I have decided that, on days when I have the time and inclination and material, I will post more often. Yes, this is historic. Share it with your loved ones. I'm very tired. My dog woke me up at 6:30 AM, and I'm only on my third cup of coffee. Unacceptable. And remember, later today I will be posting images/quotes/goodness pertaining to Watchmen's favorite Mad Catalyst For Misery And Pool Table Fan, The Comedian. So, you know, keep an eye out for that.
TV
* Oh Warren Ellis, is there anything you CAN'T make better? If there is, I don't want to know about it. Leave me to my ignorance, you mad, wondrous creature you. Why you did not write the upcoming GI Joe movie (which features former Doctor Who Christopher Eccleston, which makes me cry little salty tears of horror) is a mystery for the ages. Here's your version of the animated show:
[Found at BoingBoing]
Moment Of Win
[Found at FunPic]
I don't know what this sign is trying to prove, aside from the fact that religion as a whole needs a new PR agent. How many car accidents has this sign caused?
NEW CATEGORY - Depression Session
* This will be focused on funny/sad/helpful tidbits about the Depression we're all facing (Oh, I'm sorry, 'economic freefall' has been determined to be less frightening to the masses).
*This is the sort of thing that will cause class wars. Rich people complaining that they are... ready?.... slightly less rich. They're recycling, now. They fly commercial. Now, I flew commercial nine hours to Europe, and cried the whole way (so much so that the person next to me actually asked to be moved), so I know it sucks. But I would never be ass enough to run around going, "Oh, darn, I have to fly with all the stinky MORTALS, and if my husband hadn't DESTROYED the lives of possibly hundreds of thousands of people by being a selfish prick, I'd be eating caviar out of the asscrack of a male underwear model and having gold flakes applied to my toes, just because." First of all because my life is not like that, and never will be, because it sounds like the orgy scenes in 300. Do not want. But when people are starving, living in shacks, losing everything they've ever known, and working multiple jobs knowing full well they can't pay their bills, saying, "We’ve picked up new habits, like making donations anonymously and sneaking in late to black-tie galas after society photographer Patrick McMullan has packed up his camera and gone home." Truly, TARP Wife, your suffering is beyond the ken of the rest of us filthy masses.
People I Dislike
* I have never heard Lady Gaga's hit song, because I live in a musical vacuum where I sort of believe that if I cross my fingers and wish really hard and sacrifice enough kittens to Alan Moore's Snake God, Joey Ramone will return to life and Everclear will stop sucking and Tool will release albums more frequently. In short, all the bands I like are dead/suck now/defunct/insane geniuses who only tour when the mood suits them. I'm just saying, I know nothing of her artistic abilities.
But I do not like her. Why, you ask? Because she refuses to wear pants. Because she considers not wearing pants an art form. Because she wears shit like this:
[Found at GoFugYourself]
OK, I have a few questions: First of all, why won't you wear pants? I love pants. They are fashionable, and warm, and sexy. And pantyhose are not sexy. And your crotch is going to burst forth one day and blind everyone. This picture is giving me a wedgy. Your lipstick makes me furious, like "HAS NO TOLD YOU HOW TO APPLY MAKEUP?!" I do love your hair, but it's not enough. I also read somewhere that it's not actually raining OR sunny in this picture. You just like having an umbrella around you, because you're a WACKY ARTIST. You're not screaming "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOVE ME GOD I'M ALONE" or anything.
And your boots. Where the fuck did you get those things? Where does one acquire such things? They're like.... thigh high Timberlands. Were these custom made? Did you spot them at a thrift store and just HAVE to have them? Also, you ARE wearing a jacket, but you appear to be wearing a bra under that jacket WITHOUT a shirt, and no pants, so overall, I hate you and everything you represent, and I'm sure I'll see you here again, soon.
In the interest of unbiased journalism (and morbid curiosity ) I just watched two Lady Gaga videos on YouTube (Love Game and the infamous Poker Face. And thank God, I don't really like either song. She reminds me of Britney with a better voice and without the excuse of mental illness. Or a pretentious, artsy pseudo-intellectual Christina Aguilera. Honestly, I'd rather listen to Pink any day. She's fun, at least. And wears pants, usually. (Yes, I like Pink. I never claimed to have good music taste, and you know what? It's catchy and fun to box to, and some of her lyrics are good, and her ex-/future husband Carey Hart (who's hot) was in the music video for the song she wrote about how fucked up she was over their break-up, which is AWESOME. For some reason I can't embed the video, but you should watch it. Come on, it's the internet - nobody will ever know).
Music
* I've yelled about this before, so let's just say that Bono is the worst writer, ever, except for Stephenie Meyer, and if those two write a book together every author in the world will die instantly, from the nightmarish suck, so keep those two apart, OK?
Girly Shit
I really want to bleach my hair, but I don't think I can pull it off. Stupid Italian heritage. (If you've seen pictures I've posted, or look at my profile, give me your opinion.)
Tattoos
* The only thing worse than getting a tattoo in a language you don't understand? Getting a tattoo in a language you don't understand, and finding out later that it's incoherent bullshit. I agree with this article. If I went in to get my Rorschach tattoo, and it turned out that the image was actually from, I don't know, Sandman, how could I blame the artist? It's your artist's job to be safe, clean, professional, and interpret your tattoo wishes in a creative way. It is NOT their job to check your spelling. This is why you look at the goddamn stencils (it's even sadder to find misspelled tattoos in a language you've been raised in) and do your research. If your tattoo is done badly, or unsanitary, that's their fault. If you were too lazy to do extensive research on something that's going to be on your body FOREVER, who's fault is that?
Tattoo Of Win
In this case, yes, the title IS sarcastic. This is the most alarming goddamn tattoo I've seen all morning:
[Found at LolTatz]
You know what? I really DON'T want to know. I don't want an explanation. Nothing anyone could say could POSSIBLY make this OK. Ever. My need to go soak my eyes.
RIP
* I know it was a few days ago, but I'm still pretty bummed about JG Ballard. If you've never read his essays, you're really missing out. I enjoy them even more than his fiction.
WTF, INTERNET?
* OK, I'm OUT:
[Found at WorldOfWonder]
The Danish are FUCKED UP. I am pulling NOTHING out of an ass. It's not happening. I'll hold it in. Really, I can wait. And now I'm imagining that they used the brown, eco-friendly paper. I'm sorry. But really, this bodes well for NO ONE, culturally.
More later. I want to go to thecomic store and clothes shopping bank to deposit money and be responsible with my limited funds, and I want to get some writing done, and I need to go get groceries. But at the least, there will be the Epic Comedian Post, and more than likely I will post again, because I can make monies of these bloggies America needs laughter.
- LV
TV
* Oh Warren Ellis, is there anything you CAN'T make better? If there is, I don't want to know about it. Leave me to my ignorance, you mad, wondrous creature you. Why you did not write the upcoming GI Joe movie (which features former Doctor Who Christopher Eccleston, which makes me cry little salty tears of horror) is a mystery for the ages. Here's your version of the animated show:
[Found at BoingBoing]
Moment Of Win
[Found at FunPic]
I don't know what this sign is trying to prove, aside from the fact that religion as a whole needs a new PR agent. How many car accidents has this sign caused?
NEW CATEGORY - Depression Session
* This will be focused on funny/sad/helpful tidbits about the Depression we're all facing (Oh, I'm sorry, 'economic freefall' has been determined to be less frightening to the masses).
*This is the sort of thing that will cause class wars. Rich people complaining that they are... ready?.... slightly less rich. They're recycling, now. They fly commercial. Now, I flew commercial nine hours to Europe, and cried the whole way (so much so that the person next to me actually asked to be moved), so I know it sucks. But I would never be ass enough to run around going, "Oh, darn, I have to fly with all the stinky MORTALS, and if my husband hadn't DESTROYED the lives of possibly hundreds of thousands of people by being a selfish prick, I'd be eating caviar out of the asscrack of a male underwear model and having gold flakes applied to my toes, just because." First of all because my life is not like that, and never will be, because it sounds like the orgy scenes in 300. Do not want. But when people are starving, living in shacks, losing everything they've ever known, and working multiple jobs knowing full well they can't pay their bills, saying, "We’ve picked up new habits, like making donations anonymously and sneaking in late to black-tie galas after society photographer Patrick McMullan has packed up his camera and gone home." Truly, TARP Wife, your suffering is beyond the ken of the rest of us filthy masses.
People I Dislike
* I have never heard Lady Gaga's hit song, because I live in a musical vacuum where I sort of believe that if I cross my fingers and wish really hard and sacrifice enough kittens to Alan Moore's Snake God, Joey Ramone will return to life and Everclear will stop sucking and Tool will release albums more frequently. In short, all the bands I like are dead/suck now/defunct/insane geniuses who only tour when the mood suits them. I'm just saying, I know nothing of her artistic abilities.
But I do not like her. Why, you ask? Because she refuses to wear pants. Because she considers not wearing pants an art form. Because she wears shit like this:
[Found at GoFugYourself]
OK, I have a few questions: First of all, why won't you wear pants? I love pants. They are fashionable, and warm, and sexy. And pantyhose are not sexy. And your crotch is going to burst forth one day and blind everyone. This picture is giving me a wedgy. Your lipstick makes me furious, like "HAS NO TOLD YOU HOW TO APPLY MAKEUP?!" I do love your hair, but it's not enough. I also read somewhere that it's not actually raining OR sunny in this picture. You just like having an umbrella around you, because you're a WACKY ARTIST. You're not screaming "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOVE ME GOD I'M ALONE" or anything.
And your boots. Where the fuck did you get those things? Where does one acquire such things? They're like.... thigh high Timberlands. Were these custom made? Did you spot them at a thrift store and just HAVE to have them? Also, you ARE wearing a jacket, but you appear to be wearing a bra under that jacket WITHOUT a shirt, and no pants, so overall, I hate you and everything you represent, and I'm sure I'll see you here again, soon.
In the interest of unbiased journalism (and morbid curiosity ) I just watched two Lady Gaga videos on YouTube (Love Game and the infamous Poker Face. And thank God, I don't really like either song. She reminds me of Britney with a better voice and without the excuse of mental illness. Or a pretentious, artsy pseudo-intellectual Christina Aguilera. Honestly, I'd rather listen to Pink any day. She's fun, at least. And wears pants, usually. (Yes, I like Pink. I never claimed to have good music taste, and you know what? It's catchy and fun to box to, and some of her lyrics are good, and her ex-/future husband Carey Hart (who's hot) was in the music video for the song she wrote about how fucked up she was over their break-up, which is AWESOME. For some reason I can't embed the video, but you should watch it. Come on, it's the internet - nobody will ever know).
Music
* I've yelled about this before, so let's just say that Bono is the worst writer, ever, except for Stephenie Meyer, and if those two write a book together every author in the world will die instantly, from the nightmarish suck, so keep those two apart, OK?
Girly Shit
I really want to bleach my hair, but I don't think I can pull it off. Stupid Italian heritage. (If you've seen pictures I've posted, or look at my profile, give me your opinion.)
Tattoos
* The only thing worse than getting a tattoo in a language you don't understand? Getting a tattoo in a language you don't understand, and finding out later that it's incoherent bullshit. I agree with this article. If I went in to get my Rorschach tattoo, and it turned out that the image was actually from, I don't know, Sandman, how could I blame the artist? It's your artist's job to be safe, clean, professional, and interpret your tattoo wishes in a creative way. It is NOT their job to check your spelling. This is why you look at the goddamn stencils (it's even sadder to find misspelled tattoos in a language you've been raised in) and do your research. If your tattoo is done badly, or unsanitary, that's their fault. If you were too lazy to do extensive research on something that's going to be on your body FOREVER, who's fault is that?
Tattoo Of Win
In this case, yes, the title IS sarcastic. This is the most alarming goddamn tattoo I've seen all morning:
[Found at LolTatz]
You know what? I really DON'T want to know. I don't want an explanation. Nothing anyone could say could POSSIBLY make this OK. Ever. My need to go soak my eyes.
RIP
* I know it was a few days ago, but I'm still pretty bummed about JG Ballard. If you've never read his essays, you're really missing out. I enjoy them even more than his fiction.
WTF, INTERNET?
* OK, I'm OUT:
[Found at WorldOfWonder]
The Danish are FUCKED UP. I am pulling NOTHING out of an ass. It's not happening. I'll hold it in. Really, I can wait. And now I'm imagining that they used the brown, eco-friendly paper. I'm sorry. But really, this bodes well for NO ONE, culturally.
More later. I want to go to the
- LV
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