Life* Saying the word 'pirate' repeatedly and giggling does not make you a comedian. I'm just saying.* I'm writing fiction again, for the first time since November or December of last year. I'd forgotten how great it felt.Toys!* Look at the teeny little Iron Man! And his little paunchy belly that no doubt makes flying a bit difficult, and must have been embarrassing to design! And his head! It's huge! He's like the Elephant Man under there: [Found at LikeCool]I wish this was a bobble head. That would be SWEET. Of course, if you had a smaller car, it would flip over and kill every one whenever its head bobbled.TeeVee* I am an awful person, because for some reason I never watched Dollhouse because I kept forgetting when it was on, and now it might be cancelled, and it may be partly Joss Whedon's fault, and also River would fuck Buffy up. The world is a complicated place.Technology* This gives me faith in humanity, that nobody stepped on the little robot. Also the robot is painfully cute. I would have stolen the robot and given it a good home, thus ruining everyone's sense of goodwill and kindness.* I've said it before, and I'll say it again: iTunes sucks. And this is their punishment for trying to make me buy the WHOLE Bob Dylan album when I just wanted "Desolation Row" because I already OWNED every other song on the album, but I GOT the song in the end, because my friend had it on a CD, so WIN.Food* This is a bad idea. Very bad. I could see this becoming a serious addiction because chocolate is fun, and huffing things is fun for angry teenagers with a lot of glue. Do not give this to angry teenagers who have just run out of glue. Not that part of me wants to test this product, for America, because inhaling chocolate is an amazing concept.* If I am about to die, start stuffing these in my mouth:[Found at ThisIsWhyYou'reFat]That, my friends, is a Deep Fried Cadbury Creme Egg. Oh, I'll still die, but I will die HAPPY and with chocolate-covered joy in my veins. This may in fact be proof that there IS a god, and he wants us all to be obscenely fat and happy. I for one embrace our new chocolate-souled overlord, so long as he continues to provide DEEP FRIED CHOCOLATEGASMS.Random* I was going to put this under WTF, INTERNET, only I really sort of want one because they're funny and would make airline travel endlessly entertaining.[Found at OhGizmo] Also you could pretend to be a Klingon/Kirk love-child. Also, Combmando Combs makes me laugh over and over. Although it's acrylic, so it probably wouldn't be good in an actual fight situation. Do not rely on these things when the zombies hit (more on that below!)Politics* Frankly, I hope this gay elephant is like the high queen of all gay elephants. Because a lot of people are being very stupid, and the elephant isn't even sexually mature yet, so maybe he's just SHY. And even if he IS gay, that doesn't mean he can't spawn adorable little elephants. There are OTHER WAYS TO IMPREGNANTE ELEPHANTS, PEOPLE. Not that I know any. Because that would be weird. Impregnating elephants is not a topic I am versed in.* OK, OK, Barack Obama's new dog is like, unbelievably fucking adorable. DID YOU SEE THE PICTURE OF THE PRESIDENT JOGGING WITH THE NEW PUPPY?! LOOK AT THE CUT FUZZY BABY DOG![Found at Wonkette]I'm calm, I am a Journalist, damn it. But really, how much more 'DAWWW' does it make it that Ted Kennedy gave him the puppy, and that the puppy's name is Bo, and I would like to volunteer as the pooper-scooper for the new puppy, because it is THAT cute and also I could chill with Obama and Kal Penn, and make Nite Owl jokes at Geithner that Obama would probably get, which makes him even COOLER, and whoa, THAT my friends was a tangent.Watchmen* Chock Full O' Nuts can go fuck themselves. They have no sense of humor, and this is like the one Watchmen product I haven't purchased (maybe that's the problem), and seriously this is so stupid. Also, Adrian Viedt will come to your house at night and skullfuck you to death and throw you out a high window, before using your spilled blood to brew more delicious Nite Owl coffee!* The PG version of Watchmen totally frightens me more than the regular version. Comics* Poor Doctor Phosphorous.* A great article on the cost of comics, and why they make me so sad. Although I usually buy trade paperbacks, because they make me happy for inexplicable reasons. But not The Boys which is so fucking amazing and violent and funny that I buy the regular old comics and REVEL in their glory, AND I met Darick Robertson and Garth Ennis, so SUCK ON IT. That has nothing to do with the price of comics, but I like bragging about it.* I like Slave Labor Graphics, because they publish Jhonen Vasquez, who wrote Johnny The Homicidal Maniac which I loved as an angsty teen, and secretly still love, but shhhh. I also love him because when Nickelodeon cancelled Invader Zim they told him to draw a concluding comic, and he drew this insane bullshit involving flying space pigs just to SCREW with them. Ahem. And this comic looks interesting. The end.WTF, INTERNET?* You too can be a freaky, frightening robot for the small fee of $4,200! What a wise and prudent way to spend your money in these times! Look, you will not be sexy and awesome like Iron Man. I'm sorry. The suit was indeed sexy as hell, but it was made sexy because the audience knew it was Robert Downey, Jr. under there, and he would come out of the suit with his bad-ass beard and his big eyes and his Tony Stark money and those ARMS. When you take off this suit, you will still be you. And while you may be awesome in your own way, I don't think your awesome equals RDJ's awesome. Few people can. [Found at Geekologie]And while it says it's for people with degenerative muscle diseases and such, I can't help but feel that the main purchasers will be desperate, lonely geeks who want to be Tony Stark, and think this is the first step in nailing hot journalists and such. Dude, it doesn't even have a MASK.* Sometimes, I don't WANT to be funny. This is one of those times. Dude. DUDE.That is a DOG, people. A POODLE, no less. And there are MORE PICTURES. A LOT. Including a Peacock, a Camel, A Dragon, and a Rooster. I can't.... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE? And that dog is not happy. NO LIVING THING WILL BE HAPPY DRESSED AS A GODDAMN ROOSTER. WHAT DOES THIS SAY ABOUT YOUR MIND AND YOUR LIFE?! I have SO MUCH MORE TO TELL YOU ALL, but I will save it, so that you can digest these nuggets of wisdom and fear (that sounds disgusting, and I shall not be joining you in your nugget-digesting adventures), and also I want to get more hits, so maybe I'll post later today, with MORE, or not, because I am cruel.- LVPS Title of post comes from this site, only changed because Alan Moore INVENTED Chuck Norris, but it's a secret, so tell no one.
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