU are what makes this country great (unless you're from another country, in which case, you make THAT country great).

Food
* This is spinach dip, reportedly.

[Found at SlashFood]
I personally suspect it's a weapon, or has weapons inside it. THIS is what John Connor should have been sending back in time. Stuff it full of guns, and you are GO.

Comics
* Last week's Buy Pile, and reason number seventy-seven that I have no money and am broke and sad. I really need a sugar daddy, for comics and dresses.

Words of Win


Daily Hot Guy

[Hugo Weaving, AKA V, AKA Agent Smith, AKA The Voice Of Megatron, AKA Elrond, AKA Rex The Sheepdog, AKA Mitzi, AKA The Voice Of Sex, AKA Holy Crap It's That Dude He's Awesome!, making me wish I was in Australia]

Sex
* This made me laugh for about an hour straight. The oceans of semen are disgusting, but funny. ISS is win. You should support them. They will be your overlords one day, and maybe your death will be quick and painless if you defer to them.

Movies
* I do not care for Emily the Strange. I have no PROBLEM with her, per se. I just do not care at all. She can exist, if she is not forced upon me. I am generous today. So it follows logically that I will not be seeing the movie, unless it features Russell Brand being sexy for two hours straight. That is unlikely.

Books
* Poor Dave Eggers, trying desperately to convince us all that print is not dead. I admire the effort, sir, but I think it's wasted. We all know print is dying, in a deep coma, and will not revive. It's very sad. And I agree with Gawker, it's fairly humorous that he assured us of the vitality of print through EMail. Bad Life Choice, Dave.

Star Trek
* I found this on LiveJournal. It may be the best interpretation of Star Trek, ever. It will CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER. Click the link, and be enlightened.

Journalism

see more Fail Blog

Doctor Who
* This is the greatest thing I've ever seen ever. I saved it for last because it is the greatest thing ever. I cannot stress that enough. Greatest. Thing. Ever. This is all the win in the universe, and the next universe, and beyond. ALL OF IT.

The dude DOES look like the love child of Rorschach & Doctor Manhattan. This disturbs me.

Happy Memorial Day.
- LV

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