Blog
Geez, you guys love yourself some Nite Owl. Most hits in the blog's history. Will you be so excited about Dr. Manhattan? Probably not. But Rorschach will be here soon, and the amount of crap I have on that guy will BLOW your MIND.
Politics
* OK, someone needs to sit Sarah Palin down and explain what 'right to choose' MEANS. It does NOT imply a mandatory abortion for everyone, except gay people. It does NOT mean that the liberals are coming to EAT your babies. It means YOU get to decide. Because, you know, it's your body. This reminds me of that great Simpsons Halloween episode where aliens Kang and Kodos impersonate Bill Clinton and Bob Dole so that they'll win the election. And Kang, as Dole, has this interaction with a crowd:
Kang: Abortions for all!
[Crowd boos]
Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone!
[Crowd boos again]
Kang: Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!
[Crowd cheers and waves miniature flags]
Sarah Palin needs to watch this, with someone to explain that it's A) not the way to win people over, and B) Not Real.
Comics
* The lives of superheroes are stressful. I mean, Batman is one bad day away from a complete mental breakdown, everyone he loves DIES, etc. Iron Man has all the guilt of being responsible for everyone dying in foreign countries, and being a freak (THIS makes me think of Arrested Development, when Buster screams, "I'M A MONSTER!" and tears the shit out of the room with his hook, which I would love Robert Downey, Jr. to reenact, if he doesn't mind. I get it. Superheroes have secret identities, and supervillians out to get them, and clearly serious emotional and psychological issues, if they're dressing up as animals/robots/personality tests and beating the shit out of strangers. I'd be a superhero counselor. "I feel your pain. No, you need to talk shirtless. It's part of the healing process. Flex your arms, please.'
TwiHate
So it's not getting a full post to itself, because it would be less funny to have a bunch of products and me screaming like a madwoman over how much I despise these books/movies/people involved in this abomination. So I'll post a picture a day of some bullshit Twilight product, and make fun of it. That way, we can savor the hatred, like a fine wine (made of HUMAN BLOOD):
[Found at TFAW]
This is a doll of the character played by He Who Does Not Bathe. I am telling you this, because otherwise you would think they were spiffying up PeeWee Herman. It looks like Zoolander, only dead for a few weeks. And the hair.... 'Comes with bottle of Pattinson's musk and grease to smear all over your doll!' I'm not giving issue with the doll (fandoms have action figures...) but how SCARY the doll is. This doll will come to life in the dead of night and FUCK YOU UP.
Harry Potter
* I am getting excited about this movie. The trailers are consistently mind-blowing, and Alan Rickman doesn't look dead, which I appreciate. But I still don't know how this got a PG. I mean, that whole scene near the end with the boat and the island? HOLY GOD. It's scary. But I am excited. I want this to be good. I do. The movies, while not GOOD, have been sort of a fun companion piece. That's how I view them, companion pieces to the books (and most movies that are adapted from novels, except the few that were BETTER than the original material, but that is another post). So go watch the trailer for Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince and be awe-struck by its beauty, again.
American Psycho
* Of COURSE the Craigslist Killer is some clean-cut All-American Blonde Pre-Med student. First of all, Ted Bundy. Second of all, remember Re-Animator? Pre-med students are CRAZY, and you should never date them because they are killing your cat and bringing it back to life in the basement, and it will wake up PISSED. I've never used Craigslist, although in college my friends and I would post the worst possible fake romance ads, just to see if anyone would answer. Like, these ads would have MINUTE descriptions of the imaginary person's hideous bacne. And we always got ads. So in conclusion, I have never used Craigslist, because it destroys my faith in humanity, and is mondo creepy. Speaking of creepy, how disappointed was I that this dude's engagement website was taken down before I had a chance to see it? Answer: Very.
Moment Of Win
see more pwn and owned pictures
NEW CATEGORY: Tattoo Of Win
*
[Found at LOLTatz]
[Note: I'm not sure if I'm being sarcastic or not, here. Because on one hand this is insane, but on the other it's funny and clever and kind of amazing, and I would never have thought of it, ever. So the 'Win' in the title isn't really that ironic. And this category will feature either AMAZING tattoos, or TERRIBLE ones, depending on my mood]
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
* Wow, Fox really, really hates Cyclops. And as someone who never liked him, but never DISLIKED him (he's such an earnest geek, you want the guy to grow a sense of humor) throughout the comics and the movies, I have to say I was physically UNCOMFORTABLE when the KILLED him like ten minutes into the movie, HORRIBLY. (The article insists it was half an hour, but it felt like ten freaking minutes). Is this his eternal punishment for not being the cash-cow Wolverine is? That's just cold. Please, Fox, stop this. I don't WANT to be on Team Cyclops.
Stephen Hawking
* I won't tell you how worried I was about Stephen Hawking, because I know it's weird to care that much about a person you've never met. But A Brief History Of Time is still one of my favorite books, and had a profound effect on how I view the universe, and I love Stephen Hawking as much as you can love a total stranger. He is scary smart, and funny, and when I heard he was in the hospital, I got upset. But they say he's going to be OK, so I feel relieved. Seriously, I had Google Alerts and everything.
WTF, INTERNT?
*
[Found at LikeCool]
I wish I'd had this in college, because my roommates were all insane, with one notable exception who I am still friends with. I am not neat, and would never CLAIM to be neat. But I am not DIRTY, and there is a difference between throwing your clothes on the floor and rolling around in beef grease or leaving half a rotting chicken corpse on the counter for a week. If I'd had this, I would have been able to hide it from these people, and it would have been messy, and probably ended up with notes doodled all over it because that is how my brain works, but it wouldn't have been DIRTY. It wouldn't have helped me with the sexual deviants next door, but I would have moved on.
* I want this, but not to use as a sink:
[Found at Geekologie]
I want to slide down this, you see. I am short and tiny. I think I could do it. I want to get drunk and slide down my sink. It would be a short ride, but I think with the right attitude it would be fun. It would be like Slip 'N Slide. 'What did you do last night, Elle?' 'I got CRAZY WASTED and slid down my sink in my bathing suit!'
*
[Found at Gawker]
I know this image is from Roger & Me but if you saw that documentary (and you should, it's fantastic, and unfortunately says something about our current economic state), you will know that the scene that follows this is awful and BUNNIES DIE SAVAGELY. THEIR ONLY CRIME WAS BEING FLUFFY. Ahem. So, these things are real now, only with chickens, which are nowhere near as cute as bunnies because chickens have never found a mascot as adorable as Thumper. And I have to say, this is a bad idea, because when the zombies rise (after the economic collapse of the world, when everyone will be like, 'FUCK IT, EAT ME. MY DEBT IS RIDICULOUS') they will smell chicken shit and come a-running.
* I am not an environmentalist, and I will never pretend to be. I'm not an ACTIVIST, but I do think we should do something to keep the world from exploding into a ball of filth. Yes, I know it's Earth Day. But really, there are ways we're taking it too far. I mean, this is a golf cart that runs on POO:
[Found at DVice]
It's cow poo right now, but how long will it be before it's human poo? I'm being serious. You KNOW there are some crazy vegan activists out there (my dad is a crazy vegan activist, so I probably know the people working on this personally) who just wish they could convert their tofu ice cream into a renewable energy source. And I don't know how to respond to that. Like, yes, we need to make changes to save our planet. But I really don't want to be that near poop-derived methane. I'm sorry, I'm crazy like that.
Later today I will be continuing my Watchmen dementia, and posting pictures/quotes/images/macros of Doctor Manhattan, AKA Jon Osterman, AKA 'The Blue Naked Dude.' I'm so tired of everyone ONLY discussing that aspect of the movie. Yes, he's naked. Thank you for pointing that out. Never would have noticed without you pointing and screaming in the middle of the theater.
- LV
Geez, you guys love yourself some Nite Owl. Most hits in the blog's history. Will you be so excited about Dr. Manhattan? Probably not. But Rorschach will be here soon, and the amount of crap I have on that guy will BLOW your MIND.
Politics
* OK, someone needs to sit Sarah Palin down and explain what 'right to choose' MEANS. It does NOT imply a mandatory abortion for everyone, except gay people. It does NOT mean that the liberals are coming to EAT your babies. It means YOU get to decide. Because, you know, it's your body. This reminds me of that great Simpsons Halloween episode where aliens Kang and Kodos impersonate Bill Clinton and Bob Dole so that they'll win the election. And Kang, as Dole, has this interaction with a crowd:
Kang: Abortions for all!
[Crowd boos]
Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone!
[Crowd boos again]
Kang: Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!
[Crowd cheers and waves miniature flags]
Sarah Palin needs to watch this, with someone to explain that it's A) not the way to win people over, and B) Not Real.
Comics
* The lives of superheroes are stressful. I mean, Batman is one bad day away from a complete mental breakdown, everyone he loves DIES, etc. Iron Man has all the guilt of being responsible for everyone dying in foreign countries, and being a freak (THIS makes me think of Arrested Development, when Buster screams, "I'M A MONSTER!" and tears the shit out of the room with his hook, which I would love Robert Downey, Jr. to reenact, if he doesn't mind. I get it. Superheroes have secret identities, and supervillians out to get them, and clearly serious emotional and psychological issues, if they're dressing up as animals/robots/personality tests and beating the shit out of strangers. I'd be a superhero counselor. "I feel your pain. No, you need to talk shirtless. It's part of the healing process. Flex your arms, please.'
TwiHate
So it's not getting a full post to itself, because it would be less funny to have a bunch of products and me screaming like a madwoman over how much I despise these books/movies/people involved in this abomination. So I'll post a picture a day of some bullshit Twilight product, and make fun of it. That way, we can savor the hatred, like a fine wine (made of HUMAN BLOOD):
[Found at TFAW]
This is a doll of the character played by He Who Does Not Bathe. I am telling you this, because otherwise you would think they were spiffying up PeeWee Herman. It looks like Zoolander, only dead for a few weeks. And the hair.... 'Comes with bottle of Pattinson's musk and grease to smear all over your doll!' I'm not giving issue with the doll (fandoms have action figures...) but how SCARY the doll is. This doll will come to life in the dead of night and FUCK YOU UP.
Harry Potter
* I am getting excited about this movie. The trailers are consistently mind-blowing, and Alan Rickman doesn't look dead, which I appreciate. But I still don't know how this got a PG. I mean, that whole scene near the end with the boat and the island? HOLY GOD. It's scary. But I am excited. I want this to be good. I do. The movies, while not GOOD, have been sort of a fun companion piece. That's how I view them, companion pieces to the books (and most movies that are adapted from novels, except the few that were BETTER than the original material, but that is another post). So go watch the trailer for Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince and be awe-struck by its beauty, again.
American Psycho
* Of COURSE the Craigslist Killer is some clean-cut All-American Blonde Pre-Med student. First of all, Ted Bundy. Second of all, remember Re-Animator? Pre-med students are CRAZY, and you should never date them because they are killing your cat and bringing it back to life in the basement, and it will wake up PISSED. I've never used Craigslist, although in college my friends and I would post the worst possible fake romance ads, just to see if anyone would answer. Like, these ads would have MINUTE descriptions of the imaginary person's hideous bacne. And we always got ads. So in conclusion, I have never used Craigslist, because it destroys my faith in humanity, and is mondo creepy. Speaking of creepy, how disappointed was I that this dude's engagement website was taken down before I had a chance to see it? Answer: Very.
Moment Of Win
see more pwn and owned pictures
NEW CATEGORY: Tattoo Of Win
*
[Found at LOLTatz]
[Note: I'm not sure if I'm being sarcastic or not, here. Because on one hand this is insane, but on the other it's funny and clever and kind of amazing, and I would never have thought of it, ever. So the 'Win' in the title isn't really that ironic. And this category will feature either AMAZING tattoos, or TERRIBLE ones, depending on my mood]
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
* Wow, Fox really, really hates Cyclops. And as someone who never liked him, but never DISLIKED him (he's such an earnest geek, you want the guy to grow a sense of humor) throughout the comics and the movies, I have to say I was physically UNCOMFORTABLE when the KILLED him like ten minutes into the movie, HORRIBLY. (The article insists it was half an hour, but it felt like ten freaking minutes). Is this his eternal punishment for not being the cash-cow Wolverine is? That's just cold. Please, Fox, stop this. I don't WANT to be on Team Cyclops.
Stephen Hawking
* I won't tell you how worried I was about Stephen Hawking, because I know it's weird to care that much about a person you've never met. But A Brief History Of Time is still one of my favorite books, and had a profound effect on how I view the universe, and I love Stephen Hawking as much as you can love a total stranger. He is scary smart, and funny, and when I heard he was in the hospital, I got upset. But they say he's going to be OK, so I feel relieved. Seriously, I had Google Alerts and everything.
WTF, INTERNT?
*
[Found at LikeCool]
I wish I'd had this in college, because my roommates were all insane, with one notable exception who I am still friends with. I am not neat, and would never CLAIM to be neat. But I am not DIRTY, and there is a difference between throwing your clothes on the floor and rolling around in beef grease or leaving half a rotting chicken corpse on the counter for a week. If I'd had this, I would have been able to hide it from these people, and it would have been messy, and probably ended up with notes doodled all over it because that is how my brain works, but it wouldn't have been DIRTY. It wouldn't have helped me with the sexual deviants next door, but I would have moved on.
* I want this, but not to use as a sink:
[Found at Geekologie]
I want to slide down this, you see. I am short and tiny. I think I could do it. I want to get drunk and slide down my sink. It would be a short ride, but I think with the right attitude it would be fun. It would be like Slip 'N Slide. 'What did you do last night, Elle?' 'I got CRAZY WASTED and slid down my sink in my bathing suit!'
*
[Found at Gawker]
I know this image is from Roger & Me but if you saw that documentary (and you should, it's fantastic, and unfortunately says something about our current economic state), you will know that the scene that follows this is awful and BUNNIES DIE SAVAGELY. THEIR ONLY CRIME WAS BEING FLUFFY. Ahem. So, these things are real now, only with chickens, which are nowhere near as cute as bunnies because chickens have never found a mascot as adorable as Thumper. And I have to say, this is a bad idea, because when the zombies rise (after the economic collapse of the world, when everyone will be like, 'FUCK IT, EAT ME. MY DEBT IS RIDICULOUS') they will smell chicken shit and come a-running.
* I am not an environmentalist, and I will never pretend to be. I'm not an ACTIVIST, but I do think we should do something to keep the world from exploding into a ball of filth. Yes, I know it's Earth Day. But really, there are ways we're taking it too far. I mean, this is a golf cart that runs on POO:
[Found at DVice]
It's cow poo right now, but how long will it be before it's human poo? I'm being serious. You KNOW there are some crazy vegan activists out there (my dad is a crazy vegan activist, so I probably know the people working on this personally) who just wish they could convert their tofu ice cream into a renewable energy source. And I don't know how to respond to that. Like, yes, we need to make changes to save our planet. But I really don't want to be that near poop-derived methane. I'm sorry, I'm crazy like that.
Later today I will be continuing my Watchmen dementia, and posting pictures/quotes/images/macros of Doctor Manhattan, AKA Jon Osterman, AKA 'The Blue Naked Dude.' I'm so tired of everyone ONLY discussing that aspect of the movie. Yes, he's naked. Thank you for pointing that out. Never would have noticed without you pointing and screaming in the middle of the theater.
- LV
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