Life
* In case my sinus headache causes my skull to explode and paint the walls with brain chunks (which several people have volunteered to harvest for the Greater Good), here's another post:
Dictionary of Win
* This whole site is great. My uncle sent it to me, because he has internet powers. When I have kids, I will teach them to read with it. They will clutch their Rorschach My Little Ponies and wonder what they ever did to deserve this:
[Found at MyFirstDictionary]
Zombies
* This is good parenting. Your wide-eyed, adorable kids NEED to know how to execute the undead swiftly and mercilessly. Haven't you read any Max Brooks? Do you WANT your children to be eaten? Cuz, you know, you should be honest about things like that.
People I Like
* I have a weird attitude towards Emma Thompson. On one hand, I love her as an actress, and she seems like a cool and level-headed woman, and she's friends with Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry, Alan Rickman, and pretty much everyone in England I love, except maybe Russell Brand. On the other hand, I sort of despise her, because SHE DATED HUGH LAURIE and she GETS TO BE IN ALL THESE MOVIES AND SHE'S FUNNY AND BRITISH AND CHARMING AND FRIENDS WITH SO MANY HOT BRITISH MEN. Then I remember how brilliant she was in Wit, and how she actually maybe made me cry a little bit in Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix (I'd better not hear snickering), because she was so tragic when that BITCH Umbridge was throwing her out of Hogwarts, and you just wanted to HUG her and then Maggie Smith showed up and would have beaten Umbridge to death with a broom, or turned into a lion and torn her guts out because you do NOT cross Maggie Smith and live to tell the tale, only Dumbledore showed up and she pretended he was in charge.
Moving on. Emma Thompson has written a very interesting piece about the nature of celebrity, and why celebrities with causes inspire so much contempt and irritation from the rest of us. My head hurts.
Politics
* This is so twisted. A group of Mormons baptized Obama's dead mom. Without his knowledge, or permission. For reasons I don't WANT to understand. This is scary. I mean, the idea of strange people calling you into their religion when you're dead is... it's unsettling. Not to the dead person. They're dead. They don't care. But if I found out a bunch of people I'd never met had inducted my late grandfather into their religion, of which he was not a member, I would not be pleased. What sort of precedent does this set? Can they just run around baptizing every dead person? Is this the start of some religious war? Will all the major/minor religions be running through hospital wards, waiting for people to die, and then inducting the recently departed into their religion, to prove a point? Because that would admittedly make for some very entertaining news stories, before we all got so disgusted that the violence started.
Superheroes
* Oh Noes! Shadow Hare has been attacked by a supervillian! Or... a group of supervillians.... posted an ad.... on craigslist.... asking for Shadow Hare's identity. For ten bucks. I have to confess, this isn't quite the level of 'laser-shooting, magic-crystal-wielding, city-saving' drama I'd hoped for. Then again, who is this mysterious E? I am intrigued. But not intrigued enough to go on craigslist, which scared me BEFORE that dude went all psycho on it. Anyway, Rorschach would kill every one of these super heroes/villains in under ten minutes, raid their closets, and hack their pets to fucking bits.
Comics
* Dark Horse comics are available for purchase on iPhone. They're releasing some Terminator-related stuff first, but look for older titles soon enough. There, I advertised something. Can I get an iPhone now? Or a comic? Something? Hello?
TeeVee
* I take back everything bad I said about James Marsters for being in that abortion-inducing Dragonball movie. Because THIS IS AWESOME. He fights aliens. As a cowboy. A sexy, sexy cowboy. That fights ALIENS. Watch the trailer:
You don't understand: I do not CARE if this sucks and is awful and causes your eyeballs to burst from your skull in a terrible, desperate bid for freedom. These things matter not. As Firefly showed us, space westerns are eternally great. And James Marsters WORKED with Joss Whedon, ergo he is great, and everything is connected, the end.
Except the new name 'SyFy' STILL sucks.
Remake Fail
* As if the computer-animated version that looked like the time my dog ate a bag of frozen peas wasn't bad enough, guess what part of my childhood is going to be savagely tortured YET AGAIN? The Teenage Mutant Turtles are getting a reboot, and it will be live-action, and due out in 2011.
This makes me so sad. Here's why:
- They say it will be a Batman-Begins style film. I am sick of everyone saying every reboot will be like this movie. We get it, it was great and a huge success and led to The Dark Knight, which was obscenely great. But I do not want that for the Turtles. I don't want them to get Watchmen-ized, or any of it. I do not need the Turtles to be made badass, and Splinter to be scary and, I don't know, torturing baby ducks, and Michaelangelo eaten vegan cheese pizza. I do not want these changes.
- We already had a remake fail. You guys (Hollywood) fucked up royally with that TMNT shit, which made the Turtles look like oddly-muscled penises (penii?), and you took my favorite turtle (who I had a crush on, yes, I was one of those girls) and turned him from a sarcastic badass into a duplicitous, whiny shithead. You used your chance. You spent it. It's over.
- We already had live-action Turtles. And they were awesomely bad. Those muppets fascinated and terrified me as a child. I did not understand. And the dialogue and action were so bad, and I think Corey Feldman was in the third, and then they were SAMURAI, which I have to admit was pretty cool. But they were fun, and silly, which leads me to my final point:
- The Turtles are ridiculous. As a child of the eighties, I am speaking solely from the cartoon series and the movies. I've never read the comics, although I'd like to. But the concept is insane and funny. They are turtles. Who like pizza. And fight crime. And, for some reason, wear masks, even though they're FUCKING TURTLES. But I love them, and they KNEW they were silly, and didn't try to be anything but fun, which is why they became such an enduring classic. And you love them. And do we really want them to go from this:
or this
to THIS:
Admit it. They look like mean, scary penis-snaked who are going to drag April to their underground lair and never let her go.
My head hurts too much. That's enough. SAVE THE TURTLES. And go watch the old versions again, for the sake of your soul.
- LV
* In case my sinus headache causes my skull to explode and paint the walls with brain chunks (which several people have volunteered to harvest for the Greater Good), here's another post:
Dictionary of Win
* This whole site is great. My uncle sent it to me, because he has internet powers. When I have kids, I will teach them to read with it. They will clutch their Rorschach My Little Ponies and wonder what they ever did to deserve this:
[Found at MyFirstDictionary]
Zombies
* This is good parenting. Your wide-eyed, adorable kids NEED to know how to execute the undead swiftly and mercilessly. Haven't you read any Max Brooks? Do you WANT your children to be eaten? Cuz, you know, you should be honest about things like that.
People I Like
* I have a weird attitude towards Emma Thompson. On one hand, I love her as an actress, and she seems like a cool and level-headed woman, and she's friends with Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry, Alan Rickman, and pretty much everyone in England I love, except maybe Russell Brand. On the other hand, I sort of despise her, because SHE DATED HUGH LAURIE and she GETS TO BE IN ALL THESE MOVIES AND SHE'S FUNNY AND BRITISH AND CHARMING AND FRIENDS WITH SO MANY HOT BRITISH MEN. Then I remember how brilliant she was in Wit, and how she actually maybe made me cry a little bit in Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix (I'd better not hear snickering), because she was so tragic when that BITCH Umbridge was throwing her out of Hogwarts, and you just wanted to HUG her and then Maggie Smith showed up and would have beaten Umbridge to death with a broom, or turned into a lion and torn her guts out because you do NOT cross Maggie Smith and live to tell the tale, only Dumbledore showed up and she pretended he was in charge.
Moving on. Emma Thompson has written a very interesting piece about the nature of celebrity, and why celebrities with causes inspire so much contempt and irritation from the rest of us. My head hurts.
Politics
* This is so twisted. A group of Mormons baptized Obama's dead mom. Without his knowledge, or permission. For reasons I don't WANT to understand. This is scary. I mean, the idea of strange people calling you into their religion when you're dead is... it's unsettling. Not to the dead person. They're dead. They don't care. But if I found out a bunch of people I'd never met had inducted my late grandfather into their religion, of which he was not a member, I would not be pleased. What sort of precedent does this set? Can they just run around baptizing every dead person? Is this the start of some religious war? Will all the major/minor religions be running through hospital wards, waiting for people to die, and then inducting the recently departed into their religion, to prove a point? Because that would admittedly make for some very entertaining news stories, before we all got so disgusted that the violence started.
Superheroes
* Oh Noes! Shadow Hare has been attacked by a supervillian! Or... a group of supervillians.... posted an ad.... on craigslist.... asking for Shadow Hare's identity. For ten bucks. I have to confess, this isn't quite the level of 'laser-shooting, magic-crystal-wielding, city-saving' drama I'd hoped for. Then again, who is this mysterious E? I am intrigued. But not intrigued enough to go on craigslist, which scared me BEFORE that dude went all psycho on it. Anyway, Rorschach would kill every one of these super heroes/villains in under ten minutes, raid their closets, and hack their pets to fucking bits.
Comics
* Dark Horse comics are available for purchase on iPhone. They're releasing some Terminator-related stuff first, but look for older titles soon enough. There, I advertised something. Can I get an iPhone now? Or a comic? Something? Hello?
TeeVee
* I take back everything bad I said about James Marsters for being in that abortion-inducing Dragonball movie. Because THIS IS AWESOME. He fights aliens. As a cowboy. A sexy, sexy cowboy. That fights ALIENS. Watch the trailer:
You don't understand: I do not CARE if this sucks and is awful and causes your eyeballs to burst from your skull in a terrible, desperate bid for freedom. These things matter not. As Firefly showed us, space westerns are eternally great. And James Marsters WORKED with Joss Whedon, ergo he is great, and everything is connected, the end.
Except the new name 'SyFy' STILL sucks.
Remake Fail
* As if the computer-animated version that looked like the time my dog ate a bag of frozen peas wasn't bad enough, guess what part of my childhood is going to be savagely tortured YET AGAIN? The Teenage Mutant Turtles are getting a reboot, and it will be live-action, and due out in 2011.
This makes me so sad. Here's why:
- They say it will be a Batman-Begins style film. I am sick of everyone saying every reboot will be like this movie. We get it, it was great and a huge success and led to The Dark Knight, which was obscenely great. But I do not want that for the Turtles. I don't want them to get Watchmen-ized, or any of it. I do not need the Turtles to be made badass, and Splinter to be scary and, I don't know, torturing baby ducks, and Michaelangelo eaten vegan cheese pizza. I do not want these changes.
- We already had a remake fail. You guys (Hollywood) fucked up royally with that TMNT shit, which made the Turtles look like oddly-muscled penises (penii?), and you took my favorite turtle (who I had a crush on, yes, I was one of those girls) and turned him from a sarcastic badass into a duplicitous, whiny shithead. You used your chance. You spent it. It's over.
- We already had live-action Turtles. And they were awesomely bad. Those muppets fascinated and terrified me as a child. I did not understand. And the dialogue and action were so bad, and I think Corey Feldman was in the third, and then they were SAMURAI, which I have to admit was pretty cool. But they were fun, and silly, which leads me to my final point:
- The Turtles are ridiculous. As a child of the eighties, I am speaking solely from the cartoon series and the movies. I've never read the comics, although I'd like to. But the concept is insane and funny. They are turtles. Who like pizza. And fight crime. And, for some reason, wear masks, even though they're FUCKING TURTLES. But I love them, and they KNEW they were silly, and didn't try to be anything but fun, which is why they became such an enduring classic. And you love them. And do we really want them to go from this:
or this
to THIS:
Admit it. They look like mean, scary penis-snaked who are going to drag April to their underground lair and never let her go.
My head hurts too much. That's enough. SAVE THE TURTLES. And go watch the old versions again, for the sake of your soul.
- LV
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