Life
I do not want to go to the LSAT Practice Test today. I have already taken two. I have two more to take. Then I have to take the ACTUAL test in a little over a month. It is a beautiful, glorious Saturday. I do not want to spend 1-4:30 in this goddamn test, then have to go back TOMORROW and take the regular class. Life is cruel.
Doctor Who
* And a thousand fans cried out in ecstasy. Gillian Anderson (AKA Scully of The X-Files, AKA 'The Girl I Wanted To Be When I Grew Up Until I Realized She Didn't Get WIth Mulder, & Then I Revised My Life Plans') is rumored to be on Doctor Who. Was everyone laughing as they tossed out this idea? Do they know how fragile some of their fans are? Picture it: sobbing, hysterical fanboys and fangirls blogging and posting for MONTHS, forgoing food and bathing, to express how they feel about this union. Intense.
Politics
* So, according to Mark Penn, I am the only blogger in America who cannot live off their blogging. Clearly, I am a horrible failure and should just retire from life. I shame EVERYONE.
* Apparently the fact that our President is bangin' and kind of sexy is offensive, because he has nipples. Or something. I don't know, it's Saturday and the President is attractive, OK? Leave me alone.
* Did you know that when we torture people, we're doing it for them? It's helping them find Allah. They should be THANKING us, the ungrateful bastards. In other news, some people are the opposite of humanity.
Comics
* Sherlock Holmes in comic form makes everyone happy. And there is more than one, which is like intellectual Victorian Mystery Porn. It's a niche market.
* The comic of Philip K. Dick's Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? looks sweet. And, in a nice change of pace for all you purists, nothing has been added to the comic that wasn't in the original book. It's the book, exactly, on illustrated with cool pictures. What more do you need?
TwiHate
[Found at Amazon]
OK, there's a lot to hate about this bullshit. The bottle reminds me of that scene in Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom, when the Crazy Priest Dude is ripping people's hearts out of their chests. Which works, within the context of the movie. Oh, it's supposed to be an apple, working on the whole 'forbidden fruit' theme, which is neither clever not original. Also it apparently smells like soap, which makes me laugh in my bitter little TwiHating heart.
But really, lavender and freesia? This should smell of sweat and blood and desperation. It should smell of loneliness and dementia, dead bodies that don't bathe and teenage dry humping. And the impotent, shiny tears of a vampire who can't sleep with his girlfriend because he will RIP HER APART WITH HIS SHINY JUNK.
And now I'm done.
Movies
* Tintin looks awesome. And it pains me to say that, because I really sort of despise Steven Spielberg, even though I like quite a few of his movies and he seems like a nice guy. I also hate him. For complicated reasons. Still, this sounds like he got it right. And when Spielberg is not making movies of suck that cause eye cancer and make you want to beat dolphins to death with your FACE, he can make a damn fine film. Also, Tintin.
* Oh, Robert Downey, Jr. I knew you'd eventually get your shit together and start making good movies again, and not looking sad and tragic and sick on TV all the time. I am very happy about this. You look gorgeous, you seem happy, you are not driving around naked or trying to kill yourself, and you are healthy and making fabulous films. Good on you (Bad on you for making me watch Ally McBeal and bawling uncontrollably when you sang "River" and "Every Breath You Take", because you were beautiful and sad and I bought your CD The Futurist and I LIKED it, so what do you say to THAT?!). Plus, I am a huge Iron Man/Sherlock Holmes fan. I have literally nothing snarky to say about this. It fills me with childlike glee, and womanly lust.
[Found at Collider]
Damn. I... Damn. I do not care if Sherlock Holmes is the biggest crap-pile since The Happening. Give it all the Oscars, ever, right now. I am like stupid from this picture.
* Let's stuff this in the increasingly overcrowded file labelled 'Unnecessary Remakes.' Toy Story was genius, Toy Story 2 was lovely and fun, and LET'S LEAVE IT AT THAT, OK?! Also, Tom Hanks is on my shit list possibly forever, because of the goddamn Da Vinci Code. That cannot be easily forgiven.
Nature Is Awful
* HOLY SHIT:
Demotivational Posters
When a spider could theoretically rape you in the dead of night/eat your dog/register to VOTE, maybe it is time to move someplace cold.
Cars
* This is an incredibly sexy police car:
[Found at LikeCool]
And I want to lay on the hood.
Book Apocalypse
* Levi Johnston, the Sperminator, is going to be writing a book. And by 'writing' I mean 'speaking to a person who can comprehend the English language who will the translate his insane stuttering idiocy into coherent words, and by 'book' I obviously mean, 'Another nail in the coffin of my SOUL.'
Now excuse me, I need to go cry bitter little tears over my own novel, which is not being published, ever.
People I Dislike
* Except for The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, which has held up remarkably well and is still AWESOME (and Carlton's dance is life-changing, go Google it), Will Smith is the biggest tool in Hollywood. And now he's helping to ruin the Sci-Fi Channel, which is going by the name Sy-Fy now, because clearly 'i's are for assholes.
Robot Uprising
* This guy wants a camera in his eye (and I automatically assume he's going to use it to take pictures of girls' butts, because I am judgmental), but for the moment has a Terminator eye:
[Found at Geekologie]
Yeah, this is not the way to endear yourself to anyone outside the Robot Fetish Community
WTF, INTERNET?
* I will admit that this is somewhat hilarious, and that this dude's enthusiasm for the product makes the whole thing sort of OK. (Uncensored pick in the link).:
[Found at Geekologie]
But the problem with the Boobie DS Case is when some guy who doesn't see this as funny and silly and ironic and ridiculous, and starts carrying it around, and you end up sitting on the subway next to this random imaginary dude while he pets his knitted DS bosom. Then it stops being funny.
* I don't know what this is:
[Sent in by Anonymous]
Someone sent it to me, and I do not understand it, and I am frightened and confused. And does this kid look so unhappy, or what? This kid wants to die. And I want to understand.
* You need to go to this site, because it lives in a world where the biggest problem in people's lives is messy toothpaste, and I wish to live in such a magical fantasy world. I envy that sort of logic: If you buy this, everything else will be OK. However, I am fully capable of squeezing the goddamn tube of toothpaste without buying a machine to assist me.
* This is the best costume ever, plus an easy way to piss of the PETA members in your neighborhood:
Later today, after the awful LSAT Diagnostics, which I am tempted to fuck up on purpose just so when I take the next one my score will go up like fifty points and I will be hailed as a Prodigy and get to sell my life story and MOVE OUT, I will be posting another Watchmen entry, this one about Silk Spectre II and Minutemen.
Also, thanks for all the great comments! It's nice to know I'm not alone in my obsessive madness.
I'll take the real LSAT, honest. But could someone take the Diagnostic Test for me? It is sunny and lovely and I want to go to the park and write, not sit in a hot crowded room and take a test that has no BEARING ON ANYTHING. GOD. WHY DOES EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE HAVE TO BE SUCH A COMPLICATED DISASTER?
- LV
I do not want to go to the LSAT Practice Test today. I have already taken two. I have two more to take. Then I have to take the ACTUAL test in a little over a month. It is a beautiful, glorious Saturday. I do not want to spend 1-4:30 in this goddamn test, then have to go back TOMORROW and take the regular class. Life is cruel.
Doctor Who
* And a thousand fans cried out in ecstasy. Gillian Anderson (AKA Scully of The X-Files, AKA 'The Girl I Wanted To Be When I Grew Up Until I Realized She Didn't Get WIth Mulder, & Then I Revised My Life Plans') is rumored to be on Doctor Who. Was everyone laughing as they tossed out this idea? Do they know how fragile some of their fans are? Picture it: sobbing, hysterical fanboys and fangirls blogging and posting for MONTHS, forgoing food and bathing, to express how they feel about this union. Intense.
Politics
* So, according to Mark Penn, I am the only blogger in America who cannot live off their blogging. Clearly, I am a horrible failure and should just retire from life. I shame EVERYONE.
* Apparently the fact that our President is bangin' and kind of sexy is offensive, because he has nipples. Or something. I don't know, it's Saturday and the President is attractive, OK? Leave me alone.
* Did you know that when we torture people, we're doing it for them? It's helping them find Allah. They should be THANKING us, the ungrateful bastards. In other news, some people are the opposite of humanity.
Comics
* Sherlock Holmes in comic form makes everyone happy. And there is more than one, which is like intellectual Victorian Mystery Porn. It's a niche market.
* The comic of Philip K. Dick's Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? looks sweet. And, in a nice change of pace for all you purists, nothing has been added to the comic that wasn't in the original book. It's the book, exactly, on illustrated with cool pictures. What more do you need?
TwiHate
[Found at Amazon]
OK, there's a lot to hate about this bullshit. The bottle reminds me of that scene in Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom, when the Crazy Priest Dude is ripping people's hearts out of their chests. Which works, within the context of the movie. Oh, it's supposed to be an apple, working on the whole 'forbidden fruit' theme, which is neither clever not original. Also it apparently smells like soap, which makes me laugh in my bitter little TwiHating heart.
But really, lavender and freesia? This should smell of sweat and blood and desperation. It should smell of loneliness and dementia, dead bodies that don't bathe and teenage dry humping. And the impotent, shiny tears of a vampire who can't sleep with his girlfriend because he will RIP HER APART WITH HIS SHINY JUNK.
And now I'm done.
Movies
* Tintin looks awesome. And it pains me to say that, because I really sort of despise Steven Spielberg, even though I like quite a few of his movies and he seems like a nice guy. I also hate him. For complicated reasons. Still, this sounds like he got it right. And when Spielberg is not making movies of suck that cause eye cancer and make you want to beat dolphins to death with your FACE, he can make a damn fine film. Also, Tintin.
* Oh, Robert Downey, Jr. I knew you'd eventually get your shit together and start making good movies again, and not looking sad and tragic and sick on TV all the time. I am very happy about this. You look gorgeous, you seem happy, you are not driving around naked or trying to kill yourself, and you are healthy and making fabulous films. Good on you (Bad on you for making me watch Ally McBeal and bawling uncontrollably when you sang "River" and "Every Breath You Take", because you were beautiful and sad and I bought your CD The Futurist and I LIKED it, so what do you say to THAT?!). Plus, I am a huge Iron Man/Sherlock Holmes fan. I have literally nothing snarky to say about this. It fills me with childlike glee, and womanly lust.
[Found at Collider]
Damn. I... Damn. I do not care if Sherlock Holmes is the biggest crap-pile since The Happening. Give it all the Oscars, ever, right now. I am like stupid from this picture.
* Let's stuff this in the increasingly overcrowded file labelled 'Unnecessary Remakes.' Toy Story was genius, Toy Story 2 was lovely and fun, and LET'S LEAVE IT AT THAT, OK?! Also, Tom Hanks is on my shit list possibly forever, because of the goddamn Da Vinci Code. That cannot be easily forgiven.
Nature Is Awful
* HOLY SHIT:
Demotivational Posters
When a spider could theoretically rape you in the dead of night/eat your dog/register to VOTE, maybe it is time to move someplace cold.
Cars
* This is an incredibly sexy police car:
[Found at LikeCool]
And I want to lay on the hood.
Book Apocalypse
* Levi Johnston, the Sperminator, is going to be writing a book. And by 'writing' I mean 'speaking to a person who can comprehend the English language who will the translate his insane stuttering idiocy into coherent words, and by 'book' I obviously mean, 'Another nail in the coffin of my SOUL.'
Now excuse me, I need to go cry bitter little tears over my own novel, which is not being published, ever.
People I Dislike
* Except for The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, which has held up remarkably well and is still AWESOME (and Carlton's dance is life-changing, go Google it), Will Smith is the biggest tool in Hollywood. And now he's helping to ruin the Sci-Fi Channel, which is going by the name Sy-Fy now, because clearly 'i's are for assholes.
Robot Uprising
* This guy wants a camera in his eye (and I automatically assume he's going to use it to take pictures of girls' butts, because I am judgmental), but for the moment has a Terminator eye:
[Found at Geekologie]
Yeah, this is not the way to endear yourself to anyone outside the Robot Fetish Community
WTF, INTERNET?
* I will admit that this is somewhat hilarious, and that this dude's enthusiasm for the product makes the whole thing sort of OK. (Uncensored pick in the link).:
[Found at Geekologie]
But the problem with the Boobie DS Case is when some guy who doesn't see this as funny and silly and ironic and ridiculous, and starts carrying it around, and you end up sitting on the subway next to this random imaginary dude while he pets his knitted DS bosom. Then it stops being funny.
* I don't know what this is:
[Sent in by Anonymous]
Someone sent it to me, and I do not understand it, and I am frightened and confused. And does this kid look so unhappy, or what? This kid wants to die. And I want to understand.
* You need to go to this site, because it lives in a world where the biggest problem in people's lives is messy toothpaste, and I wish to live in such a magical fantasy world. I envy that sort of logic: If you buy this, everything else will be OK. However, I am fully capable of squeezing the goddamn tube of toothpaste without buying a machine to assist me.
* This is the best costume ever, plus an easy way to piss of the PETA members in your neighborhood:
Later today, after the awful LSAT Diagnostics, which I am tempted to fuck up on purpose just so when I take the next one my score will go up like fifty points and I will be hailed as a Prodigy and get to sell my life story and MOVE OUT, I will be posting another Watchmen entry, this one about Silk Spectre II and Minutemen.
Also, thanks for all the great comments! It's nice to know I'm not alone in my obsessive madness.
I'll take the real LSAT, honest. But could someone take the Diagnostic Test for me? It is sunny and lovely and I want to go to the park and write, not sit in a hot crowded room and take a test that has no BEARING ON ANYTHING. GOD. WHY DOES EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE HAVE TO BE SUCH A COMPLICATED DISASTER?
- LV
0 comments:
Post a Comment