Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Alan Moore Always Knows The Exact Location Of Carmen SanDiego.

So posting three times in one day is a lot for me. I'm aware. But A) I feel like it, and it's my damn blog, as I seem compulsively inclined to remind people, and B) I'm watching All The King's Men solely for the Jackie Earle Haley factor, and except for that factor, this movie is a big stinking pile of suck, and I need something to do to keep from screaming my hatred for Jude Law's Southern accent through the streets of New Jersey. Although Jackie Earle Haley eating sugar cubes, wearing a fedora, and shooting a gun makes up for an awful lot. He's quite the badass little man in this flick.

Politics
* The Tea-Baggers are dangerously close to crossing the line from Funny and Pathetic to Offensive and Evil. Add stupid and confusing, because what September 12th has to do with taxes and socialism is totally beyond me.

* James Carville and Paul Begala are the scariest double-team in the history of kinky sex. Next week, the twosome get indicted for $5 tax fraud, or some shit.

Comics
* xkcd, one of my favorite webcomics (when it isn't going through a suckish phase, which is rare but always sad), is going to be publishing a book. But not the normal way - oh, no. It's bypassing the major publishing houses, and going rebel yell on us. Which is awesome, in part because I love that this guy is so talented and funny, and yet draws awful stick figures, and also because the major publishing houses really need a kick in the ass, to get it through their collective skulls that the world of publishing and writing has changed, and they need to get with the program.

* Pushing Daisies is going to be a comic, which is all sorts of awesome. THERE ARE GOING TO BE ZOMBIES. This almost makes it OK that this show was cancelled, and yet we're on season infinity of America's Next Top Model.
Other cancelled shows that should be comics: Gargoyles, Arrested Development, Invader Zim, Freaks & Geeks, Beauty & The Beast, and Daria. I'd add Firefly and Angel, but they already have comics. But Firefly needs more comics, and better ones.

TwiHate
* Wow.

[Found at Amazon]
What a.... healthy message to young girls about relationships. What a constructive attitude towards a guy who can't die, and isn't human. Well. This isn't sick at all. And who wouldn't want to proudly display that sort of relationship? Codependent, needy, and completely sublimating your own identity for a dude with no pulse! Wise life choice. Wise, wise life choice.
This bag is everything that is wrong in the whole world.

Movies
* This needs to happen, yesterday. Dr. Horrible is all that is good and pure in the world, and it will do battle with the forces of such and cliche, and make the movie theaters sing and bring about world peace and a strong economy, and JOY to millions that suffer. Yeah, it could be coming to theaters. That would be so sweet. The loins of fangirls across the country explode, terrifying everyone fool enough not to know the wonder of Dr. Horrible.

* I love Michel Gondry's movies, but I still can't quite wrap my head around the idea of him directing a superhero movie. It's like Darren Arronofsky doing a children's film, or Quentin Tarantino doing a remake of The Age Of Innocence. That might be cool, on second thought. But yes, Michel Gondry is directing The Green Hornet, and at the very worst it will be the the most surreal superhero movie ever. I mean, Gondry and Rogen? What mad genius thought of such a combination? It was Hunter Thompson, wasn't it? I knew death couldn't stop his brilliance.

* I know Quentin Tarantino appeared on American Idol. I am not dealing with that, because it could shatter the time space continuum. I am pretending that Quentin was either A) whacked out on drugs, or B) thought he was going to reenact the Gimp scene from Pulp Fiction on the loser. This is how I live my life. Here's some more Inglourious Basterds stuff, and if Tarantino loved me as I love him, he'd fix the damn spelling and stop showing up on awful TV shows that I have never and will never see.

* If Bruno is half as funny as Borat was - seriously, quantifiably half - it will be 1,000 times funnier than every other movie that comes out this year. Also Sacha Baron Cohen is a super-tall brilliant British man, and therefore I might maybe have a little crush on him. Except when he's Borat. Then he's frightening and skeevy, and wears the most alarming bathing suits invented by Satan himself.

Questionable Content
* Am I the only person who thinks this ad is sort of sleazy? Like, this ad is going to approach you at a bar and be kind of funny but a little uncomfortable, but overall seem harmless. Then it will buy you a drink laced with horse tranquilizers, and you will wake up in the bathroom of a gas station with a sombrero on, no pants, and a tattoo that says, "Foreign Made" on your ass?

[Found at AdFreak]
Yeah, I probably am. Still doesn't make me want to drink Nestea.

Want
* This is like the prettiest scarf ever, and it also has typeset on it, which makes it even more desirable, and it looks like newspaper, and WHY it is not mine is a mystery I hope to solve very soon:

[Found at NubbyTwiglet]
*covets*

Food
* WHO THINKS OF THINGS LIKE THIS?!

[Found at ThisIsWhyYou'reFat]
THIS IS CORN IN THE COB WRAPPED IN BACON SURROUNDED BY HOT DOGS AND CHEESE STICKS AND WRAPPED IN GROUND BEEF. WHO LOOKED AT CORN AND SAID, "GOLLY, WHY ISN'T THERE MORE LARD GLUED TO THIS STARCH?"

Moment Of Win
fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures
I actually really appreciate the honesty here.

Technology
* This is a fabulous article on why I don't like Kindles, and will never own one, even if I am the last person on Earth with a paper book, screaming at kids to GET OFF MY LAWN AND PUT ON SOME PANTS, DAMN IT.

WTF, INTERNET?
* I know this is trying to make a statement on Global Warming and such important issues, but really, I don't like the Melty Anguished Polar Bear at all. He's screaming and oozing black, and that makes me uncomfortable. Also it makes me want ice cream, like a lot. I don't think this is what the artist was going for. Or maybe he secretly works for Ben & Jerry's, and this is all just a fiendish plan to boost faltering Chunky Monkey sales:

[Found at LikeCool]

More tomorrow. This is a terrible movie. Except for Jackie Earle Haley. He's badass. He and Kate Winslet get excused from the crap of this movie. Not Jude Law. Although his rapidly receding hairline/career may be punishment enough.
- LV

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