Life
* My stomach hurts terribly, I'm exhausted, it's gross out, I bought a car yesterday (I'm financing it, obviously) and I'm worried I'm going to get FIRED today, which would mean essentially that I'd have to LIVE in the car, and while I like my new car, I do not want to live in it. Or any other car. So, keep all that in mind while I write.
Politics
* OK, I try not to get especially serious on this blog, because life is serious enough and I don't want anyone to think for a second that I have any comprehension of Serious Issues, but SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS:
Virginia Foxx is the opposite of humanity. I agree with everything Olbermann said (and he's very hit or miss with me). She is disgusting, and should be ashamed of herself. I can't even make jokes about this. It's disgusting. She is a hideous sham of the human condition. OK, now on with the funny!
Serial Killers
* Dude, if this is true, WHAT THE HELL? Zodiac Killer is one of the most interesting serial killers (because they're interesting, and scary, and I'm nut justifying myself, OK?!) and the movie Zodiac had Robert Downey, Jr. being awesome and a journalist and badly dressed, and was David Fincher's scariest movie since Se7en, so yeah, read this and remember the terror.
Swine Flu
* Apparently, it's all Susan Boyle's fault:
I think this is funny, OK? It's stupid, and I'm sure a lot of people are terribly offended, but it's still funny. I mean, Limbaugh and Bachmann think Obama causes earthquakes. We need to laugh. And then read The Stand and be TERRIFIED.
Light
[Found at DVICE]
LOOK THAT THIS MOTHERFUCKING LAMP! IT IS WOOD, BITCHES, FROM TREES THAT WE CUT DOWN. AND IT FUCKING LIGHTS UP A ROOM AND IS SIX FEET TALL, A FULL FOOT TALLER THAN SOME BLOGGERS. AND IT HAS LITTLE METAL WEIGHTS AND YOU COULD SHANK A BITCH WITH THIS PIECE OF FURNITURE. THIS DECOR WILL SAY, 'HELLO WORLD, I AM AN INTELLECTUAL ARTISTIC TYPE AND I WILL FUCK YOU UP IF YOU BE DISRESPECTING EDWARD GOREY.' ULTRA-STYLISH AND ULTRAVIOLENT? YOU BET YOUR SWEET LAMP-LOVING ASS.
American Psycho
* Apparently today is serial killer day. I wish I'd worn my hat. Anyway, our serial killers are far less interesting than the ones of yore. I mean, this guy is just kind of a perverted tool. Serial killers are supposed to be SCARY. Ted Bundy was scary. John Wayne Gacy was SUPER scary, because he sometimes dressed up as a clown, and OMG. This guy? He had a website about his upcoming wedding. Not scary. Not scary at all. Massive Fail. (I don't LIKE serial killers. I don't think anyone should die, ever. But there ARE going to be crazed killers, unless life changes a lot very quickly, so it might as well inspire FEAR and confusion, right? OK, I'll shut up now.)
Cars
* I like cars, especially since I bought a car yesterday (which I love, but probably won't post pictures of, because it's a car, and also because the financing may KILL me, because cars are frigging expensive). I do not, however, like this car.
[Found at DVICE]
It looks like the cars from Minority Report. Ergo, I expect to see Tom Cruise sitting on the hood screaming, 'SEE VALKYRIE ON DVD' sometime soon.
[Found at BeConfused]
Fashion Fail
* FUCKING NO. I HAVE FOUGHT THE UGLY SWEATER BATTLE FOR YEARS. YOU DO NOT MAKE THAT TRENDY AGAIN. NO NO NO.
[Found at Style]
Movies
* This is old, but should be watched every day, regardless of what is going on in your life. This is way better than the original:
[Found at SlashFilm]
Also, did you ever see the edited TV version of From Dusk 'Till Dawn? It's pretty wonderful. The person who dubbed over Tarantino and Clooney's lines was a woman, or in the process of becoming one. I need to find a clip.
TwiHate
* I wish this were true. I really, really do. I wish that Twilight was being sued for everything, and was gone from my awareness. I wish I could be angry about Important Issues, instead of nancy-boy vampires who cry silver tears. So this lie is cruel. Very, very cruel. Quit playing games with my heart, internet.
Comics
* Here's an interview with Alan Moore, who really needs to relax a little, and stop being so cranky. Then again, it's hard being a genius. And I'm afraid of him and his beard. So forget I said anything. The interview is about is about the new League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which is no longer suckish.
Celebrity Crush
* Russell Brand is my imaginary boyfriend (Hunter Thompson is my imaginary late husband, and since Jackie Earle Haley, Hugh Laurie, and Robert Downey, Jr. are all happily married, I cannot be their imaginary wives, obviously. Also, I am insane). Also, this is why my friend Arre is right, and everything is better in Australia.
Image Of Win
* People are FUCKED UP.
Food
* Here is a non-bacon article! The ten best grilled cheese sandwiches, which should be in front of me right now.
[Found at WomansDay]
Books
* I like books. I like Ricky Gervais. I like Flanimals. I like 3-D. I like movies. I have nothing bad to say about this. And Flanimals are effing ADORABLE:
[Found at SlashFilm]
WTF, INTERNET?
* I have to confess, I am not generally amused by novelty candy. I want my candy to be delicious, not ironic or humorous. And I see a lot of weird candy, since I have a little brother with a serious sugar addiction. Most of it is just stupid as shit, and not very funny. This, however, is just disgusting:
[Found at Neatorama]
Yes, it's candy. Blood and urine candy. This is not funny. It's stupid at best, disgusting at worst. It's lemon and cherry. I do not want. IT'S NOT FUNNY. Imagine the conversation with someone.
'I see you staring at me in disgust. Boy, did I trick you! It's not urine at all! It's CANDY.'
'I know. I was staring at you because you're a fool. You spent money on that. To be honest, I'd appreciate it more if you were drinking actual urine. Show some courage, man. Also, I replaced the fluid in your containers. You're welcome.
OK, got to go to work. Let's all hope I do not get fired. That would be very, very bad. Epically bad. Also, I don't have enough alcohol to justify running naked up my street screaming 'WHAT HAPPENED TO THE AMERICAN DREAM?' and beating people with the Chair Leg of Truth. If you know both those references, I will give you a cookie. An internet cookie. I am scared of work. I really can't afford to be unemployed. HAHA. Oh, damn it.
- LV
* My stomach hurts terribly, I'm exhausted, it's gross out, I bought a car yesterday (I'm financing it, obviously) and I'm worried I'm going to get FIRED today, which would mean essentially that I'd have to LIVE in the car, and while I like my new car, I do not want to live in it. Or any other car. So, keep all that in mind while I write.
Politics
* OK, I try not to get especially serious on this blog, because life is serious enough and I don't want anyone to think for a second that I have any comprehension of Serious Issues, but SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS:
Virginia Foxx is the opposite of humanity. I agree with everything Olbermann said (and he's very hit or miss with me). She is disgusting, and should be ashamed of herself. I can't even make jokes about this. It's disgusting. She is a hideous sham of the human condition. OK, now on with the funny!
Serial Killers
* Dude, if this is true, WHAT THE HELL? Zodiac Killer is one of the most interesting serial killers (because they're interesting, and scary, and I'm nut justifying myself, OK?!) and the movie Zodiac had Robert Downey, Jr. being awesome and a journalist and badly dressed, and was David Fincher's scariest movie since Se7en, so yeah, read this and remember the terror.
Swine Flu
* Apparently, it's all Susan Boyle's fault:
'I'm not saying Susan Boyle caused swine flu. I'm just saying that nobody had swine flu, she sang on TV, people got swine flu.'
I think this is funny, OK? It's stupid, and I'm sure a lot of people are terribly offended, but it's still funny. I mean, Limbaugh and Bachmann think Obama causes earthquakes. We need to laugh. And then read The Stand and be TERRIFIED.
Light
[Found at DVICE]
LOOK THAT THIS MOTHERFUCKING LAMP! IT IS WOOD, BITCHES, FROM TREES THAT WE CUT DOWN. AND IT FUCKING LIGHTS UP A ROOM AND IS SIX FEET TALL, A FULL FOOT TALLER THAN SOME BLOGGERS. AND IT HAS LITTLE METAL WEIGHTS AND YOU COULD SHANK A BITCH WITH THIS PIECE OF FURNITURE. THIS DECOR WILL SAY, 'HELLO WORLD, I AM AN INTELLECTUAL ARTISTIC TYPE AND I WILL FUCK YOU UP IF YOU BE DISRESPECTING EDWARD GOREY.' ULTRA-STYLISH AND ULTRAVIOLENT? YOU BET YOUR SWEET LAMP-LOVING ASS.
American Psycho
* Apparently today is serial killer day. I wish I'd worn my hat. Anyway, our serial killers are far less interesting than the ones of yore. I mean, this guy is just kind of a perverted tool. Serial killers are supposed to be SCARY. Ted Bundy was scary. John Wayne Gacy was SUPER scary, because he sometimes dressed up as a clown, and OMG. This guy? He had a website about his upcoming wedding. Not scary. Not scary at all. Massive Fail. (I don't LIKE serial killers. I don't think anyone should die, ever. But there ARE going to be crazed killers, unless life changes a lot very quickly, so it might as well inspire FEAR and confusion, right? OK, I'll shut up now.)
Cars
* I like cars, especially since I bought a car yesterday (which I love, but probably won't post pictures of, because it's a car, and also because the financing may KILL me, because cars are frigging expensive). I do not, however, like this car.
[Found at DVICE]
It looks like the cars from Minority Report. Ergo, I expect to see Tom Cruise sitting on the hood screaming, 'SEE VALKYRIE ON DVD' sometime soon.
[Found at BeConfused]
Fashion Fail
* FUCKING NO. I HAVE FOUGHT THE UGLY SWEATER BATTLE FOR YEARS. YOU DO NOT MAKE THAT TRENDY AGAIN. NO NO NO.
[Found at Style]
Movies
* This is old, but should be watched every day, regardless of what is going on in your life. This is way better than the original:
[Found at SlashFilm]
Also, did you ever see the edited TV version of From Dusk 'Till Dawn? It's pretty wonderful. The person who dubbed over Tarantino and Clooney's lines was a woman, or in the process of becoming one. I need to find a clip.
TwiHate
* I wish this were true. I really, really do. I wish that Twilight was being sued for everything, and was gone from my awareness. I wish I could be angry about Important Issues, instead of nancy-boy vampires who cry silver tears. So this lie is cruel. Very, very cruel. Quit playing games with my heart, internet.
Comics
* Here's an interview with Alan Moore, who really needs to relax a little, and stop being so cranky. Then again, it's hard being a genius. And I'm afraid of him and his beard. So forget I said anything. The interview is about is about the new League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which is no longer suckish.
Celebrity Crush
* Russell Brand is my imaginary boyfriend (Hunter Thompson is my imaginary late husband, and since Jackie Earle Haley, Hugh Laurie, and Robert Downey, Jr. are all happily married, I cannot be their imaginary wives, obviously. Also, I am insane). Also, this is why my friend Arre is right, and everything is better in Australia.
Image Of Win
* People are FUCKED UP.
Food
* Here is a non-bacon article! The ten best grilled cheese sandwiches, which should be in front of me right now.
[Found at WomansDay]
Books
* I like books. I like Ricky Gervais. I like Flanimals. I like 3-D. I like movies. I have nothing bad to say about this. And Flanimals are effing ADORABLE:
[Found at SlashFilm]
WTF, INTERNET?
* I have to confess, I am not generally amused by novelty candy. I want my candy to be delicious, not ironic or humorous. And I see a lot of weird candy, since I have a little brother with a serious sugar addiction. Most of it is just stupid as shit, and not very funny. This, however, is just disgusting:
[Found at Neatorama]
Yes, it's candy. Blood and urine candy. This is not funny. It's stupid at best, disgusting at worst. It's lemon and cherry. I do not want. IT'S NOT FUNNY. Imagine the conversation with someone.
'I see you staring at me in disgust. Boy, did I trick you! It's not urine at all! It's CANDY.'
'I know. I was staring at you because you're a fool. You spent money on that. To be honest, I'd appreciate it more if you were drinking actual urine. Show some courage, man. Also, I replaced the fluid in your containers. You're welcome.
OK, got to go to work. Let's all hope I do not get fired. That would be very, very bad. Epically bad. Also, I don't have enough alcohol to justify running naked up my street screaming 'WHAT HAPPENED TO THE AMERICAN DREAM?' and beating people with the Chair Leg of Truth. If you know both those references, I will give you a cookie. An internet cookie. I am scared of work. I really can't afford to be unemployed. HAHA. Oh, damn it.
- LV
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