LifeSo there I am, enjoying the fact that I beat the mailing list and worked my ass of and did a damn fine job.... then I look at my hours and realize I CAN'T COUNT. So I need to call my long-suffering employers and explain that I didn't mean to overcharge them, I'm just an ass. I blame Joe Biden. Music* I know I'm jumping on the bandwagon pretty late here, but gosh darn, Susan Boyle and her amazing voice and sassy attitude make me smile. I want her to be happy and famous forever. Although I did get a bit twitchy when Russell Brand offered his um... 'services' to her. HE'S MINE. In my head. Anyway, here's a truly breathtaking song she sang in 1999. It's a cover of "Cry Me A River," (the Julie London version, NOT Justin Timberlake), and it's great. Great is an understatement, but it will have to do.Tattoos* This annoys me. It's a new ink that can be removed with only 2 laser surgeries, instead of the usual 20, making your tattoos temporary. Part of the significance of getting a tattoo is that it's permanent. It's supposed to be a big decision. It's supposed to matter, not just be like some stupid whim (I know it is, sometimes, but that's not what I'm talking about) that you can reverse as soon as you realize it's a bad idea. You're supposed to realize the implications of your tattoo. Shit like this should MATTER. I will not be using this ink, ever. My opinion: if you're that unsure about getting a tattoo, DON'T GET ONE. Books* This is why Terry Pratchett is God. Or one of the Gods. He and Alan Moore could pretty effectively run a universe, although I imagine Terry Pratchett would go, "And then everyone learned a pithy and wise lesson with loads of humor to obscure the bitterness, and-" "AND THEN EVERYONE DIES IN A RAIN OF BLOOD AND MISERY ON THE COLD, UNFORGIVING EARTH AND ALL YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS DIE AND-" "Alan, I'm serious, stop it."Back to reality, this is a great review of Making Money, and also a sign that Pratchett is smarter than everyone else, and I love him, the end.Food* A bacon torch thing. It runs on bacon fat, and madness (actually, prosciutto, as my grandmother would nag if I was ever ass enough to let her read this blog): [Found at Geekologie]The Great State Of Shame* see more pwn and owned picturesMy state makes me sad. And skeeved out, majorly.Advice* Wisdom from the International Society of Supervillains, who I hope will be merciful on me when they take over and rule the world with an iron fist. Here's Dating Advice, which we all need, sad clown or not.Doctor Who* This is why I no longer use Google Image Search. Well, this and the time I typed in 'Rorschach tattoo' and got PORN PICTURES of Rorschach, and also a picture of a man with a high heel being shoved up his - yeah, so in conclusion, Google Image Search is the scariest shit ever:[Found at PostModernBarney]Yeah, this is not OK. I will not be wearing one of these, ever (unless of course Christopher Eccleston or David Tennant comes with the outfit, then I'll be wearing like five, because I am easily won over).Plastic Surgery Is Scary* Because once upon a time, Rupert Everett was legally required to be in every Oscar Wilde adaptation, and he was wonderful and sexy in that Wilde way. And now he looks like David Hasselhoff: [Found at WorldOfWonder]Want* There is no arguing that I would fall off of this couch (which works by magnets, but really I think it's Alan Moore's rage towards Zack Snyder that keeps it floating in fear) and die a horrible and embarrassing death. It's probably good that this is only a concept design, because I'm also not sure how one gets on it. I'd try to run and jump, and being quite short, would MISS the couch and crash into the wall behind it, and once again die. This floating couch of comfort spells a painful, humiliating death for me any way you look at it. And yet, still want:[Found at Geekologie]Dude, it's a FLOATING CLOUD COUCH. Death is a fair trade.Technology* Remember when a computer mouse was a big white hunk of plastic that you could brain a man with, if need be, and you had the right click and the left click, and it plugged into the computer, end of story? Simpler times, my friends. Now we have this: [Found at LikeCool]This mouse does everything, including order food and providing sexual services. Or the next model will. I am scared.Random* I actually had to write an article for my Continuing Education class on the idea that Mayor Bloomberg required all buildings to have gardens on the roof. It was a stupid assignment, and this one old lady seemed to think it really was going on, complete with a swarm of locusts in Williamsburg. She was really agitated about the whole thing. I wonder what happened to her. She's probably on her roof right now, planting corn and keeping an eye on the horizon for locusts.Lost Boys 3* You know what? Lost Boys: The Tribe DID suck. But it sucked the way the original did, in a fun and self aware way, and none of the vampires sparkled, and a Sutherland still played the main vamp, and there were fun in-jokes for fans of the original, and Corey Feldman came back as Edgar Frog, which is really all that matters, ever. So go fuck yourself, Corey Haim. You were always the lesser of the two Coreys. You were Corey Reduced. And you're just jealous that you weren't in the sequel, except for the alternate endings, which were actually very badass, but where were you during the movie while your niece and nephew were off being attacked by vampires? (I'm kidding. Please be in Lost Boys 3! Sam Emerson needs to come back and be sarcastic!)Movies* I feel, for the sake of his mental health and brilliant career, that Robert Downey, Jr. should not be in any work written by Bret Easton Ellis. I went through a phase where I thought Ellis wrote the best books ever, and was a genius beyond compare, and was profound and such. I was in high school. Now I know better. Don't get me wrong, I still think American Psycho is a fantastic and disturbing/funny novel, and I actually think Glamorama had some wonderfully funny bits in the first half, before the second half stopped making sense. And Ellis is an author who translates better to screen than he does in his own work (I maintain that the movie version of American Psycho is actually much better and funnier than the book, in no small part because of the scene where Christian Bale is POSING while having sex with the two hookers). But even so, I do not want Robert Downey, Jr. to be in this proposed sequel. Because really, the first movie was shit except for his performance, which ended up being less of a performance and more of a dark preview to Downey, Jr.'s breakdown. And he's doing so well, and has a bunch of kick-ass movies coming out, and Robert, you don't NEED Ellis. Just say no.Christian Bale agrees.Politics* This is an old post about Obama making a speech, and it's funny, and I don't know why I never posted it before. * I know the teabagging thing is over, for the moment, but really, this is not a conducive form of protest. * And lo! Blago will appear on our television screens, offering pearls of wisdom in a world torn apart by confusion and fear, and his mane will blow in a gentle breeze, and the sun will come out, and we will start LIVING again.WTF, INTERNET?* This too is old news, but A GODDAMN TREE WAS GROWING IN THE DUDE'S LUNG. SHIT LIKE THIS SHOULD NOT HAPPEN IN THE REAL WORLD. I can't help but look suspiciously at watermelons. OUR PARENTS LIED. SHIT CAN GROWN IN OUR LUNGS AND TUMMIES. * This is a cool idea until someone has to go to the bathroom, or sneezes, then it's just awkward: [Found at LikeCool]* My cousin gave me this link, because he is a wizard who secretly runs the interwebs:[Found at DorNob by my cousin Jay]I'm not even going to try to describe this. Some things are beyond words.More later, maybe, but I think this is enough to keep you occupied for a while. Happy Saturday, and huzzah for not working and boo for screwing up at work, etc.- LV
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