Who Eats Pudding At 10 In The Morning?

Blog
* I can't ingest anything but massive quantities of coffee at that hour. Title is from Lie To Me.

Animals
* If you see this swimming towards you...

[Found at Unique Daily]
Congratulations! The health care debate will not apply to you for much longer. Scariest kitty ever.

Girly Shit
* I have to say, when you've got Lady Gaga wearing the slaughtered remains of Muppets, a shoe on the head isn't particularly edgy:

[Found at Gawker]
Anyway, it's an ugly shoe. Maybe next Lady Gaga will move on to wearing the shoes of murdered Muppets. That would be twisted.

WTF, INTERNET?
* This scares me:

[Found at Geekologie]
This is the fashion equivalent of tear the heads off your stuffed animals. People who do stuff like this should be kept from sharp objects. HOW MANY BEARS DIED FOR FASHION, YOU HEARTLESS WENCH?!

I would throw red paint on this. I do find it funny how the model is trying to look sexy covered with stuffed, dismembered children's toys.

If you own this, I will judge you.

Life Lessons
* I love this article, about how we are not experiencing a rudeness epidemic. To paraphrase The Simpsons: Maybe it's not an epidemic. Maybe it's just a bunch of stuff that happened.' I don't think there is ANY connection between Joe Wilson and Kanye West. Except the one you MAKE:

He ignores the fact that while Serena Williams may have threatened to assault someone, Chris Brown actually did. And the fact that Joe Wilson's outburst may have been based on racism, which is a problem America needs to confront, while Kanye West's was based on West being a dick, which isn't. And by suggesting that Wilson, Williams, West, Brown, and Sanford are all part of a problem that should be solved "around your dinner table," he stifles collective dialogue on race or domestic violence and reduces these systemic problems to personal failings.

I think America needs to confront people being dicks. The Senate hearings would be brilliant.

Music
* You know, I think I'm becoming immune to Lady Gaga's shocking pantless-ness when my first thought at seeing this picture isn't 'ASS AHOY':

[Found at World Of Wonder]
Instead, I sort of just want to own her shoes. Those are FIERCE boots.

Daily Hot Guy

[Anthony Rapp, who played Mark Cohen in Rent. Yeah, I was never a Rent-head, but I was crazy about Mark. I spent most of my teen years plotting to move to New York City and live in a loft and be a starving artist. Then I moved to New York, realized most of those talentless artists have trust funds or no talent, nobody can afford to live in lofts, Alphabet City has a Chipotle, and nobody bursts into random song unless they're on very strong drugs. It was a massive disappointment in my life.]

Technology
* In theory, ATMs that spray tamperers and thieves with pepper spray are a great idea. The problem, as Mr. Cory Doctorow so succinctly puts it, is:

they've also been known to incapacitate the poor bastards who install them by randomly firing capsaicin at them.

I can't help wondering if some poor person trying to use the ATM legally will get sprayed. That's just depressing. My bank account is disheartening enough without getting shot in the eyes with burning PAIN chemicals.

Heroes
* I have watched this video of Zachary Quinto being asked the difference between Sylar and Spock (which is in and of itself STUPID, but I digress) more than once, and I laugh every damn time. He is so completely eager to be elsewhere. Like, desperately so.

And he discusses Jung. While conveying utter contempt. WONDERFUL. I WANT THOSE GLASSES. WHAT? I would look damn adorable in them.

Glee
* Oh, Glee, I could not love you more. Then Kristin Chenoweth showed up in the commercials (she played Olive Snook in Pushing Daisies, and I named my rat after the character. It's a compliment, I SWEAR) and my love MULTIPLIED. So here's the linebackers dancing from last week:


Tattoo Of Win
* Could someone explain this tattoo to me? Please?

[Found at LOLTATZ]
Because until someone does, I don't think I can ever sleep again.

Words Of Win

[Found at Friggin Random]
Dammit, now I really need cookies in my life.

Celebrity!Fail

* Things I NEVER needed to know: That Tom Cruise considers sex WITH HIMSELF to be 'like flying.' There are too many jokes already floating around out there for me to feel motivated to add another. Let me just say that flying scares me to death. So maybe the metaphor works.

People I Love
* Rickery Gervais' podcast makes me happy. I am still sick, freezing cold, broke, and desperately want Indian food RIGHT NOW, served by Gareth David-Lloyd while Zachary Quinto as Sylar explodes the heads of people who annoy me. But the podcast soothes me so. Also, in my imaginary version of Transmetropolitan, Ricky Gervais plays Royce, the editor. Tell me I am not a casting genius? Don't, actually. That would sadden me.

More later, possibly. I need to go find Sylar glasses. OK, they're Gabriel Gray glasses. GGG?

Look, I'm on a lot of antibiotics. That's my only excuse.
- LV

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Good News Everyone! I've Taught The Toaster To Feel Love!

Blog
* So now it can comprehend the aching void in its life. You've doomed it to eternal loneliness. And now the toast sucks. Title is from Futurama.

* I can't tell you why this monkey's expression makes me so very happy...

[Drawn by Erin]
And honestly I don't care. He is all grinning with his headphones!

* I agree with everything Megan said about District 9. AND her answer to 'What Does Edward Cullen Smell Like?' made me snerk coffee. AND AND she likes the Lostprophets, who are still kind of awesome, although my favorite song remains 'Last Train Home' because I have a weakness for angry broken-heart emo-type songs.

People I Love
* Oh, Tobias Funke, I mean, David Cross. Who I also love. This is the best bio ever written. Hands down:

[Found at dlisted]
I'd hit it. It's David freaking Cross. Just saying.
I'll give you a minute to utter your favorite Tobias line.

* Speaking of Arrested Development alumni, this both feeds into my love of making small children cry AND WIll Arnett's erotic baritone voice:

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret has never been so disturbing. Now I want him to read Good Night, Moon.

Jersey!Fail
* One of the Real Housewives of New Jersey is selling clothing that makes my eyeballs vomit and my sense of style commit suicide:

[Found at Jezebel]
I chose this shirt because it's what her husband said when she asked about getting fake breasts. This makes me despise my own state. Give me a minute, I need to blast some Springsteen and remind myself that not EVERYTHING from this place is awful. THIS WOMAN DOES NOT REPRESENT ME.

Fandom
* I try to be pretty open about the inherent weirdness in fandom. It's part of being a fanboy/girl. And most of it is well-intentioned and fun, even the bits that make me raise my eyebrows. I have no problem with 99.9% of what occurs in the fandoms of the universe.

However, make no mistakes about it. NO one should be accepting of a fanfiction about a dude getting raped by a velociraptor, and enjoying it.

You know, I LIKED the first Jurassic Park. I ENJOYED it. I did NOT need the visual of a dude getting humped by a giant raptor to HAUNT MY DREAMS.

Luckily, the hero website Topless Robot provides commentary to keep you from tumbling over into the mouth of madness:

Yes. That just happened. The phrase "purple shotgun" was used to describe a penis for the first time in history. You witnessed it. Congratulations.

There's also a description of a dinosaur's unmentionables. AND A WORD FOR IT.

And here's my favorite quote from an older one, and ALL THE REASON IN THE WORLD to hate the internet:

Do any TR readers actually have sex on Fridays? Because shit like this just wrecks me. How do you not have Buster the teddiursa screaming "MOOOOOOOMY" in your head the entire time?

Stuff To Live
* I really just want to buy this for Patrick Bateman:

[Found at Nerd Approved]
A knife mirror? He'd find it darling. He could hack you to death AND make sure his hair was in place. I don't need one. I check my makeup in a REAL knife.

Iron Man
* Iron man, iron man, does whatever an iron can... I'm sorry, Bio-Dome was funny. No, it wasn't. But you know what looks amazing? Iron Man 2:

As I say frequently, Iron Man is probably my favorite superhero because he's so fucked up. And I love Robert Downey, Jr. And I loved the first one. And Mickey Rourke looks like the homeless guy who lived down the street from my old apartment and told me frequently that the clowns were donkeys, so I feel fondly towards him. Be honest. You're totally stoked about this movie. Don't lie. It's IRON MAN.

Oh, and remind me to bitch about Entertainment Tonight at some point. They are so terrible.

Daily Hot Guy

[David Tennant, who is going to make Masterpiece Theater dangerously erotic]

Writing
* This is Armchair/Shotgun, my friend's journal that publishes established and emerging artists/writers. It's going to be incredible. You should submit your stuff. And read them.

WhedonVerse
* This is Megabot:
Megabot, Ep. 1

Atom.com: Funny Videos | Atom Originals | MegaBot

It features Fran Kranz, AKA Topher Brink from Dollhouse, who will ALSO be in The Cabin In The Woods, AKA The Best Movie Ever because it is like Joss Whedon plus Evil Dead (admittedly minus Bruce Campbell, but we as a species are not ready for such wonders).

This is just further proof that even things only loosely affiliated with Joss Whedon are made of Win. And that Fran Kranz is hot. It had to be said.

Plus, it's a spoof of Power Rangers. We need more of those.

Sequel!Fail
* Oh, for the love of good film: They are making a Hancock sequel. I saw the original, opening weekend, because my friend made me. It was painful. We actually turned to each other and said, 'Please tell me you're not enjoying this.' It made me want to gauge out my eyes. And we're getting ANOTHER of these, but no Arrested Development movie? WHAT? WHO MAKES THESE DECISIONS?!

I need to go hit myself in the head now.

Jackie Earle Haley
* Um.

[Made by RorschachsChick]
File this under 'GIFs I cannot stop watching, nor do I want to. Ever.'

* I have, of course, watched the trailer for A Nightmare On Elm Street hundreds of times once or twice by now, as I'm assuming you have, if you possess a SOUL. Anyway, if you want to see it on the big screen, you should go see Zombieland. Because it's on there. So you'll get Jackie Earle Haley, Freddy Krueger, and ZOMBIES. This really does make up for the Hancock sequel. All is forgiven, Hollywood. No, not really. I'm still PISSED about Shutter Island.

TeeVee
* Huzzah, people are watching new shows! And more people are watch Glee than Vampire Diaries! I have FAITH in humanity. For the next ten seconds. And, it's gone.

Geek Want
* Sometimes something comes along that is so wonderful and beautiful and perfect that I don't need to say anything:

[Found at We Love You So]
You can buy it.

Awesome
* My GOD:

Why is this man not PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSE?

And it's in japanese, which somehow makes it more awesome, if that's even POSSIBLE.

Remake!Win
* If David Cronenberg wants to remake The Fly, again, that is his business. I am not questioning the dude who made Dead Ringers. Twin Jeremy Irons? YES. And it was a brilliant, twisted film. And freaked me out beyond words. Now I want to watch it again. Curse you, Cronenberg!

Wow
* I have no clue what's going on in this video:

Pay Cut by =funymony on deviantART
I'm not even going to PRETEND. I won't cheapen myself like that.

Sorry this was late-ish, the internet killed itself when it saw me reading that velociraptor porn (thank you, internet, for making me type such things), and I had to do a voodoo ritual to bring it back.

Now I need to go sweater shopping. For a Freddy Krueger sweater.
- LV

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What If You Don't Live By A Volcano?

Blog
* That's silly. Everyone lives by a volcano. A volcano of the SOUL. Yeah, I don't know. I've had precious little caffeine today. Title is from Firefly.

Jackie Earle Haley
* FINALLY:
A Nightmare on Elm Street in HD

A Nightmare On Elm Street trailer. Oh, how I love thee. I love thee HARDCORE. I will watch you repeatedly, and I will believe that THIS will be the horror trailer that is not made of suck, and fixes EVERYTHING in life. I need to get a new Freddy sweater. Mine was destroyed. Not in a fire. And Mr. Haley has growly voice. I spent most of my heinous morning fangirl-flailing, screaming, and generally frightening the natives. FOR A GOOD REASON.

Russell Brand
* I don't especially care who celebrities are dating. OK, I do, but in that, 'Hm, wow,' way, not in a 'OH GOD THEY ARE SO WRONG FOR EACH OTHER I MUST INTERVENE' way. That being said, I want Katy Perry to stay the HELL away from Russell Brand, OK? Because she ANNOYS me. SO MUCH. And I was sort of secretly hoping he and Lady Gaga would hook up, if ONLY because the tabloid coverage would be EPIC.

Politics
* HAHA, Levi Johnston, political impregnator, is going to be SO NAKED on the internets.I know I've said this before, but it NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY. His Levi Johnston will be out, in public. Did I mention I had less than one cup of coffee this morning? And no food? And the energy drinks haven't kicked in yet?

* Short people are going to fuck you up, and the French are starting the war. VICTORY IN OUR TIME. But I will let certain tall men live, because they're hot. And my tall friends. Basically if I like you or you give me money, you're OK. Sarkozy, you never cease to entertain. And make me proud of my height. DOWN WITH TALLS.

* I must confess, I'm rather disappointed that Al Franken hasn't done anything super-hilarious since becoming a Senator. I thought... well, to be honest, I had hoped that politics would become like a long, drawn-out SNL skit. Which it already is, ZING. But here is a video of him, drawing a map:

His voice really annoys me, on an almost visceral level. It's weird.

Food
* Part of me thinks this is so cool and beautiful:

[Found at Friggin Random]
Part of me wonders how long it took.
Part of me just wants to sop up all that mustard with the bread.

Daily Hot Guy

[Matt Damon, not an unusual pick, but he's smart and funny and twisted, and he wrote a really good movie, and it's been an almost comically bad morning, and sometimes I just want to admire a handsome guy with nice eyes, OK?!]

Celebrity!Fail
* I stopped watching Gossip Girl, mainly because clothes lust was starting to make me seriously consider a life of crime (I WANT THEIR WARDROBES) and also I have too many other shows to watch on Monday, and simply cannot factor it in. Besides, it's best viewed in a marathon with a bunch of friends and some alcohol. But when I DID watch the show, I was a member of the 'I wish Chuck Bass had corrupted me in high school' club. Really, are there people who aren't? So this is very disappointing:

[Found at Jezebel]
Dude, there are very few guys who can have a naked lady tattoo and still be sexy. You are not among their numbers. Chuck Bass would not approve of your pathetic, plebeian attempt at rebellion. We're all very disappointed, Ed Westwick.

Zombies
* In theory, zombie shooting-range targets are a genius concept. But in practice....

[Found at Boing Boing]
Why do all the girl-zombies look like porn-star zombies, and why are all the boy-zombies Nazis? That's not very realistic. You should have done more research.

Apocalypse How?
* I make a lot of jokes in this category, but you know what? This is no joking matter:

[Found at Geekologie]
That's a Blu-Ray Player. It costs $135,000. Now let me make this very clear. I fucking hate anyone, ANYONE who is considering owning one of these. I CANNOT AFFORD A REGULAR BLU-RAY PLAYER. THIS ONE COSTS MORE THAN MY CAR. MORE THAN HALF A DOZEN OF MY CAR. GAAHHHHHH.
Oh, and this is truly the end of days, because seriously, what did they PUT IN THIS THING to make it cost so much? Pure gold? FAIRY GOLD? That shit is rare. I don't know. After work I have to go to Rite-Aid for lip-gloss. DISCOUNT lip-gloss. STUPID BLU-RAY PLAYER.

Dollhouse
* So apparently my Tweeting the Season Premiere of Dollhouse did nothing for the ratings. Or made them worse. Because Dollhouse got the lowest ratings ever.

Now, listen very carefully (or read very carefully): This season is going to be Topher-tastic. The premiere had hotness AND ANGST, and HIS SHEETS WERE ADORABLE, and he made me sad, and Whiskey is going bonkers (and drinking whiskey, I think, which delights me), and Alexis Denisoff (AKA Wesley) is going to be on a lot, and I NEED Alpha Wash to come back, so you are all going to MAN UP and watch Dollhouse. DO YOU GET ME?! Please? Because I still miss Firefly.

Epic!Fail
* This is an LV fail, I suspect. Because whenever I look at this picture:

[Found at Like Cool]
...I want to flip the guy off his forkless cruiser bike. I don't know why. But if I saw him in real life, I wouldn't be able to control myself. I just want to flip over that stupid, stupid bike. This compulsion frightens and confuses me. Ergo, LV!Epic!Fail.

They do happen, from time to time.

Books
* This library has no books:

[Found at The Boston Globe]
Because they have a 'learning center.' Books are outdated. Nobody READS anymore. HAHA.... ha... heh....

If you need me, I'll be clutching my worn copy of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn and weeping for the future.

Childhood!Fail
* Hey, kids! You like puppies, right? Who doesn't? Well, wouldn't you like to DISMEMBER A doggie?

[Found at Nerd Approved]
What, your doggie is missing its head? Its precious, precious head? Why are you crying? This is how butchers cut up the piggies we use to make your hot dogs!

Doctor Who
* I have posted this video of John Barrowman and David Tennant kissing at the Comic-Con before, and I most likely will again, and again, until Ianto Jones is OK. It doesn't HAVE to make sense, does it? Did Torchwood make sense? Did chunks of Doctor Who make sense? YEAH, so I win.

Plus, they're not exactly hard on the eyes, are they? It's Monday. That's the only excuse I NEED, OK?

Inglourious Basterds
* I like this story because it has Quentin Tarantino, B.J. Novak, movies, and unimpressed Germans:

Plus Brad Pitt seems like a fun guy. I am the only girl out there who would pick Tarantino over Pitt? Don't answer that.

Sorry this blog was a little late, but you know what? Monday. That is all.
- LV

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I May Throw Up On You.

Blog
* Call me crazy, but if it's Dr. Chris Pine or Karl Urban, I won't get so upset. Title is from Star Trek.

* Due to Megan's most recent blog entry, I am now envisioning a TV show which features Jackie Earle Haley AND Fran Kranz. My brain is pleased with this.

* This pizza reminds me of the pizza in All Dogs Fo To Heaven. I don't know why:

[Drawn by Erin]
And I'd like to thank Hollywood for not remaking All Dogs Go To Heaven. Yet. The moronically bad sequels hurt me enough.

Heroes
* Chameleon!Sylar?

No, I need to see my Sybrows. This is a deleted scene from Season 2. No I still have not watched the premiere of Heroes I am doing it today, I have been ill and have a LOT of TV watching to catch up on.

Glee
* Well, here is one show we don't have to worry about getting cancelled. Glee has gotten a full-season pick-up by FOX. HUZZAH. Now let's go focus on Dollhouse, which I am VERY worried about. Maybe they need more singing on Dollhouse? SOMEONE CALL NPH.

Hunter S. Thompson
* A gonzo eulogy for the late, great master. I still feel sad whenever I imagine what he would have said about Sarah Palin. CAN YOU IMAGINE? I love this essay. It's sad and beautiful.

Vampires
* I AM SO DISPLEASED BY THIS NEWS. Let's go to Good/Bad Bullet Points on Lost Boys 3: The Thirst:
- GOOD: Corey Feldman as Edgar Frogg. He was one of my first crushes (SHUT UP, did you SEE Stand By Me and The Goonies, you heathens?), and Edgar Frogg remains one of my most favoritest characters.
- BAD: No Corey Haim. Because the cut scenes from Lost Boys 2: The Tribe featuring Haim were kind of fabulous. Stop having a feud, Two Coreys. Think of your fans.
- GOOD: Jamison Newslander is coming back as Alan Frogg, and since he was bitten according to the Lost Boys lore, Edgar will have the angst, which I enjoy. (Unless they cut that aspect, and then I will be PISSED, but Edgar TALKED about losing his brother to the vampires, and ANYWAY it was in the comic, which also was not especially good.)
- BAD: This article mocks The Tribe. You fail to understand that the ORIGINAL was corny and lame and had TERRIBLE HAIR, but that is why we love it so. And yes, of COURSE Lost Boys 2: The Tribe was not a good movie. But I love it, and I think it's FUN, and sometimes that's more important than anything else, OK? Also, Corey Feldman was ordained a minister. That's RIGHTEOUS.
- EPIC BAD: There is a Twilight reference in Lost Boys 3: The Thirst. Yeah. And it doesn't involve Edgar Frogg destroying Edward Cullen. He is HIRED by a Stephenie Meyers-type, to save her son, or some bullshit. NO, LOST BOYS! DO NOT FALL UNDER THE SPARKLY SPELL!
What's next? From Dusk 'Till Dawn: Super Sparkly Edition? NO. I was kidding. Please don't even joke about that.
PS Yeah, I am still excited about Lost Boys 3: The Thirst. Why? Because I think it may be my favorite vampire franchise, BECAUSE it is so corny (except for FDTD, obviously) and it's fun and lame, and Corey FREAKING Feldman. Leave me alone. Interview With The Vampire sucked. Yeah, I said it.

Nostalgia!Win
* I love The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly. The International Society of Supervillains explains why Lee Van Cleef was one of the best villains, ever. He still scares me. If you haven't seen this movie, you are BARELY human. And don't give me that shit about not liking Westerns. You know who doesn't like Westerns? Puppy Kickers. TRUFAX.

Daily Hot Guy

[Crispin Glover, who may be one of the creepiest DHGs EVER. But it's true. There is something very attractive about a super-creepy, tall, dark, skinny madman. And Willard was a great movie. And his hair fascinates me. Requested by Adrian Johnson, artist supreme and Watchmen fangirl.]

Steampunk
* I had a huge debate with my friend over whether this shoe qualified as Steampunk:

[Found at Incredible Things]
He said Yes. I said No. I said it was cyberpunk if anything, but clearly NOTHING, because it's made by Nike which sort of goes against the whole theory of punk, in general.
He said I was stupid, and wrong.
We both agree the shoes are shiny, though. Your thoughts?

Ad!Fail
* This could also be Ad!Win:

[Found at World Of Wonder]
It's really a matter of perspective.

FlashForward
* I didn't know it was one word. I apologize. Did you watch the premiere? I liked it a lot, while at the same time having almost no clue as to what the hell was going on. But I can't say I care much, because A) Seth Macfarlane was in it, B) It was beautifully shot, C) If it turns into the new Lost, I will have watched it from the beginning, so I will be confused with CONTEXT, D) The cast is very pretty, and E) I love John Cho. Oh, and F) CHARLIE FROM LOST IS ON THE SHOW! WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED?!
So if this is the post-Lost TeeVee world, I say bravo. Bring it on.

Journalism
* The Washington Post does not like depressing stories. They only publish happy stories. The Washington Post will soon be the shortest newspaper on the planet.

Art
* I love D*Face:

[Found at Wired]
But Batman doesn't so much.

Watchmen
* This is, all joking aside, one of the greatest and best things ever to come from Watchmen fandom. No, look:

[Found at Watchdom]
THEY DO THE WHOLE BOOK. I'm serious, it's so good. It even made me a tiny bit teary, and Walter would like you to know he is NOT. HOMOSEXUAL. And the tree doesn't know WHAT an Owlship is. I love this so much. It should be published, so that world peace may be achieved in our time.

* This is Rorschach as a duck:

You don't have to understand. I love you, DancesWithElvis.

* Everything good happens on the West Coast, which depresses me so much because I live in New Jersey, and while we have many cool things here, we do not have the Scream Awards. So this opportunity to get free tickets is WASTED on me. But maybe one of you guys can go, and see the awards, and have a great time, and take pictures for me? Because I gave you the link? Yes?

* I'm not the only one with mixed feelings about the Ultimate Cut:
puina | TweetPhoto

Shared via AddThis
But I am also not Caro, so I can't express myself well.

Comics
* I just finished Bone last night. Yes, I know, I disappoint everyone, let's not go into it. But I loved it. Like, more than I should. I wanted it to be longer (and I purchased the ridiculous, weapon-sized freaking single edition, so that is saying a LOT) and I love Phoney Bone and Bartleby, and I want quiche. I don't know, it just should be read while eating quiche. And Jeff Smith is making more Bone-related projects! So I'm up on Bone INFORMATION.
OK, yes, Serena_Eliza told me about it. BUT STILL. Yeah, I am not a leader of Bone information.

Tattoo Of Win
* See, I'm sure there are people out there that this is a kink for:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
And random tattoo question: Does getting a tattoo on your ass hurt? Not the getting of the tattoo (I have two, and would like more. I KNOW what they feel like. But how do you sit down with that? You have to treat tattoos so delicately. I just can't imagine having to wrap my butt and not put any pressure on it for what, a week or two?

Words Of Win

see more Fail Blog

It's cold, wet, and rainy. Perfect for popcorn, alcohol, and watching geeked-out TV while your humble blogger recovers from her skull-crushing sinus infection.
- LV

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That Is Not A Supernatural Cow!

Blog
* It could be. You don't know. Title is from Invader Zim.


[Made by Erin]
You have no idea how many times I looked at this picture before yelling, 'Holy shit! Kermit and Miss Piggy!'

Yes, I'm going to the doctor today. I coughed up my spleen this morning.

WhedonVerse
* There is going to be a sequel to Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. What's that I hear? Angels weeping with joy? Neil Patrick Harris for president of my SOUL.

Sequel!Fail
* They are making Big Momma's House 3. It's OK, guys. Really. Because Joss Whedon is making a sequel to Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. EVERYTHING is OK now.

Jackie Earle Haley
* Have you listened to the most recent podcast? I don't believe you. World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley watched an episode of Renegade. WIth Lorenzo Lamas. Do you KNOW what that's like? We did it for you. And Jackie. OK, mostly Jackie. And his bad circulation. If you don't understand, you didn't listen. SEE? I can tell.

* Here is an interview with Mr. Haley about A Nightmare on Elm Street. WHY has nobody put up the trailer yet on YouTube? That is the POINT of YouTube. It's attached to the Zombieland movie. Further proof that zombies are AWESOME.



* I have no idea what's going on in this GIF:

And that's just fine.

Daily Hot Guy

[Glenn Quinn, AKA Doyle from Angel and Mark Healy in Roseanne. I know it's kind of creepy to feature a dead man as a DHG, but I really loved this actor and was absolutely devastated when he died on the show, and then he died in real life and I was not OK. I was in high school, don't judge me. Anyway, he was Irish and adorable and a really good actor.]

TeeVee
* It's official! The first show cancelled this year is NOT one of my favorite shows! It's not even a show I watch! Huzzah! Oh, it's The Beautiful Life. Yeah, I don't care at all. I'm not going to pretend.

* Did you catch my Tweeting of Dollhouse last night? A friend asked me what the episode was about. This was my description: 'A lot of people hit Echo and stuff happened, and OMFG TOPHER AND WHISKEY IN THE BUNK IT WAS HOT AND SAD AND HIS SHEETS!'
Yeah, that scene made up for every sin in the history of Dollhouse. All is forgiven, you hear?

* James Marsters is going to be on Lie To Me. With Tim Roth. WHY IS TV BEING SO NICE THIS SEASON? Is this your way of making up for canceling Pushing Daisies? Is this how you make amends for the unending TRAUMA that was Torchwood: Children of the Earth? Because it's working quite well. I hope they snark at each other. A lot. With accents:

[Found at Daemon's TV]
I don't think I've ever seen Mr. Marsters in a suit before. It's kind of wonderful.

Geek Want
* OMFG:

[Found at Amazon]
Here's the plan. I will get this Spider Jerusalem action figure. Then I will acquire a Rorschach action figure. Then... I don't know. I will mail them to Warren Ellis, along with a note demanding that Mr. Haley play Mr. Jerusalem. That's the plan. But I'll need another Spider action figure. Because I want my own. I wish you could press a button that made it yell obscenities. Why aren't I allowed to make these sorts of decisions?

Awesome
* Whenever I was sick as a kid (like I am today) my mother would make me a big bowl of homemade popcorn, and we would watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off. It was our tradition. It's our 'sick movie.' So I love this website for what it represents of my childhood, as much as for the website itself. Seriously, I cannot stop pressing the button. I keep pressing it. I challenge you to only press it once.

Movie!Win
* Let's be clear: This movie is getting a Win only because it has Gary Oldman. Many movies have gotten a Win solely for that reason. He is MADE of Win. Some believe he invented Win (Actually, that would be Eric Stoltz, but the mistake is understandable). And I do like Denzel Washington, usually. He is fine. He can exist. But he is no Gary Oldman. Then again, few people are. So if I see The Book of Eli, and I probably will, it will be only because of Gary Oldman. And NO OTHER REASON.

Wow
* Scariest. GIF. EVER:

[Found at Best Week Ever]
That is all. Except now I want cupcakes.

Animals
* This may be the cutest thing I've seen all day:

[Found at LA Times]
It's a wee doggy nursing red panda babies! DAW! Inter-species adoption!

Girly Shit
* These are the ugliest shoes I have ever seen in my entire life of shopping:

[Found at Shoe Lust]
They depress me. I would give them to someone I desperately hate. I can't think of anyone I hate that much. These shoes DEFY HATRED. LOOK AT THEM.

WTF, INTERNET?
* This is the worst thing I have ever seen in my entire life:

[Found at Tofslie]
Popeye, WHY?!

Life Lessons

[Found at Indexed]
I'd rather have a centaur than a hybrid.

Music
* This is so cool. It's a complete visualization of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony:

Pretty colors.....

Technology
* Behold! The world's tiniest printer:

I want it. It is tiny and small and I like tiny and small printers. Mine is older than me. No, I'm serious. It has been around longer than I have. It's been updated so I can use it with my laptop, but really. It's huge. If I drop it on you, you're going to die horribly. So it's a weapon, of sorts, but I'd rather have a cute little printer I can carry, and a taser.

OK, I am sick and feel gross. So I am going to lie down and watch TV and read comics, and generally be unpleasant to all those around me. I have EARNED it with my disease. Sinus infections SUCK. Pity me.
- LV

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Did He Just Go Crazy & Fall Asleep?

Blog
* Actually... Yes. Yes he did. Title is from Firefly. I miss that show. A lot.

* I love the expression of dawning dismay on the kids' face:

[Drawn by Erin]
It's like the 'treasure' he was told about was really just the corpse of his puppy Mom and Dad told him was sent to a farm.

Freakangels Friday
* And it is the Fifth Day of the week (I do not subscribe to that madness where Sunday is the start of the week) and Warren Ellis said, 'Let there be Freakangels, you filthy sinning fucks,' and there WAS. But I am worried, because the title of the Email he sent alerting his minions of this new edition was called 'Explodo,' and what if KARL EXPLODES?! I HAVE HAD A ROUGH WEEK. KARL CANNOT EXPLODE. I will read it after I complete this entry of bloggery. Spoilers beneath my signature. Warren Ellis Put His Disease In Me. I WILL make this shirt, at some point. Mark my words.

Epic Fail
* Where was I when it became socially acceptable to pee outdoors, in public, in daylight?

[Found at Incredible Things]
It isn't. It is never OK to urinate outdoors, in public, in DAYLIGHT, in front of strangers. I don't care if that makes me old fashioned. I do not want to have to walk down the street knowing there is a very good chance that I will see a stranger relieving himself on a plastic tree.

Really, I'd rather have the male population peeing in alleys. I'm used to that. It's what happens in New York, especially late at night on weekends. That doesn't bug me (except when one drunk guy peed down my stairs - I lived in a basement apartment behind a gate - and I yelled at him to stop and he DIDN'T, and I had to clean out the hallway to my apartment. I'm still cross about that). My issue is that these plastic trees make it acceptable. That makes it OK. And I have been in countries where they have outdoor urinals, and those don't bug me either. Because they aren't shaped like trees.

I reread that, and my argument pretty much collapses because I'm contradicting myself. So to sum up, I don't want strangers to pee outdoors, but if they have to, can they not pee on plastic white trees? Thanks.

Writing
* I love strange new words. Which is funny, since my vocabulary has essentially become made up of the words 'totally,' 'awesome,' 'inappropriate,' and 'also.' I blame the government. But my friend Kevin, who is scary smart and writes this amazing blog about politics, always knows nifty new words. And he found this great site of $10 words. This is like word porn for me. And frankly, your puerile comments fill me with repugnance and I repudiate you and everything you venerate.

See? I can still use at least $5 words, if I try. I'm just lazy.

Books
* I really don't like Dan Brown. He's not a good writer. Of course, who the hell am I? Look at him, and his success. I'm sure he doesn't care. But he sucks, and his books suck, and the movies made from his books suck, and he is a black hole of suck. If he and Stephenie Meyers ever wrote a book together, I'd never stop throwing up.

Brown is bad enough on his own. Here is a list of the twenty worst lines from Dan Brown's books. Normally I don't like to trash authors (bad karma, even though I don't really believe in it, but still it's not nice) but he's rich and famous, and I am neither, and I don't think he'd care. Here's my 'favorite' line from any of his books:

17. Deception Point, chapter 8: Overhanging her precarious body was a jaundiced face whose skin resembled a sheet of parchment paper punctured by two emotionless eyes.

If you need me, I'll be crying in the corner. How can a body be precarious? And I've never seen parchment paper punctured by eyes, emotionless or otherwise. Then again, minor alliteration win?

Childhood!Fail
* American Girl Dolls have changed a LOT since I was a girl. I had Samantha (we both had brown hair), Felicity, and Kirsten. I had to get rid of Felicity after my friends and I watched Child's Play and I became convinced that red-headed dolls were going to stab me to death in my sleep, and my younger cousin now has my dolls, and loves them.

But now they have homeless American Girl dolls?

[Found at Jezebel]
This is Gwen, a homeless American Girl doll (or, as the article is quick to point out, a FRIEND of an American Girl). She's very well-dressed. And she costs $95.00. Now, aren't you supposed to have dolls that girls can identify with, on some level? Because I don't know many homeless kids who can afford dolls that cost more than a night out. That's EXPENSIVE SHIT RIGHT THERE.

And, because I'm a horrible person, after reading the whole article, all I could think was, 'Holy shit, they discontinued Samantha?'
Today is a sad day.

Daily Hot Guy
* And now it's not a sad day:

[Tim Roth, who I had a crush on in Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction (even if in one he was spurting blood, which is alarming for children) and who was one of two reasons I sat through The Incredible Hulk (the other being Edward Norton) and he's sexy and dangerous on Lie To Me. This is all Megan's fault. I had forgotten how much I like Tim Roth. And I still want him to play Snape.]

Torchwood
* So if it hadn't been Ianto who we lost to the cruelty of RATINGS, or some other hideous monster, it would have been Rhys who died?

I have no problem at all with that. And I like Rhys a lot. But can we trade him for Ianto? Can we make that happen? This interview is supposed to be funny and light, and it just makes me sad all over. I am going to hate Gwen by the next season. I'm sure of it. Because of facts like these.

Inglourious Basterds
* Quentin Tarantino is an awesome everything. Stop your snickering. I love him, and if you can't understand that, it's your loss. He's an especially awesome film critic (say what you will about his movies, I discovered a lot of great, obscure films because he mentioned them. Watch his introduction to to McCabe & Mrs. Miller here:

There are more of his introductions/reviews here, and I love them all, and I love him, and leave me alone. I have weird taste, and I am FINE with that.

Dollhouse
* Dollhouse premieres tonight! I am EXCITED. BEYOND WORDS. No, do you know how long it's been since I've had a Joss Whedon show renewed? Let's not talk about Firefly. It brings the the tears and HATRED. But yes, Dollhouse is back, which means the return of Topher and Alpha Wash, and this season Alexis Denisoff is going to be on the show, and Ray Wise (and Summer Glau, you drooling fanboys) and it will be great because the second half of the first season was GENIUS. Every episode starting with 'Man On The Street.'

* Here are some spoilers for season 2. I have not read them, because I have remained pure and spoiler-free.

People I Love
* This made me spray coffee all over my computer, International Society of Supervillains:
What happens if you dont eat anything for 2 days?
I don't know, Janet. No one has ever done it before in all of documented history.

But if I had to guess, I would say it's one of two things: 1) Your stomach will begin to glow with a magic that will make you into some sort of all-powerful demigoddess or 2) You will wither into a pile of dust.

Either way, it'll be sweet. Do it.
Read the rest of the Email here. Then send me money for a new computer. This one smells like burning.

Jersey!Fail
* I like Rachel Maddow. She is cool and smart, and her glasses are sweet. So why she got to be hating on my home state?

Oh. That's why. That.... that's a good reason. Yes. Yes, of course. What's with all the Anti-Christ fixation lately? I can't have this conversation. The coffee just kicked in. It could be violent.

Fandom
* Dude, I don't remember this scene from Star Wars:

[Found at Unique Daily]
But I really want to know where they got that furry couch.

Stuff To Live
* Bulletproof and fashionable clothing?

[Found at Like Cool]
I am going to be rocking the zombie apocalypse. Get me a pair of knee-high boots and some tight jeans, and I will be BADASS. You all think I'm kidding, but I would buy this stuff if I had the money. Even if the zombie apocalypse never happens (HA!) I just want to walk around knowing my jacket is bullet-proof. Come ON. That would be SWEET.

Right. I am still sick (but recovering!) and I have no work today, so I am going to lie down and watch TV and recover from this terrible illness of mine, and read FREAKANGELS, finally. Spoilers below my signature.
- LV

WARNING: SPOILER FOR THIS WEEKS' FREAKANGELS BELOW. SPOILERS
* Sigh. More set-up. Don't get me wrong, is awesome. Not complaining. Not really. A little. DON'T YELL AT ME, MR. ELLIS. But I love the rain. I think it's gorgeous. Luke is a bastard. And my first though when KK's plane got hit was, 'DON'T CRASH INTO KARL.' Are Karl and Arkady in love? Some sort of love? That would be cute. Their children would talk to plants, then use their powers to move the plants WITH THEIR MINDS. I should totally be involved in the writing of this comic. PLANT LOVE; KARL AND ARKADY.

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You Mustn't Fret Over Everything, My Very Strange Little Friend!

Blog
* That's easy to say when you've drunken all the sake, Adam. Title is from Heroes.

* Yes, I'm blogging twice today. Maybe more. I could justify this decision, but I'm not going to. Suffice it to say that I'm recovering from a sinus infection/flu hybrid DEADLY DISEASE.

Journalism
* My college journalism teacher would have called this, 'inflammatory journalism.' I always thought that sounded like some disgusting disease (it's the word 'inflame' I have a problem with, it seems), but actually it's quite succinct in this case:

[Found at Wonkette]
Look, kids beat the shit out of each other. It's part of growing up. And sometimes, yeah, it's racially motivated. But sometimes it's simply, 'That kid laughs funny, and I'm having a bad day, so I'm going to beat him up.' Kids don't really have complicated reasons for disliking each other. I hated a girl in my school solely because she said 'like' every other word (No, that's not an exaggeration. This was a sentence: 'I, like, really, like, hated, like, the, like, math, like, test.' It drove me nuts.) although I never hit her, but that's besides the point. The point I am TRYING to make (unsuccessfully, I suspect) is that race is not always the reason. Or race is a cover for another reason - economic, social, personal - that is more complicated.

But kids beat the shit out of each other. When my little brother gets into a fight at school, I don't naturally assume it had some sinister underlying message. I assume he was being an asshole. It happens. And from what I've read/seen of this particular fight, it wasn't racially motivated. It was little kids fighting. As they tend to do.

Can we as a society calm the fuck down?

Ad!Fail
* It's funny, I was just talking about bananas....

[Found at The Worlds Best Ever]
Um... I think... See, I just eat the bananas. I don't... I don't wear them. Ever. I never would. It's fruit. It's good. It's just not an effective toupee. You are fooling no one. And get them out of your ears. Now nobody else will want them.

Harry Potter
* They are coming out with Harry Potter Ultimate Editions. I don't care, so much, unless there is guaranteed more Snape. OK, I'm totally lying. The special features are RIDICULOUS, and not solely stupid Quidditch shit. So LV will be a broke geek again, per usual, huzzah!
And speaking of Harry Potter, I am on a campaign to get Tim Roth to play Young Snape in the flashback sequences of Deathly Hallows. This campaign consists of me sometimes sending Tweets to people and saying, 'Wouldn't Tim Roth kick ASS as Severus Snape?' Then they say 'Yeah.' Then I get distracted by something else. So far, my campaign has been unsuccessful.

Star Trek
* This picture makes me laugh:

[Found at Tribbletastic]
It is also true, and started the slash movement. Maybe. If you listen to the Trekkies. My cousin, by the way, has decided all Watchmen fans are 'Watchies.' I in no way endorse this title.

Art
* Since I cannot draw, and probably should never draw, for the good of the world, I want to buy these for all my sickeningly talented artist friends:

[Found at Incredible Things]
You may think this is because I am nice. WRONG. I want to buy you all pixel colored pencils so you feel OBLIGATED to draw what I want you to draw, all the time, and I will rule your creative lives with an IRON FIST.
Luckily I have no money, and I'm far too lazy to enact an evil plan, and all my artist friends already draw stuff I love, so none of this will ever happen.

Watchmen
* We all know I love Watchmen. I will PROVE my love, for those of you ass enough to doubt me. BRING IT. But I do, and I hate having to criticize it in any way. That's another lie. I am full of lies, today. Lies and germs. I like mocking Watchmen in an affectionate and tender way, because I love it. The same way I mock all my fandoms. This, however, is not loving mockery. I really, really don't like the cover of the Ultimate Edition:

[Found at Topless Robot]
Here are my issues:
- The Cover. I do not like the cover. I'm sorry. It should be the Comedian's button. Not this weird Pirate button. And I like me some pirates.
- The Motion Picture Comic. As someone who will buy ANYTHING Watchmen related (except those Rorschach thongs, because that shit is unacceptable), this may be the only thing I didn't purchase. Because it bugs me when Laurie talks like a man. If they'd had the movie cast do it, I'd be all happy. If they'd had anyone from the cast do the whole thing, I'd be fine (except Billy Crudup, because we'd grow old and die waiting to get past chapter one.) Point is, I'm not really jived on motion picture comics as a whole, and I don't need this. It is not essential to my life. I'd rather just reread the comic. Over and over.
- Under The Hood. I own this. And I love it very much, and it kind of makes me sad and teary (but there should be more Mothman). But I own it in a snazzy metal case. So... I do not require another copy.
- My Chemical Romance video. I own this, too. On iTunes.
Look, there are things I don't own, and I'm excited about the Video Journals, and it will be nice to see Tales of the Black Freighter interspersed in the movie (although I may be the only person who really liked it. Am I?) and this may be more about my pathological need to own all things Watchmen, but... COME ON, ZACK SNYDER. GIVE US SOMETHING MORE.
And I'm done.

Comics
* Warren Ellis, our cruel and impenetrable leader of Sin (Thoroughbred of Sin? DON'THURTMEMR.ELLIS) posted these gorgeous images of the character Black Orchid reimagined for the 21st century. This, by Ben Templesmith (who also did Fell and 30 Days of Night), is my favorite:

[Found at Warren Ellis]

Tattoo Of Win
* This is one of those tattoos that grosses me out so much I refuse to post it on my blog. But I link to it, to spread the suffering around. I'll wait for you to finish soaking your eyes.
I feel there is nothing I could add to this. Ever. In fact, let's pretend I never linked to it. Do you like bananas? They are delicious!

Words Of Win
"... An EMT took a cell-phone photo of a corpse while working a crime scene and posted it on Facebook."
And you all LAUGH when I say Facebook will be the end of us all. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?!

Russell Brand
* Here is Russell, rehearsing. Religiously. Righteously. I'm sorry, that wasn't even good alliteration. Click here to see Mr. Brand rehearsing for the VMAs, of which he was the only good bit. Well, he and Lady Gaga's clothes.

Politics
* I think we, as a species, can all get together and agree that this dude (whose name I can say, but have seen spelled - I'm not joking - fourteen different ways THIS MORNING, and I'm not bothering) is batshit crazy insane, and his little hat freaks me out:

Also anyone who comes out REMOTELY in support of the the Taliban is not going to make friends with anyone. And could someone explain why he wanted a tent in New Jersey? And where he got his Big Pimpin' fur coat? This man is frightening and incoherent. He will soon have a reality show, and they'll cancel, I don't know, Glee to make room for it. DO NOT CANCEL GLEE. EVER.

Food
* Doctors found a piece of a Wendy's spoon stuck in some guy's lung. Dude. I know you're hungry, but chewing the food helps. You can't tell me that someone who properly masticates would NOT have felt the hunk of SPOON going down their lung. At least he's not suing them. I appreciate that. It is in NO WAY Wendy's fault that you INHALED A PIECE OF SPOON.

Celebrity!Fail
* I know there is something inherently cyclical and hypocritical about blogging over how sick I am of Jon and Kate Plus 8 and all the drama, especially since I don't care. I do, however, care about this:

[Found at D-Listed]
I care very much about hair. And this is very bad hair. I know she's a single mom with a small herd of spawn, and her husband is a tool, but there is no excuse for hair like that. Even Lady Gaga is looking at you, shaking her head and thinking, 'Shit, that is some BAD HAIR.'
I feel better now.

Flash Forward
* My friend asked me how I organized my categories. I don't. They sort of take over, and I have way too many. But with TV categories, I tend to file them under TeeVee until they air. Or if I don't watch them. So now you know.

* Flash Forward is premiering tonight. Are we excited? It's supposed to be very good, and it has an excellent cast, and is written by David S. Goyer, and this is enough to ensure my viewership for at least a few episodes. Here is a clip - the first 17 minutes of the show, to be precise - in case you're still on the fence. I have not watched it, because I already know I'm watching it tonight. It's my only Thursday show, I think. I'm trying to cut down. I DO like to leave the house, sometimes.

Zombies
* Zombie babies. Zombie short movies. More zombie babies. And you people think there's nothing to be afraid of. HAHA.

Apocalypse How?
* This is why I should NEVER read the news:

New virus from rats can kill 80 per cent of human victims

It's in South Africa, but I have pet rats! PANIC ON THE STREETS. And I have a cold/sinus infection/swine flu. Well, it's been nice knowing you all. AVENGE ME.

If it's not the zombies, rats, bad haircuts, or diseases that get me, it will be the vegans. Always, the vegans. Or, you know, nuclear holocaust. That's scary too.
- LV

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