Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Alan Moore Crossed The Road. No One Has Ever Dared Question His Motives.

Life
* I deleted my MySpace. I feel free! Except of course, I still have a facebook and a Twitter and several Email accounts and a Last.FM account and...

* My sinuses hurt. Like, a lot.

* I'm scared of going into work today, because I have a LOT of computer stuff to do and I'm very worried about screwing it up and then having no job, and I LOVE my job. So yeah, Real Life causes stress.

* Family life continues on, intolerably. I blame New Jersey.

* God, there are too many links to post today. TOO MUCH REQUIRES MY ATTENTION. OK, I'll maybe be posting again today, maybe, if today isn't a big flaming pile of suck.

* It's April 15th, which means TAXES YAY! Go pay them. I pay them, ergo everyone should pay them. And please don't go to any of those teabagging parties, in part because I am tired of having to explain why 'teabagging' is gross and funny to confused people. Please don't make me do this anymore.

Want
* This is just a nifty way to hold books on shelves. I would only allow my most beloved of books to sit in such a place. Which will be all the books I have left, soon, as I'm selling most of them, somehow:

[Found at LikeCool]

Movies
* The Strangers falls under the heading of, 'Movies With Very Creepy Trailers & A Terrifying Concept Who Totally Fucked It Up.' I mean, even the POSTER makes me nervous. And now there's a sequel, so that's going to happen. All I know is that it will be in a trailer park. It would be NICE if the sequel was scary, or made a tiny bit of sense, or did not star Liv Tyler (who wasn't bad, actually, but I kept thinking, 'Oh, that's Liv Tyler! She hasn't been in many movies lately. She was in that freaky music video with her dad.' And that's just DISTRACTING.

* Dear Brian Austin Green: You have been in the news again, mainly because you are hated for being the man-love of Meghan Fox (who I don't get. Her Monroe tattoo is awful, and it bothers me she got her own poetry tattooed on her body, and she is NOT Angelina Jolie 2.0, because Angie is bad-ass, and she's just... not, but she doesn't BOTHER me, I just don't understand the drool levels, but it's better than everyone getting all stupid of Scarlett Johannson, who sucks now), and that is nice for you. Good on you, making movies. However, you need to stay away from THe Green Lantern. I don't really trust you not to skeeze up the role and be suckish. And cast Meghan Fox in a totally inappropriate role, so you could get paid to make out with your lady friend. You can executive produce it, though. Would you like that? See, everybody wins!

* And now Dan Ackroyd is trying to get me excited about Ghostbusters III and it's not going to happen. Let it go. I was all into Egon, and now he's old and round, and Bill Murray is all philosophical, and Dan Ackroyd is a shadow of his former self, and Sigourney Weaver won't even return your phone calls, and only Rick Moranis is excited about this movie. IT'S DEPRESSING. Doesn't this country have enough stress? Oh, and there will be 'girls' in this movie. Well. That changes everything, DOESN'T IT? Let me make this clear: barring a Darren Arronofsky directing, Charlie Kaufman writing, and one of those 'girls' being Tina Fey (what?! She's funny), I am not going to see this movie. So leave me be.

Politics
* You know what? The Obama's dog is very cute, and they are very happy with him. IT'S A FUCKING DOG. People are getting far too angry about this. I mean, PETA freaks are going to be chasing the puppy around the White House lawn with razor blades screaming, 'WE NEED YOUR BALLS FOR AMERICA." And some people are super angry about this, and I can't help but thinking, "The economy is in the shitter, everyone is in trouble, gay people have to fight for the basic right to get married, little girls are being brutally murdered, there's war and disease and genocide, and YOUR BIG COMPLAINT is, 'Oh, they didn't get it at a pound, so it's only a QUASI-Rescue Dog?' Really? THIS is what we're focusing on, as a people? Wow.

* Oh my God, I love Sarah Palin and her nominee for attorney general. These people are AWFUL. I just... I don't understand who's electing them. This isn't a minor debate on taxes, or even debating whether or not something someone said is racist. These statements are full-on, batshit EVIL. And this guy said them, in public, on the record, and wonders why people are staring at him with wide, glassy eyes of horror:
- "If a guy can't rape his wife.... who's he gonna rape?"
- “There wouldn’t be an issue with domestic violence if women would learn to keep their mouths shut.”
Oh. Dear God. Like, I'm laughing, but I'm laughing in a scared and worried way. Yes, Wayne Anthony Ross, them ladies SHOULD be relegated to the kitchen, baking up a mess of 'Liberal Eyeball Pie' and subjecting themselves to your moral, god-approved sexual whims while you compare gay people to lima beans, a quote I didn't post because really, LIMA BEANS?
Where do these people come from, and can they possibly go back?

* OMFG IT'S WEE LITTLE BABY SPOCK WITH HIS DAINTY POINTY EARS!

That is all I need to say.

Comics
* Considering the fact that I once wrote a borderline-psychotic fan-letter to Warren Ellis on this blog, I think restating my love of his work would be redundant. So all I will say is that everyone needs to go buy Ignition City, which promises to be bad-ass and awesome, and the reviews have been excellent. Not that I'm surprised - this is the man who wrote Crooked Little Vein, a book I would chase people around Barnes & Noble with, demanding they accept it as their personal Bible. Which is one of the reasons I no longer work at Barnes & Noble. Anyway, go buy it today. And then ask Mr. Ellis to write another novel, or another story for Fell. Or just give me his phone number, and I'LL tell him.

WTF, INTERNET?
* I want someone to wear this costume, out in public:

[Found at Geekologie]

To work, to drop the kids off at school, whatever. Without ever explaining it to anyone. That is my dream. If someone says, "Why are you wearing that dinosaur costume, the wearer should answer, "Why AREN'T you wearing this dinosaur costume?" Then punch them and run away.

* There are some things that don't NEED technology wedged into them. Also, I am tired of sharing strange ties with you people. Ties are not meant to be this bothersome. They are just ties. This, however, is also a USB:

[Found at LikeCool]

I don't even know what to say anymore. It's a tie you plug into shit. Please stop inventing stuff like this. Although it would be all sorts of funny if you forgot your tie was plugged into the computer, and jumped up in horror over your plunging stocks. That would be entertaining, I guess.

OK, there will probably be more, later, because BLAGO HAS A TV SHOW, MAYBE. LIFE IS GOOD AGAIN.
- LV

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