The internets is very busy this morning. So much. I could blog ALL FREAKING DAY. But I shan't, as I have work and stuff to do. So remember, later today will be more Watchmen quotes and images (featuring our favorite sexually dysfunctional superhero!). Right now, here's what's going on in the webs:
Music
* Some people have weird ways of expressing their art. Here are 30 banned album covers, back when we still HAD physical containers for music. I really miss CDs. And cassettes! Who else had cassettes? I had an Eric Clapton cassette, and would play it all the time on my Big Bird tape player. Now the car doesn't even HAVE a tape deck. Anyway, is this not disturbing?:
[Found at NoiseAddicts by Arre]
I'm not even offended, just confused and a little scared. The Scorpions need to EXPLAIN this to me.
Tattoos
* Oh, irony, you sexy vixen. Why is this so funny to me? Now the Chinese are getting English tattoos. Soon the Russians will be getting... I don't know, Spanish tattoos, because why the fuck not? Everything's all higgeldy-piggeldy. This is why you should not get tattoos in a language you do not speak. So all my future tattoos must be in English, or latin. I am cool with that. Because while you may snicker at the errors in someone's English tattoo, be sure to check your own Chinese/Japanese/Sanskrit/Non-English tattoo. You SURE it says, "Love and Faith," and not, "Hey asshole! Come mug me! I want to be your prison bitch!"
Books
* This is a wonderful analysis of The Metamorphosis, which I still consider a freaking sad book. And terrifying. So terrifying. If I woke up as a giant bug, I'd never stop screaming. The whole book would be, "Ahhhhhhh...." for seventy five pages, until I blacked out from lack of oxygen. The sequel would be more of the same, only with cursing! Also, I personally do not believe that Samsa turned into a cockroach. Because the cockroaches in my apartment were about that size, and NEVER responded when you spoke to them.
Alcohol
* America needs these, now. All over the place. They pump booze in the air, and you get drunk by BREATHING. This could end life as we know it. Nobody will ever do anything again, ever. We will all sit in rooms and breathe ourselves into a blackout. It will be a peaceful time in our history. And even I can afford $7/hour. But then again, I'm a lightweight. I'd hiccup or cough, and drop dead, thus ruining everyone's fun.
Um... Kay
* I do not know who sent me this article about some guy failing to get some other guy's wife pregnant, then getting SUED for failing to knock up another man's wife, then finding out that his OWN two kids with HIS wife were fathered by some other dude. It's in my files, though. So, yeah.
Moment Of Win
see more pwn and owned pictures
Zombies
* FINALLY, another zombie movie to look forward to. Why the hell are there no zombie movies out? It's a conspiracy... OH MY GOD THEY GOT HOLLYWOOD. SAVE HUGH LAURIE! Also, empty streets with strewn garbage will always be unsettling:
[Found at SlashFilm]
People I Dislike
* This pretty much sums up everything I could say about Lady Gaga. And I've never listened to a single song of hers, because if I liked it I'd probably have to kill someone, and nobody needs that. Look, you are not Andy Warhol, who is the only person I can think of who could pull this sort of shit off. Your whole life is not art. Or if it is, it's pretentious, masturbatory art. And put on some pants. PANTYHOSE ARE NOT PANTS. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR PANTYHOSE. Even leggings are fine. I wear leggings. Leggings are GREAT. But put on a pair of pants, and stop making me angry. At least she's wearing a skirt in these pictures.
Want
* This has nothing to do with anything, but they are PIGGY SPEAKERS. It reminds me of Invader Zim, in the first season or two before it got cancelled, and the piggies were everywhere and made my heart sing with joy:
[Found at dVice]
I want this to be a SCOOTER. I want to ride this shit everywhere. LOOK AT THE PIGGY. Wait... it's eyes are freaking me out, upon further inspection. My piggy is STONED out of his little skull. I still would like ten, please.
Politics
(I have a lot of these links, so one-liners only, to catch up with news that's actually happening now)
* Michele Bachmann has a dog, and is out of her fucking mind, and Wonkette seeks to exploit this, for LOLs.
* The near-dead geriatrics are ARMED now, and coming to shoot you, if you are ANYWAY near Stockton.
* The people at FOX learn an important and valuable lesson about sexuality, prison, and why everyone keeps giggling when someone says, 'tea-bagging.'
* This is why we are going to have class wars, because rich people are complaining about NOT BEING RICH ENOUGH. They don't feel rich. Then they dab their eyes with fifties instead of hundreds, and only have ONE serf blowing them instead of two, and eat LOCAL caviar, and wonder how they will ever survive these tough, tough times.
* The malls in New Jersey are all going bankrupt, and soon I will have nowhere to stand around being bored. Watch Mallrats and remember simpler times.
* We as a nation have lost our minds, and are going to shit the everloving shit out of each other, and become a nation descended into anarchy, etc.
Movies
* I love Michael Chabon's books, and Wonder Boys was a great movie (and Michael Douglas should have been nominated for an Oscar, and Robert Downey, Jr. was GLORIOUS, and even Katie Holmes didn't ruin everything!), so him writing scripts is cool by me. Now I can't help but wondering if The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay is ever coming out. I loved me that book.
* OK, I was excited about The Hobbit, in the 'I'm not a psycho fan and I only saw the movies once, but they were badass and I think the books were great, and so I'll definitely see this when it comes out' sort of way. But NOT when it gets in the way of Hellboy III. RON PERLMAN IS NOT IMMORTAL (that we know of). He is 58 years old. WE ARE ON A DEADLINE WITH THESE MOVIES. It's the same problem with Alan Rickman playing Snape in the Harry Potter movies (SHUT UP) - the character is supposed to be 37 in the newest film. Alan Rickman is 63. He will be in a WHEELCHAIR by the last movie. And Ron Perlman has a far more physical role. He's got to pummel the SHIT out of bad guys. And I love him, and Ron Perlman is GOD, so finish the goddamn Hobbit and make Hellboy III, because I want to see TINY HELLBOYS and... OK, that was a lot of geekery, even for me. What can I say? There are worse things to be.
WTF, INTERNET?
* I did this once, around three in the morning, and waved my foot in my friend's face shrieking, "LOOK! My toes are HAPPY to see you!" Then I laughed for about forty-five minutes, because I was drunk and hadn't slept in two days and it was college, and everything was funny. This is how I felt the next day:
[Found at LikeCool]
* THIS is how robots will take over. By scaring us all so badly that we are pinned in the corners of our rooms screeching until death is a RELIEF. This dude found a dead bug and filled it with machine bits. And yes, it is beautiful and intricate and fascinating, but IT'S A DEAD BUG WITH METAL IN IT. What happens when the bugs come back to life, and seek vengeance?
[Found at LikeCool]
So, I've had more coffee and calmed down, and decided that these bugs all look like they are from Hellboy II: The Golden Army, or like a pet Tim Burton would have, so I am OK with them now, as long as they stay the HELL away from me.
* This is another form of Birth Control. If Russell Brand wore one of these, I would... well, I'd cry, and be shamed, and pretend I never liked him, ever.
[Found at LikeCool]
This makes me want to vomit out of every orifice, for so many reasons. Because you know there are at least a few guys out there who used this in a non-ironic way. Like, they REALLY thought that this would get them laid. And they were excited. And when the aliens dig through the wreckage of our society and find one of these things, they will look at the destruction and death around them, and they will understand.
* This is a sign for a woman's bathroom.
[Found at JustWhatever]
I have been called horrible names in my life, but "Scared Weeing Bunny" is a new one.
I know I promised a Twilight rant on my Twitter, and I WILL, very soon (maybe even today), but I have to be sufficiently caffeinated to be coherent in my rage. But oh, such wonders that I have to share with you. The horror will shock you into a coma. A coma of DAZZLE.
Ahem. Also, later today, DEFINITELY keep your eyes peeled (what does that phrase MEAN? It's always bothered me) for Watchmen quotes and images. Today is Daniel Dreiberg/Nite Owl II Day, and you know what that means: Endless bad jokes about crying naked in the basement, because I cannot get past that scene, because it is HILARIOUS. No, I love Dan. Dan's a good guy. WEAK, but a good.... This is for later. Anyway, if you have any links/images/quotes that you want posted about Nite Owl II, please send them to me at veeandloathing@gmail.com, or elle.veev@gmail.com.
I'm saving Rorschach for later in the week, for AMERICA. Or something.
- LV
Music
* Some people have weird ways of expressing their art. Here are 30 banned album covers, back when we still HAD physical containers for music. I really miss CDs. And cassettes! Who else had cassettes? I had an Eric Clapton cassette, and would play it all the time on my Big Bird tape player. Now the car doesn't even HAVE a tape deck. Anyway, is this not disturbing?:
[Found at NoiseAddicts by Arre]
I'm not even offended, just confused and a little scared. The Scorpions need to EXPLAIN this to me.
Tattoos
* Oh, irony, you sexy vixen. Why is this so funny to me? Now the Chinese are getting English tattoos. Soon the Russians will be getting... I don't know, Spanish tattoos, because why the fuck not? Everything's all higgeldy-piggeldy. This is why you should not get tattoos in a language you do not speak. So all my future tattoos must be in English, or latin. I am cool with that. Because while you may snicker at the errors in someone's English tattoo, be sure to check your own Chinese/Japanese/Sanskrit/Non-English tattoo. You SURE it says, "Love and Faith," and not, "Hey asshole! Come mug me! I want to be your prison bitch!"
Books
* This is a wonderful analysis of The Metamorphosis, which I still consider a freaking sad book. And terrifying. So terrifying. If I woke up as a giant bug, I'd never stop screaming. The whole book would be, "Ahhhhhhh...." for seventy five pages, until I blacked out from lack of oxygen. The sequel would be more of the same, only with cursing! Also, I personally do not believe that Samsa turned into a cockroach. Because the cockroaches in my apartment were about that size, and NEVER responded when you spoke to them.
Alcohol
* America needs these, now. All over the place. They pump booze in the air, and you get drunk by BREATHING. This could end life as we know it. Nobody will ever do anything again, ever. We will all sit in rooms and breathe ourselves into a blackout. It will be a peaceful time in our history. And even I can afford $7/hour. But then again, I'm a lightweight. I'd hiccup or cough, and drop dead, thus ruining everyone's fun.
Um... Kay
* I do not know who sent me this article about some guy failing to get some other guy's wife pregnant, then getting SUED for failing to knock up another man's wife, then finding out that his OWN two kids with HIS wife were fathered by some other dude. It's in my files, though. So, yeah.
Moment Of Win
see more pwn and owned pictures
Zombies
* FINALLY, another zombie movie to look forward to. Why the hell are there no zombie movies out? It's a conspiracy... OH MY GOD THEY GOT HOLLYWOOD. SAVE HUGH LAURIE! Also, empty streets with strewn garbage will always be unsettling:
[Found at SlashFilm]
People I Dislike
* This pretty much sums up everything I could say about Lady Gaga. And I've never listened to a single song of hers, because if I liked it I'd probably have to kill someone, and nobody needs that. Look, you are not Andy Warhol, who is the only person I can think of who could pull this sort of shit off. Your whole life is not art. Or if it is, it's pretentious, masturbatory art. And put on some pants. PANTYHOSE ARE NOT PANTS. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR PANTYHOSE. Even leggings are fine. I wear leggings. Leggings are GREAT. But put on a pair of pants, and stop making me angry. At least she's wearing a skirt in these pictures.
Want
* This has nothing to do with anything, but they are PIGGY SPEAKERS. It reminds me of Invader Zim, in the first season or two before it got cancelled, and the piggies were everywhere and made my heart sing with joy:
[Found at dVice]
I want this to be a SCOOTER. I want to ride this shit everywhere. LOOK AT THE PIGGY. Wait... it's eyes are freaking me out, upon further inspection. My piggy is STONED out of his little skull. I still would like ten, please.
Politics
(I have a lot of these links, so one-liners only, to catch up with news that's actually happening now)
* Michele Bachmann has a dog, and is out of her fucking mind, and Wonkette seeks to exploit this, for LOLs.
* The near-dead geriatrics are ARMED now, and coming to shoot you, if you are ANYWAY near Stockton.
* The people at FOX learn an important and valuable lesson about sexuality, prison, and why everyone keeps giggling when someone says, 'tea-bagging.'
* This is why we are going to have class wars, because rich people are complaining about NOT BEING RICH ENOUGH. They don't feel rich. Then they dab their eyes with fifties instead of hundreds, and only have ONE serf blowing them instead of two, and eat LOCAL caviar, and wonder how they will ever survive these tough, tough times.
* The malls in New Jersey are all going bankrupt, and soon I will have nowhere to stand around being bored. Watch Mallrats and remember simpler times.
* We as a nation have lost our minds, and are going to shit the everloving shit out of each other, and become a nation descended into anarchy, etc.
Movies
* I love Michael Chabon's books, and Wonder Boys was a great movie (and Michael Douglas should have been nominated for an Oscar, and Robert Downey, Jr. was GLORIOUS, and even Katie Holmes didn't ruin everything!), so him writing scripts is cool by me. Now I can't help but wondering if The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay is ever coming out. I loved me that book.
* OK, I was excited about The Hobbit, in the 'I'm not a psycho fan and I only saw the movies once, but they were badass and I think the books were great, and so I'll definitely see this when it comes out' sort of way. But NOT when it gets in the way of Hellboy III. RON PERLMAN IS NOT IMMORTAL (that we know of). He is 58 years old. WE ARE ON A DEADLINE WITH THESE MOVIES. It's the same problem with Alan Rickman playing Snape in the Harry Potter movies (SHUT UP) - the character is supposed to be 37 in the newest film. Alan Rickman is 63. He will be in a WHEELCHAIR by the last movie. And Ron Perlman has a far more physical role. He's got to pummel the SHIT out of bad guys. And I love him, and Ron Perlman is GOD, so finish the goddamn Hobbit and make Hellboy III, because I want to see TINY HELLBOYS and... OK, that was a lot of geekery, even for me. What can I say? There are worse things to be.
WTF, INTERNET?
* I did this once, around three in the morning, and waved my foot in my friend's face shrieking, "LOOK! My toes are HAPPY to see you!" Then I laughed for about forty-five minutes, because I was drunk and hadn't slept in two days and it was college, and everything was funny. This is how I felt the next day:
[Found at LikeCool]
* THIS is how robots will take over. By scaring us all so badly that we are pinned in the corners of our rooms screeching until death is a RELIEF. This dude found a dead bug and filled it with machine bits. And yes, it is beautiful and intricate and fascinating, but IT'S A DEAD BUG WITH METAL IN IT. What happens when the bugs come back to life, and seek vengeance?
[Found at LikeCool]
So, I've had more coffee and calmed down, and decided that these bugs all look like they are from Hellboy II: The Golden Army, or like a pet Tim Burton would have, so I am OK with them now, as long as they stay the HELL away from me.
* This is another form of Birth Control. If Russell Brand wore one of these, I would... well, I'd cry, and be shamed, and pretend I never liked him, ever.
[Found at LikeCool]
This makes me want to vomit out of every orifice, for so many reasons. Because you know there are at least a few guys out there who used this in a non-ironic way. Like, they REALLY thought that this would get them laid. And they were excited. And when the aliens dig through the wreckage of our society and find one of these things, they will look at the destruction and death around them, and they will understand.
* This is a sign for a woman's bathroom.
[Found at JustWhatever]
I have been called horrible names in my life, but "Scared Weeing Bunny" is a new one.
I know I promised a Twilight rant on my Twitter, and I WILL, very soon (maybe even today), but I have to be sufficiently caffeinated to be coherent in my rage. But oh, such wonders that I have to share with you. The horror will shock you into a coma. A coma of DAZZLE.
Ahem. Also, later today, DEFINITELY keep your eyes peeled (what does that phrase MEAN? It's always bothered me) for Watchmen quotes and images. Today is Daniel Dreiberg/Nite Owl II Day, and you know what that means: Endless bad jokes about crying naked in the basement, because I cannot get past that scene, because it is HILARIOUS. No, I love Dan. Dan's a good guy. WEAK, but a good.... This is for later. Anyway, if you have any links/images/quotes that you want posted about Nite Owl II, please send them to me at veeandloathing@gmail.com, or elle.veev@gmail.com.
I'm saving Rorschach for later in the week, for AMERICA. Or something.
- LV
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