Blog
Today, in honor of mass hysteria, and because it's funny, I'm doing a special section on Swine Flu. I'm posting it later, separately (AND another Watchmen post, because my Rorschach-filled hard drive SCREAMS for it, and also you people don't read my blog unless it has some Rorschach in it. So look for those two. Also, last month was the best month EVER of this blog, with nearly 10,000 hits. You guys are amazering. I appreciate all the support. Now go promote the shit out of my blog, or the Swine Flu (or Rorschach) will get you. We now return to your regularly scheduled blog:
Comics
* So tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day, AKA The Best Day Of The Year, Every Year, and my Honorary National Holiday. Find your local comic store, get free shit, and revel in the Awesome that is comics. Here is a primer, if you've never been to one. In which case, WHY? For Shame. If you ARE going, it also has a list of all the comics made especially for Free Comic Book Day, so Get Excited.
Ads
* As a cultural and media studies major, I like ads because I can pretend that it doesn't affect me, even though it obviously does, because a funny commercial makes it much more likely that I will purchase said product. This website is interesting more for what we THINK about advertising, and what we are inclined to blame on it, rather than what it actually DOES to people:
[Found on AdFreak]
Blogging
* On one hand, I win for being right and seeing through this bullshit about how bloggers are all rich and making a shitload of money and it's the Hip New Thing. I SAID a lot of this in a previous entry, only without the eloquence. My post was mostly, "BULLSHIT." But on the other hand, I WANT to be a rich and successful blogger, so maybe it would be better if Mark Penn's reality coincided with our own.
Depression Session
* See, you all think I'm kidding, but this is really useful if you want to save some money at the grocery store, or if you're unemployed and have some free time to kill, or if a Killer Virus/Zombie Apocalypse makes you leery of leaving your house/fortress. You grow plants in the gutters of your house. This is kind of awesome. It's a LITERAL green house! AHAHAHA... ehhh.... Don't look at me.
[Found at LifeHacker]
Tattoos
* For those of you with tattoos, stop, look at your ink, and appreciate your artist. Because there are some Crazy, Stupid people out there tattooing people, and tattooing is such a hard job, and still not honored as much as it should be. Also, they fucking use NEEDLES ever day, and they are BIG needles, and badass. In conclusion, I love my tattoo artist. Please don't punish me with needles.
Tattoo of Win
* I saw two cats doing this yesterday at the gas station:
[Found at LOLTATZ]
The cats were not smoking cigarettes.
Books
* HUZZAH! Amy Sedaris is writing another book. She is my hero. She is a genius, and if you don't know who she is your life is MEANINGLESS and you need to go rent the TV show Strangers With Candy, or buy her book I Like You: Hospitality Under The Influence which has a chapter on Drugs and teaches you how to cook food I could actually eat, AND even admits that one of the best snacks ever is chewing up a cracker and spitting it onto another cracker, not that I have ever done this because I am a delicate desert flower. Her new book is about crafting. I want it NOW, and for Amy Sedaris to run my life, because while it might be a disaster, it would certainly be more fun.
Food
* This is the White House, made of Jello-O:
[Found at Neatorama]
Jell-O is gross, and I cannot comprehend how much time it must have taken to make this, and while it's an amazing feat, when you finish, it's like, 'Well, I have made a model White House out of Jello-O. Now what do I do with it?' Because NO ONE wants to eat it.
Star Trek
* Oh Spock, you were the first emotionally crippled man I fell helplessly in love with. I should blame you for all my relationship drama since I was eight or so, but that wouldn't be logical, and Zachary Quinto was pretty sexy before he donned The Ears, and I've heard this is actually FANTASTIC, and look at these pictures:
[Found at io9]
DUDE.
Russell Brand
* Here is a video of the Divine Mr. B discussing Fascist Coffee. You don't need a real boyfriend when you're imaginary boyfriend is Russell Brand.
Zombies
* THEY'VE INFECTED THE BUNNIES RUN. (Warning: This is kind of gross, which is why I'm not posting the image. Also, I do not want a zombie that close to Russell Brand. Even on my blog.
People I Like
* I will not make any jokes about fools being pities. I will not make any jokes about fools being pitied. Mr. T got jury duty. I will not make jokes...
Moment of Win
see more Political Pictures
Politics
One-Line Reviews Of The World!
* Bernie Madoff was crazy, and his crazy included dusting shit, worrying about the blinds, and dropping trou.
* Sean Hannity is trying to get out of getting waterboarded, even though he said it was like a steam-bath or being caressed by nubile virgins, so not only is a hypocritical lying bastard, he's a pussy.
* Let's take a look at who's going to get skull-fucked to death by this torture scenario, who will get a slap on the wrists, and who doesn't even know it's HAPPENING.
* Pro-lifers ruin the internet, EAT my right to choose what to do with my own organs, cause eternal winter in Narnia.
* If Barack Obama had a Facebook, he would totally be a fan of Star Trek AND Spider-Man, and probably send you really weird YouTube pictures.
* Bill O'Reilly is even dumber than we think he is, which has alarming connotations for the average intellect.
* Jake Tapper uses his douchery for good instead of evil, and we salute him.
* I saw Barack Obama use his sexy to make people faint, and even I felt a bit light-headed and willing to agree to huge spending budgets.
Movies
* Alice in Wonderland picture:
[Found at Empire]
Tim Burton's casting is always magical. Stephen Fry as the Cheshire Cat? Alan Rickman as the Caterpillar? Helena Bonham-Carter as the Red Queen? Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter? THESE ARE WISE CHOICES, MR. BURTON. Tim Burton should run his own island, or radio station, or something.
WTF, INTERNET?
* This may be one of the most pointless things ever invented in the history of humans making pointless shit:
[Found at AsSeenOnTV]
OK, first off, squeezing the butter out of this thing is majorly disgusting. If your butter is hard, leave it out of the fridge for a bit, so it can soften, or buy whipped butter. OK? You should not be jamming it into this tube thing and pooping out little squiggles of butter.
Second, I do not want a string of butter ten feet long. And my butter, even when it is hard, does not get nasty edges. What exactly is a nasty edge?
Lastly, this product comes with four pattern discs, so you can squeeze butter into pleasing shapes. I have never, in my entire life, needed my butter to be bumpy or twisty. Or... star shaped? OK. This is a joke, right? This is supposed to be funny, like, 'Oh, teehee, we got people to think we're serious, that ANYONE would want spaghetti strings of butter, or star shaped, or be willing to squeeze out butter onto the food of loved ones. Are we not funny?'
Oh, it's real. Well, damn.
Remember, Swine Flu Fun next, then Rorschach, so promote the shit out of my blog or I'll throw the Butter-Squeezer at you, and that would be gross.
- LV
Today, in honor of mass hysteria, and because it's funny, I'm doing a special section on Swine Flu. I'm posting it later, separately (AND another Watchmen post, because my Rorschach-filled hard drive SCREAMS for it, and also you people don't read my blog unless it has some Rorschach in it. So look for those two. Also, last month was the best month EVER of this blog, with nearly 10,000 hits. You guys are amazering. I appreciate all the support. Now go promote the shit out of my blog, or the Swine Flu (or Rorschach) will get you. We now return to your regularly scheduled blog:
Comics
* So tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day, AKA The Best Day Of The Year, Every Year, and my Honorary National Holiday. Find your local comic store, get free shit, and revel in the Awesome that is comics. Here is a primer, if you've never been to one. In which case, WHY? For Shame. If you ARE going, it also has a list of all the comics made especially for Free Comic Book Day, so Get Excited.
Ads
* As a cultural and media studies major, I like ads because I can pretend that it doesn't affect me, even though it obviously does, because a funny commercial makes it much more likely that I will purchase said product. This website is interesting more for what we THINK about advertising, and what we are inclined to blame on it, rather than what it actually DOES to people:
[Found on AdFreak]
Blogging
* On one hand, I win for being right and seeing through this bullshit about how bloggers are all rich and making a shitload of money and it's the Hip New Thing. I SAID a lot of this in a previous entry, only without the eloquence. My post was mostly, "BULLSHIT." But on the other hand, I WANT to be a rich and successful blogger, so maybe it would be better if Mark Penn's reality coincided with our own.
Depression Session
* See, you all think I'm kidding, but this is really useful if you want to save some money at the grocery store, or if you're unemployed and have some free time to kill, or if a Killer Virus/Zombie Apocalypse makes you leery of leaving your house/fortress. You grow plants in the gutters of your house. This is kind of awesome. It's a LITERAL green house! AHAHAHA... ehhh.... Don't look at me.
[Found at LifeHacker]
Tattoos
* For those of you with tattoos, stop, look at your ink, and appreciate your artist. Because there are some Crazy, Stupid people out there tattooing people, and tattooing is such a hard job, and still not honored as much as it should be. Also, they fucking use NEEDLES ever day, and they are BIG needles, and badass. In conclusion, I love my tattoo artist. Please don't punish me with needles.
Tattoo of Win
* I saw two cats doing this yesterday at the gas station:
[Found at LOLTATZ]
The cats were not smoking cigarettes.
Books
* HUZZAH! Amy Sedaris is writing another book. She is my hero. She is a genius, and if you don't know who she is your life is MEANINGLESS and you need to go rent the TV show Strangers With Candy, or buy her book I Like You: Hospitality Under The Influence which has a chapter on Drugs and teaches you how to cook food I could actually eat, AND even admits that one of the best snacks ever is chewing up a cracker and spitting it onto another cracker, not that I have ever done this because I am a delicate desert flower. Her new book is about crafting. I want it NOW, and for Amy Sedaris to run my life, because while it might be a disaster, it would certainly be more fun.
Food
* This is the White House, made of Jello-O:
[Found at Neatorama]
Jell-O is gross, and I cannot comprehend how much time it must have taken to make this, and while it's an amazing feat, when you finish, it's like, 'Well, I have made a model White House out of Jello-O. Now what do I do with it?' Because NO ONE wants to eat it.
Star Trek
* Oh Spock, you were the first emotionally crippled man I fell helplessly in love with. I should blame you for all my relationship drama since I was eight or so, but that wouldn't be logical, and Zachary Quinto was pretty sexy before he donned The Ears, and I've heard this is actually FANTASTIC, and look at these pictures:
[Found at io9]
DUDE.
Russell Brand
* Here is a video of the Divine Mr. B discussing Fascist Coffee. You don't need a real boyfriend when you're imaginary boyfriend is Russell Brand.
Zombies
* THEY'VE INFECTED THE BUNNIES RUN. (Warning: This is kind of gross, which is why I'm not posting the image. Also, I do not want a zombie that close to Russell Brand. Even on my blog.
People I Like
* I will not make any jokes about fools being pities. I will not make any jokes about fools being pitied. Mr. T got jury duty. I will not make jokes...
Moment of Win
see more Political Pictures
Politics
One-Line Reviews Of The World!
* Bernie Madoff was crazy, and his crazy included dusting shit, worrying about the blinds, and dropping trou.
* Sean Hannity is trying to get out of getting waterboarded, even though he said it was like a steam-bath or being caressed by nubile virgins, so not only is a hypocritical lying bastard, he's a pussy.
* Let's take a look at who's going to get skull-fucked to death by this torture scenario, who will get a slap on the wrists, and who doesn't even know it's HAPPENING.
* Pro-lifers ruin the internet, EAT my right to choose what to do with my own organs, cause eternal winter in Narnia.
* If Barack Obama had a Facebook, he would totally be a fan of Star Trek AND Spider-Man, and probably send you really weird YouTube pictures.
* Bill O'Reilly is even dumber than we think he is, which has alarming connotations for the average intellect.
* Jake Tapper uses his douchery for good instead of evil, and we salute him.
* I saw Barack Obama use his sexy to make people faint, and even I felt a bit light-headed and willing to agree to huge spending budgets.
Movies
* Alice in Wonderland picture:
[Found at Empire]
Tim Burton's casting is always magical. Stephen Fry as the Cheshire Cat? Alan Rickman as the Caterpillar? Helena Bonham-Carter as the Red Queen? Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter? THESE ARE WISE CHOICES, MR. BURTON. Tim Burton should run his own island, or radio station, or something.
WTF, INTERNET?
* This may be one of the most pointless things ever invented in the history of humans making pointless shit:
[Found at AsSeenOnTV]
OK, first off, squeezing the butter out of this thing is majorly disgusting. If your butter is hard, leave it out of the fridge for a bit, so it can soften, or buy whipped butter. OK? You should not be jamming it into this tube thing and pooping out little squiggles of butter.
Second, I do not want a string of butter ten feet long. And my butter, even when it is hard, does not get nasty edges. What exactly is a nasty edge?
Lastly, this product comes with four pattern discs, so you can squeeze butter into pleasing shapes. I have never, in my entire life, needed my butter to be bumpy or twisty. Or... star shaped? OK. This is a joke, right? This is supposed to be funny, like, 'Oh, teehee, we got people to think we're serious, that ANYONE would want spaghetti strings of butter, or star shaped, or be willing to squeeze out butter onto the food of loved ones. Are we not funny?'
Oh, it's real. Well, damn.
Remember, Swine Flu Fun next, then Rorschach, so promote the shit out of my blog or I'll throw the Butter-Squeezer at you, and that would be gross.
- LV
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