Satan Sold His Soul To Alan Moore.

Life* Coffee is all that is right in the world. I am drinking it with a funnel.Daww* These are baby meerkat pups:[Found at LatinTimes]This has nothing to do with anything, and no significance whatsoever, except that they are TINY LITTLE BABY AMINALS! OMFG SO CUTE. LOOK AT THEIR LITTLE FACES. Shut up, it's Sunday.College* Here's a letter from some wingnut abortion-hating woman-hating SOB about the Notre Dame thing where Barack Obama spoke at graduation. Even if you DON'T support a woman's right to choose, chasing people around at their goddamn graduation with baby carriages filled with fake blood? This is not the way to win people over to your side. Also, he's kind of a smug, demented dick. AND he left his cell phone number!Balloons!* Did you know I once dated a guy who was terrified of balloons? True story. The place we worked sold balloons, and he could not stand to blow them up. I had to blow them up. He really hated balloons. Anyway, I remembered that when I saw these, which are the coolest balloon things ever made:[Found at WorldsBestEver]Dude's balloons are SICK. Good sick, though. I want my hypothetical non-existent children to have him as their birthday entertainment. They already hate me.Cars* This is a see-through car:[Found at DVICE]I love this. It's pretty and scary, and would make it very socially awkward to put on makeup or talk on the phone or scratch your crotch while driving. Then again, maybe people wouldn't stop. That would sour the experience. It's irrelevant, since this is a one of a kind car, and there is probably some law against driving see-through vehicles.Want* How much do I want this leather jacket? [Found at Style]So much. So very, very much. But not her pants, because seriously, WTF? Them's ugly. But Rag & Bone made a whole line of Blade Runner inspired clothes, which is so FREAKING COOL. It would be cooler if I could afford it, but that's my problem, not there's. Also, I have a very sexy leather jacket. I just want this one, too.Remake Fail* You do not remake the Coen brothers' Blood Simple. It is forbidden. What would be the point? The original is perfect and scary and messed up and lovely. Only this version will have martial arts. Yeah, no. I'm not a purist (I love a lot of remakes, some more than the originals), but don't remake moves that don't NEED to be remade. Just go rent
. See? Everyone's happy.Movies* This picture of Shutter Island behind the scenes would be way better if Jackie Earle Haley was in it (YES HE'S IN THIS MOVIE, I AM EXCITED). [Found at Empire]But I love Michelle Williams and want to go shopping with her (and babysit for her, if only because she would owe me and introduce me to hot actors), and Martin Scorcese is so wee and adorable and he talks really fast, and he made
, which SHOULD HAVE WON THE FREAKING OSCAR, so this picture's pretty great without him.TwiHate* OK. From July 30-August 2, everyone stay the fuck out of Texas. There's a Twilight convention. It's called TwiCon. I was going to list all the special guests (Suzy Crabgrass from Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, I am so disappointed in you. That was a funny show and you taught my little brother good morals, and the lead singer from Everclear had an inexplicably cameo, and now THIS?!) and the MUSICAL NUMBERS, because bands are really into sexually dysfunctional vampires (I imagine they all sound like Coldplay and Muse's love-child, only even suckier than Coldplay (I like Muse, SHUT UP), and this whole thing is fucking DEPRESSING man, and it costs $255 to register for this goddamn nightmare, and now I'm really depressed and going to stare at soothing pictures of Rorschach assaulting criminals until I feel better, OK?!Daily Bai* Bai Ling is so fucking funny that I need to continuously quote her blog, because it is... beyond words. I am humbled and frightened by her crazy.

they think this is what men like, big bobs, I never understand why so huge in America some of the woman's breasts so huge, i mean huge, I used to wonder what have they eat when they growing up? and what is inside?rice? Or what kind of spicies they are? why so huge? Like the blue eyes so fascinating to me. But the huge bobs are just really out of their body like the blooms ready to popped open any giving moment with 188.99 hot fresh popcorn explode directly shooting at your lovely burned just after facial tender face, how would be comfortable to touch and to be touched, and to carry around, and when you make love, I bit a lots of unspoken words in between floating in the bed room air. I don't know why we think they are so beautiful? It was scary one time I saw someone in the playboy mention, wow, I followed her just to watch the bloom dance up and down like the over sized boats in a tiny small pool......well they are fun to look at, but I would hope men are telling woman the truth, so we don't have to go out of our way to please them and to torturing our soul and eventrully make oueself more ridicules and unbearable to watch and to live. I think over sized bobs take a person's life away, because of the unbalanced size, then that become the center of their lives, then that center become all they have ever have.

It's worth reading the whole thing. It really is. It's all about boob jobs and what they are filled with. MY GOD THIS IS GENIUS. If she had a reality show, I would watch it always. I would promote it forever. I would be a one-woman Ling Army, because she is mental beyond words. It's kick-ass. She brightens the darkest of days, and reassures me that there are indeed aliens among us. Zombies* Forget swine, now there are ZOMBIE MICE. Which isn't that scary, at least to me, because they sound cute and I like mice, and I must have misinterpreted the movie Willard (both versions) because all I really thought at the end was, 'I would sure like a pet mouse named Socrates.' WTF, INTERNET?* This really isn't anything you can buy, but if this isn't a WTF, NOTHING is. Do you know who Neal Horsely is? He wants to be governor of Georgia. Here are some things you might like to know about this guy:- He has nearly killed his grown son, and would willingly do so again, if need be- He has had a throwdown with Geraldo Rivera over MURDER- He wants Georgia to secede- He admits to having sex with a watermelon- He thinks it's completely normal to have sex with farm animals, and has done so himself- He was involved with the Nuremberg Files, a website that listed abortion doctors, and violated their privacy, and may have led to a murder- He thinks violence is a good way to stop people from getting abortions, because clearly if you think abortion is murder, then killing people will CANCEL OUT those murders, so we will eventually have a SURPLUS of people, and then... wait, what?- HE THINK IT IS TOTALLY BORING TO SCREW FARM ANIMALSNo, really, I'm totally serious. Here's a direct quote:

COLMES: “You had sex with animals?”HORSLEY: “Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.”COLMES: “I’m not so sure that that is so.”HORSLEY: “You didn’t grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?”COLMES: “Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?”HORSLEY: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality…Welcome to domestic life on the farm…If it’s warm and it’s damp and it vibrates, you might in fact have sex with it.”

After this interview, Alan Colmes curled up under his desk and sobbed for six hours, only agreeing to come out of everyone removed all the stuffed animals from a mile radius. Oh, Wonkette, the horrors you expose me to.* This is a fart-related product.It makes your farts not smell, when you eat hot dogs and blow explosive stinky wind in a scientist's face. THIS HAPPENS IN THE VIDEO. And this is a REAL PRODUCT. There are too many jokes here. You put a little piece of fabric in your underwear to neutralize the farty stink. Or you could try not blowing ass in public. I mean, what does that product smell like when you take it out? What happens if you're on a date, and things go well?'Uh... what IS that?''Oh, it's my Subtle Butt far neutralizer! I fart into that, and you don't smell it.''Your farts are so bad you need to cover them with non-stinky fabric?''Aren't yours? Wait, why are you getting dressed?'Happy Sunday- LV

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