Alan Moore Can Build A Snowman Out Of Rain.

Life* EVERYTHING IS FINE. LET US ALL NOT PANIC AND GO ABOUT THEIR LIVES.Doctor Who* NOOOOOooooOOOOOOOOoooo. Etc. People I Dislike* As if you needed one more reason to hate Facebook, one of the backers thinks us women with our simple brains and icky lady-bits should not be allowed to vote. TV* We're tiny/We're toony/We're all a little Looney... This show was way too advanced for kids. It was also sometimes brilliant. But WHY is
still not out on DVD, hmm? Because life is cruel, my friends, and the universe HATES you and thinks your pants are STUPID. Um, anyway, Tiny Tune Adventures is on DVD, and you should buy it, because it was great and reminds me of my youth.Depression Session* Everyone wants to save money these days, because there is none left and we are all DOOMED I tell you, DOOMED. But if you DON'T want to save money, go here, and you will see how stupid people are. Hint: Not bathing may save you money for a while, but eventually you will have to pay professionals to crack the shell of filth covering your body.Music* Bob Dylan is the harbinger of doom. That's cool. I saw him in concert, and when he played 'All Along The Watchtower,' it was like, 'If there is a God, he was made in Dylan's image' and I screamed at a girl for not standing up and showing him respect, but I was overwrought. His new CD is out, and I'm going to buy it, with my imaginary money (my credit card) and listen to it in my car, where I will have to live when I run out of money. And Bob Dylan predicted ALL OF IT.Tattoo Of Win* Did you know Hitler loved unicorns? [Found at LOLTATZ]And that he had a stuffed unicorn named Mr. Wickle? And that he ran all his major decisions past the unicorn? Mr. Wickle was a racist little shit.Books* Tim Burton has a book coming out of his drawings/doodles/art. It will be weird and sad and funny and touching, and you will love it until it is mercilessly co-opted by the asinine Hot Topic crowd and turned into T-Shirts and wristbands and bumper stickers, and then you will be forced to hate it. But will still secretly buy it online, and marvel at its awesome. Food* See, the problem with candy bars with company logos on them is that I don't care. It's chocolate. I make peanut butter cups every holiday season. It's not hard. It's not like using LASERS to brand meat or anything. So I am not impressed. I will eat your pathetic chocolate offerings, but I will not endorse your company.[Found at StrangeNewProducts]Words Of Win[Found at FunPic]Crazy Awesome* Did you know sometimes actress all-time mad warrior queen Bai Ling has a blog? And she talks about things beyond my ken? Here is an excerpt.

Naked, the nakedness that you can not see, the nakedness that you can almost feel, feel on the other side of the screen floating the nakedness that is you and your flame of thoughts, color and romance, want to be free, on the cliff, almost fall......

Run to her, like the wind of sunshine and string and you will dance with the monkey and his cap.Twitter* Aww, the Republicans are fighting on Twitter. Is there ANYTHING less dignified than actually fighting on Twitter? I do not want to be some crotchety old internet fogey who re-remembers the message boards as bastions of rationality. Seriously, Meghan McCain and Erick Erickson fighting? As humiliating as a comments-war on MySpace.Comics* Good article on which comic legends are true, and which are FILTHY LIES. Did you know that when Alan Moore is displeased, Warren Ellis flays a writer from
and feeds bits of them to Garth Ennis until all are sated of their bloodlust? That is TRUE. Except for the lie.TwiHateOH GOD MY EYES.[Found at io9]SO MUCH STRATEGIC PUBESCENT SHIRTLESSNESS. SO MUCH CAREFULLY STAGED 'SEXINESS' THAT LEAVES YOU COLD. SO. MUCH. NIPPLES. SO MUCH HIDEOUS SHORTS AND PHONY BACKGROUNDS. IT'S TOO MUCH. TOO MUCH. THE WEREWOLVES' NIPPLES, THEY HURT ME. OH GOD MY EYES THEY WON'T STOP BLEEDING.Movies* I like X-Men comics, and I like Wolverine as a character and I like pretty much everyone involved in this production, but there are only two reasons I am going to see the movie, and they are both attached to Hugh Jackman's shoulders:[Found at ComicBookResources]Yep. Them's some arms. Them's GOOD ARMS. Yes. There is a reason why all the freaking X-Men movies were just prequels to this prequel. Because of those arms. Although it still doesn't explain why everything bad ever always happens to poor Cyclops, or why Rogue was so annoying.WTF, INTERNET?* This was originally under the heading 'Technology,' but let's not kid ourselves: This shit is FUCKED right the hell UP. [Found at DVICE]Here's what it is: You lie in bed, while your partner/wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/sikrit luvah lies in another bed/hotel/prison cell far away. You yearn for them. So you put on your Special ring, and using technology I do not understand at all that involves a projector, you can see where they are lying in their bed, and they can see where you are lying on yours, using LIGHTS, and then you draw LIGHT-touches on where their body would be, if you weren't TERRIBLY ALONE, and the LIGHTS tell you how hard they're touching you and you CARESS the light and then you FUCK THE LIGHT. This is NOT OK. This is masturbating with a Lite Brite. GOD. Light does not like you that way. I'm sorry.- LVPS Now I miss my Lite-Brite. NOT IN THAT WAY. Perverts, all of you.

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Alan Moore Eats The Core Of An Apple First.

Life* My stomach hurts terribly, I'm exhausted, it's gross out, I bought a car yesterday (I'm financing it, obviously) and I'm worried I'm going to get FIRED today, which would mean essentially that I'd have to LIVE in the car, and while I like my new car, I do not want to live in it. Or any other car. So, keep all that in mind while I write.Politics* OK, I try not to get especially serious on this blog, because life is serious enough and I don't want anyone to think for a second that I have any comprehension of Serious Issues, but SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS:Virginia Foxx is the opposite of humanity. I agree with everything Olbermann said (and he's very hit or miss with me). She is disgusting, and should be ashamed of herself. I can't even make jokes about this. It's disgusting. She is a hideous sham of the human condition. OK, now on with the funny!Serial Killers* Dude, if this is true, WHAT THE HELL? Zodiac Killer is one of the most interesting serial killers (because they're interesting, and scary, and I'm nut justifying myself, OK?!) and the movie Zodiac had Robert Downey, Jr. being awesome and a journalist and badly dressed, and was David Fincher's scariest movie since Se7en, so yeah, read this and remember the terror.Swine Flu* Apparently, it's all Susan Boyle's fault:

'I'm not saying Susan Boyle caused swine flu. I'm just saying that nobody had swine flu, she sang on TV, people got swine flu.'

I think this is funny, OK? It's stupid, and I'm sure a lot of people are terribly offended, but it's still funny. I mean, Limbaugh and Bachmann think Obama causes earthquakes. We need to laugh. And then read The Stand and be TERRIFIED.Light[Found at DVICE]LOOK THAT THIS MOTHERFUCKING LAMP! IT IS WOOD, BITCHES, FROM TREES THAT WE CUT DOWN. AND IT FUCKING LIGHTS UP A ROOM AND IS SIX FEET TALL, A FULL FOOT TALLER THAN SOME BLOGGERS. AND IT HAS LITTLE METAL WEIGHTS AND YOU COULD SHANK A BITCH WITH THIS PIECE OF FURNITURE. THIS DECOR WILL SAY, 'HELLO WORLD, I AM AN INTELLECTUAL ARTISTIC TYPE AND I WILL FUCK YOU UP IF YOU BE DISRESPECTING EDWARD GOREY.' ULTRA-STYLISH AND ULTRAVIOLENT? YOU BET YOUR SWEET LAMP-LOVING ASS.American Psycho* Apparently today is serial killer day. I wish I'd worn my hat. Anyway, our serial killers are far less interesting than the ones of yore. I mean, this guy is just kind of a perverted tool. Serial killers are supposed to be SCARY. Ted Bundy was scary. John Wayne Gacy was SUPER scary, because he sometimes dressed up as a clown, and OMG. This guy? He had a website about his upcoming wedding. Not scary. Not scary at all. Massive Fail. (I don't LIKE serial killers. I don't think anyone should die, ever. But there ARE going to be crazed killers, unless life changes a lot very quickly, so it might as well inspire FEAR and confusion, right? OK, I'll shut up now.)Cars* I like cars, especially since I bought a car yesterday (which I love, but probably won't post pictures of, because it's a car, and also because the financing may KILL me, because cars are frigging expensive). I do not, however, like this car. [Found at DVICE]It looks like the cars from Minority Report. Ergo, I expect to see Tom Cruise sitting on the hood screaming, 'SEE VALKYRIE ON DVD' sometime soon. [Found at BeConfused]Fashion Fail* FUCKING NO. I HAVE FOUGHT THE UGLY SWEATER BATTLE FOR YEARS. YOU DO NOT MAKE THAT TRENDY AGAIN. NO NO NO.[Found at Style]Movies* This is old, but should be watched every day, regardless of what is going on in your life. This is way better than the original:[Found at SlashFilm]Also, did you ever see the edited TV version of From Dusk 'Till Dawn? It's pretty wonderful. The person who dubbed over Tarantino and Clooney's lines was a woman, or in the process of becoming one. I need to find a clip. TwiHate* I wish this were true. I really, really do. I wish that Twilight was being sued for everything, and was gone from my awareness. I wish I could be angry about Important Issues, instead of nancy-boy vampires who cry silver tears. So this lie is cruel. Very, very cruel. Quit playing games with my heart, internet.Comics* Here's an interview with Alan Moore, who really needs to relax a little, and stop being so cranky. Then again, it's hard being a genius. And I'm afraid of him and his beard. So forget I said anything. The interview is about is about the new League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which is no longer suckish.Celebrity Crush* Russell Brand is my imaginary boyfriend (Hunter Thompson is my imaginary late husband, and since Jackie Earle Haley, Hugh Laurie, and Robert Downey, Jr. are all happily married, I cannot be their imaginary wives, obviously. Also, I am insane). Also, this is why my friend Arre is right, and everything is better in Australia.Image Of Win* People are FUCKED UP.Food* Here is a non-bacon article! The ten best grilled cheese sandwiches, which should be in front of me right now.[Found at WomansDay]Books* I like books. I like Ricky Gervais. I like Flanimals. I like 3-D. I like movies. I have nothing bad to say about this. And Flanimals are effing ADORABLE:[Found at SlashFilm]WTF, INTERNET?* I have to confess, I am not generally amused by novelty candy. I want my candy to be delicious, not ironic or humorous. And I see a lot of weird candy, since I have a little brother with a serious sugar addiction. Most of it is just stupid as shit, and not very funny. This, however, is just disgusting:[Found at Neatorama]Yes, it's candy. Blood and urine candy. This is not funny. It's stupid at best, disgusting at worst. It's lemon and cherry. I do not want. IT'S NOT FUNNY. Imagine the conversation with someone.'I see you staring at me in disgust. Boy, did I trick you! It's not urine at all! It's CANDY.''I know. I was staring at you because you're a fool. You spent money on that. To be honest, I'd appreciate it more if you were drinking actual urine. Show some courage, man. Also, I replaced the fluid in your containers. You're welcome.OK, got to go to work. Let's all hope I do not get fired. That would be very, very bad. Epically bad. Also, I don't have enough alcohol to justify running naked up my street screaming 'WHAT HAPPENED TO THE AMERICAN DREAM?' and beating people with the Chair Leg of Truth. If you know both those references, I will give you a cookie. An internet cookie. I am scared of work. I really can't afford to be unemployed. HAHA. Oh, damn it.- LV

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Bill Gates Lives In Constant Fear That Alan Moore's PC Will Crash.

People I Dislike* Yet I sort of love this picture, because I cannot even begin to imagine the sheer dizzying intellect of their conversations. And because they are all SUCH TOOLS:[Found at Gawker]Also, I secretly sort of hoped that Blago's hair would eat Spencer. Religion* As if you needed any more proof that people from Florida are batshit, this is their new vanity license plate:[Found at Wonkette]If I found myself driving behind this car, I would ram into it. Over and over. Not because I am against religion (I am indifferent, which is much easier) but because the image is scary, and I'd need to make it go away. Depression Session* This has me filled with conflict. For, you see, once upon a time (as longtime readers of this blog would know, if there were any) I lived in New York City on ninth and third, surrounded by giant cockroaches that plotted world domination and a rat that ATE a cat, AFTER screwing it to death. Anyway, despite the fact that I was broke and starving and living in a basement apartment with no windows and INSANE, and working at Barnes & Nobles, I drank at one of these Starbucks ever day, because people kept giving my gift cards, thinking all I needed in life was a grande non-fat caramel macchiato. I hated Starbucks, and the uber-hipsters that reigned. Yet this makes me sad, because it was always a funny joke, that one Starbucks was next to the other Starbucks, and also I knew the people who worked there, and if STARBUCKS is in trouble, then it's really Game Over, Man.Tattoo Of Win[Found at LolTatz]Books* Here are the Locus Award Winners. I want a Locus. Or a book deal. Or more coffee.Food* It's official: Bacon is the most perfect food, ever. Spread the word and eat up. It cures hangovers, and makes you tall and sexy, and if you eat enough you grow wings and fly. It's on the internet, so it's true.Moment of Win [Found at FunPic]I almost feel bad for this lunatic. He must be SO TIRED at the end of every day, having to hate so many people. I'm especially puzzled by his hatred of 'Ankle Biters.' But I don't want to get close enough to ASK him. Also, I may love Random Dude Pointing At The Sign.Zombies* With the Zombie Apocalypse Swine Flu making everyone a little nutty, sometimes you just need to own an object that can stake people at a distance:[Found at CrunchGear]This thing would go great with my leather jacket and black jeans, and yes this is how I think, why can't I look good while eliminating the undead threat? No reason at all, airtight logic, now go and fetch me this.Celebrity Crush* Jackie Earle Haley, AKA Rorschach, is so effing cute in real life that it's hard to believe he so effectively played a guy who drowned midgets in toilets (or worse). Anyway, on his official website, which I may visit every day, WHAT OF IT, he talks about his inner Freddy, thanks the Rorschach fans, posts some pictures, and concludes with this:

Thanks ya’ll… okay, I’m gonna go stare at the shiny bean thing.

What loser would like Zac Efron when you could be adoring this guy? Stupid people. [Found at JackieEarleHaley]Note: He looks like Big Figure because he's taking a picture of his reflection in the Shiny Bean. He did not shrink.Politics* Jon Stewart, with his sardonic eyebrows and wisdom, is scaring the shit out of everyone else who has to appear on TV, ever. I actually get this. If Jon Stewart yelled at me the way he yelled at Bowtie-Doofus a few years ago, I would never stop crying, and would eventually drown in a sea of Tiny Tears.

Jon Stewart on Crossfire | Viral | SPIKE.com

Comics* Steven Grant has written a great article on the crime genre of comics, and 100 Bullets, and WHY DO I NOT HAVE A JOB LIKE THIS? OK, sorry. Just had a moment of bitter, BUT THE SMILES ARE BACK! Now I'm scared.TwiHate* See, if Twilight was like this, I might love it:OK, I would still despise it, but at least it would be FUNNY and not cause quite the same level of MADNESS. Or worse, maybe it would.Twitter* I have tried playing the Terminator: Salvation Twitter game, and I do not get it. I am either too stupid for it, or it just sucks. Both are options. While I appreciate the effort to use Twitter as a marketing tool, the Tweets from the Resistance kind of make me wish the robots would win, which I don't think is the angle the creators are going for. OR ARE THEY?!Movies* You know what? Screw you, Tom Hanks. Stop this shit. Dan Brown hasn't even published the goddamn book yet, which I expect will be intellectual diarrhea and smug bullshit and manage to confuse a lot of people about things like history and religion, and I will GUESS the ending in the first chapter, even though I am famously bad at guessing endings of anything, and Tom Hanks will look old and puffy and have a bad toupee, and lose whatever goodwill remains from his under-appreciated turn in Catch Me If You Can, which I love, and Ron Howard, if I put up with all this bullshit and you DON'T make Arrested Development: The Movie, the economy will roll over and die, because HAVEN'T WE SUFFERED ENOUGH?!Technology* I am banned from buying this, ever. If I had an application for my imaginary iPhone that talked about all the diseases I could have, I would never get out of bed. I am the sort of person who goes, 'Hm. My toe hurts. I must have toe cancer.' Then by the end of the day I forget, because I know I don't have Toe Cancer, but WHAT IF I DID? So while all knowledge is good, in my book, maybe in this one instance, the knowledge of how your body can flip you the bird and KILL YOU might not be in my best interests. Ads* This is pretty clever:[Found at AdFreak]BMW basically pissed all over Audi, and the economy pissed on both of them, so we are all losers, except whoever thought up the BMW ad, who is a fucking genius I wish to love.Swine Panic* Michele Bachmann says some crazy shit about how Democratic presidents cause pandemics, which is pretty much what Rush Limbaugh already accused Obama of doing, so she's crazy AND boring, which must be hard.Want* I need this organizer desperately, for my desk at work:[Found at DVICE]I will pretend I'm a pilot for Serenity, and that Wash is still alive and that Firefly wasn't cancelled, and I will be happy. Until I get fired for spending all my time crashing my desk into the wall and screaming, 'I AM A LEAF ON THE WIND, BITCH.' Then crying because Wash was my favorite. WTF, INTERNET?* I just don't know, anymore:[Found at WorldsBestEver]On one hand, awesome. I mean, it is a wee tiny gun that you wear as jewelry, and tiny bullets are adorable AND deadly, and this could be a good emergency reserve for zombie attacks, even if you shouldn't RELY on it.On the other hand, it's pretty ugly, and looks heavy, and I can imagine pseudo-intellectual hipsters wearing this in coffee shops and, during impassioned defenses of The Dav Vinci Code, accidentally shooting the barista. On second thought, I retract my complaints. We all need the entertainment.Yesterday was a Good Day, because Rorschach fans are loyal and awesome, and make me happy, as I am among their numbers. I may post more images, or take a short Watchmen break and watch my numbers plummet, because it's FUNNY, only not.Also, I reread From Hell last night, and fucking god: you read that, you never want to write anything ever again, because really, WHAT'S THE POINT?New comics day. Keep me away from my wallet.Have to walk to work, because I will not be able to borrow the car, because the universe hates me, or because I can't plan my life accordingly.- LV

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Alan Moore Counted To Infinity. Twice.

Watchman Images: Rorschach Images, Part IINote: I TOLD YOU. I was going to do this later today, but I have to do real stuff later, and I would be punished by the Inkblot Gods if I held off on this post for another day. Also Rorschach's Unholy Hurm Army (patent pending) would mess me up, for reals. So here's MORE. I hope I get it all in. Part III might destroy the fabric of the universe. That would be bad. So here are more Rorschach images, macros, fanart, everything Rorschach that is good in the world. I made none of it. I just save. If you want credit for something you made, tell me, and I will honor your talent in the appropriate way.PS For personal reasons, I have decided that Rorschach's secret nickname for Laurie was 'Whorie.' This makes me laugh.I cannot believe I actually posted this. I am a cold, cruel little bitch.Really?....OK.Rorschach is going to hurt me for this. HURT ME SO BAD.Someone tried to make Rorschach his prison bitch. His eyeballs were never found, and his spleen was located in a field in New Jersey.I want this. But A) I already have a Rorschach shirt, and B) I have a Rorschach tattoo. The state of New Jersey forbids any more Watchmen purchases in my name. Stupid laws.Missed Career #78: Priest of JUSTICE.This is unfortunately too big to post in its entirety, but you NEED to go read this if you love Rorschach, or action figures, or genius. Here's ONE FRAME of the awesome:'Well, Mr. Rorschach, sir, we ran out yesterday... and... you're going to beat me with the tray now, aren't you?'The mask looks like a sock without the inkblots. A SEX SOCK. Oh, wow.There is literally NOTHING I can say here.Homemade flame-throwers ALWAYS bring the funny.My future unborn children will play with this toy. They will be strange and disliked by their peers, and grow to resent me.Tiny Rorschach is TINY! And unbalanced. And babysitting him would be like the seventh circle of hell.What does this mean, exactly? What else could he possibly be OH MY GOD I JUST GOT IT.I agree with Daniel. Well, that was delightful. And disturbing. And may not be the end, because I have more images hidden on my computer because NOTHING ever ends. If you have any more Rorschach images, email them to me at elle.veev@gmail.com or veeandloathing@gmail.com.There. Did what had to be done.- LV

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Alan Moore's Tears Cure Cancer. Too Bad He Has Never Cried.

TwiHate* Hello. My name is Elle, and I'm here today to talk to you about Twilight contact lenses. Prove your fandom is eternal, and make someone fall in love with your penetrating yellow eyes!These are the golden eyes of Edward, bastion of all perfection in male. You can have YOUR boyfriend wear them, and pretend he is someone else! Don't have a boyfriend? No problem! Put on the contacts, and stare at yourself in the mirror and pretend you are not terribly, terribly alone. Like Edward. Edward would understand your unique pain.Have a bad streak? Then try out these contacts, and you can pretend to be James, one of the Vampires Who Fails To Be Edward. He is evil, because he eats people and tries to BREAK UP BELLA AND EDWARD YOU CAN'T STOP THEIR LOVE. But if you like some danger in your life, pick up these red contacts, which will in no way hinder your social or professional life! Twilight forever!Relationships* Valentine's Day sucks. We can all agree on that, yes? But may we just need some honesty in our commercial displays of affection:[Found at Cracked]Then again, maybe not.Fashion* When I showed this picture to my friend Arre, her first response was, 'That dude is so gay":[Found at GoFugYourself]This is very funny for a lot of reasons.Comics* Oh, Sherlock Holmes in comic form, you join all my loves together, and I cannot wait to make you mine, as you so desperately need to be. And you are easy on the eyes:[Found at Newsarama]Leah Moore is writing it (I WANT HER LIFE), and Aaron Douglas' art is kind of perfect. And I think it's out tomorrow. TO THE COMIC SHOP: AWAY!Bad Life Choices* Barack Obama or Tim Roth? Fox went with the latter, because English accents and snark always beat out real political figures, no matter how badass they may be. Or maybe they just HATE Barack Obama, which is why they have decided to air "Lie To Me" instead of the President's address. File this under Bad Life Choices.Depression Session* This is a funny/terrifying analysis of how America is changing to deal with the economy, and why we're all screwed, and how we're adapting. Also how nobody is moving, and college is pointless, and you should sell all your fancy shit online before nobody is out there to buy it. Why so serious?Girly Shit* This is some lipstick I want, because it is pretty:[Found at MakeupAndBeautyBlog]Also because all MY makeup is so old that is has become a uniform green color, and while I love the Swamp Thing comics, I have no desire to emulate his aesthetic sensibilities.We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.Tattoos* A great article on tattoo regret, how to avoid it, and such other pressing issues. By these standards, both my tattoos are WIN. As if you ever had any doubt. Tattoo Of Win* Speaking of tattoo regrets, this is a tattoo no one should ever regret, because WTF?[Found at LolTatz]This picture appears on the internet a lot, but it's worth showing again. There is a LOT going on here. Not only is it Patrick Swayze, and not only is he a freaking CENTAUR (and who hasn't dreamt of him putting Baby in the corner and then having Baby muck out his stall and clean his hooves?) Plus the purple rainclouds and the rainbows. And how could we forget the sleeveless tuxedo? Clearly, this Centaur-Swayze is ready to party AND fuck people up. Well played, random tattooed person.Books* Oh, fucking hell. Orson Scott Card is supporting those NOM lunatics with the ridiculous ads who basically don't want anyone to have any rights, unless they are white and straight and Republican? WHY?! Mr. Card, you wrote Ender's Game. You are an integral part of my childhood. So why the fucktard? Explain, please. This whole thing makes me so sad. Because while you are entitled to your opinion on this matter, even if it goes against my own beliefs, alining yourself with a bunch of hysterical shit-kickers makes me want to seriously discuss your mental health.* This is Russell Brand's website. According to it, he is working on Booky Wook 2. I am all tingly. Also, you should follow him on Twitter, because the daily dose of funny/sexy/sunny/fexy/FIERCE HAIR will keep you strong during tough times.Food* Why does it always have to be bacon? I eat bacon every morning, and I love it and it is delicious, and bacon on a sandwich raises it to orgasmic levels, but why does every food post involve bacon? Why aren't there other foods that inspire such devotion? And who looks at bacon and thinks, 'Strawberry-flavored gummis'?:[Found at Geekologie]Bacon: A mysterious and delicious invention.Words Of Win[Found at JustWhatever]Zombies* Swine flu? Or just a clever cover-up for the ZOMBIFICATION of our world?! see more pwn and owned picturesTHE WRITING IS ON THE WALL. ARM YOURSELVES. IT'S ALREADY HERE.The Crazy* I love actress Bai Ling, because she is NUTS. She's not pretending to be insane, she is, and yet she is allowed to wander around among normal people, and sometimes SPEAK to them, and wear outfits that frighten and confuse those of us without her intellect. Here is an interview with her. Did you know she's going to win an Oscar? ALL THE OSCARS? And then she will grind them up and sprinkle them in her hair and wrap herself in the Red Carpet and wear it to the Grammy's. Also, a little spirit inside her is crazy and demands that she wear Band Aids of Truth. I COULD NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP. Politics* In case you doubted that Bill O'Reilly is completely and utterly full of shit, read this. Does Bill not understand how history works? Or cameras? OR REALITY? WHY IS THIS MORNING SO CONFUSING AND SHOUTY?!Movies* Oh, Michael Cera, you are all that is cute and awkward, and if I had dated someone like in high school instead of the guys I actually dated, I would be a happier person today. So I will go see your new movie, which is a quasi-documentary about Love, and I will continue to support you. But if you in ANY way prevent Arrested Development from reincarnating itself as the Best Movie Ever, I will yell about you constantly online, and sharpen weapons. And cry. And sue you for making me cry. Neither of us need such complications. You are so delightfully awkward! [Found at SlashFilm]Shit, how much younger than me ARE you?WTF, INTERNET?* This is not new, but it is real, and people have purchased it. This handy flowchart explains how, if you do not reserve a spot in heaven, you will obviously end up in hell:[Found at StrangeNewProducts]THIS IS REAL. And there are different classes of heaven-bound people. And... oh, my god. I have to directly quote these people:

Discounts We can offer group discounts on parties larger than 10. If you would like to make a reservation for a larger party then Contact Us and we will work with you to make sure you are taken care of.

This exclusive package contains all necessary materials to get you into Heaven and experience all of the elite areas that are normally off-limits to normal citizens. If you want the entire Heaven experience then this is your package. Heavenly issued certificate of reservation registered in the Book of Light™ A First class ticket to Heaven. Why walk those stairs when you can fly? The Official Heaven Identification Card (laminated) so you can get around without getting hassled. Heaven 101 mini informational guide. Don’t be a victim of culture shock. Get acquainted with the land.. All access VIP pass (laminated). This pass will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Land of Milk and Honey and Thug Mansion, where all the elite get together and kick it.

I think it's a joke. I hope it's a joke. I REALLY, really do. Because if it is, haha, funny, OK. But come on - there are at least a few people out there who buy into this. And THAT is why our species is doomed to extinction.Later today will be more Rorschach images. Contain your excitement, IF YOU CAN.- LVba

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